Category: boundaries

Unlocking More Freedom By Escaping The Hamster Wheel

“I am hopeful that everyone reading this article can find a way to escape at some point in the sense that you keep pursuing a life that is freer, more fulfilling, and less constricted than what is expected of you rather than what you are wishing for.”

Life can feel a lot like a ‘hamster wheel’ the older you get. The responsibilities, bills, obligations, and societal expectations can pile up without you even noticing at first. The hustle and bustle of life can keep us trapped without a way out. I am hopeful that everyone reading this article can find a way to escape at some point in the sense that you keep pursuing a life that is freer, more fulfilling, and less constricted than what is expected of you rather than what you are wishing for.

It is easy to settle into the steady job, the steady paycheck, the comfort of the ‘daily grind’ despite the dislike of it that a lot of us feel about it. It’s called a ‘grind’ for a reason and while there’s nothing wrong with steady work, paying your bills, and handling your responsibilities like an adult, but it’s about not questioning or working towards a different path that may make you get more out of life and what it has to offer you. You should not resign yourself to a life of constantly chasing something that you don’t even want or what doesn’t make you fulfilled. You should consider the ‘hamster wheel’ as a temporary station and not your permanent status in life.

Society often encourages each of us to take the ‘safe route’ and to ‘climb the ladder’ without thinking about if it’s really fulfilling or giving you the purpose and satisfaction we yearn for as human beings. It’s a cycle of working, earning, spending and saving, and while that’s fine if that’s your choice, I do believe there is more to life than that and you have to try to figure out which path is the right one for you off the wheel.

You may want to get off the proverbial ‘hamster wheel’ if you have a feeling of monotony and boredom each day, there’s a lack of passion or purpose in what you’re doing, and if you’re not earning or having the kind of success you envisioned in your current role in whatever work you are currently doing. Time slips away faster and faster as you age, and you really got to ask yourself more and more is if it’s worth my time and effort. If you’ve aged five years and your goals are still not in reach or if the job or vocation you chosen isn’t doing it for you anymore, you need to have some internal reflection on whether your life is heading in the right direction.

Productivity and achievement can be fulfilling at first but if you find the work to be repetitive, listless, or without any growth, it will often lead to burnout and a lack of overall fulfillment. If you are feeling that days are becoming more listless, directionless, or without any purpose, you may need to adjust your career, your lifestyle, or even your values to decide if where you’re heading is where you want to end up being. If that involves refocusing your priorities to less possessions or less spending or a change in your home location, you may need to shake things up a bit to see if you can get more out of life than you’ve been getting.

I am a fan of routines but if that routine, daily or otherwise, is sucking the life out of you, then you need to change up your routine or lifestyle in a big way. Living freely means not just breaking free of an unfulfilling routine but also creating space for deeper relationships, more creativity in what you do, activities that contribute to personal growth, and diversifying your identity outside of your work and more towards experiences and living more outside of the grind.

If you can’t escape the ‘hamster wheel’, I completely understand but you can still create a more intentional approach to your life. You can still prioritize those things that give you greater satisfaction and meaning including balancing out work, leisure time, and personal development without sacrificing each of these life aspects. Other strategies involve being less materialistic and being minimalistic with your possessions, setting boundaries with people at work and at home, practicing mindfulness in your decision making, and exploring different careers and lifestyles that serve you and not someone else. Those practical steps can help you break free a bit more and help you reclaim control over your life.

Meaningful change takes time and having more personal freedom involves making gradual shifts to where you live, who you work with, how you spend your time, what you prioritize, and how you live your life each day. You don’t need to quit your job today, sell your house, and move to a different city or country, but you can try to make some changes in your life to improve your freedom and choice as much as possible.

Living outside the ‘hamster wheel’ can bring a greater sense of peace, clarity, and contentedness that will allow you to enjoy your time more, bolster your relationships, and allow you to have more experiences that you want to have. Think less of what other think of your life and prioritize a life where you are constrained less about what others think of you and focus more on creating your own joy, happiness, and connections with other people as much as possible. Getting off the hamster wheel fully will not be easy but if you can’t get off now, try to slow down, take measure of what’s working and what isn’t, and make meaningful changes to enjoy life before that spinning wheel comes to an end.

Deep vs. Superficial Friendships

“The friendships that we create in life come in various types and kinds, from the shallow and fleeting to the profound and enduring, but the idea of friendships in general, are crucial to maintaining a healthy and well-balanced life.”

The friendships that we create in life come in various types and kinds, from the shallow and fleeting to the profound and enduring, but the idea of friendships in general, are crucial to maintaining a healthy and well-balanced life. We must recognize though that there is a stark disparity between having deep friendships and having superficial ones. We should always try to prioritize having the former as much as possible as it is vital in helping with our emotional well-being and it is important to cultivate such enriching and long-lasting bonds when we can in life.

Deep friendships are akin to having actual roots that anchor us, offering solace, support, and understanding amidst life’s tumultuous events. Unlike superficial friendships, which often revolve around surface-level interactions and fleeting interests and hobbies, deep friendships transcend the superficiality of small talk by delving into the depths of our souls. These profound connections are characterized by authenticity, vulnerability, and reciprocity, serving as sanctuaries where we can reveal our true selves without fear of judgment.

The importance of having a deep friendship cannot be overstated. Research in psychology consistently underscores a myriad of benefits, ranging from enhanced emotional resilience to increased lifespan longevity. Deep friendships provide a nurturing environment where individuals can share their joys and sorrows, seek counsel, and celebrate milestones. Moreover, these intimate bonds foster a sense of belonging and validation, buffering against the pangs of loneliness and isolation that plague so many in today’s hyperconnected yet paradoxically lonely world.

Conversely, superficial friendships, while ubiquitous, often leave us feeling hollow and disconnected. In the age of social media, where likes and followers reign supreme, it’s all too easy to confuse online acquaintanceships with genuine friendships. Superficial friendships are characterized by surface-level interactions, revolving around shared activities or interests rather than by having a deep emotional connection or being able to be vulnerable with the other person without judgment or regret. While they may provide fleeting moments of amusement or distraction, they lack the depth and intimacy necessary for true companionship.

American culture, with its emphasis on individualism and instant gratification, often perpetuates the primacy of superficial friendships rather than deeper ones. From the frenetic pace of social gatherings, the inability to have spontaneous meetups with friends without scheduling weeks or months in advance to the superficiality of online interactions, many Americans find themselves these days caught in a whirlwind of shallow connections, neglecting the profound bonds that sustain us throughout our lives. Societal pressures in American culture of projecting a false or inflated image of success and popularity rather than being realistic of what your life is like. This kind of attitude can incentivize people to prioritize quantity over quality when it comes to friendships, leading to a proliferation of superficial ties at the expense of forming genuine connections with others.

This trend is particularly pronounced during the adolescent phase of life, which is a formative period characterized by peer pressure and social conformity. Teenagers, eager to fit in and be accepted, may gravitate towards superficial friendships based on shared interests or social status, neglecting the deeper connections that truly nourish the spirit. Similarly, adults, juggling the demands of career and family, may find themselves ensnared in a web of acquaintanceships, leaving little time or energy for cultivating deep friendships.

How can we resist the allure of superficial friendships and cultivate the depth and authenticity we crave? The first step is awareness, recognizing the differences between superficial and deep friendships and acknowledging the profound impact the latter kind can have on our well-being. Deep friendships are marked by essential qualities such as empathy, trust, and mutual respect, whereas superficial friendships are characterized by shallowness, frivolities, and transience.

Furthermore, cultivating deep friendships requires intentionality and effort. It entails investing both serious time and energy in building and nurturing those meaningful connections, prioritizing quality over quantity when it comes to who your friends really are. This kind of approach may involve initiating vulnerable conversations, actively listening to both our friends’ struggles and triumphs, and showing up for them in times of need, even when it may be inconvenient for you to do so. It also means being willing to reciprocate the same level of vulnerability and support, fostering a sense of mutual trust and understanding between the two people involved. If your friend is going through a personal crisis, or wants to celebrate his success(-es) with you, or needs some advice, will you be there for them through both the good times and the bad? You really must know that answer before you consider it a deep friendship.

It should be noted that fostering deep friendships necessitates setting boundaries and discerning when to invest in relationships that align with our values, beliefs, and nurture our personal growth. This may mean distancing ourselves from toxic or one-sided friendships that drain our energy, our time, and diminish our sense of self-worth. While it can be daunting to confront the discomfort of letting go from any friendship you make because of how difficult it can be to start from scratch with a new person, prioritizing one’s own emotional well-being is essential for fostering deeper and more fulfilling connections for creating more rewarding friendships.

Moreover, we must challenge societal norms that prioritize superficiality over depth and authenticity. This requires redefining our cultural narratives around friendship, valuing vulnerability, and emotional intimacy as essential components of genuine connection. By modeling deep friendships in our own lives and advocating for their importance in our communities, we can shift the cultural paradigm towards one that values quality over quantity in friendships.

The profound impact of deep and enduring friendships on happiness and health cannot be overstated. Research spanning past decades has consistently demonstrated many benefits of having meaningful social connections, from reduced stress and anxiety to improved immune function and physical health. Deep friendships provide a buffer against the inherent stresses of life, offering emotional support and validation during challenging times. When we have friends who truly understand us and care for our well-being rather than just know who our favorite sports team is or what we enjoy doing on weekends, we feel less alone in our struggles and more capable of navigating life’s ups and downs.

Deep friendships help us foster an essential sense of belonging and acceptance that is essential for our psychological well-being. When we can openly share our joys and sorrows with trusted friends, we validate our experiences and affirm our sense of self-worth. This sense of belonging not only enhances our self-esteem but also strengthens our resilience in the face of adversity and challenges. Studies have shown that individuals who have strong social support networks are better equipped to cope with stress, anxiety, and trauma, leading to improved mental and emotional health over time.

Additionally, deep friendships provide opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, as we learn from and are inspired by the unique perspectives and experiences of our friends who can relate to what we’re going through each day. In essence, deep and lasting friendships enrich our lives in ways that superficial connections simply cannot replicate, contributing to our overall happiness and well-being in profound and meaningful ways. Having deep friendships is a large part of the bedrock of our emotional well-being, offering solace, support, and understanding in an increasingly superficial and shallow world. Distinguishing between deep and superficial friendships requires having emotional awareness, intentionality, and discernment. By prioritizing authenticity, vulnerability, and reciprocity in our friendships, we can cultivate deeper friendships that nourish the soul and sustain us through life’s tribulations and triumphs.