Four Days in São Paulo (A Travel Guide)

“While it may not have the beaches of Rio de Janeiro or the musical and rhythmic vibes of Salvador, Sao Paulo is well worth at least a couple of days of your time when you visit Brazil.”

The largest city in Brazil by population and by size has a tendency to be overlooked by tourists around the world. While it may not have the beaches of Rio de Janeiro or the musical and rhythmic vibes of Salvador, Sao Paulo is well worth at least a couple of days of your time when you visit Brazil. Not only does it have a storied history of immigration from other parts of the world such as Italy and Japan in the 18th and 19th centuries, which does continue to this day, There are also a number of museums and cultural exhibits to check out to learn more about the city’s history and its locals.

However, if you only have four days in Sao Paulo, longer than a layover but shorter than an actual vacation, it is a great place to get away if you want to experience a big and cosmopolitan city on a reasonable budget. It is easy to get around the metropolis due to its affordable metro system ($1) or its bus system, which covers every major neighborhood. As I mentioned, Sao Paulo is probably the most diverse food city in Brazil with cuisines from all over the world being represented. While I am originally from New York, I would rank the Pizza in Sao Paulo up there with my home state and even up there with the pizza I had in Italy. If you have a long weekend, Sao Paulo is the place to go for both cuisine and culture.

Day #1

If you’re flying there from North or Central America to Sao Paulo / Guarulhos International Airport, you’ll likely have the whole morning and afternoon to head to your hotel in the city, drop your bags off, and check-in to your room if possible. You’ll likely be quite hungry but not so jetlagged that you can’t enjoy your first day in Sao Paulo. For a good bite to eat and to check out some of the exotic fruit offerings that Brazil has to offer, let’s start by checking out the Municipal Market (Mercado Municipal) in the center of the city.

The Mercado Municipal is particularly known for its huge mortadella and cheese sandwiches, which can be as big as someone’s face. Along with the ‘bolinho de bacalhau’ (salt cod croquettes), you’ll be in heaven after the long flight. Wash it all down with a nice cold beer in a small glass (chopp) or a nice freshly made juice and you will be feeling ready to go for the rest of your first day. Personally, I recommend going to the Bar do Mane, which is on the bottom floor of the huge market. It might take you some time to find it, but it has the best sandwiches, according to the local gossip and the service was quite quick.

Depending on where you’re staying, it shouldn’t be too long of an Uber or taxi ride over to the famous Museum of Football (Museo do Futebol), open from Tuesdays to Sundays with visiting hours open until 6 PM each day. Tickets are about $4 USD and it is perhaps the coolest museum in the city. Located in the upscale Pacaembu neighborhood inside of the Estadio Municipal Paulo Machado de Carvalho, this unique museum will tell you all you need to know about the history of the beautiful game in Brazil. From the origins of football in Brazil to historical spotlights on Brazilian legends like Pele and Ronaldinho to displaying signed jerseys of Marta, Brazil’s best female football player, the museum is a wealth of football knowledge and information. You will also learn some Portuguese sayings for football rules and regulations as if that wasn’t enough.

The museum is easy to walk through and you only need about two to three hours there to cap off a great afternoon. Most of the museum exhibit is in English, but you may need to rely on your audio guide to hear in English or another language to describe what you are seeing. Capping off a great tour is being able to check out the views from the stands of the actual football stadium that the museum is based in. On a clear day, you can see some of the Sao Paulo skyline and also see some preparations being made if there is a match going on later that night since the stadium is still being used for club-level games now and then.

Now, your mouth may have been watering from my writing about the Pizza in Sao Paulo, so I am going to give you some good advice on where to go for some of the best pizza in the city. It’s not too far away from the football museum so you can head straight there or maybe relax in your hotel in Pinheiros, Jardins, or Villa Olimpia for an hour or so to take a nap, shower, and get ready for the evening.

Now, there are a number of different locations, but Braz Pizzaria is not a typical chain at all. I recommend the location in Higienopolis since it is within walking distance from Pacaembu where the museum is or close to the metro if you don’t need to go back to your hotel first. With a nice ambience, friendly service, and the feeling that you only get when you’re in legitimate pizza joint, Braz is a great place for good portions and delicious pizza.

Beyond just Pizza, I recommend the pepperoni bread to start off with, a bottle of wine (even if you’re dining alone), and the Caprese pizza is a good choice for the main dish. The pizzas are served in a small or large size and if you’re used to eating with your hands in your country, in Brazil, that’s rather a bit of a taboo! Pizza slices are served to the customer by the server and you are encouraged politely to use a fork and a knife to cut and eat the pizza. As a New Yorker who takes pride in my folding and hand-using skills for pizza slices, this was a bit of a shock but as they say ad-libbing, “When in Sao Paulo, do as the Paulistanos do!”

Your 1st day in Sao Paulo was a massive success and maybe you want to head out for the night. I would recommend saving up your energy for tomorrow instead. Pay your pizza bill, head back to the hotel, and rest up. Your next few days will be both busy yet enjoyable and don’t worry, you will have a caipirinha soon, I promise you.

Day #2

You wake up after resting well and having had a full night’s sleep. You’re ready to enjoy your 2nd day in Sao Paulo. Let’s get a good breakfast first at my favorite bakery in Sao Paulo: The Padaria Boulevard (Bakery Boulevard), which is close to the Higienopolis metro station and has a great selection of cakes, pastries, eggs, sausage as well as a great assortment of juices to choose from including acai, my personal favorite of them all. I highly recommend getting a nice sandwich or a hamburger too if it’s later on in the morning or early afternoon.

If you want to instead stay close to Avenida Paulista (Paulista Avenue), which is closer to downtown, a great backup choice for breakfast is the Padaria Bella Paulista, which is a lot bigger place, has a huge selection, and has an unlimited breakfast / brunch option for about 45-50 Brazilian Reais. Also, it’s close to the metro and is great if you have a big group of friends or family with you on your trip. If you’re traveling solo, I think Padaria Boulevard is a good option to choose instead.

Now that you have a full belly, walk it off by going onto the famous Avenida Paulista to walk off some of those calories. This famous avenue is known around the world and is the financial center of Brazil. Most comparable to Times Square in New York City or Istikal Caddesi in Istanbul, Avenida Paulista has numerous shops, restaurants, and museums to tide you over for a few hours. I recommend stopping by a juice bar if you get thirsty, but the 2.5 kilometer walk from end to end is a great way to get accustomed to the hustle and bustle of the Paulista capital.

Some of the best views of Sao Paulo are from the Mirante (Lookout point) at the top of the SESC Paulista building not too far from the Brigadeiro metro station. Going earlier in the afternoon means it’s going to be less crowded at the lookout point but the view of the entire megalopolis at sunset is breathtaking and well worth a try. If you can swing it, you can also have a coffee and a snack there after you’re done taking pictures and checking out the amazing view.

Continuing on with this day’s theme of Paulistano must-sees, there are some great museums on the avenue such as Japan House:A cool cultural center with different exhibits on Japanese architecture, culture, and history; this attraction is a great way to spend some time. You can also browse the bookstore with books on Japanese cooking and culture. I would not forget to drink some Matcha tea at the café and have some Matcha cake too which is delicious. Just a few blocks down the avenue is the Sao Paulo Museum of Art or MASP, which has a renowned collection of portraits, paintings, and impressionist art from around the world.

While this museum is not in the same league as the French Louvre or the British Museum, the collection is formidable, the ambience is quite nice, and you can definitely spend at least two hours here enjoying the art. Another hidden gem of a museum which you can substitute for MASP is the Pinacoteca museum, very close to the heart of the city, and near to Luz metro station. If you are looking to learn more about Brazilian art and culture, the Pinacoteca has the best collection for it in the whole city. You can also spend a few hours there without any issue.

With the sun starting to go down, it’s time to unwind a bit while still enjoying the early evening. It’s time for you, dear traveler, to have a nice caipirinha and enjoy some of Sao Paulo’s famous street murals. The Beco do Batman (Batman’s Alley) is a really cool area in the neighborhood of Vila Madalena where local street artists create amazing building-sized urban art murals reflecting on current events, politics, sports and even comic books. Strolling down these streets with a caipirinha in hand or even at an outdoors bar with deck chairs is a nice way to wind down your day after a lot of sightseeing.

Before you head back to your accommodation, it’s dinner time. Let’s keep it light after a big breakfast but I am going to suggest the Z Delicatessen just a few blocks away from the street murals. Owing its existence to both eclectic hipster tastes in Jewish food and the city’s immigration history with the Jewish community in Sao Paulo being among the largest in all of Brazil and South America, this deli’s pastrami fries are exquisite, and the deli sandwiches are well worth the menu price. I would recommend taking an Uber or a taxi back to end the night because you’ve earned after walking a number of kilometers throughout your 2nd day.

Day #3

Hopefully, you were able to get a good night’s rest after a long Day 2 in Sampa. I am going to take it easy on you in Day 3 and you’re also going to eat well. Let’s start the day off by heading to the Japanese district of Liberdade, my favorite neighborhood in all of Sao Paulo. There is an excellent outdoor food market as well as crafts fair going on each Saturday so if you can make it here on Day 3 and it’s a Saturday, please go to Liberdade. You can enjoy different foods like Yakisoba (stir fry noodles), Nikuman (steamed pork buns), or some fried pastels from one of the many food stands.

This neighborhood buzzes on the weekend and it’s a lot of fun to walk around, perhaps buy a souvenir, or even snap a few photos. The vendors are friendly and not too pushy. You’ll enjoy going to some of the Japanese or Asian grocery stores as well to check out some of the imported products and food stuffs for sale. Liberdade has its own metro stop on the blue line and is not too far from the center of the city.

Having gotten your breakfast on the go and maybe having bought a gift for your loved one, it’s time to spend a few hours at the biggest park in Sao Paulo: Parque Ibirapuera. With stunning sightlines, nice picnic areas, and quite a few museums, Ibirapuera is an oasis of calm in a hectic city. While not very accessible by metro, a quick uber or taxi ride from Liberdade makes it a pretty reasonable trip pricewise.

I would walk around, snap some photos, maybe check out the Museum Afro Brazil or the Planetario do Ibirapuera. You can’t go wrong with buying a coconut water from a nice vendor and getting some exercise in by walking through the huge park. If you have a soccer ball with you, kick it around. I also recommend bringing a towel or a blanket if you have one and catching some sun as well while you think about your next stop. Personally, I like to go at an easy pace when I travel for four days so it’s good to have a day in the park where you’re not rushing around. A park is also a great place to maybe meet some locals, join a soccer game, or even do some reading.

Now, you’ve definitely worked up an appetite for dinner and it’s Saturday night, do you know how lucky you are? I hope you are ready because it’s time for Feijoada. The Brazilian national food dish is mouth-watering, scrumptious, and so delightful. I miss it a lot now that I am away from Brazil. It is prepared around the Portuguese-speaking world, but the Brazilians go all out in preparing it. Primarily, it is a stew of black beans with beef and pork, but you are also adding rice, fried kale (couve), along with some sweet plantains (bananas).

To cleanse your palate, the restaurant will also offer you some orange slices to help with the digestion. It is an amazing dish and I personally like the Star City Restaurant in Santa Cecilia, which has been serving feijoada and other dishes from the region of Minas Gerais since 1953. There are dozens of options to choose from for having Feijoada on a weekend in Sao Paulo, so it depends on how far or close you want to go. I do recommend having it before you leave Sao Paulo or even Brazil in general. I can definitely say you have not experienced Brazil until you have eaten feijoada once or even twice if you’re a big eater like I am.

Before we close out Day 3, I want to mention a wild card option before you head back to the hotel. If you’re visiting in-season, please do consider checking out a Brazilian football match as Sao Paulo is host to three teams competing in the national league. Whether it is Corinthians, Sao Paulo FC, or Palmeiras, you cannot go wrong with buying a ticket for yourself to check out an amazing atmosphere and seeing some amazing football players show off their skills. If you have had too much Feijoada though, it may be best to watch a game that night at a local bar where you can have another caipirinha or a cold bottle of beer. Saude! (Cheers!)

Day 4

Your trip to Sao Paulo is coming to an end today but you can still make the most of your 12 hours in the city before your flight leaves in the mid-afternoon or in the evening. I highly recommend checking out one of the best coffee shops in the city: Coffee Lab, which sources its coffee from all over Brazil and whose pastries and desserts are also phenomenal. Whether you are a fan of drip coffee or of a nice cold Frappuccino, Coffee Lab has some of the best coffee and you can even take some home with you as they do sell their coffee beans in bags where you can see both the highlighted aroma of the coffee itself, and where in Brazil the coffee beans came from.

If you are still craving a last-minute museum, I would recommend the Museum of Japanese Immigration, which is also in Liberdade and only takes about two hours to get through and is highly educational. Continuing with museum options about immigration, though I never made it there, I have heard good things about the Museum of Immigration of the State of Sao Paulo to get a full overview of the history of immigration in the city and the state. Millions of immigrants have made Sao Paulo their home and the museum does a good job of highlighting all of the different groups who came over and for what reasons.

Now, before you head off to Guarulhos, if you’re still hungry and prefer a full meal than the airport food court or the airplane food later on, I seriously recommend taking a taxi for a late afternoon visit to the churrascaria. Unlimited meats, an open salad and pasta bar, and dessert offerings, what’s there not to like? Similar to feijoada places in Brazil, churrascarias can be found all over Sao Paulo but I am definitely going to recommend Angelica Grill in Higienopolis, which is open not just at night but in afternoon too, which is perfect before you head on your flight. Don’t be afraid of the chicken hearts, go for the picanha piece of beef, and remember to not overdo it at the salad bar and it will be a great send off for an amazing four days in Sao Paulo!

Remember to follow these recommendations as you see fit but a lot of these places are ones that I grew fond of during my time in Sao Paulo. I hope that your visit brings you much enjoyment and joy as a tourist and a traveler. Boa sorte! (Good luck!) and Aproveite! (Enjoy!)

Boat Ride to Isla Taboga

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Taboga Island, Panama

Parque Nacional Soberanía

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Soberania National Park; Las Cumbres, Panama

The Panama Canal

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: The Panama Canal – Historic Locks and Visitor Center; Panama City, Panama

English Corner – Using Prefixes -Un, -In, -Il to Begin Words

“Unbeknownst to most English learners, the English language has multiple ways of changing a word’s meaning just by adding a few letters to the beginning of the word itself.”

When you are looking to improve your English vocabulary by knowing how to create a negative or neutral meaning, you should consider the usage of changing words by adding -Un, -In, -Il to the beginning of each word to change the actual meaning of it. Unbeknownst to most English learners, the English language has multiple ways of changing a word’s meaning just by adding a few letters to the beginning of the word itself.

In this ‘English Corner’ post, I am going to go over specific examples of how to change these words and their meaning with -Un, -In, -Il although there are other ways to do that. I’ll save more of these word beginnings for another article but let’s get started with these three I’ve listed above.

To get started, let us look at -Un to change English words. There are several words that adding -un to the beginning of would change how we see that particular word. Here below I will list a few words that -un can be added to and how the meaning of the word changes as a result.

  • Unequal (Not equal, not the same)
  • Unavailable (Not available, not ready, not accessible)
  • Untamed (Not controllable, too wild, or crazy)
  • Unimaginable (Not to be imagined, not possible)
  • Unbelievable (Defies belief, similar to Unreal)

As you can see from the examples provided, putting -Un in front of the words listed negated things being equal, people being available, animals being tamed, events being believed, etc. If you look at -Un, it is often negative or neutral in its connotation. There are also a lot of similarities between words like Unreal, Unimaginable, Unbelievable, etc. so you can be sure that you can use -Un before multiple words and have the meaning be similar or the same even if the rest of the word is different.

Let’s continue with another word beginner known as -In, which is more neutral than negative but is not at all positive in terms of its total word when you add it as a syllable to beginning of any word. To use a quick example, adding -In to ‘different’ would make the actual meaning to indicate that you are neutral or not caring about one outcome or another. If you are indifferent to someone or something, then you are neutral to that someone or something and could care less about what is going on for the rest of that sentence or expression.

This tends to be the case with other words that start with -In as well and I will point out each of their meanings to be similar in terms of overall neutrality or indifference below in the list for -In words.

  • Inarticulate (Unable to be understood, confusing)
  • Inhospitable (Not comfortable, lack of good accommodations)
  • Intolerant (Not fair to others, prejudiced, not accepting)
  • Indisposed (Not available, out of commission or service)
  • Insupportable (Not able to provide justification, lack of support or effort given)

Given these examples for -In, you can see that a lot of the words are not just neutral but also negative as well. -Un words tend to be wholly negative in almost all definitions while -In words tend to be a mix of neutral and/or negative in their meanings. Still, being able to add an -In to ‘supportable’, ‘tolerant’ ‘hospitable’ will make your vocabulary that much better by being able to know the difference in English with how to make a word become negative if needed rather than just positive in its meaning when you consider the meanings of words such as ‘tolerant’, ‘supportable’ or ‘hospitable.’

Lastly, while -In and -Un are similar, you cannot make up words where you change the -In for -Un or vice versa. If you change them, they will not be grammatically correct even if the meaning does not change. You must be sure that you do not put an -Un in front of ‘Articulate’ by accident or a ‘In’ in front of ‘Imaginable.’ To master this kind of vocabulary, you should encourage yourself to make a list of English words that begin specifically with -In as well as words that specifically begin with -Un too to not make silly mistakes when it comes time to write them in sentence or use them in conversation.

To finish off with the last of the word beginners, -Il is a commonly used one similar to -In or -Un to negate a word or convey a serious issue or problem that can arise before the main word itself. For example, ‘legal’ means something in society is permissible and can be done without error or penalty. If you put an ‘Il’ in front of that word, then you are forbidden to take that action or do that thing in society, or you will face the consequences if you are found to be guilty of that action. ‘Illegal’ means what is not permissible by law while ‘Legal’ is the opposite in that it is an action that is permitted by the society in question, and which does not carry any punishment such as a fine or imprisonment.

Let us look at other examples where ‘Il’ when placed at the beginning of an English word has a similar effect that ‘Illegal’ would have when it is placed together.

  • Illegitimate (not authorized by law or not in agreement with rules or standards)
  • Illiterate (Not able to read or understand how to write)
  • Illogical (Not comprehensible, without logic or reason)
  • Illusive (Not able to be captured, contained, or deceptive by nature)
  • Illiberal (Undemocratic, authoritative, unprogressive)

Not every word beginning with -Il will have a negative or neutral meaning but there are a lot of them which will change the meaning of the main word to have the opposite meaning after it is written. -Il, like -Un or -In, carries the weight of making words that much different just by changing the beginning of the word with those two letters.

For the average English learner, having lists of the vocabulary words that begin with either -un, -in, or -il is an important step towards improving your knowledge in this proficiency area. Once you understand how the meaning of the word(s) change as a result, you can then be able to use it yourself in a sentence, either spoken or written. Once you memorize the words, the meanings, and the context, you will be well on your way to becoming that much more proficiency in the English language. There are other word beginners to cover besides these three important ones so be sure to check out another article in the future, which will cover this topic within English vocabulary.

Loew Vineyards

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Mount Airy, Maryland, United States

Ellis Island and The Statue of Liberty

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Ellis Island and The Statue of Liberty; New York, New York, United States

Don’t Let Little Transgressions Become Big Issues

“I would also extend to calling out those transgressions where someone is trying to take advantage of you or doing something illegal or unjust when they know it’s wrong but refuse to do anything about it.”

It can be difficult to step in when it comes to witnessing someone commit a transgression, which goes against societal norms and values. A transgression is an act, often small or basic in nature, that goes against a rule, law, code of conduct and causes offense to others in the society. While you may witness these transgressions as a bystander, you have it within your rights to call it out when you see it within reason. While I am not an advocate for self-policing and calling out random strangers for bad behavior, I do believe that it should be allowed especially in matters of public health and/or safety.

I would also extend to calling out those transgressions where someone is trying to take advantage of you or doing something illegal or unjust when they know it’s wrong but refuse to do anything about it. To give you some basic examples, if you are living in a city or a town and see somebody littering or throwing trash on the ground in front of you, I believe it’s worth calling them out for doing it because your tax dollars are going towards maintaining the cleanliness of your community and for hiring those local employees who help keep the streets clean.

The person causing the offense must be held accountable or at least giving a stern reprimand because while they may think they get away with it, everybody including yourself witnessing it is paying for it in extra tax money or effort to pick that trash up later. When you call out a transgression, be stern, make your point, and move on. It does not do any good to escalate directly with that person since you’re not enforcing the law yourself as your duty but rather express your concern as an ordinary citizen.

Other transgressions that come to mind include not picking up after your pet when they do their daily business, which you should call the person out for if you witness it and to report it after privately if you know where the transgression occurred. Also, another increasingly common one in certain cities is to see a group or a few individuals shoplifting and if you see this serious transgression, let a store person know to apprehend them or even call the police who can catch the individuals if the store or place has cameras.

You must keep your eye out for these kinds of transgressions because if there are no consequences for acts like littering, trespassing, not picking up after your pet, shoplifting, etc. which can result in heavy fines and even mandatory community service, those offenders will feel more emboldened to continue doing so and even commit even more violations of the laws and rules that our society is built on. If some people are abusing these basic morals and values with their transgressions, no matter how small they are, they must be held accountable for them in some form or another.

Think of our society as pillars holding the foundation together that binds us all under the same rules, laws, regulations no matter who we are. When one of those pillars starts to falter, in this case, being when little transgressions go without reprimand or punishment, it can start to crumble the entire foundation and weaken the other pillars as well. When these violators cause infractions and don’t get a stern slap on the wrist or a scolding at least, then they will be emboldened to do it again or even commit worse offenses, which we should be mindful of as a society.

The COVID-19 pandemic made me think about these small transgressions especially when you’re abiding by a mandate on public transportation, for example, and others refuse to abide by the mandate, and for which is not being enforced. When you follow the temporary mandate especially in a bus or on a train and others don’t, it does create a sense of entitlement to for those people who think they are above the rules and that the mandate should not apply to them even when it is a ‘mandate.’ I often ignored those people who would not abide by the mandate but there was one instance where I had to say something when the only people not wearing a face mask on the bus were sitting next to me and it was an entire family. They were oblivious to the fact that everyone else on the bus had a mask on at the time and even the driver had one on. This was before the vaccines were being distributed.

I would rather the bus driver had enforced the mandate himself but if you’re sitting next to me without a mask and I’m abiding by it, I don’t want my health to be put at risk by your lack of acquiescence. It was the only time I spoke out about it to a group of people as it puts you in an awkward spot but when it comes to public health, mask mandates on a bus, train, or a plane at the time should be the same for everybody especially when 90-95% care enough to abide by the temporary measure.

Unfortunately, those who impose the mandates are not able or willing to enforce them, which is doubly annoying for those people who abided by them each time and yet had to see other people flaunt the rules like it was no big deal without being held accountable for it. This kind of transgression is particularly disturbing when you realize that it could have public health consequences and those who set up such a mandate to begin with lacked the follow through or the care to enforce such a mandate making it rather useless and abusable.

Another transgression I’ve noticed is some people jumping the fare gate at the metro system or going in right behind someone who has paid their fare ahead of them and not paying it because they sneak in before the gate closes. That situation happened to me as I paid my fare to enter the metro station and go down to the train like any usual trip and there was a young guy behind me who bumped up right behind me and invaded my personal space. I noticed he came in right behind as I paid the fare and the gate opened for me. I also noted how he didn’t pay the fare since he wanted to use mine without paying his own way. I was mad about this to the point that I sternly reprimanded him and told him that he was abusing the system by not paying his fare like the rest of us.

He made a lame excuse in saying that he was in a rush and had to catch the next train. I kept my cool but informed him sternly that was not an excuse to not pay his fare and that some of us pay taxes and the fares each time to keep the system running well. The offender didn’t get it, of course, and weaseled his way onto the next train and I kept my distance from him. Sadly, he is a violator of the metro system like others who feel like they can jump the gate or not pay by bumping up against someone like me who pays each time.

These hooligans who do it unfortunately don’t get fined or reprimanded by the metro system officials very often, if at all, which is quite unfortunate and even detrimental to the larger society. When fare-beaters and anti-maskers get away with breaking the rules without consequences, it makes the rest of us sad that we are carrying all the weight for them, and they are mooching off the system based on mutual trust, benefit, and adherence.

As I mentioned earlier in the article, the rules and laws are meant for everyone and when the smaller ones are abused or not followed, these transgressions can lead to bigger issues in the general society. It leads to a lack of trust, a breakdown in norms, and an inability to keep track of how many people are abusing the basic laws and standards that keep the society running well. It erodes the pillars over time that keep the foundation of our shared society afloat. I’m not arguing for self-policing since that tends to not solve anything, but we need stricter enforcement for everyone to avoid these little transgressions, so they don’t lead to bigger problems that form later for all of us when the accountability and transparency is gone.

Being The Bigger Person

“If you are not direct with someone about the issue and decide to go behind their back, they may think less of you and to not apologize or at least make the effort to because they will be surprised that there was even an issue to begin with.”

Sadly, some people never grow out of the ‘high school’ or ‘college’ phase of their lives. They become accustomed to gossiping or making conjecture about other people behind their backs and without their knowledge. This is often childish behavior and should be called out as such. If you have a problem or an issue with someone, you should address it in a mature manner, and directly if feasible as an adult. To not do so and to opt to gossip or slander someone’s reputation, even if justified, can often make the situation worse, not better.

There’s nothing wrong with speaking out about a kind of grievance or a specific problem you may have with another person but to do so in terms of gossip or hearsay is wrong. When you decide to ‘go through the grapevine’, it can often insult the person on top of the problem you already have with them and cause the problems to escalate rather than to be solved. If you are not direct with someone about the issue and decide to go behind their back, they may think less of you and to not apologize or at least make the effort to because they will be surprised that there was even an issue to begin with.

If the issue is valid and there is a real concern there, the best way to do it as adults is directly or with a third party directly involved to the ease the tension. If you go through a third party or a third person and then the person you have an issue with hears about it from them, I tend to think that will make them think less of you for having told a third person or party about the problem rather than going to that third party and to you at the same time. To do so professionally can cause problems but to do so in your personal life in the wrong manner can rupture a friendship or a family tie even worse.

When it comes to interpersonal relations, if someone has an issue with you, justly or unjustly, you should always advocate for that issue to be worked on directly whether with just the two parties involved or with a third party, who is supposed to be neutral in weighing the arguments or grievances from both parties. When you have someone as a third party who only hears one side of the story and then already makes a judgment without consideration of the other person’s perspective or viewpoint, then that is also a cause for concern in alleviating the situation.

Indirect grievances or gripes, conveyed to a third party indirectly, with the person or people you have issue with not even hearing from you about it at all can cause further annoyance especially when they feel that their reputation or their livelihood is at risk. I am an advocate for direct communication as much as possible even when the matter at hand can cause offense. It is simply better for both parties to hear each other out and to see if a resolution can be had, especially with a third party as an intermediary who does not make a premature judgment before both persons can be heard fairly.

If one side is not playing fair and is distorting the truth or completely lying about you or what happened, you have the right to defend both your honor and your reputation. You should air your side of the story and make sure the truth is heard. You should not gossip in retaliation or spread falsehoods ever about that person to get even if they have lied or gossiped or spread slander about you. That is what ties into the notion of ‘being the bigger person’ in interpersonal relations. You should not look to score cheap points or to get even or to go down to their level.

You must rise above their childish or teenage behavior and to be the only adult in the room if it comes to that. People’s perception of you or of your reputation does matter a lot especially if you’re a leading member of a community, a state / region, or a country. Even if what you think is gossip or conjecture should not be taken seriously or with a ‘grain of salt’, other people may not take it the same way and your reputation will be harmed as a result. Indirect complaints or problems can often cause bigger issues to emerge because it creates a toxic atmosphere of distrust or ill will especially when one person’s side of the story is not being heard at all, or they can’t find a neutral third party to issue a conclusion or a verdict, or when they would prefer to deal with the problem or issue at hand directly.

It’s often harder to be the ‘bigger person’ in any dispute or issue because some folks want to commit childish actions because they know it will be popular to do so. As odious as ‘gossiping’ is, some adults never grow out of that stage and act like children still even if they are of middle age or even elderly. They want to bring you down to their level in a way and get you to do the same kind of indirect gossip and conjecture as they do, but you should avoid that at all costs.

If you can make a dispute directly with that person in return or find fault with their argument(s), make sure you find a neutral third party to hear you out especially if they heard from that other party without you even knowing. It’s important to not let your guard down in a dispute and protect your reputation to the best of your ability and use the truth and the facts to outweigh the gossip and the falsehoods you may encounter. Being the bigger person is never easy, but it will show to others that you are able to deal with criticism in a healthy and mature manner.

Overreacting by getting upset or using the same ill-advised gossip as they do is a recipe for disaster and for that one issue to lead to multiple other issues. Resolve any dispute or issue that you may find yourself in with the truth of the matter, the straight facts, and to deal with the other party directly. Do not rely upon hearing something suspect, through the ‘grapevine’ as some others prefer to do and accept it without any reservations or questions. Those who accept this kind of conjecture without any pushback or evidence or getting the facts from both sides shows that they may not have matured as much as they think even after having left their high school grounds or their college campus.

Marble Canyon

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Marble Canyon, Arizona, United States

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