Tag: regrets

Don’t Let Past Regrets Steal Your Present

“Life is short and there’s no use in focusing on your regrets and how life could have been different. You must make peace with the past even if it was disappointing, sad, or regrettable.”

It can be tempting, especially as you get older, to think about what could have been or ask, “what if?” But dwelling on the past can prevent us from fully appreciating the present and building the future we still have ahead of us. It cannot be changed, it happened as it happened, and to waste your present time on what’s happened is a waste of time. Life is short and there’s no use in focusing on your regrets and how life could have been different. You must make peace with the past even if it was disappointing, sad, or regrettable.

Instead, try to learn from what went wrong or what didn’t happen and take that information to make a better future for yourself. Take lessons from the past so you won’t have to repeat the same mistakes repeatedly to hurt your possible future. Maybe there was a sport that you didn’t try hard enough at, a class at school you didn’t take seriously enough, or a relationship that didn’t last as long as you wanted; it does no good to wonder how it could have gone wrong and rather focus on how to be better for having experienced it.

You never want to be on your death bed obsessing over your past regrets. You have to be able to forgive yourself and even the other person(s) involved, or you will never know true peace of mind. Everyone has regrets and wishes how things could have been different but none of us are time travelers. To move forward with your future, you must make peace with your past. It is a much better use of our limited time here on Earth to concentrate on making the most of the time that is given to you, being good to others, working to bring some sense of meaning to this life we’ve been given, and reflecting on not just the bad but what was good and right with your past.

You should spend as much time, if not more time, on the good times and the memories that bring a smile or a laugh to you when you reflect on them instead. You should give more weight to what you’re grateful for and what you’re glad has transpired in your life. We spend too much time focusing on what we lack rather than what we have. Everybody can look back at some point in their life and have a bit of satisfaction with an accomplishment or a goal they achieved, no matter how small it was in the grand scheme of things. It’s not easy to find contentment when your regrets creep in but it’s not that hard to find satisfaction with what happened instead of remorse or regret in your past.

The opposite of living with regret isn’t pretending we made perfect choices in our lives. Instead, it’s about living with gratitude for what we had or what we were given. As cliché as the saying goes, you have to accept what you cannot change and be wise enough to know the difference. Regardless of whether you are 15, 30, 50, or 90 years old, shifting your attention from what might have been to what still can be in your life is very important. Being able to focus primarily on gratitude rather than regret will help you make the most of the time you have left and fuel your purpose in the remaining years you’ve been given.

There is time left to write meaningful chapters if you’re still breathing and still conscious. Yes, some doors can be shut but other doors will open instead. Ruminating endlessly on the past will close all the doors that remain open to you and prevent true growth from happening. If you’re focused endlessly on a past relationship that ended, a bad boss who prevented your career from advancing, or a family member you had a prior falling out with, you won’t be able to focus on the next relationship, the next job opportunity, or mending ties with those closest to you because you couldn’t let go of your past grievances.

Remember to live your life in such a way that today’s choices become tomorrow’s cherished memories instead of tomorrow’s regrets. One day, your life will become a collection of thousands of memories, both good and bad, so make sure you’re still creating the ones you’ll be proud to look back on.

You Never Know Until You Ask

“If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask!”

If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask! Whether I’m talking about at work, or school, or in relationships, you must be willing to speak up when it comes to creating or seeking new opportunities. Usually, no one is going to hand you anything and you’re going to have work for it but if you don’t seek out possibilities, you’ll never know whether the answer is going to be ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ There’s nothing to lose when it comes to pursuing your goals in life and in putting yourself out there.

As a big fan of popular movies, there is one line from the film, ‘The Departed’, given by actor Jack Nicholson’s character, Frank Costello, a cynical mobster turned FBI informant, about how in life, “no one gives it to you…you have to take it.” While I understand that I’m referring to a mob movie here with horrible people as the main characters, the point still stands that in life, you must go after what you want and assume that no one is going to give it to you. There will be a few times where your work will be rewarded, and you will receive some praise and even adulation for what you did. However, there will also be times where you must apply for that job or university spot, seek out that big promotion, volunteer for that promising opportunity, take the entrance exam, or study that foreign language.

There will always be a 0% chance of something happening for you unless you open your mouth and make the words come out. You give yourself a possible chance just by asking for it (nicely, of course). Whereas before you would have a zero chance because you haven’t sought out the opportunity or made your interest known, now you have anywhere as good from a 1% chance to a 100% chance. Let your resume, repertoire, resilience, and other attributes speak for themselves when other people are evaluating your abilities and qualifications but that only will get you so far if you don’t strike up the courage to ask for it.

Also, do not be discouraged if the answer is ‘no.’ Rejection is going to come more often than being told ‘yes’ and that is going to happen throughout your life. You have to be comfortable with being told ‘no’ and get used to it. Being rejected will only make hearing ‘yes’ that much sweeter and rewarding in the long run. Be bold and be brave but remember to only press the other person or people deciding your offer so far and to thank them for their consideration if that ‘no’ is final. Don’t let it hurt you or get you down but remember to keep pushing forward because eventually, if you work hard, are earnest in your intent, and believe in what you are doing, I do believe you will get to that ‘yes’ you are hoping to hear.

Being able to ask for anything is a key skill and if you propose the question and be comfortable with the answer whatever it may be, you will get far in life. Asking is integral especially for sales if your job entails that, for getting a relationship with the person you love, and for that promotion from your supervisor, who you may have to convince why you deserve it, but you do have to ask for it first. With any kind of result in life, you need to work for it, build your credentials up, and then ask for it. While we would like to think that our life’s work or our past experiences should speak for themselves, often, that will not be enough to get you past the goal line.

If you really want to get ahead and take yourself further with business, work, relationships, or just getting help from a stranger, you got to ask for it. If you take away anything from what I’m telling you is that it is much better to have asked, then not having asked at all. You never know until you make that ask and it’s better than living with the regret of having not asked in the first place. There will be ‘no’s and it will lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even sadness, but you will get to those ‘yes’s if you keep asking, keep trying, and keep doing the best you can in whatever you pursue.

Think also of how we only have one life to live, and I would personally rather live it with no or just a few regrets than having many regrets that take up all my mind space. Get comfortable with asking for what you want in life and don’t apologize for it if it was sincere. I think people will appreciate you going for what you want in the right way and being earnest about it. That kind of sincere approach will also help you get more ‘yes’s than ‘no’s too and help you stand out from other people asking. There is the related popular saying, “you never know until you try”, which I wholeheartedly agree with, especially for children and teenagers. However, when it comes to us in the adult world, the saying I like to leave you with is also true in that “you never know until you ask.”