Tag: life

Find Someone Who is a Real Shot of Life

“After so many lackluster encounters, meeting that rare man or woman who lights you up, is interesting and engaged, can ask questions and hold a conversation, you know you’ve met someone who is a real shot of life.”

Do you remember when you met someone who left such an impression on you that you couldn’t wait to see them again? They give you that shot of life because of how vivacious, entertaining, and lively they are, which have become exceedingly rare qualities these days. We often go through our day-to-day routines around people who are nice but either not very interesting or not very engaging. It could be a dull coworker, a disinterested boss, or a flummoxed stranger who can’t hold a conversation even when it’s about the weather.

After so many lackluster encounters, meeting that rare man or woman who lights you up, is interesting and engaged, can ask questions and hold a conversation, you know you’ve met someone who is a real shot of life. They don’t need to necessarily fulfill the role of a romantic partner or a friend or a colleague but just being around them makes you feel better and they see you as an actual person rather than a means to an end. There’s real light behind their eyes, there is depth to them that you want to uncover, and they can put forth effort into making themselves available to you.

There’s a balance there as you don’t want someone who is lively, but is also not overbearing, not respectful of your boundaries or just takes too many risks that could lead to trouble. There are several qualities to look for in people you should want to be around: curiosity, presence, playfulness, storytelling, humorous, reciprocity, initiative, depth, and vitality. They don’t necessarily need to be extroverted either but it’s more about how they treat you, if they remember you, they make the effort to see you again, and they know that interactions and conversations are not meant to be a monologue.

Being charismatic and making yourself known to others is part of it but it’s also being engaged and taking a normal interaction and making it better. For some examples, it could be the bartender who remembers your birthday if you have been a regular there for years, the woman or man at a dinner party who asks an engaging question about your background, the coworker who cracks a funny joke to you privately about the latest rule at the office, or even the traveler on the road who takes the time to hear your own story after they’ve told you theirs and will react to it with real interest.

A lot of modern life is repetitive and many of our interactions with other people, especially strangers are quite mundane. Most interactions are shallow or don’t happen at all considering how much technology is absorbing our limited attention spans. When somebody comes along and breaks up your routine and lights up your day, you’ll remember them for weeks or months or even years later just because how special it was compared to most other interactions. It’s not even that it was an extraordinary meeting, but it was more about interested that person was, how they made you feel seen, and the depth and realness of the conversation.

When someone takes you out of that loop of emails -> meetings -> screentime -> commuting to focus on them alone, that is powerful and exceedingly rare to have. The ideal is that the ‘real shot of life’ this person gives you is energy without chaos, confidence without arrogance, curiosity without obsession, spontaneity without recklessness, and warmth without neediness. Having a real shot of life someone isn’t about the adrenaline they can give you, it’s about when they make you feel alive and present in the moment.

Perhaps the best thing we can do is try to become a ‘shot of life’ for someone else and they can do the same for you in return by setting the example for them. That doesn’t mean becoming the loudest person in the room, constantly entertaining everyone, or turning yourself into some larger-than-life personality. It means staying curious about the world. It’s about asking questions and listen to the answers. Develop new hobbies and interests in your life. Try new things and learn new things as well. Tell stories and jokes without fear of how they’ll be perceived. Make plans and get outside more often and away from your tech devices.

Be willing to laugh at yourself and your mistakes. Put the phone away and give someone your full attention to be truly present with them. Most importantly, try and remember more about other people you care about and take note of who they are. In a world where so many interactions have become transactional, distracted, or purely obligatory, genuine engagement has become a gift. You never know when someone else might desperately need the little bit of energy, humor, curiosity, or warmth that you have to offer.

Maybe that is ultimately why someone who is a ‘real shot of life’ leaves such a lasting impression on us. They remind us that life doesn’t have to feel like a series of obligations, routines, meetings, errands, and small talk. Occasionally, someone comes along and shakes us out of that rhythm, whether in our hometown or on the road. We talk for hours with them when we expected to talk for twenty minutes. We laugh and joke harder than we have in weeks. We find ourselves looking forward to seeing them again before we’ve even said goodbye.

They don’t necessarily become our best friend, romantic partner, or lifelong companion. Sometimes, they simply pass through our lives for a brief period and leave something memorable behind. For however long they’re there in your life, they make the world feel a little more interesting, a little more connected, and a little more alive. Perhaps that’s the real mark of someone who is a ‘shot of life’: after spending time with them, you walk away feeling more alive yourself.

Mind Your Manners and Niceties in Public

“Sadly, this is not an isolated occurrence in the post-COVID world as manners have declined, niceties are becoming rarer, and kind gestures to strangers are less common than before.”

When someone is walking towards you on the sidewalk and you know they’re going to bump into you if you or them don’t change course, what do you do then? In my case, I realize they are in my path as I try to be aware of my surroundings, especially in my city as I’m walking and trying not to be on my phone and I’ll move aside for that person accordingly. While I don’t mind making the gesture myself to avoid a collision with that person unnecessarily, the fact that they don’t make any attempt to move themselves out of our colliding path or at least acknowledge my presence instead of being on their phone or talking to a friend reflects a clear lack of manners and niceties we should expect from one another when in public.

Sadly, this is not an isolated occurrence in the post-COVID world as manners have declined, niceties are becoming rarer, and kind gestures to strangers are less common than before. When you live in a city or an urban area especially, these manners and niceties help make the day much easier even when you’re dealing with a lot more people around you. In rural or suburban areas, the pace is slower and there are fewer people, so these manners are more enforced and easier to take note of than in cities. However, our societal expectations around manners and niceties need a real refresher in terms of what to do and what not to do in public spaces.

I don’t expect the average person to have much awareness of what’s customary and what’s not customary manners wise because it really hasn’t been drilled into them by their family, friends, or even from school or work in years. Therefore, we really must do the basic work again in our own day-to-day lives of setting the example, educating others when feasible, and working towards establishing public service announcements or at least some consistent leadership from those of us who have a bigger microphone or outreach capacity to others.

What are the signs of a lack of manners and niceties these days you may ask? The list is evolving but these are the ones that I was taught never to do and there are some newer ones with technology that have been added to my list as well. When you think of common niceties that make things better for everyone, think about the following examples: not littering, don’t cut the line, don’t have loud conversations in public if you can’t maintain an indoor voice, returning your shopping cart when you’re done using it, saying thank you when someone holds the door or being that person who holds the door for the next person behind you. When it comes to driving a vehicle, never park in the handicapped spot unless you or someone with you is handicapped, not using the HOV lane on the highway if you’re driving by yourself, and not tailgating someone’s vehicle when you can maintain distance from them safely.

In addition, certain behaviors that are encouraged or tolerated now which should go back to being frowned upon again include wearing proper attire out in public like the gym, the airport, or the conference center. Pajamas, athletic wear, and beach wear have their places too but not where they shouldn’t be tolerated for dress. For example, you wouldn’t wear athletic wear to a church like you shouldn’t wear your flip flops to a boardroom meeting, right? Same with pajamas or athletic wear at an airport in my view. You’re flying to Dallas, not going to Planet Fitness for an intense gym session for those of you who may disagree here about the appropriateness of athletic wear.

Beyond that, it’s about being kind and courteous to others by acknowledging their presence, knowing where they are, and both of you moving aside so as not to knock into each other unwittingly because you were on your phone or you just didn’t care to move, which shouldn’t be controversial to prevent from happening. Wearing earphones or headphones at meetings, on the train, or in public is the bare minimum for mature behavior and not a big ask to lower or turn off unwanted noise or music for others around you. It pains me to say this too, but some people today need a refresher course on basic manners and niceties, and it goes even more so for the increased incidences of shoplifting, graffiti, lying while serving in a public role, cheating, and just not being truthful with either your words or your actions.

I understand that no one’s perfect and I have not been the best at times due to looking at my phone while walking, maybe getting in the way of others unnecessarily, or just not being as courteous as I could in public. I can always get better at niceties and manners and so can you. It starts with being aware of yourself, acknowledging others’ presence around you, and learning about what is common courtesy and what is not.

I don’t think it should be controversial to dress properly, move aside for each other on the sidewalk, or be respectful on the road while driving. Without these manners and niceties being consistently observed, it’s an actual sign of societal decline and we will all be worse off for it in the long run. Once these manners and niceties go away, proper behavior becomes rarer and then it’s harder to go to work, to attend school, or to build any trust with other people. Manners and niceties are the foundation of a functioning society, and we could all use refreshers on what that means nowadays.

Your Immediate World Gets Quieter As You Get Older

“Loss of loved ones and their physical presence leave a gaping hole in our lives never to be replaced. Yes, you can make new friends, establish new loving relationships, but long past are the days from your youth or even adulthood where you can count on a grandparent or even a parent to be there by your side, providing you their unconditional love, support, or encouragement.”

While we all wish for some lasting peace and quiet from time to time to find serenity in a world that becomes more intrusive and invasive. At the same time, we yearn to hear thoughts and voices again of those long lost from our lives. While the wider world can get loud, obtrusive, or downright annoying with its cacophony of sounds and noises, we yearn unsuccessfully for the unique sounds and voices from those who are long gone from this world, never to be heard from again.

Loss of loved ones and their physical presence leave a gaping hole in our lives never to be replaced. Yes, you can make new friends, establish new loving relationships, but long past are the days from your youth or even adulthood where you can count on a grandparent or even a parent to be there by your side, providing you their unconditional love, support, or encouragement.

We may be surrounded by people every day, mostly strangers, maybe a few friends, but our inner world shrinks down further when we lose the people who knew us best. Very few people in this world are there with you from birth or childhood and they can never be replaced once they pass away. When someone you’ve known your whole life goes away, it leaves a deep empty feeling and a kind of quiet that sustains just how a big loss it was from your immediate world. Memories and mementos help to ease the pain, but they are only a poor substitute or a shadow at best when it comes to establishing just how much they meant to your life.

How does one deal with the huge void that your loved one left when they passed? Well, I don’t have any easy answer here, but it’s important to do your best to think about how they would see you now that they are gone, what they would think about your life now even though they’re no longer there with you, and how would you honor their memory as best as you can with what you shared with them during your time together. Telling their story to others, putting yourself out there to establish new friendships or relationships, and preventing yourself from isolating yourself further from the wider world are all good ways to move forward even if the quiet remains when you can no longer talk to them or hear their voice.

Perhaps that is one of the stranger realities of getting older: the world around us may become larger, while our immediate world becomes smaller. We meet new people, travel to new places, build careers, fall in love, make friends, and create lives that our younger selves could never have imagined. Yet there are certain people from our earlier days who belong to a part of our story that no one else can ever occupy. We may have known them 20, 30, 40 years or so from our life’s beginning but they don’t get to see how the second half of our lives play out without them there to guide or help us. When they are gone, we don’t simply lose a person who was special to us. We lose one of the voices and presences that helped make our world feel like home.                     

Maybe the goal, then, isn’t to eliminate the quiet that remains. Maybe it is to learn how to live alongside it. To carry the stories, habits, humor, lessons, and memories of those we’ve lost into the lives we are still living. The quiet is painful because it reminds us that something precious is missing, but it is also evidence that something precious was once there. Perhaps the best way to honor the beloved people whose voices we can no longer hear is to keep living loudly enough that, in some small way, their influence can still be heard and felt through us.

Memories Are The Only Form of Immortality For Our Loved Ones

“Instead, we should be more focused on the only form of immortality that should matter, which is living on in the memories and thoughts of our loved ones for as long as possible.”

When we think about immortality, we should not think about it in the literal sense that anybody on Earth is ever going to live forever no matter how many scientific advances are made in the future. While people continue to research and work on expanding their given lifespan to eventually never find themselves at death’s door, life is meant to be finite, and that’s the case no matter how long we are given to live that one life. Instead, we should be more focused on the only form of immortality that should matter, which is living on in the memories and thoughts of our loved ones for as long as possible.

No matter who you are in the world, everyone has lost a loved one in their life at some point, whether it was a family member, a friend, or an acquaintance and the grieving process is different for everybody. What anyone who has had that special connection with someone else wouldn’t give to have had another talk, another meal, another time with that loved one is truly priceless but for which we can never get back when they’re gone. Because we don’t ever get that time back with our loved one regardless of who they are or what they did during their life, we should focus instead on remembering the good times and memories that were shared together.

It’s key to really jot those memories down, reflect on them, keep items or trinkets that remind you of your lost loved ones, and think also about the places where they lived or visited. No one is ever truly gone if you carry them with you throughout your life and teach your offspring or other family members about who that beloved person was and what they personally meant to you. While immortality in the abstract sense of a person living forever is not possible and will likely never come to pass, focus instead of making your loved one(s) immortal by thinking about them, preserving your photos and videos of them, telling people about them when appropriate, and keeping them in your heart and in your mind.

Hopefully, the memories you had together were mainly positive and the times you shared were both happy and joyful. Also, you shouldn’t try to make someone immortal in your thoughts and memories who wronged you or made you feel bad even if it was a family member or a friend. Relationships, even amongst family and friends, can be extremely complicated so your willingness to have someone become ‘immortal’ in the metaphorical sense, who was in your life but is now gone should be completely voluntary.

Perhaps that is the closest thing we must experiencing true immortality. We cannot stop death, we are also not supposed to stop death when we consider the religious and societal implications of that futile effort, and we cannot know whether any of us will ever exist again in another form. However, we should remember if we loved or cared for that person who is now gone from our lives physically.

We can still tell stories and tales about them. We can look at saved photographs years later and still smile at the person staring back at us, regardless of how young or old they were when the photos were taken. We can visit the places they once loved and think about the times that were shared with them there. If possible, we can also tell the next generation who they were, what they accomplished, what made them laugh, and why they mattered so much to you.

Eventually, even our own lives will become memories for someone else and hopefully several people in your family and friend group will remember you long after you’re gone because of how important an impact you made in their lives when you were there. That is both beautiful and sobering to think about when we think about the topic of death. We are temporary stewards on this Earth, but the effect that we can have on other people can outlive us for years or even decades later. In that sense, perhaps the best form of immortality is not living forever ourselves but leaving enough of ourselves behind so that others will remember us long after we are gone.

If They Don’t Provide You with Peace, Don’t Indulge Them Further

“You must protect your time as much as possible, including who you decide to give it to or with whom you spend it. Time is a finite resource and it’s important to be a bit selfish with regards to who you give that time to.”

You must protect your time as much as possible, including who you decide to give it to or with whom you spend it. Time is a finite resource and it’s important to be a bit selfish with regards to who you give that time to. You have to be decisive in this part of life, especially as you get older. While it’s important to spend time with family, friends, or acquaintances outside of work or business, you should also be intentional about who receives your time and energy.

Life is hard enough as it is on its own without other people adding to your stress. Some friction is inevitable in any friendship or relationship and it’s important to work through it as responsible adults. However, the difference in when knowing not to indulge them further or cut ties with them is if every interaction or meetup leaves you feeling emotionally taxed or if they didn’t bring any positive impact to you all getting together. This is especially important when you’re thinking about being friends or a romantic partner with someone long-term. You want to leave them feeling better than you did when you first saw them or began seeing each other. If every interaction with them consistently leaves you emotionally drained, frustrated, or questioning why you continue giving this person your time, that’s worth paying attention to and trusting your instincts about whether to keep seeing them or not.

You don’t want to use that person as an emotional punching bag either to vent or to complain but you should be able to express yourself freely without judgment or needing to mask your emotions. We each do that enough during the day with strangers, with work colleagues, or in general. You should be able to be vulnerable and true to heart with someone who can provide you peace by listening to you, giving you real feedback and advice, or just being there when you’re going through both good times and bad times.

Peace, however, doesn’t necessarily mean convenience. Someone can provide you with peace because they are agreeable and never challenge you, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a good friend or romantic partner. A healthy relationship isn’t one where you always agree or never frustrate one another. In fact, someone can occasionally frustrate you, challenge your thinking, or even disagree with you and still be an incredibly valuable person in your life. The difference is how you handle those disagreements and how you feel about the relationship’s progression overall.

It may be worth asking yourself three simple questions when thinking about keeping the relationship going or letting it end on a good note: Can I be myself around this person? Can we disagree without disrespecting one another? And after spending time with them consistently, do I generally feel better or worse? Your answers to those questions can tell you a great deal about whether a friendship or a relationship provides genuine peace or simply avoiding conflict.

If you find that you’re not really getting along well with them consistently, maybe either or both of you have changed since you first got together, it may be useful to evaluate whether it’s worth moving forward with them in the future. Friendships and relationships often have a beginning and an end due to several factors and it’s important to end things honestly and on a good note, if possible. Just because they don’t provide you with peace or comfort anymore doesn’t mean there have to be bitter feelings at the end of it for both parties.

The main thing to keep in mind is that each time you get together, you can be open and honest with them while not being combative, dismissive, or confrontational for no discernible reason. Peace and harmony in any relationship or friendship is absolutely the minimum you should strive for and when it’s constantly not like that regardless of the frequency of getting together, you may need to either limit the interactions with that person or cut them off entirely.

There’s an oft-used statement that’s used for adults in that you must be willing to ‘protect your peace’ because the mental strain and emotional toll a bad friendship or a toxic relationship can have on you is never worth it. Sometimes, you have to distance yourself from someone not to punish them, but because continuing the relationship is no longer healthy for you. Perhaps you can forgive them and go back to the way things were, but you must also be willing to move on and not indulge them further with your valuable time or presence. Protecting your peace isn’t about expecting every relationship to be easy; it’s about recognizing when maintaining a relationship has become more harmful than healthy.

As we get older, part of growing up is realizing that not every relationship or friendship is meant to last forever. Some people are meant to accompany us for a season, teach us something, share an experience with us, and eventually move on. There doesn’t have to be hatred or resentment involved on either side. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do for yourself and ultimately for them is simply stop indulging in a relationship that no longer brings out the best in either of you.

The Hidden Harm of Toxic Positivity

“Toxic positivity often comes from a good place whether it’s a desire to encourage, comfort, or inspire. Yet, when optimism becomes an expectation rather than a choice, it can silence genuine emotions and leave people feeling isolated during life’s most difficult moments, personally or professionally.”

It’s good to stay positive in both professional and personal contexts, especially as being negative or pessimistic can be very isolating in American culture. I think of myself as a forward-looking person who likes to think things will eventually work out in the end and if not, at least you did your best to swing the outcome favorably. Being positive and ‘toxic positivity’ is very different though as there’s a clear difference between being positive all the time (toxic positivity) and being positive yet realistic. When you’re positive all the time and want others to do the same, you really gloss over the negatives of any situation and when real fixes need to be applied rather than brushed over.

When you’re hoping for a positive outcome, you need to understand clearly what the issue is, how to resolve it, and how to keep a realistic perspective on why that problem exists. Toxic positivity means never needing to acknowledge the problem at hand and can be easily compared to the ‘elephant in the room.’ Not only can this lead to individual issues but it can also affect larger organizations and institutions as a result.

Institutionally, it’s good to be optimistic and want everyone to be positive on how things are going, but if you’re constantly only thinking about what’s good and ignoring what’s bad or what could be improved and also not listening to the individuals pointing out the issues that could be fixed, the institution, whatever sector you’re in, will decline as a result. An after-effect of not acknowledging problems or even being allowed to voice them is that the ill effects of this attitude can spread where people end up being gaslit, silenced, or even isolated entirely causing the trust in the institution’s capacity to solve actual problems to suffer as a result.

Whether at an individual or larger level, you should be able to acknowledge the good and bad in every situation and be comfortable sharing it personally or professionally. It’s important to make sure you’re not too heavy in the positivity or the negativity but both sides must be shared for things to progress. If you’re constantly positive and not thinking about what could be improved or taken care of, nothing will change and small issues could become big ones if not addressed. The same goes for if you’re constantly negative and nitpicking every little thing, you won’t be able to foster cooperation or problem solving and end up hurting your reputation or your ability to deal with challenges or that of your organization in the future.

Being honest with yourself about what needs to change, am I responsible for what needs to be done, and how to think about the good and bad of any situation is key to being a full-fledged adult and having real introspection. The same can be said for any organization or institution looking to improve itself. If you are silencing dissent, aren’t transparent at all, and never solicit feedback from within the professional body you are apart of, things will end up much more negative as a result and problems will never get solved and likely lead to larger issues.

I’ve always thought that there is never going to be a perfect situation, result, or outcome individually or institutionally and that it’s important to acknowledge the positives while being clear about the negatives too. Sometimes, nothing can be done about a negative situation but it’s important to at least acknowledge that it exists instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist at all.

Personally, think of your own accountability in how you handle everyday situations when maybe you don’t do as well as on a test even though you passed it, you still could have done better and studied more. Yes, you may have gone to the gym once or twice a week and that’s a nice habit but perhaps you can do more still to improve your physical fitness. Professionally, is there a ‘lessons learned’ that you glean from a project or presentation on what went well and what could be improved for next time? Are you able to give feedback about your organization without worrying about what they’ll think of you, or will there be isolation because of expressing your views?

Toxic positivity often comes from a good place whether it’s a desire to encourage, comfort, or inspire. Yet, when optimism becomes an expectation rather than a choice, it can silence genuine emotions and leave people feeling isolated during life’s most difficult moments, personally or professionally. True positivity is not pretending that everything is fine all the time; it is having the courage to face reality while believing that better days are still possible.

By creating space for honesty, empathy, and authentic conversations, we build stronger relationships and healthier communities where people feel seen, heard, and supported. Sometimes the most powerful response isn’t offering a silver lining at all. It’s simply saying, “I’m here with you,” or “I understand where you’re coming from,” and giving someone the freedom to express both the highs and lows that make us human. After all, genuine compassion isn’t about replacing difficult emotions with positive ones, it’s about making sure no one has to face them alone.

Life’s Unlikely Cinematic Moments

“Every so often, without warning, life gives us something entirely different. It hands us a scene that could have come straight from a movie.”

Life certainly has its fair share of dreary or uninspiring moments like driving to work in heavy traffic, waiting in the doctor’s office for an appointment, or wandering down grocery store aisles searching for one specific item among hundreds of others. It’s easy to think that life is mostly made up of obligations, routines, and responsibilities. Every so often, without warning, life gives us something entirely different. It hands us a scene that could have come straight from a movie.

We spend so much of our lives chasing milestones: job promotions, weddings, vacations, birthdays, graduations, or other long-awaited accomplishments that we often overlook the quiet moments in between that are just as special. Ironically, those quieter scenes are often the ones that replay in our memory years later. They aren’t memorable because something extraordinary happened. They’re memorable because, for a moment, everything around us seemed perfectly composed, almost as if someone had carefully framed the world through a movie camera lens.

In these cinematic moments, nothing particularly significant happens that affects you deeply. There are no life-changing conversations or dramatic plot twists to go with this kind of cinematic moment. Instead, it simply feels as though everything is exactly as it should be. All your senses become heightened when this happens and you notice sounds that normally blend into the background, appreciate the way the light falls across a street or over a mountain, and become fully present rather than rushing toward whatever comes next.

One evening in Vancouver, Canada earlier this summer, I wandered into Richmond’s Chinese food district with no agenda beyond enjoying a late-evening snack at the Yaohan Centre and exploring the different vendor offerings. As the sun slowly sank toward the Pacific, the distant mountains caught the day’s final light, glowing softly against the evening sky. I stepped outside with a cigar I had purchased earlier in the trip, lit it, and settled in to enjoy it while watching the sunset. Above me, the SkyTrain thundered overhead every few minutes as aircraft lined up for takeoff and landing at Vancouver International Airport.

Between bites of dumplings, conversations in Mandarin and Cantonese drifted through the air as cars quietly came and went from the Centre’s parking lot. The city never stopped moving, but for ten minutes, I did. This moment felt less like traveling and more like standing inside a perfectly framed movie scene, where I was somehow both the audience and one of the characters. There was no grand event taking place or resolution occurring for me or anyone else at the time. Nothing about those minutes would have made the local news or anyone else’s travel itinerary. Yet it remains one of the moments I remember most vividly from my time spent in Vancouver.

Looking back, I’ve realized that these cinematic moments are different from life’s highlights. Highlights are the events we intentionally chase throughout our lives. We save money for them, put them on our calendars, and count down the days until they arrive. They are weddings, birthdays, promotions, championship games, graduation ceremonies, concerts, national parks, and bucket-list vacations. They’re often the moments we photograph the most and eagerly share with friends and family. Cinematic moments are something else entirely in life. They aren’t destinations but rather they’re scenes that we set for ourselves, intentionally or otherwise.

The coffee you grab before the concert, where you unexpectedly strike up a conversation and meet someone special, becomes more memorable than the concert itself. The quiet walk back to your hotel late at night, with the city lights guiding your way after visiting a famous landmark, stays with you longer than the attraction itself. The stranger you briefly talk to and instantly connect with on a train for hours telling each other your life story ends up becoming your favorite memory from the trip itself. They are unexpected gifts hidden within ordinary moments that quietly become extraordinary. Highlights tell the story of what we accomplished or where we went. Cinematic moments remind us how life felt along the way within our accomplishments.

The more I’ve traveled, the more I’ve noticed these moments appearing in places I never expected. Walking down a quiet street after an unexpected snowfall with no one else around except the sound of my boots pressing into fresh snow. Enjoying a coffee in a plaza in Medellín while teenagers laughed and shouted encouragement to one another during an impromptu soccer match. Sitting alone on a quiet stretch of beach in Ubatuba, Brazil, listening to nothing but the waves, the wind, and seabirds overhead. Watching the clouds briefly part at Mount Rainier just long enough to reveal the majestic summit before closing again. Even sitting in a busy airport terminal as travelers from every corner of the world cross paths beneath a glowing departure board can unexpectedly feel cinematic and has captivated my full attention many times over.

None of these moments were planned. None of them appeared on a trip itinerary. None of them could have been recreated if I had tried. I’ve come to realize that life’s most cinematic moments rarely announce themselves. They happen beneath train tracks, along airport approach paths, inside neighborhood cafés, on ferry rides, during aimless walks, and in places that most people pass through without a second thought. They last only five or ten minutes before disappearing forever. Perhaps that’s exactly what makes them so meaningful to experience and take note of.

We often measure our lives by the promotions earned, the money made, countries visited, races completed, or milestones reached. These life achievements deserve to be celebrated and remembered. However, I believe life is equally shaped by its quieter scenes, the moments when the lighting is right, the sounds around us blend, and the world briefly feels perfectly composed.

Those moments cannot be scheduled, purchased, or manufactured. Our only responsibility is to slow down enough to recognize them while we’re fortunate enough to still be standing inside the scene and remembering it later. After all, some of the greatest scenes in our lives will never make anyone else’s highlight reel. They’ll simply become part of our own lifelong soundtrack.

Don’t Let Past Regrets Steal Your Present

“Life is short and there’s no use in focusing on your regrets and how life could have been different. You must make peace with the past even if it was disappointing, sad, or regrettable.”

It can be tempting, especially as you get older, to think about what could have been or ask, “what if?” But dwelling on the past can prevent us from fully appreciating the present and building the future we still have ahead of us. It cannot be changed, it happened as it happened, and to waste your present time on what’s happened is a waste of time. Life is short and there’s no use in focusing on your regrets and how life could have been different. You must make peace with the past even if it was disappointing, sad, or regrettable.

Instead, try to learn from what went wrong or what didn’t happen and take that information to make a better future for yourself. Take lessons from the past so you won’t have to repeat the same mistakes repeatedly to hurt your possible future. Maybe there was a sport that you didn’t try hard enough at, a class at school you didn’t take seriously enough, or a relationship that didn’t last as long as you wanted; it does no good to wonder how it could have gone wrong and rather focus on how to be better for having experienced it.

You never want to be on your death bed obsessing over your past regrets. You have to be able to forgive yourself and even the other person(s) involved, or you will never know true peace of mind. Everyone has regrets and wishes how things could have been different but none of us are time travelers. To move forward with your future, you must make peace with your past. It is a much better use of our limited time here on Earth to concentrate on making the most of the time that is given to you, being good to others, working to bring some sense of meaning to this life we’ve been given, and reflecting on not just the bad but what was good and right with your past.

You should spend as much time, if not more time, on the good times and the memories that bring a smile or a laugh to you when you reflect on them instead. You should give more weight to what you’re grateful for and what you’re glad has transpired in your life. We spend too much time focusing on what we lack rather than what we have. Everybody can look back at some point in their life and have a bit of satisfaction with an accomplishment or a goal they achieved, no matter how small it was in the grand scheme of things. It’s not easy to find contentment when your regrets creep in but it’s not that hard to find satisfaction with what happened instead of remorse or regret in your past.

The opposite of living with regret isn’t pretending we made perfect choices in our lives. Instead, it’s about living with gratitude for what we had or what we were given. As cliché as the saying goes, you have to accept what you cannot change and be wise enough to know the difference. Regardless of whether you are 15, 30, 50, or 90 years old, shifting your attention from what might have been to what still can be in your life is very important. Being able to focus primarily on gratitude rather than regret will help you make the most of the time you have left and fuel your purpose in the remaining years you’ve been given.

There is time left to write meaningful chapters if you’re still breathing and still conscious. Yes, some doors can be shut but other doors will open instead. Ruminating endlessly on the past will close all the doors that remain open to you and prevent true growth from happening. If you’re focused endlessly on a past relationship that ended, a bad boss who prevented your career from advancing, or a family member you had a prior falling out with, you won’t be able to focus on the next relationship, the next job opportunity, or mending ties with those closest to you because you couldn’t let go of your past grievances.

Remember to live your life in such a way that today’s choices become tomorrow’s cherished memories instead of tomorrow’s regrets. One day, your life will become a collection of thousands of memories, both good and bad, so make sure you’re still creating the ones you’ll be proud to look back on.

The Case for Silence in a Loud World

“For me, it’s rare to find places like that on the road where you can meditate, relax, and enjoy the surroundings.”

Recently, I was at a famous Japanese garden in Portland, Oregon, known for being the most authentic one outside of Japan, and it was as serene and peaceful as it could be. It was wonderful to experience such a physical space that was optimized for reflection and observation with how it is structured and organized. For me, it’s rare to find places like that on the road where you can meditate, relax, and enjoy the surroundings. To find a Japanese garden in the middle of Portland that made it feel like Kyoto or Sapporo was not what I was expecting. What would have made it even better though would have been for it to be a completely quiet zone for all visitors as the main rule.

You may be thinking that how would that make a difference? Well, it makes a huge difference to be able to enjoy the views, take in the sounds of nature, and observe more closely the koi fish and other wildlife who call the garden home. When you can focus more on enjoying such a beautiful garden, the last thing I want to hear as a solo traveler are other tourists talking about their recent surgery or angling to take the best selfie in front of a waterfall.

‘Quiet Zones’ in today’s America are increasingly rare and I find that rather unfortunate for our society. Whether it’s the beach where you sometimes need to pay the town or state to enjoy and still have to listen to another person’s music to the office where your colleague doesn’t bring headphones so everyone else can hear their conference call, there is a real lack of decorum or respect to lowering the noise level around us. Private places can do what they want in terms of the rules especially if they own the property but in public places or lands or modes of transport, having quiet areas would make a big difference to those of us who want that available option.

In my case, I do my best thinking and my best work when it’s quiet and I don’t believe I am alone in that. How different would things be for our society if quiet zones or places were an option to create, to reflect, to focus, without all the noisy distractions that keep us from doing what we do best? Whether it’s the beach, the airplane, the train, or just in your neighborhood, quiet hours really can do a lot of good, especially when you’re on a tight deadline or just are seeking some peace and time to reflect.

One example of how ‘quiet zones’ can work is on the Amtrak Northeast Regional train that can take you from Washington, DC up to Boston, Massachusetts over seven or so hours and on the Acela high speed rail option. As someone who rides these two trains a couple of times each year, I always do my best to book a seat or find a way to get to the ‘quiet car.’ I don’t mind it when I end up in a non-quiet car as may happen at times but being able to ride the rails in silence is quite a pleasant experience. Now, the ‘quiet car’ is only one train cars out of nine or ten cars usually so it’s not like every car is ‘quiet.’ Sometimes, on Amtrak, in other parts of the United States, there isn’t even a ‘quiet car’ option. I take it for granted due to my Northeastern roots, but why can’t we create that ‘quiet car’ option for all Amtrak trains and in other places we frequent?

Achieving more quiet in the workplace, on public transportation, in public areas, and even at a Japanese garden is possible. America is a loud and boisterous country and that has served us well over 250 years, but I find that it should be balanced out too. Introducing quieter, more introspection, more peaceful harmony with each other and with nature would be good over time and lead to a lot of different psychological and economic benefits.

When you can focus deeply and sit in quiet, whether surrounded by trees, wildlife, or the sound of waves crashing on the beach, it becomes easier to think clearly and create meaningful work. Yet being alone with one’s thoughts is not easy. Many American naturalists and writers, including Henry David Thoreau, Robert Frost, and John Muir, understood this and deliberately sought out solitude in nature to do their most important thinking. It raises a simple question: if they had been constantly interrupted by noise, crowds, and distraction in the 21st century, would their work have been the same or would it have even happened at all?

The landscapes in America that once gave thinkers space to observe and reflect still exist, but they are harder to hear over the noise of modern life. And yet the need remains unchanged: to think clearly, we must sometimes be willing to step out of the crowd and into silence, even if only for a while. Perhaps the real question is not whether great thinkers need silence, but whether we still allow ourselves to have it. In a world filled with constant noise, distraction has become the default setting rather than the exception. The ability to step away from it, even briefly, may not just shape better work, but a clearer way of seeing the world itself.

Putting Yourself Out There Isn’t Optional Anymore

“With people being distracted constantly by emails, texts, and general life obligations, you really must advocate for yourself constantly because no one else will.”

As much as we would like to think that others can network for us, find business or professional opportunities for us, or just keep us in mind in general, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but rarely is that the case. With people being distracted constantly by emails, texts, and general life obligations, you really must advocate for yourself constantly because no one else will. Sure, you may have folks who you are familiar with and have reached out to help carry the burden for you but that takes you to open your mouth and reach out to them in the first place, even if they are a stranger.

No one is going to network for you or vouch for you unless they know who you are and what you’re able to do. In an extroverted world, as hard as it is for introverts or ambiverts (a bit of both), you must speak up for yourself before others will speak up for you. It’s not easy to engage new people professionally or personally but you often must take the first step and see where it leads. I’ve noticed that especially in the post-COVID world, most people are more tied to their groups, cliques, or general friends, and it’s become harder to find reliable people who will vouch for you. If you’re standing around waiting for professional or personal relationships to find you instead of the other way around, I believe that you are going to be waiting a long time.

I’ve noticed this in my own life where you get much more out of an event, an outing, a meetup when you start the conversation first then wait for others to approach you. Everybody’s different in the sense of how often they get approached first in a public setting, but I know that I often will need to make the first move or it will not be that successful of an event or outing. It may be frustrating and tiresome at first to step out of your comfort zone and engage new people in conversation or to advocate for yourself, but that’s the world we live in where opportunities are not being given out freely or it’s easy to just land a job or a business deal just through your presence alone. You must be making the effort, trying to make something happen, and being comfortable with failure because it’s guaranteed to happen the more you do put yourself out there.

You alone know yourself best and can advocate for who you are, what you’re about, what you bring to the table, and what makes you different from your competition, especially in the professional world. Strong resumes, cover letters, references, etc. are commonplace nowadays and it’s more than likely that an AI or automated system is reading them first so in-person or virtual networking Is becoming more key to move your career or business forward than in previous eras.

You should also not just be focusing on landing the business deal, turning a stranger into an advocate, or making new friends, but forming a network of people who you can rely on and being someone who can be relied upon in return. Getting your foot in the door is just the first step but in the long run, you need to show a person or other people that you’re reliable, responsive, and can back up what you say with your actions.

More than ever, there are scammers, con artists, liars, cheats, and other nefarious characters who will want to take advantage of you or who you must be careful not to be involved with. Putting yourself out there involves taking on a risk because you never know at first who you’re dealing with but if you can be a good judge of character and distinguish yourself in terms of being reliable, honest, and able to get the job done, you will put yourself in a category where others will want to work or do business with you because you’ve been proven to be of good character and repute. 

Advocating for yourself doesn’t just pay off in terms of creating a solid network of good people around you but it also builds up your confidence, charisma, and ability to talk to anybody. Getting rid of your shyness will open a lot of doors to you in life that you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t introduced yourself or promoted what you have to offer. Once you can deliver a presentation or talk to a room full of strangers, you feel like the sky is the limit and your social anxiety will diminish quite a bit. This will take several times to overcome, and I know that it was the case for me.

I still get shy at networking or a business event even after having gone to dozens of them in past years, but I also understand that it’s possible that very few people, if anyone, will open that door for me to talk to them, so I must be the one to make that initial effort. You don’t want to waste an hour or two hours just standing around and people watching. Time is valuable, especially when it comes to your career or business prospects. Make sure to always advocate for yourself, do your best to carry yourself well, and remember to let them reciprocate by having them open to you about who they are and what they are all about.

Most people are likely to be as shy as you are or even more shy so let them feel comfortable getting to know you and I’m sure they will appreciate having someone listen to them, hear what they have to say (without interrupting) and build a new connection from scratch. Be there for other people, do what you say you’ll do, and I promise they will be there for you in return long after the first time you shake hands and introduce yourself to each other.