rejection – The Life and Times of Ben Weinberg

Rejection is never enjoyable nor is it pleasant. It is something you always want to forget immediately and to bury it in the recesses of your brain, never to be thought of or remembered again. However, like death and taxes, I truly believe rejection is an inevitable part of life and it happens to everyone. We can never go through life being accepted for everything or being accepted by everyone. Because rejection is so much a part of our life, it is better to face it head on rather than try to hide from it or ignore it completely.

We never really like to address rejection or talk about when they happen. We often feel that reflects who we are rather than what the other person or job or opportunity is looking for. Sure, there are times where maybe we didn’t put the best foot forward or ace the interview or be able to show the best of ourselves to the person(s) considering us, but often, the rejection itself may be a factor of other circumstances beyond what kind of effort you put in or who you are as a person. Even if you get rejected, it’s not a wholesale rejection of who you are but rather there is incompatibility there to begin with or it just wasn’t going to work out in the long run.

It is very hard for us to predict what we will be accepted or rejected for. That fact makes it even more important for us to put ourselves out there even more because the more no’s you get, the likelier it is you’ll eventually get to the ‘yes.’ As the popular expression goes, “Practice makes perfect,” and I do believe it is necessary to face your rejections head on rather than to just get rejected once and then call it quits, never to go through it again. Giving up entirely should not be an option if you want it that badly and you should not be afraid to try again. Yes, rejection hurts and it stings for a while, but it is better for you to build your self-confidence up and shore up your self-esteem by trying than to go through life being afraid of it.

Getting used to rejection does not mean give up after getting the rejection. No, it means you must understand that rejections will happen but the more you try, the likelier it is you’ll find that job, that relationship, that big sale, etc. that you can be proud of after getting to that ‘yes.’ Being rejected is good for one’s ego in that it both keeps it in check and keeps you humble. Maybe you need to do things differently to get that acceptance or maybe work a bit harder or try something new after getting rejected.

You don’t give up, but you keep working at it, getting better, trying again, or even asking the person(s) who rejected you politely why the rejection happened. Asking about the rejection can be a bit sensitive but it doesn’t hurt to see why it wasn’t the right fit or place for you but if an answer isn’t forthcoming, you should just move on and try your efforts elsewhere.

I’m a New York Jets American football fan but I can’t help but think of the story about former New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady, when it comes to a story about rejection. Multiple NFL teams chose other quarterbacks ahead of this Hall of Fame player and 198 players went ahead of him in the draft. They essentially rejected him as a quarterback and didn’t think he had it in him to lead their team to a Super Bowl. I’m sure this would have hurt Tom Brady quite a bit waiting for his name to be called. Expecting to be drafted and waiting through 198 players before you in a draft would have that effect on anyone. I’m sure Tom was discouraged but eventually, the New England Patriots took a chance on him and drafted him 199^th in the sixth round.

This kind of rejection likely lit a fire under young Tom Brady especially when New England did not consider him at the time to be the kind of NFL quarterback and legend, he turned out to be. Tom did not let the rejection get to him from the other teams, but it motivated him even more to turn those rejections against those teams who did not think he was worth drafting. He worked harder than any other player on the roster, kept his body in better shape than any other quarterback, and put more time in the film room than many NFL veteran players.

The results speak for themselves today as Tom Brady is widely considered the greatest quarterback of all-time and won seven Super Bowl championships and multiple Most Valuable Player (MVP) awards during his 22-year career. Again, I wish the New York Jets had drafted him in the 1^st round so we would be talking about how great of a Jets quarterback he was but rejection by my team led to the Patriots getting him later in the sixth round.

I hope that anecdote about Tom Brady, the Patriots former quarterback, will be a lesson for us all on how rejection, while painful and disappointing, can spur us to still be successful and achieve our goals elsewhere. We all are going to get rejected for something whether it’s a job opportunity, making a sale for our company, asking that cute girl or guy for a date with you, or even not being picked to go on a work trip or getting chosen last for the local kickball team. The key is to take it in stride, move on to another opportunity, continue to work hard, improve, and prove the doubters wrong, and to never, ever give up.

Rather than hide from a rejection, be ready to embrace and learn from it. As a child, we don’t know any better when it comes to rejection because it’s so new to us and it hurts the most, but when you’re an adult or even teenager, you should be used to it by now and it should be something that you’re able to handle in a mature manner. It’s never easy but living your life in a way where you avoid it at all costs is neither productive nor healthy. Next time you get rejected, take a deep breath, ask yourself if you put your best effort forward, see where you might have gone wrong or ask for an answer if feasible, and keep moving on and don’t look back. Rejections should serve to motivate you to be better, do better, and keep striving forwards to reaching your goals and not letting rejection stop you in your tracks. Get used to rejection because it’s a part of life, but it’s not our whole life.

If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask! Whether I’m talking about at work, or school, or in relationships, you must be willing to speak up when it comes to creating or seeking new opportunities. Usually, no one is going to hand you anything and you’re going to have work for it but if you don’t seek out possibilities, you’ll never know whether the answer is going to be ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ There’s nothing to lose when it comes to pursuing your goals in life and in putting yourself out there.

As a big fan of popular movies, there is one line from the film, ‘The Departed’, given by actor Jack Nicholson’s character, Frank Costello, a cynical mobster turned FBI informant, about how in life, “no one gives it to you…you have to take it.” While I understand that I’m referring to a mob movie here with horrible people as the main characters, the point still stands that in life, you must go after what you want and assume that no one is going to give it to you. There will be a few times where your work will be rewarded, and you will receive some praise and even adulation for what you did. However, there will also be times where you must apply for that job or university spot, seek out that big promotion, volunteer for that promising opportunity, take the entrance exam, or study that foreign language.

There will always be a 0% chance of something happening for you unless you open your mouth and make the words come out. You give yourself a possible chance just by asking for it (nicely, of course). Whereas before you would have a zero chance because you haven’t sought out the opportunity or made your interest known, now you have anywhere as good from a 1% chance to a 100% chance. Let your resume, repertoire, resilience, and other attributes speak for themselves when other people are evaluating your abilities and qualifications but that only will get you so far if you don’t strike up the courage to ask for it.

Also, do not be discouraged if the answer is ‘no.’ Rejection is going to come more often than being told ‘yes’ and that is going to happen throughout your life. You have to be comfortable with being told ‘no’ and get used to it. Being rejected will only make hearing ‘yes’ that much sweeter and rewarding in the long run. Be bold and be brave but remember to only press the other person or people deciding your offer so far and to thank them for their consideration if that ‘no’ is final. Don’t let it hurt you or get you down but remember to keep pushing forward because eventually, if you work hard, are earnest in your intent, and believe in what you are doing, I do believe you will get to that ‘yes’ you are hoping to hear.

Being able to ask for anything is a key skill and if you propose the question and be comfortable with the answer whatever it may be, you will get far in life. Asking is integral especially for sales if your job entails that, for getting a relationship with the person you love, and for that promotion from your supervisor, who you may have to convince why you deserve it, but you do have to ask for it first. With any kind of result in life, you need to work for it, build your credentials up, and then ask for it. While we would like to think that our life’s work or our past experiences should speak for themselves, often, that will not be enough to get you past the goal line.

If you really want to get ahead and take yourself further with business, work, relationships, or just getting help from a stranger, you got to ask for it. If you take away anything from what I’m telling you is that it is much better to have asked, then not having asked at all. You never know until you make that ask and it’s better than living with the regret of having not asked in the first place. There will be ‘no’s and it will lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even sadness, but you will get to those ‘yes’s if you keep asking, keep trying, and keep doing the best you can in whatever you pursue.

Think also of how we only have one life to live, and I would personally rather live it with no or just a few regrets than having many regrets that take up all my mind space. Get comfortable with asking for what you want in life and don’t apologize for it if it was sincere. I think people will appreciate you going for what you want in the right way and being earnest about it. That kind of sincere approach will also help you get more ‘yes’s than ‘no’s too and help you stand out from other people asking. There is the related popular saying, “you never know until you try”, which I wholeheartedly agree with, especially for children and teenagers. However, when it comes to us in the adult world, the saying I like to leave you with is also true in that “you never know until you ask.”