A Society Without a Center – What Happens When Morality Fractures

“Today, that baseline feels increasingly unstable and it’s not because morality has disappeared, but because it has largely fragmented. There is no longer a shared moral consensus or compass that is keeping the glue that holds a functioning society together, which is harmful in the short run and devastating the longer it goes on.”

There was a time in my life when I was younger, and while not perfect, but real in my view, when people could disagree with politics yet still recognize a shared baseline of right and wrong. Today, that baseline feels increasingly unstable and it’s not because morality has disappeared, but because it has largely fragmented. There is no longer a shared moral consensus or compass that is keeping the glue that holds a functioning society together, which is harmful in the short run and devastating the longer it goes on.

We no longer argue from the same starting point when it comes to understanding what is moral and what is not. What one group sees as justice, another sees as inequity where this principle is not being equally distributed or followed. What one calls freedom for everyone; another calls it inflicted harm to a particular group who is having their freedoms limited as a result. These aren’t surface-level disagreements; they cut to the core of how people interpret truth, responsibility, and even reality itself.

A shared moral compass cannot survive in a system where consequences are inconsistent or not applied equally to everyone. When ordinary people are expected to follow rules and laws that the powerful and the well-connected routinely evade and mock, morality stops feeling like a standard and starts feeling like a tool, used or applied when convenient, and ignored when costly or detrimental to those people who have a lot to lose.

For example, the average employee notices when corporate leaders avoid consequences for actions that would destroy the career of an average employee. The average voter also notices when political figures excuse corrupt behavior from themselves, their allies, or their donors that they would condemn in their opponents or in their colleagues. They notice when public outrage seems selective, flaring up in some cases while remaining quiet in others showing a peculiar kind of hypocrisy that has only gained steam in recent years in a polarized political and social climate.

Over time, this kind of blatant inconsistency corrodes overall trust and fairness in one another. It sends a quiet but powerful message to everybody in society: morality is not universal and it is conditional and can be applied or not applied as such. As a result, more people begin to believe that the incentive to act morally weakens or erodes completely leaving an absence from that behavior, especially in our institutions. Why follow rules that others can bypass or not be held accountable to? Why uphold standards or norms that are not enforced equally to everyone in the society?

Part of this shift comes from the collapse of shared institutions, religion, local communities, even trusted media, that once anchored moral conversation. In their place, we’ve built personalized ecosystems of belief, reinforced by algorithms and tribal loyalty. The result is a culture where validation matters more than reflection, and outrage travels faster than understanding. However, the deeper issue isn’t disagreement, it’s disconnection. When people stop believing that others are arguing or acting in good faith, the possibility of persuasion disappears. Debate becomes performance, and morality becomes a tool for scoring points rather than seeking truth.

This doesn’t mean that most people suddenly abandon their values or morals entirely. It means those kinds of values become more tribal, more situational, and more defensive as a result. Morality becomes something we apply outward, toward others, rather than inward, toward ourselves. It becomes easier to justify our own actions while scrutinizing everyone else’s.

At the same time, we are facing a different kind of problem: a lack of education around how to think morally in the first place, which should start at a young age but for which schools and universities have long neglected in their curriculum. We’ve replaced moral education with moral reaction. People are often taught what to believe, what to support, and what to condemn but not how to reason through complex ethical situations or think critically about why enforcing standards, morals, and laws equally is so important. They inherit frameworks that have been established through centuries of precedent without examining them or understanding why they exist in the first place. Many people today absorb positions or opinions without questioning the principles or values behind them. In today’s environment that rewards speed and certainty, there is little incentive to slow down and reflect on how or why one should act in any given situation.

This untenable situation creates a kind of moral fragility that becomes more relevant each day. When individuals encounter perspectives that challenge their beliefs, they are more likely to react defensively than to engage thoughtfully on how someone came to develop those perspectives. This is not necessarily because they are unwilling to think critically, but because they were never taught how to navigate moral ambiguity. In a world where many issues are not black and white, that gap becomes a serious problem for the next generation(s) to solve on their own without guidance from previous generations.

Education systems, broadly speaking, prioritize absorbing complex information and developing technical skills. Those matter in developing one’s career and prospects in the 21st century. However, the current curriculum by and large often leaves out something just as important: the ability to weigh competing values, to recognize bias, and to wrestle honestly with difficult moral and ethical questions. Without that foundation, people default to the loudest voices, the most emotionally charged narratives, or the groups they feel most aligned with to guide their own morality. Perhaps most worrying to me is that we really do not teach ethics, values, having a strong moral compass or how to recognize a lack or absence of that kind of compass in other people in society regardless of who they are or what their status is. 

Layer on top of that the digital media environment is designed to amplify and cause division, and the problem continues to compound each day. Social media platforms reward content that provokes strong reactions and outrage. Nuance doesn’t spread as easily as certainty and thoughtful disagreement doesn’t travel as far as selective outrage. Over time, this shapes not only what people see, but how they think. It encourages a style of moral engagement that is quick, reactive, and shallow.

Where does that leave the future of morality? The loss of a shared moral compass does not mean society is doomed to fail or deteriorate. Still, it does mean the work ahead will be harder and be exceedingly difficult if this issue is not treated with the seriousness that it deserves. Rebuilding common ground and shared morality in a fragmented world requires more than louder arguments or sharper critiques. It requires a shift in how we approach and teach morality itself.

First, there must be a renewed emphasis on consistency, especially when it comes to applying morals to those who hold power, influence, or wealth. Rules, ethics, and norms cannot be optional at the top and mandatory for the rest of us. Accountability must apply across the board, or it loses its legitimacy with society. That doesn’t mean perfection in diagnosing who’s being moral and who is not and the consequences that the latter should face. It means a genuine effort to close the gap between what we say we value and how those values are enforced.

Second, we need to take moral education more seriously and to invest much more money, time, and effort in its teaching, especially to young people. This approach should not be done in the sense of telling people what to think, but in teaching them how to think. That includes engaging with different ethical frameworks, debating morality and how it is applied, understanding trade-offs, and developing the ability to question one’s own assumptions. It also means creating third spaces, whether in schools, communities, or in public discourse, where people can wrestle with difficult ideas without immediately being reduced to labels or judged harshly for what they see is moral or not.

Finally, there must be a cultural shift toward fomenting intellectual humility. That doesn’t mean abandoning convictions or pretending that all viewpoints are equally valid. It means recognizing that our understanding is limited, that we are capable of being wrong, and that other people, even those we strongly disagree with, may be operating from a framework that makes sense to them given their education, their background, and their life experiences.

A shared moral compass doesn’t require total agreement all the time on what is ‘morality’. It requires enough overlap to make conversation possible, enough trust to assume good faith, and enough consistency to believe that the standards we claim matter and they apply to everybody once agreed upon and instituted within the rules, laws, and regulations of that society as such.

Right now, that foundation feels shaky and declining across the world. The loss of a shared moral compass doesn’t mean society is doomed to regress further. It does mean though that we face a harder task ahead: rebuilding common ground in a world that increasingly rewards division and rancor. That kind of consensus building starts not with louder arguments, but with a willingness to question our own certainty and to listen, seriously, to those we instinctively dismiss and disagree with.

The question isn’t just whether we can rebuild a shared sense of morality and virtue immediately given the gravity of the current situation; it’s whether we’re willing to do the slower, less rewarding work required to get there in the future and establish it for the long term. Otherwise, we will continue down a path where right and wrong mean something different depending on who you ask and which person it applies to. If everything is debatable, eventually nothing is binding, including morals. A society where nothing is binding is one that cannot hold together.

Deep vs. Superficial Friendships

“The friendships that we create in life come in various types and kinds, from the shallow and fleeting to the profound and enduring, but the idea of friendships in general, are crucial to maintaining a healthy and well-balanced life.”

The friendships that we create in life come in various types and kinds, from the shallow and fleeting to the profound and enduring, but the idea of friendships in general, are crucial to maintaining a healthy and well-balanced life. We must recognize though that there is a stark disparity between having deep friendships and having superficial ones. We should always try to prioritize having the former as much as possible as it is vital in helping with our emotional well-being and it is important to cultivate such enriching and long-lasting bonds when we can in life.

Deep friendships are akin to having actual roots that anchor us, offering solace, support, and understanding amidst life’s tumultuous events. Unlike superficial friendships, which often revolve around surface-level interactions and fleeting interests and hobbies, deep friendships transcend the superficiality of small talk by delving into the depths of our souls. These profound connections are characterized by authenticity, vulnerability, and reciprocity, serving as sanctuaries where we can reveal our true selves without fear of judgment.

The importance of having a deep friendship cannot be overstated. Research in psychology consistently underscores a myriad of benefits, ranging from enhanced emotional resilience to increased lifespan longevity. Deep friendships provide a nurturing environment where individuals can share their joys and sorrows, seek counsel, and celebrate milestones. Moreover, these intimate bonds foster a sense of belonging and validation, buffering against the pangs of loneliness and isolation that plague so many in today’s hyperconnected yet paradoxically lonely world.

Conversely, superficial friendships, while ubiquitous, often leave us feeling hollow and disconnected. In the age of social media, where likes and followers reign supreme, it’s all too easy to confuse online acquaintanceships with genuine friendships. Superficial friendships are characterized by surface-level interactions, revolving around shared activities or interests rather than by having a deep emotional connection or being able to be vulnerable with the other person without judgment or regret. While they may provide fleeting moments of amusement or distraction, they lack the depth and intimacy necessary for true companionship.

American culture, with its emphasis on individualism and instant gratification, often perpetuates the primacy of superficial friendships rather than deeper ones. From the frenetic pace of social gatherings, the inability to have spontaneous meetups with friends without scheduling weeks or months in advance to the superficiality of online interactions, many Americans find themselves these days caught in a whirlwind of shallow connections, neglecting the profound bonds that sustain us throughout our lives. Societal pressures in American culture of projecting a false or inflated image of success and popularity rather than being realistic of what your life is like. This kind of attitude can incentivize people to prioritize quantity over quality when it comes to friendships, leading to a proliferation of superficial ties at the expense of forming genuine connections with others.

This trend is particularly pronounced during the adolescent phase of life, which is a formative period characterized by peer pressure and social conformity. Teenagers, eager to fit in and be accepted, may gravitate towards superficial friendships based on shared interests or social status, neglecting the deeper connections that truly nourish the spirit. Similarly, adults, juggling the demands of career and family, may find themselves ensnared in a web of acquaintanceships, leaving little time or energy for cultivating deep friendships.

How can we resist the allure of superficial friendships and cultivate the depth and authenticity we crave? The first step is awareness, recognizing the differences between superficial and deep friendships and acknowledging the profound impact the latter kind can have on our well-being. Deep friendships are marked by essential qualities such as empathy, trust, and mutual respect, whereas superficial friendships are characterized by shallowness, frivolities, and transience.

Furthermore, cultivating deep friendships requires intentionality and effort. It entails investing both serious time and energy in building and nurturing those meaningful connections, prioritizing quality over quantity when it comes to who your friends really are. This kind of approach may involve initiating vulnerable conversations, actively listening to both our friends’ struggles and triumphs, and showing up for them in times of need, even when it may be inconvenient for you to do so. It also means being willing to reciprocate the same level of vulnerability and support, fostering a sense of mutual trust and understanding between the two people involved. If your friend is going through a personal crisis, or wants to celebrate his success(-es) with you, or needs some advice, will you be there for them through both the good times and the bad? You really must know that answer before you consider it a deep friendship.

It should be noted that fostering deep friendships necessitates setting boundaries and discerning when to invest in relationships that align with our values, beliefs, and nurture our personal growth. This may mean distancing ourselves from toxic or one-sided friendships that drain our energy, our time, and diminish our sense of self-worth. While it can be daunting to confront the discomfort of letting go from any friendship you make because of how difficult it can be to start from scratch with a new person, prioritizing one’s own emotional well-being is essential for fostering deeper and more fulfilling connections for creating more rewarding friendships.

Moreover, we must challenge societal norms that prioritize superficiality over depth and authenticity. This requires redefining our cultural narratives around friendship, valuing vulnerability, and emotional intimacy as essential components of genuine connection. By modeling deep friendships in our own lives and advocating for their importance in our communities, we can shift the cultural paradigm towards one that values quality over quantity in friendships.

The profound impact of deep and enduring friendships on happiness and health cannot be overstated. Research spanning past decades has consistently demonstrated many benefits of having meaningful social connections, from reduced stress and anxiety to improved immune function and physical health. Deep friendships provide a buffer against the inherent stresses of life, offering emotional support and validation during challenging times. When we have friends who truly understand us and care for our well-being rather than just know who our favorite sports team is or what we enjoy doing on weekends, we feel less alone in our struggles and more capable of navigating life’s ups and downs.

Deep friendships help us foster an essential sense of belonging and acceptance that is essential for our psychological well-being. When we can openly share our joys and sorrows with trusted friends, we validate our experiences and affirm our sense of self-worth. This sense of belonging not only enhances our self-esteem but also strengthens our resilience in the face of adversity and challenges. Studies have shown that individuals who have strong social support networks are better equipped to cope with stress, anxiety, and trauma, leading to improved mental and emotional health over time.

Additionally, deep friendships provide opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery, as we learn from and are inspired by the unique perspectives and experiences of our friends who can relate to what we’re going through each day. In essence, deep and lasting friendships enrich our lives in ways that superficial connections simply cannot replicate, contributing to our overall happiness and well-being in profound and meaningful ways. Having deep friendships is a large part of the bedrock of our emotional well-being, offering solace, support, and understanding in an increasingly superficial and shallow world. Distinguishing between deep and superficial friendships requires having emotional awareness, intentionality, and discernment. By prioritizing authenticity, vulnerability, and reciprocity in our friendships, we can cultivate deeper friendships that nourish the soul and sustain us through life’s tribulations and triumphs.

Remembering the Basics of Civility

“Beyond these tenets, I think it is important to remember the basics of civility in terms of everyday behavior, which is about establishing boundaries, using good manners, and fully recognizing the other person or people you are dealing with.”

In any society, there’s a thin line between civilization and barbarism. When we are civil with each other, when we say what we mean and when we do what we say, we will be better off for having maintained the basic standards of civility. Without civility, there is no civilization to come from that.

There are many forms of civility and I have written already at length about the need to be honest, truthful, be emotionally mature, and to treat others the way you would like to be treated. Beyond these tenets, I think it is important to remember the basics of civility in terms of everyday behavior, which is about establishing boundaries, using good manners, and fully recognizing the other person or people you are dealing with.

In addition to the rise of anti-social behavior since the pandemic and perhaps on the decline even beforehand, there has also been a lack of civility and poor behavior in public whether it’s with colleagues, strangers, or just another person who you are passing by on the street. Some of the behaviors that reflect a lack of overall civility include not greeting someone formally or informally, not making eye contact, lack of a handshake upon greeting that person(s), and perhaps what would be the most basic is the ability to say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning / afternoon / evening’ when you see someone or meet someone.

Basic greetings form the backbone of any civil society and if you cannot take the time to look up from your phone or laptop or to take 5-10 seconds to acknowledge that person in the language that you both speak, then it makes me wonder if civilized behavior is on a permanent decline, rather than a temporary one. Greetings are more than just communication but it’s a way of ‘seeing’ that person beyond them just being in relative proximity to you. When you say ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or acknowledge them with a formal ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ in English or in the equivalent of another language, you will make that person feel better. You’re letting them know that you know they are there, that you recognize who they are, and appreciate the fact that you get to see them in some small way.

I would say that in addition to greetings, having good posture, standing up straight, walking with your head held high, not slouching, or putting your feet up on the desk or in front of the person sitting across from you, there are all common ways of maintaining civility and not being disrespectful to yourself and other people around you. It shows not just a lack of respect for yourself but to other people when you cannot maintain eye contact or look them in the eye.

A handshake that is never given when greeting someone now or is lackluster in its firmness or strength also shows a lack of social awareness or respect for having neglected it. If you know the person well enough, giving a hug is not a weird or out of place action and shows that you care for the other person to let them know that. Standing up straight, making eye contact, greeting the person respectfully, giving them your full attention, etc. are all necessary actions to maintain civility before diving into the deeper aspects of maintaining a civilization or a society that is not on the decline in terms of its overall behavior patterns or standards.

Having respect for another person also means getting up for an injured / disabled person, an elderly person, or a pregnant woman if you are on a bus, train, or other public transportation to let them sit down instead of you. Holding the door open for another person is also polite, kind, and a sign that you are not just thinking of yourself and are able to think of other people who need a little bit of help, especially if they could be your neighbor or need aid if they have heavy groceries or may have their hands full. If you really want to maintain classy and dignified behavior, pouring a drink for another person or proposing a toast in their honor or even pulling the chair out for a loved one or a relative is a great way to maintain the civility of our collective behavior that keeps our civilization or general society functioning.

Nobody also likes to have their time wasted regardless of the appointment or meeting whether it’s an interview, a date, a social engagement, or a dinner / lunch outing. Make sure you are on time or a few minutes early, and while this is not universal across cultures, I do think being on time and keeping your word allows for societal advancement and for civilized behavior to flourish. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being 5-10-15 minutes late here and there, but if you don’t apologize or acknowledge your tardiness with even a basic excuse, you are letting the basic values and standards of a society degrade a bit with your lack of awareness.

You may not think these basics of societal civility matter, but they do, and I’ve noticed there has been a general decline in this area since the pandemic and even earlier. It does not cost you much to observe basic greetings, observe social graces that have been around for centuries, think of other people such as the elderly, the disabled, and the pregnant before yourself, and to do what you say, mean what you say, and to be honest and forthright.            

Being reliable, being accountable, and holding yourself to a higher standard is important as well to maintaining civilization and improving one’s society. However, if you do not have the basics or the fundamentals down first, it won’t matter one bit. You must constantly be reminding yourself to observe these social attitudes, graces, and behaviors that have marked the upward trend of human civilization since ancient times.

Without making accommodations for others or thinking of others when it comes to our own behavior, we will be headed on a downward slope for which there might not be a way out from in the future. Please again remember your basics of civility when you’re in public but also in private too. Uphold the basic standards of good behavior and make sure you reinforce those kinds of standards with the people in your lives and with the stranger on the street too.

The Unfortunate Rise of Anti-Social Behavior

“Clearly, I am not happy with the recession in societal norms and values and fear it is becoming all too common these days as a lot of people have forgotten to know how to act in public in a civilized and dignified manner.”

How many times have you been on a plane, a train, or a bus recently and noticed someone on a loud phone call, listening to loud music without headphones, or even kicking your seat and not apologizing? I would say it’s happened to most of us at some point, but these kinds of rude behaviors seem to become more common post-pandemic. The receding of the pandemic did not just cause the deaths of millions of people, long-lasting economic damage, but most recently an erosion in social norms and values. Clearly, I am not happy with the recession in societal norms and values and fear it is becoming all too common these days as a lot of people have forgotten to know how to act in public in a civilized and dignified manner.

As the pandemic has receded, selfish and unruly behavior has increased in my view, and it has been well documented in popular forms of media. How many videos or audio clips have you seen of airline passengers fighting with flight attendants or gate agents? There have also been scenes of people stealing and looting from stores in mass causing chain stores and the local mom and pop shop to have armed and unarmed security patrolling the toiletries aisle. For the rest of us who play by the rules, it’s unfortunate that we must deal with the agitation of greater security and more surveillance because others have to act in such a selfish and anti-social manner.

While there is some blame to go around including growing wealth inequality, the cost-of-living crisis that continues to worsen, and a lack of proper education in the school system on basic behavior and etiquette, it does not excuse being negligent of how to behave in public especially for an adult who should know better. I would like to think that we all are taught whether by parents, guardians, or by teachers themselves the difference between right and wrong, how to behave oneself when others are around, and that stealing, cursing, and dismissing others in public as unseemly behavior. The pandemic has worn a lot of us down physically, mentally, and financially but it does not excuse anti-social acts and/or behaviors against your fellow man or women.

Together, in a society, we should remember both the spoken and unspoken rules of how to behave and it seems like a few of us need to re-learn that or we have to strengthen these rules in our institutions and in our laws to fight against this rising tide in unseemly behavior. There are consequences to your actions and while we should continue to notice these anti-social behaviors and call them out, there must be a strengthening in terms of preventing those from breaking these rules and to hold them accountable when they happen.

A good example of an anti-social behavior I’ve noticed is in major U.S. cities including New York City and Washington, DC. Fare beating and or jumping the gate to avoid paying the fares to keep our transit system from functioning well is something I condemn strongly. Unfortunately, since the pandemic, there has been a spike in people not wanting to pay their transit fare and getting caught on camera while not doing so. Multiple times, the station agents and transit police do not apprehend these individuals to cite them for the fines or at least verbally reprimand them for their actions. If you do not enforce the fines or at least the rules, it emboldens this kind of anti-social behaviors and people will keep them doing them.

Recently, increasing the fines and changing the fare gates to be more difficult to physically jump or avoid has become a solution to this fare beating issue, but it is more than just changing the gates or enforcing the fines, there should be more ways to let people know in public service announcements (PSAs) or through schools, community centers, or in the home that this behavior is not tolerable.

I very much encourage free transit programs for those of lower economic status and for young people who are going to school or work as an alternative way to invest in those people who need the financial assistance and may not understand how fare beating is unacceptable. Increasing fines and security presence for stealing, farebeating, loud music in public, is not so much a solution, but rather a band-aid on anti-social behavior that may discourage these actions but won’t go fare in terms of ending it.

In a society, I believe people need both ‘the carrot and the stick’ in the sense that good behaviors should be encouraged and even rewarded such as cleaning up after yourself, lining up in a proper manner, helping the elderly and disabled. We should do as much to encourage healthy social behaviors as much as discouraging and shaming unhealthy anti-social behaviors.

For myself, I have a pet peeve of people playing music in public places in my near vicinity without earphones or headphones or keeping it to a low volume at the minimum. It gives me no great pleasure to call anyone out on this kind of behavior, but it was never acceptable before the pandemic to do so, and it should not become a new norm in this post-pandemic world. If it bothers me or causes me to not focus on my reading or my work, I will be happy to call this selfish kind of behavior out. It’s up to the individual on how they act but it used to be a given that you wouldn’t disturb others’ peace in public and keep your music, gossip, or phone calls to yourself or at a low volume. I’m not exactly for policing of rules or regulations as an ordinary citizen but if it disturbs my peace or my ability to enjoy my train, plane, or bus ride, I do have to call it out or let someone know of the issue.              

My overall hope on this rise in anti-social behavior is just as much as we focus on enforcement and punishment to a reasonable degree of these actions that we do a much better job as well on teaching people in society why we have these rules, how they benefit us all in a public setting, and to educate people why we have fares, quiet hours, no music in public places, etc. so the average person will know why they have to act in this way for the betterment and peace of us all.