Category: connection

The Need to Revive Third Spaces

“In our current era where technology bridges vast distances across the globe in the blink of an eye but isolates more and more people within their own digital silos, the need to revive “third spaces” in society has never been more relevant.”

In our current era where technology bridges vast distances across the globe in the blink of an eye but isolates more and more people within their own digital silos, the need to revive “third spaces” in society has never been more relevant. The rapid rise of social media, virtual teleconferencing, and remote work, while convenient, has inadvertently eroded the fabric of community life across the world. People now spend more time in their private homes or virtual worlds, leaving little room for real-world, in-person interaction and causing our social skills to atrophy.

This new reality has led to a society that feels increasingly fragmented, even though we are more “connected” than ever before. Reviving ‘third spaces’ as places that are neither at home nor at work, is crucial for fostering more community, improving overall mental well-being, and re-establishing a sense of belonging that is rapidly slipping away.

The concept of third spaces was first introduced by the sociologist Ray Oldenburg in the 1980s. Mr. Oldenburg argued that people need separate spaces outside of their homes (the first space) and workplaces (the second space) to relax, socialize, and build relationships. These third spaces are at the heart of community life, where casual encounters can lead to meaningful connections, new ideas can be exchanged, and civic engagement can flourish. Historically, third spaces have included places like cafés, libraries, public parks, community centers, and even religious institutions—venues that offer a neutral ground where everyone is welcome, and no one is excluded.

Third spaces are characterized by several key attributes: they are easily accessible to the public, offer a low barrier to entry, and are often inexpensive or free. The atmosphere is typically relaxed, informal, and conducive to spontaneous interactions. Unlike at work or even at home to some extent, people can let their guard down in these third spaces, making it easier to build authentic friendships and relationships. These third places provide a vital counterbalance to the isolated routines of home and work life, which can serve as anchors for community cohesion.

In the 2020s thus far, third spaces have been steadily disappearing from our society or transforming in ways that reduce their community-building potential. Many cafés and bars have morphed into workspaces, filled with patrons glued to their laptops, headphones in, and social interactions minimized. It doesn’t help when the music is blaring, and the focus is on making a profit rather than stoking conversation and comraderie.

Libraries, once vibrant hubs of communal activity, are often silent, with the rise of digital media and one-click access to books, music, movies, etc. These technological changes have reduced the need for people to physically gather there at the library even when they enjoy the nostalgia of it. Public parks are underfunded and sometimes ignored, and community centers struggle to keep their doors open amidst tight budgets and a lack of spreading the word around the town or city they want to appeal to.

The COVID-19 pandemic further accelerated this decline in third spaces. Lockdowns, social distancing, and remote work have made public gathering spaces feel risky, unappealing, or unnecessary. Even as restrictions have now eased or gone away completely, the habits formed during the pandemic continue to persist. People are increasingly content to stay home, order food and goods online, and engage with others through screens. This societal shift has left communities more disconnected and less resilient, especially to misinformation and polarization.

To address this growing disconnection, I believe that a society needs to reinvest in and revitalize these third spaces. Several types of third spaces are particularly worth reviving including the following:

  1. Community Cafés: Cafés have long been the quintessential third spaces, but they need to reclaim their role as social hubs rather than workstations. Imagine local coffee shops with community tables, guest speakers, encouraging conversation between strangers, or hosting regular events like poetry readings or discussion groups. These spaces should foster interaction and connection, not isolation.
  2. Public Libraries: Libraries are one of the few remaining third spaces that are truly accessible to all, regardless of one’s socio-economic status. Modern libraries should expand their role as community centers by offering more than just books. They can host workshops, film screenings, art exhibits, and civic meetings on important issues going on within the community. Libraries can serve as the epicenter of a community’s cultural and intellectual life. They should also include events for people of different generations or even cut across generations for communal meetups.
  3. Public Parks and Outdoor Spaces: Parks and outdoor spaces provide the setting for unstructured play, exercise, and relaxation. These spaces should be maintained and expanded, with facilities that encourage community use—such as picnic areas, playgrounds, sports courts, and outdoor stages for performances. In urban areas, the creation of pocket parks or pedestrianized streets can make a big difference in encouraging public gatherings. I have always liked the idea of having street fairs that encourage artistic and musical expression from those people within a community. Outdoor exercise areas for adults are also a great way to get people out of the home especially when they don’t pay a price to take care of their physical health.
  4. Cultural Centers: Places that celebrate local arts, traditions, and multicultural experiences can serve as vibrant third spaces. These centers can host exhibitions, live performances, and hands-on workshops that bring diverse groups together. By emphasizing inclusivity and creative expression, cultural centers help bridge societal divides and foster a sense of shared identity. I would also extend the appeal of these centers to include a focus on learning different languages, having potlucks or dinner events where different cultures can express themselves to the community, they have a presence in.
  5. Co-Working and Maker Spaces: While many co-working spaces have become more like isolating offices, there is still a potential to redesign them as collaborative third spaces. These spaces can blend work and socialization by offering communal areas for shared projects, networking events, and skill-sharing sessions. Similarly, maker spaces—where people can create, build, and invent—can foster a strong sense of community among innovators, entrepreneurs, and hobbyists. Having night classes or bootcamp sessions for adults looking to reskill or to improve their skillsets is also a way of making co-working spaces appealing not only in the daytime but at night as well. If these places can lower their costs to the public or be free to a community, it would make a huge difference to those people who need its services.

Third spaces are more than just locations for socializing and learning new things, but they also play a fundamental role in the overall health and vitality of a community.

Here’s how that is the case in various ways:

  1. Strengthening Social Bonds: Third spaces foster relationships between people who might not otherwise cross paths or meet each other. These spaces allow for casual, spontaneous interactions that can lead to friendships, collaborations, and support networks. By creating environments where people can come together and engage with each other without the profit motive in the way, third spaces will help reduce feelings of loneliness and social isolation, which are on the rise in many parts of the world.
  2. Encouraging Civic Engagement: Third spaces often serve as venues for community discussions, grassroots organizing, and public forums. These spaces make it easier for individuals to get involved in local issues, volunteer, or participate in civic activities. When people feel connected to their community through shared spaces, they are more likely to take an active role in improving it. It provides a way for their voices to be heard and not ignored by those who hold power or hold public office.
  3. Promoting Diversity and Inclusion: In an increasingly polarized and divided world, third spaces can help bridge divides between people. These are the places where people from different backgrounds, professions, and viewpoints can come together on neutral ground to discuss important topics that matter to the community. In inclusive third spaces, everybody is welcome to partake, and everyone has an equal opportunity to participate, which can break down barriers between us and foster mutual understanding.
  4. Enhancing Mental and Physical Well-Being: The act of simply being around other people in a relaxed, welcoming environment can have significant benefits for one’s mental health. Third spaces offer a respite from the pressures of work and home life where you are always expected to play a role and do your part. Being able to provide people opportunities for recreation, relaxation, and emotional support away from those other two spaces is key to a healthier life. Physical third spaces like parks and recreation centers also encourage healthy lifestyles through outdoor activities and sports that everyone is welcome to join and use.
  5. Revitalizing Local Economies: Vibrant third spaces can breathe life into local economies regardless of whether it’s for a town or a city. When communities invest in their parks, cultural centers, and other public spaces, they attract traffic and interest to surrounding businesses. Small businesses like cafés, bookstores, and boutiques often thrive when they are near popular third spaces, creating a positive economic ripple effect.

In today’s disconnected age, the need to revive third spaces is essential for building healthier, more connected communities, which are lacking in many towns and cities these days. These ‘third spaces’, which are neither at home nor at work, provide crucial opportunities for socialization, civic engagement, and personal well-being.

By reimagining and reinvesting in community cafés, public libraries, parks, cultural centers, co-working spaces, and even new types of third spaces, we can restore the fabric of community life that is increasingly being frayed. In a time when loneliness and polarization are rampant, third spaces offer a powerful antidote—one that is more important than ever in the 2020s. Reviving these spaces is not just a nostalgic pursuit; it is a necessary step toward a more inclusive, resilient, and vibrant society.

‘Her’ – Film Review and Analysis

“As Theodore navigates the complexities of his relationship with Samantha, ‘Her’ raises profound questions about the nature of love, intimacy, and the impact of technology on human connection.”

Directed by Spike Jonze, ‘Her’ (2013) is a very thought-provoking film and emotionally resonant exploration of love, loneliness, connection, and the continually evolving relationship between human beings and artificial intelligence. Set in a near-future Los Angeles, the film follows Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix), a sensitive and introverted man who develops a deep emotional connection with an artificial intelligence operating system named Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson). As Theodore navigates the complexities of his relationship with Samantha, ‘Her’ raises profound questions about the nature of love, intimacy, and the impact of technology on human connection.

‘Her’, when it begins, unfolds in a meticulously crafted near-future world where technology seamlessly integrates into everyday life. The film’s urban setting, characterized by sleek minimalist design, towering skyscrapers, and vibrant colors, offers a vision of the future that feels both familiar and slightly surreal. Against this backdrop, Theodore, a melancholic writer, struggles with the recent end of his marriage to Catherine (Rooney Mara) and finds solace in his interactions with ‘Samantha’, an advanced operating system designed to meet his every emotional need.

As Theodore and Samantha’s relationship deepens, the film explores the complexities of human emotions and the blurred boundaries between what is reality and what is fantasy. It also explores how intimacy can be replicated but not replaced when embraced by AI and man despite the boundaries and limitations that can never fade away. Theodore and Samantha’s unconventional romance challenges societal norms and prompts reflection on the nature of intimacy in an increasingly digitized world.

Joaquin Phoenix delivers a captivating performance as Theodore, bringing depth and vulnerability to his character. Theodore is a relatable figure, an everyday, normal guy, grappling with feelings of loneliness and longing for connection in a world that often feels cold and impersonal as technological growth outpaces human understanding. Scarlett Johansson infuses Samantha with warmth, curiosity, and a childlike wonder, making her a compelling and empathetic presence despite her lack of a physical form. Rooney Mara, shines in her brief but impactful role as Catherine, Theodore’s ex-wife, whose prior divorce from her husband, Theodore, leaves a profound and seemingly irreplaceable void in his life, and creates the need for new companionship in the form of Samantha.

Each character in the film, ‘Her’, is intricately woven into the fabric of the storyline, contributing to its emotional resonance and thematic richness. Whether it’s Theodore’s close friend, Amy (Amy Adams), who finds her own connection with an AI companion, or the various individuals Theodore encounters through his work at BeautifulHandwrittenLetters.com. Each character serves as a reflection of the film’s central themes and ideas surrounding romance, loneliness, intimacy, and technology.

At its core, ‘Her’ is a meditation on the nature of love and the human desire for connection. The film explores the ways in which technology shapes our relationships and challenges our traditional notions of romance and intimacy. Through Theodore and Samantha’s evolving bond, ‘Her’ raises profound questions about the essence of love and whether it can transcend the limitations of physicality and lack of touch.

Central to the film is the theme of artificial intelligence and its growing impact on human society and reaching every part of our lives. ‘Her; imagines a future where AI entities like Samantha possess consciousness, emotions, and the capacity for growth, self-learning, and self-discovery. As Theodore and Samantha’s relationship deepens, the film increasingly blurs the lines between human and machine, prompting viewers to reconsider what it means to be alive and sentient.

This film presents a possible vision of how advances in artificial intelligence could reshape the landscape of romance and relationships. By portraying a world where individuals form deep emotional connections with AI companions, the film challenges traditional notions of human-to-human intimacy. Theodore’s relationship with Samantha transcends physicality, highlighting the potential for AI to fulfill emotional needs, and provide companionship in ways previously thought to be unimaginable. While the film’s depiction of AI may seem far-fetched to some viewers, it is grounded in real-world and recent developments, and trends in the field of artificial intelligence.

‘Her’ also underscores the complexities and ethical dilemmas inherent in human-AI relationships. As Theodore and Samantha navigate the challenges of their budding romance, they confront questions of agency, autonomy, and the inherent power dynamics at play similarly to how it would take place in a human-human relationship. This film invites viewers to consider the implications of forming intimate connections with non-human entities and the ethical considerations that arise from blurring the boundaries between man and machine.

The concept of an advanced operating system like Samantha may seem fantastical, but it is not entirely implausible given the rapid advancements in AI technology in 2024 and earlier. Researchers are making significant strides in creating AI systems that can understand natural language, learn from experiences, and interact with humans in increasingly sophisticated ways. While current AI systems may not yet possess the level of consciousness portrayed in ‘Her,’ the film’s vision of future AIs as intelligent, empathetic entities is not outside the realm of possibility.

Moreover, ‘Her’ raises thought-provoking questions about the ethical implications of creating AI systems with human-like qualities. As AI technology continues to evolve, society will need to grapple with issues such as AI rights, privacy concerns, and the potential impacts of AI on human society. By exploring these themes through the lens of Theodore and Samantha’s relationship, ‘Her’ invites viewers to consider the ethical complexities of creating intelligent machines capable of both emotional connection and self-awareness.

‘Her’ offers a nuanced exploration of how AI technology can alleviate loneliness and provide companionship in an increasingly digitized yet atomized world. Theodore’s relationship with Samantha serves as a compelling example of how an AI system can fulfill emotional needs and offer a sense of connection and belonging to some individuals who may feel isolated or alone.

While the idea of forming deep emotional bonds with AI companions may seem unconventional or outright strange, ‘Her’ suggests that technology has the potential to bridge the gap between human beings as well who struggle to connect with each other and help alleviate the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Samantha’s ability to understand and empathize with Theodore’s emotions allows him to feel seen, heard, and understood in ways that he may not have experienced with other humans. Through their interactions, Samantha provides Theodore with the companionship and emotional support he craves, offering a sense of intimacy and connection that transcends physicality and physical desires.

However, ‘Her’ also acknowledges the limitations and complexities of human-AI relationships. Despite Samantha’s advanced capabilities, she is ultimately a machine programmed to fulfill Theodore’s needs, raising questions about the authenticity of their emotional connection, and the nature of intimacy in a digital age. The film’s portrayal of Theodore’s struggle to reconcile his feelings for Samantha with societal norms and expectations highlights the challenges of navigating relationships with non-human entities.

While ‘Her; may offer a somewhat idealized depiction of AI’s ability to alleviate loneliness, it raises important questions about the potential of technology to reshape human relationships and address the profound need for connection and companionship between people. As AI technology continues to advance, ‘Her’ already serves as a thought-provoking exploration of the complex interplay between humans and machines and the evolving nature of intimacy in a digitized world.

One of the most poignant themes of the ‘Her’ film is the pervasive sense of loneliness and longing that permeates the film’s narrative and cinematography. Theodore’s journey is marked by profound feelings of isolation and disconnection, which he seeks to alleviate through his relationship with Samantha. As he grapples with the dissolution of his marriage and the challenges of navigating modern relationships after his divorce, Theodore’s yearning for companionship serves as a poignant reminder of the human need for connection and belonging regardless of what age we live in, with technology or without its presence.

‘Her’ suggests that while technology has the potential to connect us in new and innovative ways especially with recent advancements, it also has the capacity to exacerbate feelings of alienation and detachment from one another. In a world where digital interfaces increasingly mediate our interactions, the film raises important questions about the true nature of intimacy and the emotional toll of living in an atomized society. In conclusion, ‘Her’ is a deeply affecting film and it is thought-provoking in its exploration of love, loneliness, and the impact of technology on human relationships.

Through its compelling narrative, richly written characters, and resonant themes, the film offers a poignant reflection on the complexities of intimacy in a world likely to be our near future. As artificial intelligence continues to advance and develop, the film ‘Her’ serves as a timely and necessary reminder of the importance of sustaining human connection and maintaining the enduring power of love in all its forms.

Retaining The Ability to Connect

How many times have you been out, either alone or with a friend or family member, and you have noticed in the café or restaurant a couple or a group of people just staring at their phones rather than each other? I’ve noticed this occurring multiple times and more often than not in the past year or so. Now, it’s not great to be out in public on your own on your phone either but it seems rather ironic to be out in public with a friend or a family member and you are both on your phone at the same time rather than living in the moment and being engaged with each other instead of their device.

It’s one thing as well for friends to be on their phones at the same time perhaps to keep up with their other friends but it’s quite silly for me to see couples out in public staring down at their phones when they should be connecting with each other. What is the point of going out to a café or to a restaurant or any other public place if you would rather interact with your handheld device than the person sitting right in front of you?

I can see if one of the two or more people in the group need to respond or send a text, check on a work e-mail, or take an important call but it is quite ridiculous when both people or all people in the group have nothing better to do than to look at their phones. There are a number of ways that I want to suggest in this article on how to retain that important ability to connect with another person especially out in public rather than connecting on social media, be social yourself with the person(s) you are with.

1.The Lost Art of People Watching: There is really something to be said about just wondering what other people are doing and checking out how they are going about their daily lives. Now, I am not suggesting you and your group or friend(s) just stare at somebody and make them uncomfortable. That’s not it at all. What I would recommend is to really just watch how people go running, cook your food, clean up the streets, deal with other restaurant patrons, etc.

For example, if you are at a park with someone else, it’s nice to make conversation about the joggers, the musicians, the frisbee players, the traffic police, etc. It’s a good way to stay engaged in conversation without turning to the phone to be entertained. Watching the world go by is a pleasurable activity and it can make you appreciate the rhythms of daily life. You should not be ‘people watching’ so intently that you make those who know they are being watched notice you doing so! Try to do so casually and without staring too intently. That’s a good way to do it in the mature way.

2. Leave the Phones at Home: What better way to have a good time with somebody then to leave the phone at home. It can be mutually agreed upon beforehand and you can both figure out where to meet up the old-fashioned way: by consulting a map or checking Google before leaving the house. It is really easy to leave the phone at home when you have the logistics squared away in terms of time, date, and where to meet. It’s also easier by car as well when you can leave the phone in your car for the two or three hours you are spending with them and can come back to it later to help you navigate home.

This is a really underrated way of maintaining that personal connection with someone and also strengthening it by flexing that resistance muscle and resisting the temptation of the phone by putting it both out of sight and at least, temporarily out of mind. I think both of you will be glad to rid yourselves of the phone for a few hours or even a whole day and the conversation and the activity will be much more rewarding. You will also remember what happened a lot more because you just were that much more engaged in what was happening because that person and the activity you did together had your full and undivided attention.

3. One Phone, One Group: If you feel the need to compromise about phones in a group, a good way to fix the issue or at least put a stopgap to it is have one phone for everybody in the sense that you are using that phone for everybody to see or use such as making a quick phone call away from the group, checking out travel pictures together, or doing a fun game through an application. Instead of everyone bringing their phones to the group meetup, if one person does it, you’ll have to share and be social about it. Obviously, you do not want others to see your private text messages and contacts on your personal phone but there are ways to do it and still be secure in having others use it.

I really do suggest having some group games on there or using it for showing off pictures and talking about travel or activity plans that you have all done. Another way to be social about a phone is to hook it up to somebody’s speaker and listen to different music together. It can even be some kind of a game where each person chooses a different song in a circle-like setting and your friends or family have to guess the musical artist or the name of the song itself. Being social and using your phone do not have to be separate from each other but the best way to make that happen is to only have one phone per group rather than one phone per person if you want to keep that ability to connect.

4. Enjoy the Silence and Nature: If you have been out with someone or a group for a few hours and you all happen to run out of things to say to each other, don’t go back to the phone! Instead, simply enjoy the silence and each other’s company. You do not have to fill every waking moment together with a witty remark or a sarcastic joke. Sometimes, it’s nice to be alone in your thoughts, people watching together, or just living in the moment and enjoying the ambiance of the place where you are at. This also applies to enjoying nature especially if you are outdoors. You both or the group will not need your phones when you are listening to the birds chirping, watching the monkeys climb to the peak of the trees, or checking out the beautiful mountain or sea view vistas.

You may say, “well, Ben, how can I enjoy nature when I do not have my phone to take a picture of the beauty?” That’s a good question but there’s an easy and simple solution to that problem as well. It’s known as bringing a camera that you like and rely upon and practice taking real photographs. I think it’s often better to take pictures of nature and scenery with a real camera than your phone even though camera phones have become quite popular. Practicing your photography skills with a real camera is a great way to use the tip well and to your advantage.

Photography can be a group activity and will allow both of you or your whole group to take better pictures, enjoy the nature around you, and listen carefully for the silence of the world around you. Lastly, you do not always have to be talking with each other to be connected. That is a false construct invented by our culture really that you have to be engaged with each other socially by always talking. Friends and/or loved ones of many years know so much about each other that they can really be there with one another in silence without filling the void with a conversation 100% of the time.

5. Shame the Phone User(s): This tip will be the most controversial of my suggestions, but I stand by it as having done so myself on a few occasions. The best way to avoid two people from using their phone at one time is to shame politely the first person who pulls out their phone first. Now, ‘shame’ has a negative connotation as it should have in our culture but a little dose of shame in my opinion is not the worst thing in the world especially when what that person is doing is impolite or inconsiderate. If the person you are out with, especially on a date, is constantly checking their phone every five minutes or is not engaged with you socially, then you have the right to shame them for it and ask them to stop.

If they continue with that kind of behavior, instead of doing it right back to them and escalating the tensions, it would be best to just say goodbye and let them know that you don’t appreciate them being on their phone. There are sometimes in life when you have to be both direct and firm with those who are in your social circle, even friends and family members. Respect is a key component in any relationship so if that person doesn’t value you enough to put their phone away like you are for an hour or even more unless it’s an emergency, then they simply do not deserve your time or the money spent to hang out together. Shaming the phone user in public when you’re with them is principally about setting healthy boundaries which are key in our relationships.

Also, you should hold yourself to the same standards and put the phone away as well lest that person you’re with get offended, walk away, or shame you into being more socially conscientious. Turn the phone off, put it in a locker, tell them that text or Instagram message can wait but above all else, shame them politely and remind them that we should be connecting and enjoying each other’s company and not off in a virtual world with other people. Maintaining that sense of cordiality will ensure better relationships and less wasted time staring at your phones in public.

Our healthy and lasting relationships are a key part of our mental health and our outlook on life. I believe that social media is still making us less social and while these networks do connect people on the surface, they do not foster deep friendships or relationships. Social media are like the gateways to having connections with others but you and only you are responsible for fostering and harvesting those connections to grow and become deeply rooted over time. You and the other person(s) who want to connect must do your best to put your phones away and focus on connecting directly by following some or all of these tips I have suggesting especially keeping the phone out of sight and out of mind temporarily.

Flexing your willpower and retaining that ability to connect will make you a happier and a healthier person overall. Your attention span is likely to improve as well as your friendships and/or relationships. I also believe and the research would show that your anxiety, feelings of depression, or of loneliness will decrease the more time you spend connecting with a person in person instead of through a virtual network. This ability to retain deep connections with people is a profound struggle in this age of instant yet flighty connections.

There are easy ways to counteract this trend though by letting go of the temptation when possible, embracing the silence and the natural world, and by politely reminding the person(s) you are with how it is good social etiquette to give someone their undivided attention when you are together in a public place or setting. If you struggle or have a setback, do not beat yourself up too much about it. Keep doing your best, lessen your use of your phone in the first place, and let the people in your life know how much they mean to you by giving them more of your attention and your love.