Tag: mental health

If They Don’t Provide You with Peace, Don’t Indulge Them Further

“You must protect your time as much as possible, including who you decide to give it to or with whom you spend it. Time is a finite resource and it’s important to be a bit selfish with regards to who you give that time to.”

You must protect your time as much as possible, including who you decide to give it to or with whom you spend it. Time is a finite resource and it’s important to be a bit selfish with regards to who you give that time to. You have to be decisive in this part of life, especially as you get older. While it’s important to spend time with family, friends, or acquaintances outside of work or business, you should also be intentional about who receives your time and energy.

Life is hard enough as it is on its own without other people adding to your stress. Some friction is inevitable in any friendship or relationship and it’s important to work through it as responsible adults. However, the difference in when knowing not to indulge them further or cut ties with them is if every interaction or meetup leaves you feeling emotionally taxed or if they didn’t bring any positive impact to you all getting together. This is especially important when you’re thinking about being friends or a romantic partner with someone long-term. You want to leave them feeling better than you did when you first saw them or began seeing each other. If every interaction with them consistently leaves you emotionally drained, frustrated, or questioning why you continue giving this person your time, that’s worth paying attention to and trusting your instincts about whether to keep seeing them or not.

You don’t want to use that person as an emotional punching bag either to vent or to complain but you should be able to express yourself freely without judgment or needing to mask your emotions. We each do that enough during the day with strangers, with work colleagues, or in general. You should be able to be vulnerable and true to heart with someone who can provide you peace by listening to you, giving you real feedback and advice, or just being there when you’re going through both good times and bad times.

Peace, however, doesn’t necessarily mean convenience. Someone can provide you with peace because they are agreeable and never challenge you, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a good friend or romantic partner. A healthy relationship isn’t one where you always agree or never frustrate one another. In fact, someone can occasionally frustrate you, challenge your thinking, or even disagree with you and still be an incredibly valuable person in your life. The difference is how you handle those disagreements and how you feel about the relationship’s progression overall.

It may be worth asking yourself three simple questions when thinking about keeping the relationship going or letting it end on a good note: Can I be myself around this person? Can we disagree without disrespecting one another? And after spending time with them consistently, do I generally feel better or worse? Your answers to those questions can tell you a great deal about whether a friendship or a relationship provides genuine peace or simply avoiding conflict.

If you find that you’re not really getting along well with them consistently, maybe either or both of you have changed since you first got together, it may be useful to evaluate whether it’s worth moving forward with them in the future. Friendships and relationships often have a beginning and an end due to several factors and it’s important to end things honestly and on a good note, if possible. Just because they don’t provide you with peace or comfort anymore doesn’t mean there have to be bitter feelings at the end of it for both parties.

The main thing to keep in mind is that each time you get together, you can be open and honest with them while not being combative, dismissive, or confrontational for no discernible reason. Peace and harmony in any relationship or friendship is absolutely the minimum you should strive for and when it’s constantly not like that regardless of the frequency of getting together, you may need to either limit the interactions with that person or cut them off entirely.

There’s an oft-used statement that’s used for adults in that you must be willing to ‘protect your peace’ because the mental strain and emotional toll a bad friendship or a toxic relationship can have on you is never worth it. Sometimes, you have to distance yourself from someone not to punish them, but because continuing the relationship is no longer healthy for you. Perhaps you can forgive them and go back to the way things were, but you must also be willing to move on and not indulge them further with your valuable time or presence. Protecting your peace isn’t about expecting every relationship to be easy; it’s about recognizing when maintaining a relationship has become more harmful than healthy.

As we get older, part of growing up is realizing that not every relationship or friendship is meant to last forever. Some people are meant to accompany us for a season, teach us something, share an experience with us, and eventually move on. There doesn’t have to be hatred or resentment involved on either side. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do for yourself and ultimately for them is simply stop indulging in a relationship that no longer brings out the best in either of you.

The Hidden Harm of Toxic Positivity

“Toxic positivity often comes from a good place whether it’s a desire to encourage, comfort, or inspire. Yet, when optimism becomes an expectation rather than a choice, it can silence genuine emotions and leave people feeling isolated during life’s most difficult moments, personally or professionally.”

It’s good to stay positive in both professional and personal contexts, especially as being negative or pessimistic can be very isolating in American culture. I think of myself as a forward-looking person who likes to think things will eventually work out in the end and if not, at least you did your best to swing the outcome favorably. Being positive and ‘toxic positivity’ is very different though as there’s a clear difference between being positive all the time (toxic positivity) and being positive yet realistic. When you’re positive all the time and want others to do the same, you really gloss over the negatives of any situation and when real fixes need to be applied rather than brushed over.

When you’re hoping for a positive outcome, you need to understand clearly what the issue is, how to resolve it, and how to keep a realistic perspective on why that problem exists. Toxic positivity means never needing to acknowledge the problem at hand and can be easily compared to the ‘elephant in the room.’ Not only can this lead to individual issues but it can also affect larger organizations and institutions as a result.

Institutionally, it’s good to be optimistic and want everyone to be positive on how things are going, but if you’re constantly only thinking about what’s good and ignoring what’s bad or what could be improved and also not listening to the individuals pointing out the issues that could be fixed, the institution, whatever sector you’re in, will decline as a result. An after-effect of not acknowledging problems or even being allowed to voice them is that the ill effects of this attitude can spread where people end up being gaslit, silenced, or even isolated entirely causing the trust in the institution’s capacity to solve actual problems to suffer as a result.

Whether at an individual or larger level, you should be able to acknowledge the good and bad in every situation and be comfortable sharing it personally or professionally. It’s important to make sure you’re not too heavy in the positivity or the negativity but both sides must be shared for things to progress. If you’re constantly positive and not thinking about what could be improved or taken care of, nothing will change and small issues could become big ones if not addressed. The same goes for if you’re constantly negative and nitpicking every little thing, you won’t be able to foster cooperation or problem solving and end up hurting your reputation or your ability to deal with challenges or that of your organization in the future.

Being honest with yourself about what needs to change, am I responsible for what needs to be done, and how to think about the good and bad of any situation is key to being a full-fledged adult and having real introspection. The same can be said for any organization or institution looking to improve itself. If you are silencing dissent, aren’t transparent at all, and never solicit feedback from within the professional body you are apart of, things will end up much more negative as a result and problems will never get solved and likely lead to larger issues.

I’ve always thought that there is never going to be a perfect situation, result, or outcome individually or institutionally and that it’s important to acknowledge the positives while being clear about the negatives too. Sometimes, nothing can be done about a negative situation but it’s important to at least acknowledge that it exists instead of pretending that it doesn’t exist at all.

Personally, think of your own accountability in how you handle everyday situations when maybe you don’t do as well as on a test even though you passed it, you still could have done better and studied more. Yes, you may have gone to the gym once or twice a week and that’s a nice habit but perhaps you can do more still to improve your physical fitness. Professionally, is there a ‘lessons learned’ that you glean from a project or presentation on what went well and what could be improved for next time? Are you able to give feedback about your organization without worrying about what they’ll think of you, or will there be isolation because of expressing your views?

Toxic positivity often comes from a good place whether it’s a desire to encourage, comfort, or inspire. Yet, when optimism becomes an expectation rather than a choice, it can silence genuine emotions and leave people feeling isolated during life’s most difficult moments, personally or professionally. True positivity is not pretending that everything is fine all the time; it is having the courage to face reality while believing that better days are still possible.

By creating space for honesty, empathy, and authentic conversations, we build stronger relationships and healthier communities where people feel seen, heard, and supported. Sometimes the most powerful response isn’t offering a silver lining at all. It’s simply saying, “I’m here with you,” or “I understand where you’re coming from,” and giving someone the freedom to express both the highs and lows that make us human. After all, genuine compassion isn’t about replacing difficult emotions with positive ones, it’s about making sure no one has to face them alone.

Don’t Let Past Regrets Steal Your Present

“Life is short and there’s no use in focusing on your regrets and how life could have been different. You must make peace with the past even if it was disappointing, sad, or regrettable.”

It can be tempting, especially as you get older, to think about what could have been or ask, “what if?” But dwelling on the past can prevent us from fully appreciating the present and building the future we still have ahead of us. It cannot be changed, it happened as it happened, and to waste your present time on what’s happened is a waste of time. Life is short and there’s no use in focusing on your regrets and how life could have been different. You must make peace with the past even if it was disappointing, sad, or regrettable.

Instead, try to learn from what went wrong or what didn’t happen and take that information to make a better future for yourself. Take lessons from the past so you won’t have to repeat the same mistakes repeatedly to hurt your possible future. Maybe there was a sport that you didn’t try hard enough at, a class at school you didn’t take seriously enough, or a relationship that didn’t last as long as you wanted; it does no good to wonder how it could have gone wrong and rather focus on how to be better for having experienced it.

You never want to be on your death bed obsessing over your past regrets. You have to be able to forgive yourself and even the other person(s) involved, or you will never know true peace of mind. Everyone has regrets and wishes how things could have been different but none of us are time travelers. To move forward with your future, you must make peace with your past. It is a much better use of our limited time here on Earth to concentrate on making the most of the time that is given to you, being good to others, working to bring some sense of meaning to this life we’ve been given, and reflecting on not just the bad but what was good and right with your past.

You should spend as much time, if not more time, on the good times and the memories that bring a smile or a laugh to you when you reflect on them instead. You should give more weight to what you’re grateful for and what you’re glad has transpired in your life. We spend too much time focusing on what we lack rather than what we have. Everybody can look back at some point in their life and have a bit of satisfaction with an accomplishment or a goal they achieved, no matter how small it was in the grand scheme of things. It’s not easy to find contentment when your regrets creep in but it’s not that hard to find satisfaction with what happened instead of remorse or regret in your past.

The opposite of living with regret isn’t pretending we made perfect choices in our lives. Instead, it’s about living with gratitude for what we had or what we were given. As cliché as the saying goes, you have to accept what you cannot change and be wise enough to know the difference. Regardless of whether you are 15, 30, 50, or 90 years old, shifting your attention from what might have been to what still can be in your life is very important. Being able to focus primarily on gratitude rather than regret will help you make the most of the time you have left and fuel your purpose in the remaining years you’ve been given.

There is time left to write meaningful chapters if you’re still breathing and still conscious. Yes, some doors can be shut but other doors will open instead. Ruminating endlessly on the past will close all the doors that remain open to you and prevent true growth from happening. If you’re focused endlessly on a past relationship that ended, a bad boss who prevented your career from advancing, or a family member you had a prior falling out with, you won’t be able to focus on the next relationship, the next job opportunity, or mending ties with those closest to you because you couldn’t let go of your past grievances.

Remember to live your life in such a way that today’s choices become tomorrow’s cherished memories instead of tomorrow’s regrets. One day, your life will become a collection of thousands of memories, both good and bad, so make sure you’re still creating the ones you’ll be proud to look back on.

The Case for Silence in a Loud World

“For me, it’s rare to find places like that on the road where you can meditate, relax, and enjoy the surroundings.”

Recently, I was at a famous Japanese garden in Portland, Oregon, known for being the most authentic one outside of Japan, and it was as serene and peaceful as it could be. It was wonderful to experience such a physical space that was optimized for reflection and observation with how it is structured and organized. For me, it’s rare to find places like that on the road where you can meditate, relax, and enjoy the surroundings. To find a Japanese garden in the middle of Portland that made it feel like Kyoto or Sapporo was not what I was expecting. What would have made it even better though would have been for it to be a completely quiet zone for all visitors as the main rule.

You may be thinking that how would that make a difference? Well, it makes a huge difference to be able to enjoy the views, take in the sounds of nature, and observe more closely the koi fish and other wildlife who call the garden home. When you can focus more on enjoying such a beautiful garden, the last thing I want to hear as a solo traveler are other tourists talking about their recent surgery or angling to take the best selfie in front of a waterfall.

‘Quiet Zones’ in today’s America are increasingly rare and I find that rather unfortunate for our society. Whether it’s the beach where you sometimes need to pay the town or state to enjoy and still have to listen to another person’s music to the office where your colleague doesn’t bring headphones so everyone else can hear their conference call, there is a real lack of decorum or respect to lowering the noise level around us. Private places can do what they want in terms of the rules especially if they own the property but in public places or lands or modes of transport, having quiet areas would make a big difference to those of us who want that available option.

In my case, I do my best thinking and my best work when it’s quiet and I don’t believe I am alone in that. How different would things be for our society if quiet zones or places were an option to create, to reflect, to focus, without all the noisy distractions that keep us from doing what we do best? Whether it’s the beach, the airplane, the train, or just in your neighborhood, quiet hours really can do a lot of good, especially when you’re on a tight deadline or just are seeking some peace and time to reflect.

One example of how ‘quiet zones’ can work is on the Amtrak Northeast Regional train that can take you from Washington, DC up to Boston, Massachusetts over seven or so hours and on the Acela high speed rail option. As someone who rides these two trains a couple of times each year, I always do my best to book a seat or find a way to get to the ‘quiet car.’ I don’t mind it when I end up in a non-quiet car as may happen at times but being able to ride the rails in silence is quite a pleasant experience. Now, the ‘quiet car’ is only one train cars out of nine or ten cars usually so it’s not like every car is ‘quiet.’ Sometimes, on Amtrak, in other parts of the United States, there isn’t even a ‘quiet car’ option. I take it for granted due to my Northeastern roots, but why can’t we create that ‘quiet car’ option for all Amtrak trains and in other places we frequent?

Achieving more quiet in the workplace, on public transportation, in public areas, and even at a Japanese garden is possible. America is a loud and boisterous country and that has served us well over 250 years, but I find that it should be balanced out too. Introducing quieter, more introspection, more peaceful harmony with each other and with nature would be good over time and lead to a lot of different psychological and economic benefits.

When you can focus deeply and sit in quiet, whether surrounded by trees, wildlife, or the sound of waves crashing on the beach, it becomes easier to think clearly and create meaningful work. Yet being alone with one’s thoughts is not easy. Many American naturalists and writers, including Henry David Thoreau, Robert Frost, and John Muir, understood this and deliberately sought out solitude in nature to do their most important thinking. It raises a simple question: if they had been constantly interrupted by noise, crowds, and distraction in the 21st century, would their work have been the same or would it have even happened at all?

The landscapes in America that once gave thinkers space to observe and reflect still exist, but they are harder to hear over the noise of modern life. And yet the need remains unchanged: to think clearly, we must sometimes be willing to step out of the crowd and into silence, even if only for a while. Perhaps the real question is not whether great thinkers need silence, but whether we still allow ourselves to have it. In a world filled with constant noise, distraction has become the default setting rather than the exception. The ability to step away from it, even briefly, may not just shape better work, but a clearer way of seeing the world itself.

Putting Yourself Out There Isn’t Optional Anymore

“With people being distracted constantly by emails, texts, and general life obligations, you really must advocate for yourself constantly because no one else will.”

As much as we would like to think that others can network for us, find business or professional opportunities for us, or just keep us in mind in general, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but rarely is that the case. With people being distracted constantly by emails, texts, and general life obligations, you really must advocate for yourself constantly because no one else will. Sure, you may have folks who you are familiar with and have reached out to help carry the burden for you but that takes you to open your mouth and reach out to them in the first place, even if they are a stranger.

No one is going to network for you or vouch for you unless they know who you are and what you’re able to do. In an extroverted world, as hard as it is for introverts or ambiverts (a bit of both), you must speak up for yourself before others will speak up for you. It’s not easy to engage new people professionally or personally but you often must take the first step and see where it leads. I’ve noticed that especially in the post-COVID world, most people are more tied to their groups, cliques, or general friends, and it’s become harder to find reliable people who will vouch for you. If you’re standing around waiting for professional or personal relationships to find you instead of the other way around, I believe that you are going to be waiting a long time.

I’ve noticed this in my own life where you get much more out of an event, an outing, a meetup when you start the conversation first then wait for others to approach you. Everybody’s different in the sense of how often they get approached first in a public setting, but I know that I often will need to make the first move or it will not be that successful of an event or outing. It may be frustrating and tiresome at first to step out of your comfort zone and engage new people in conversation or to advocate for yourself, but that’s the world we live in where opportunities are not being given out freely or it’s easy to just land a job or a business deal just through your presence alone. You must be making the effort, trying to make something happen, and being comfortable with failure because it’s guaranteed to happen the more you do put yourself out there.

You alone know yourself best and can advocate for who you are, what you’re about, what you bring to the table, and what makes you different from your competition, especially in the professional world. Strong resumes, cover letters, references, etc. are commonplace nowadays and it’s more than likely that an AI or automated system is reading them first so in-person or virtual networking Is becoming more key to move your career or business forward than in previous eras.

You should also not just be focusing on landing the business deal, turning a stranger into an advocate, or making new friends, but forming a network of people who you can rely on and being someone who can be relied upon in return. Getting your foot in the door is just the first step but in the long run, you need to show a person or other people that you’re reliable, responsive, and can back up what you say with your actions.

More than ever, there are scammers, con artists, liars, cheats, and other nefarious characters who will want to take advantage of you or who you must be careful not to be involved with. Putting yourself out there involves taking on a risk because you never know at first who you’re dealing with but if you can be a good judge of character and distinguish yourself in terms of being reliable, honest, and able to get the job done, you will put yourself in a category where others will want to work or do business with you because you’ve been proven to be of good character and repute. 

Advocating for yourself doesn’t just pay off in terms of creating a solid network of good people around you but it also builds up your confidence, charisma, and ability to talk to anybody. Getting rid of your shyness will open a lot of doors to you in life that you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t introduced yourself or promoted what you have to offer. Once you can deliver a presentation or talk to a room full of strangers, you feel like the sky is the limit and your social anxiety will diminish quite a bit. This will take several times to overcome, and I know that it was the case for me.

I still get shy at networking or a business event even after having gone to dozens of them in past years, but I also understand that it’s possible that very few people, if anyone, will open that door for me to talk to them, so I must be the one to make that initial effort. You don’t want to waste an hour or two hours just standing around and people watching. Time is valuable, especially when it comes to your career or business prospects. Make sure to always advocate for yourself, do your best to carry yourself well, and remember to let them reciprocate by having them open to you about who they are and what they are all about.

Most people are likely to be as shy as you are or even more shy so let them feel comfortable getting to know you and I’m sure they will appreciate having someone listen to them, hear what they have to say (without interrupting) and build a new connection from scratch. Be there for other people, do what you say you’ll do, and I promise they will be there for you in return long after the first time you shake hands and introduce yourself to each other.

Don’t Sleepwalk Your Way Through Life

“As much as you want to go through life with a constant routine, when you instead establish new habits, hobbies, and places to visit, it’s best to mix it up and do what you can to make the most out of this one life you have.”

Turbulent times have a way of stripping life down to its essentials. It can make you appreciate what you have in life more and not take what you have for granted. When the headlines are gripping and uncertainty lingers each day, you realize how fragile our routines and habits really are. While it’s tempting to go through the motions and drift through our days on autopilot, by going to the same coffee house, driving the same commute, having the same conversations and making the same excuses, you should be taking off the autopilot instead and homing in more on what makes life enjoyable. As much as you want to go through life with a constant routine, when you instead establish new habits, hobbies, and places to visit, it’s best to mix it up and do what you can to make the most out of this one life you have.

I’ve caught myself sleepwalking before in my life. Not physically, but mentally. Waking up, checking my phone, answering emails, going through meetings, making the usual commute, working out at the same gym, eating dinner, scrolling, and sleeping. Productive on paper but not really waking up my senses to the full extent. This kind of routine can sap your spirit over time. It wasn’t that anything was wrong, but it can get boring after a while. That was the problem for me and for many others I suspect. There’s nothing wrong with what I was doing, and I still have my routine that I enjoy. However, nothing in my life was expanding either or challenging me enough. My life was efficient and that efficiency was quietly numbing me.

The truth is that living life on autopilot feels responsible, especially in adulthood. It feels mature and what is expected of us at a certain age. Routine keeps the bills paid and the calendar organized. Routine, when left unchecked, becomes a cage you build yourself and can be suffocating after a while. The brain loves predictability as it conserves its energy. Routine avoids discomfort and novelty unless you force yourself to be different and try new things. True growth doesn’t happen in conservation mode or by playing it safe. Growth demands friction and friction requires intention, which means making the effort to break the routine you impose on yourself.

For myself, it’s always been travel that has exposed the lie of living life on autopilot almost instantly, especially from my solo travels. It’s hard to drift through life when you can’t read the street signs, when you’re ordering food in broken Spanish, Turkish, or German, when you don’t fully understand the cultural cues or conversations around you. You’re alert, present, and living in the moment. The precious moments where you’re slightly uncomfortable but also feeling fully alive are the best for me. I live for those moments every chance I get to experience them even when they’re harder to come by as I get older. The colors and smells you sense feel sharper. Conversations feel deeper and livelier. Time stretches rather than drags me down. It’s not about how each country is magical but rather that you are fully awake and experiencing life more fully.

Waking up and taking yourself off autopilot isn’t dramatic, but it should be a deliberate effort. It’s choosing an unfamiliar conversation instead of a safe one. It’s taking a different route home. It’s signing up for something new you might be bad at but want to try anyway to see how it goes. It’s reading different books and engaging people who may not share the beliefs or views as you. It’s learning twenty new words in a language you don’t “need” but desire to learn to expand your horizons. It’s asking yourself, honestly, “When was the last time I felt truly engaged?”

You don’t need to burn your life down and leave your responsibilities behind, which is a false choice. You need to interrupt it and bring something into your life to make it more enjoyable.

Turbulent times are unsettling and especially at this moment we’re living in around the world. At the same time, they’re clarifying what really should matter to you. They remind you that stability and prosperity are never guaranteed. Political systems shift. Jobs will change. Borders can close. Health falters. Family and friendship ties fade. When you accept that inherent fragility to life, you stop assuming you have endless tomorrows to play around with. When tomorrow isn’t promised, living your life on autopilot becomes a risk you can’t afford to take.

You get one life. No rehearsal. No dress rehearsal. No backup plan for the 2nd one. The world is unpredictable enough so don’t make your inner world predictable too. Refuse to sleepwalk through the years as they go by faster. Shake up your routines. Question your assumptions, values, and beliefs. Chase what unsettles you in a healthy way. Stay curious about the world and the people in it. Stay moving as much as possible. Because the greatest tragedy in life isn’t the inevitable turbulence that will come your way. It’s the numbness you’ll experience if you don’t choose to make this life the best it can be.

Some People Grow Old but Don’t Grow Up

“However, when you realize that aging responsibly is a choice rather than a given and it comes down to acting and being responsible as an effort, you’ll begin to see why not everybody has that trait nor do they even try to emulate it.”

Growing older is inevitable and hopefully all of us reading this article will live long, healthy lives because getting an elder age is never guaranteed in life. While growing old is inevitable naturally, becoming emotionally mature and experiencing personal growth are choices that not everyone makes or even want to try. We all know someone in our lives who acts like they are still in their 20s when they are pushing 40 or decides to avoid acting like their given age altogether even when they’re a grown adult and have been for a while. Some people age without maturing and it can be difficult to wrap your head around why that is the case. However, when you realize that aging responsibly is a choice rather than a given and it comes down to acting and being responsible as an effort, you’ll begin to see why not everybody has that trait nor do they even try to emulate it.

Just because the years pile on top of each other doesn’t mean that you’ve learned anything about life, responsibility, or self-awareness. I’ve known people who do act their age or even beyond their years and I’ve known others who never mature emotionally or try to do so when they are double my age or even more senior. The skills that one must exercise in adulthood are not innate as we are taught when we are young. Adulthood involves having self-awareness, being accountable for one’s actions, both good and bad, and emotionally regulating your behavior especially around loved ones and friends. Some people collect birthdays like stamps but never collect wisdom or thoughtfulness or responsibility. Being a full-fledged adult takes more than paying your taxes and holding a job, it’s about having adult characteristics too, which are either magnified by our life experiences or diminished by the lack thereof.

Some adults act like teenagers when they gossip about others, dodge responsibility, chase instant gratification endlessly, and avoid anything that feels ‘grown up.’ Sadly, even when the adult in question has children or is supposed to be a caretaker for an elderly relative or parent, they often shirk that responsibility too even when they have no excuse for it. Some examples to look out for with people who never grow up in adulthood are when they never or seldom apologize for bad behavior, always blame others for their misfortune, avoid financial responsibility, prioritize the party lifestyle, or choose material gains over building healthy relationships.

If someone is always complaining or gossiping or is constantly unreliable at the workplace, in their friendships, and in their romantic life, they might want to look at themselves in the mirror rather than point the finger at someone else to blame. The ‘Peter Pan’ effect seems to be getting amplified by social media rather than diminished where people care more about hedonistic pursuits than doing their own inner work on a consistent basis to be a more responsible adult.

Acting immature and irresponsible as an adult doesn’t just hurt the person but also can wreck their friendships, relationships, and career. Age alone doesn’t excuse behavior and even when we look up to our elders especially as they are more senior than us in not just age, but rank, title, or other status, that doesn’t excuse poor behavior at the end of the day. Emotional immaturity can create tension and misunderstandings that can destroy a team, a group, a leadership committee, and more personal relationships. If you’ve ever dealt with an unreliable friend, a partner who wouldn’t apologize, or a coworker who couldn’t handle criticism or any negative feedback, you’re likely aware of how immature some adults can be. If you’re like me, you’ve likely been frustrated by someone older than you who acted like a teenager or a child.

In a world which continued to be obsessed with youth, fun, and overall frivolity, it’s easier now than ever to want to put off growing up with society rewarding those who never do especially in roles of leadership and social prominence. These cultural pressures including social media, influencer lifestyles, and late adulthood indulgences mask a deeper issue of society glamorizing irresponsibility, lack of responsibility to one another, or pursuing eternal youth when adults should be pursuing wisdom, accountability, and emotional maturity. Those who embrace personal growth and emotional intelligence may not be “cool” or “fun” or have the best “vibes”, but you need serious and responsible adults in charge and being accountable to one another.

Growing up means owning your mistakes, apologizing when you were wrong, learning from your errors, and treating others with kindness and empathy, especially when it’s hard. I find it rare nowadays from my own personal life to see others around me apologize for their poor behavior or to do so sincerely to make amends but that is a huge part of being a real adult. When you apologize sincerely, it shows that you care about being a mature person.

This kind of responsible adult behavior also extends t0 managing your finances and relationships responsibly, navigating conflict constructively, and thinking deeply about how your actions and words affect other people. Maturity isn’t perfect but it involves trying, falling, and trying again. Each day, I want you to think about how you can be a more responsible adult who is in tune with your emotions, able to be responsible for your actions, and being able to practice some self-awareness.

What’s the payoff for growing up and not just growing old? Well, you’ll have deeper connections, real life satisfaction, and the kind of confidence about knowing who you are rather than projecting a false image of who you want to be all the time. To me, meaningful relationships and positive friendships, having career stability and growth, and showing mental resilience in the face of adversity, which faces every adult regardless of who you are all benefits of true adulthood. Those who don’t grow up and still act like they are 15 at 50 or 30 at 75 are going to feel stuck in an earlier life stage forever and will be envious, unfulfilled, or jealous of how others achieve more peace of mind because of their emotional balance. Growth may be hard and even painful at times but it’s worth it in the long run especially when it comes to navigating life as you get older.

Yes, getting older is inevitable though that is a privilege that not everybody gets to have too, but choosing to grow up consciously is what makes life meaningful, memorable, and worth living. Immaturity may be satisfying at first to avoid being responsible, accountable, or needing to make sacrifices but the costs will eventually weigh the benefits especially as you naturally continue to age. We all have the choice on how we age and how we can grow and mature with each age. It is a lifelong process where there is both progress and setbacks bit for which it is important to leave a positive memory behind for those who can speak about your character, your maturity, and your overall manner as a human being. Remember to not just collect birthdays as the years pass by, collect wisdom, courage, and the kind of growth that lasts until your last day.

Keeping Your Cool When Others Try to Push Your Buttons

“The notion that you must fire back, get heated with your emotions, and lose your cool to do so is an unnecessary one and could end up costing you more.”

Your inner peace matters a lot more than you think. When other people, professionally or personally, try to get a rise out of you, don’t let them do it. Whether they are related to you by blood, or are in the same office building, or just a stranger on an airplane, some people get a kick out of pushing your buttons. It can be hard to not want to push back at them and not also be seen as a push over. The notion that you must fire back, get heated with your emotions, and lose your cool to do so is an unnecessary one and could end up costing you more.

What’s the alternative reaction you might ask? I suggest explaining yourself calmly, giving your side of it, and then moving away from that individual or de-escalating the situation as best as you can. Don’t let yourself be dragged down by their poor attitude, lack of self-awareness, or no emotional control. You deserve to be safe, respected, and not bullied into being quiet. Be firm, state how they made you feel, and then move on.

If that person or group of people won’t stop and keep escalating, you need to remove yourself from them and don’t associate with them as much as possible. If you must deal with them in a professional or personal manner going forward, let them know calmly in a spoken or written manner that you won’t tolerate such behavior from them anymore and you deserve to be treated better than how they have acted to you previously.  

Family and friends can sometimes push your buttons more than anyone else, even when they might not even mean any harm or inconvenience. Maybe it’s a sibling who always critiques your life choices, or a parent who insists they know what’s best for you even when you’re an adult. Instead of snapping back or holding in resentment for what they are suggesting, try calmly stating your perspective: “I understand your concern, but this is the decision I’m making for myself.” You don’t need to justify endlessly your choices but rather you can simply acknowledge their opinion while standing firm in your own decisions will help protect your peace and sets a clear boundary with those people closest to you in life.

Not everyone you encounter will treat you with respect or kindness in public, and that’s okay. They’re responsible for their own behavior. If someone cuts you off in traffic, sits in your assigned seat on an airplane pushes ahead in line in front of you, or acts rudely to you for no reason in public, your reaction is the only thing that you can control. Take a breath, respond politely if needed, or simply let it slide.

Protecting your composure doesn’t make you weak; it demonstrates self-control and keeps you from being dragged into unnecessary conflict. If anything, how they react to your calm behavior in response will tell you exactly what you need to know about this person, and you’ll know that you made the right choice not escalating the situation with a stranger who chooses to act out in public instead of acting politely and kindly.

Take my recent flight experience, for example: a lady sat in my assigned seat before I had even boarded the plane. I was also preoccupied with putting my carry-on in the overhead compartment nearby my assigned seat, and then when I got to my seat to settle in finally, she had the audacity to ask me to move to her seat. My first instinct that came to mind? Frustration and disbelief at her social ineptitude.

My better instinct(s) that I acted upon in this case: Take a deep breath, calmly reminded her it’s my seat, and be aware that the airline staff would handle any escalation if necessary. I explained that I paid for the seat and that if she wanted it, she should have asked me first and then the airline staff whether this would be a possibility. She backed down, moved to her correct seat, and I got to handle the rest of the flight without carrying someone else’s chaos.

Online interactions these days are a minefield for drama and bitterness. A heated comment or trolling post can provoke an instant emotional reaction but hitting “reply” while angry often escalates the situation and will make you feel worse for engaging with that person (like an AI bot or fake troll now). A more powerful approach is to pause, step back, and ask whether engagement is truly necessary with someone who wants to waste your time or provoke you into doing something you’ll regret. Sometimes, choosing not to respond is the strongest statement of all. It signals that you refuse to let negativity or vitriol invade your space.

When you feel provoked either offline or online, some mental tools or habits can be surprisingly effective. Count from one to ten. Take a deep breath and visualize a buffer between you and the instigator. You can also silently repeat a mantra like, “This is about them, not me.” These small actions give you a moment to choose a calm response rather than a reactive one. Over time, these actions can train your brain to prioritize your inner peace over the urge to “win” every confrontation or “one up” the other person. Often, the other person is not going to see your point of view, will choose to continue the argument, and it will only make you angrier and more miserable.

Maintaining composure in difficult situations pays off in every area of life. People notice when you stay calm under pressure and it earns respect professionally and personally. Your relationships benefit because you’re setting healthy boundaries, and you preserve your emotional energy for the life moments that truly matter. Most importantly, you gain peace of mind: fewer regrets, less stress, and the knowledge that you’re in control of your reactions, no matter what others do to you or how they act to you. Your calm is your emotional power in life so never give it away to someone else’s chaos.

The Lost Skill of Making People Feel Seen

“Most people aren’t lonely because they lack friends, they’re lonely because nobody truly sees them. In a world of constant interactions, at work, online, or in our daily routines, these moments are often shallow, rushed, and forgettable.”

Most people aren’t lonely because they lack friends, they’re lonely because nobody truly sees them. In a world of constant interactions, at work, online, or in our daily routines, these moments are often shallow, rushed, and forgettable.

One of the best books I’ve read recently on this subject is from New York Times writer and columnist, David Brooks, who authored the book, ‘How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen’ in October 2023. The core idea of his book was that you can divide people into two camps of ‘Illuminators vs. Diminishers’, with illuminators making people feel recognized, clearer, more important, and the diminishers who make interactions about themselves or forget about the other person (often not on purpose). If attention is now the primary currency in our lives, giving or receiving quality attention is the key difference in seeing others fully.

Let’s go into what ‘feeling seen’ means in 2025 and what it doesn’t because it can get confusing if you’re new to this concept. Feeling seen is not about just agreeing with someone, praising them effusively, being ‘nice’ or ‘kind’, fixing their problems for them, dumping your own problems or inadequacies on them to compensate in return for them sharing their issues. Rather, feeling seen is about being perceived accurately and without judgment often, having your inner logic understood and how you see the world, and feeling that your emotions are being recognized rather than just analyzed and interpreted.

An example of this in action could be a friend, a spouse, or a co-worker telling you, “I don’t necessarily agree with you here, but I understand why that matters to you and I see your perspective.” Being able to let that person know that you know where they are coming from in their views and why it matters to them makes a huge difference in your personal and professional life.

Technological and other daily distractions aside, there are various reasons why people don’t feel fully seen nowadays. Most people are not patient in waiting for their turn to talk, rehearse their response in advance while you’re still speaking, filtering everything through themselves and what they would do, or just not wanting to understand when they listen. If you are not seeing someone enough, start with listening to understand the other person rather than listening to reply or putting themselves in their shoes right away. You cannot see someone else while you’re playing their role in your own mental movies or thinking through what you would do, say, or behave in their shoes.

Like any social skill, there are ways to make someone feel more seen and to build up that skill like it’s a positive habit. The more you use, repeat, and solidify these response tactics, the more comfortable other people will feel around you. First, listen to the emotion that they are carrying with their words even if they don’t express it outright. Train yourself to hear the ‘fear, anxiety, pride, shame, sadness, frustration, hope, joy, etc. that they exude with their cadence and tone beyond the words they are saying. Being able to voice what emotions they may be expressing to you in their words is very powerful and will make someone feel very seen. For example, “You sound disappointed, not angry, about ____.” As David Brooks wrote about ‘illuminators’, seeing people’s emotions clearly even if they aren’t telling you with their words what exactly they are feeling is a very useful people skill.

Second, I think it’s key to asking expanding questions, rather than extractive or basic ones. Good questions open doors to a deeper and more fulfilling conversation while bad questions can feel like an interview or an interrogation. A good question could be, “What part of your work gives you the most fulfillment?”, which can expand the conversation and take that person through a positive memory or a feeling of contentedness sharing what they do for a living in a specific way. Rather than an extractive question that may not lead anywhere that we often hear a lot as “So, what do you do?” If the question helps them understand better or explains why someone does what they do, you’re doing it the right way.

Additionally, some other ways to make others feel seen is to avoid pivoting to yourself right away. You should want to reflect on the conversation rather than redirect it to be about yourself or what you would do. For example, you could say “What I’m hearing from you is ____”, allowing that person to know that you were paying attention but also that you heard them correctly in terms of their viewpoint. Remember to ask questions that open the conversation, not trap it. Name specific strengths you notice. These small moves make someone feel truly seen. A friend once told me they felt burnt out by their job. In this case, just nodding back wasn’t enough, but I reflected on their frustrations with their work environment, and it completely shifted the conversation

Naming the strength(s) and good qualities of a person is also an excellent way to make them feel seen. Instead of calling someone you respect ‘smart, clever, hard-working’, go deeper than that by taking why you think they are that way and what it is specifically that led you to come to that conclusion about them. At a meeting once, instead of saying “Good point. I said, ‘I see why that approach would make sense given the constraints you’re dealing with.”

Lastly, people are unfinished characters meaning that they are complex, deep, and contradictory at times. Mr. Brooks’s book emphasizes the need to have a ‘moral imagination’ about someone to get beyond who you think they are just because you know their politics, childhood, job, worst moment(s). Assume in good faith that there is a lot more going on in a person’s life than you currently understand and try to hold judgment about them based just on the information that you have available about them.

Being seen by another person deeply is a great feeling and is increasingly rare these days. Seeing others requires courage, dedication, and attention, which is in short supply. The ability to see and be seen demands humility, slowing ourselves down, removing our ego armor, and being present with them fully. It is also worth noting that the people who feel most unseen by others end up being the worst at seeing others in response as it becomes a negative cycle. If you’re not seen at all or at least a little bit, why would you want to do the same for others rather than breaking the cycle?

Making others feel seen changes you for the better as a person. When you see others well, your relationships deepen, you become a better leader, your conflicts soften or end, and your own sense of personal meaning grows as a result. As Brooks writes in ‘How to Know a Person’, “To know other person well is one of the highest forms of love.” I think this is a great lesson worth imparting on us all to try to illuminate other people as often as people and to do so in a consistent manner. I’ve seen it personally in my classrooms, work meetings, or even casual coffee chats as people light up when someone hears them and not just nods along.

Try this once today: make someone feel truly understood. Watch what happens. Whether it’s a comment, a reflection, a thoughtful question, a moment of real attention without distraction, you can make a positive difference in that person’s life, especially if they are going through a tough time. You don’t need grand gestures, just presence, attention, and care. In a world obsessed with being seen, the rarest superpower is knowing how to see.

I’ll Take Kind Gestures Over Kind Words Any Day

“When was the last time someone let you merge into traffic or grabbed you a coffee without asking? Too long, right? Small gestures like these can make your day or even your week. We’re taught from a young age that kind words keep the world turning, but words are just the starting point.”

When was the last time someone let you merge into traffic or grabbed you a coffee without asking? Too long, right? Small gestures like these can make your day or even your week. We’re taught from a young age that kind words keep the world turning, but words are just the starting point.

Even rarer than kind words are kind actions. Post-COVID, people’s social skills have atrophied, making everyday courtesies harder to come by. Things like holding the door, walking on the right side of the sidewalk, or letting someone merge on the highway might seem small but they matter far more than words alone, and we could all use more of them.

Having these kinds of gestures be optional instead of compulsory represents an overall reflection of the fracturing of what used to be common courtesy along with the kind of bare minimum expectations we have of one another too often. Instead of kind gestures, we often have the opposite now: people being loud in public places, not using earphones or headphones on their meetings or in the music they listen to, or just not minding their body language or others’ personal space. I value the importance of these basic gestures because they take such little time or self-awareness yet have become harder to find even when I consider them to be increasingly important to societal harmony.

It’s one thing for strangers to abstain from kind gestures or words but it’s entirely another when they come from business associates, colleagues, family, or friends. Taking the initiative and building a two-sided friendship or relationship, professional or personal, doesn’t take much to sustain but it truly can make a world of difference to the other person(s). Such kind gestures mean more than the average word could ever and people really remember those sincere actions more than giving a basic compliment or heaping on effusive praise.

These kind gestures depend on the kind of relationship you have with the person or group in question, but sending business associates a holiday card or remembering their birthday can strengthen the relationship significantly. You could also offer to buy them coffee or tea for providing advice or mentorship with your work or business. With work colleagues, it doesn’t hurt to share your appreciation in giving a kind word for them, but it could mean much more to bring in food or drinks for lunch or help them with a problem they are having on a difficult project. If you’re a manager, kind words are nice to hear but recognizing your employees with a bonus, a promotion, or just an award or other kind of real recognition can make a huge difference with morale building or employee retention at your firm.

With one’s family and friends, it’s always important to say ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and show your appreciation for their presence in your life. However, it’s always better to take the initiative to ask them out for a dinner or a concert or just to give them a call consistently to check-in with them and see how they’re really doing. Keeping a friendship or family relationship in good shape is hard to do but at least making the effort to see each other and to do so in a two-way manner is key to keeping it sustainable.

Being complimentary, supportive, and positive are all great with your words but real actions or gestures will always speak loudest. That’s especially the case when you’ve known that person a long time and have a history together. Sometimes, friendships end out of nowhere and family bonds are breakable by one party or the other, but if you want to make a real effort, make sure to rely on kind gestures primarily because they mean a lot more to someone than your words.

These days, it’s hard to get kind words out of strangers or people you don’t know and even more so when it comes to expecting basic social graces or gestures of kindness. As a result, we are starved for those kinds of gestures and actions that are unprompted, considerate, and relevant to us. We need those friends, family, and even close associates doing kind things for us and for them to be reciprocated as well because it helps foster our happiness, joy, and overall life satisfaction more than we think.

Kindness begets kindness. While words can move the needle, gestures, actions, and time spent together make a world of difference. Remember: kind words are the minimum of a polite society but making kind gestures second nature to you, especially for the people in your orbit, will make your life richer and fuller. Tomorrow, remember to hold the door for someone, send that quick ‘thank you’ note if someone did something kind for you, or buy a mentor or a friend a cup of coffee. Small gestures always make a big impact, which makes life better for everyone.