joy – The Life and Times of Ben Weinberg

Does He or She or It Spark Joy for You?

“Just like keeping a clean house or organizing your closet is what helped American homeowners create joy in their home lives, I fully believe Kondo’s asking of “does it spark joy?” can be reframed for our friendships, relationships, and our hobbies.”

I’ll be honest in that I never really watched Marie Kondo’s famous show, “Tidying Up”, and while I do respect her commitment to reducing clutter and helping hoarders get rid of their extra junk, I am going to focus more on who or what sparks joy for you beyond just household items. Just like keeping a clean house or organizing your closet is what helped American homeowners create joy in their home lives, I fully believe Kondo’s asking of “does it spark joy?” can be reframed for our friendships, relationships, and our hobbies.

You should never want to exert too much effort into someone or something that doesn’t provide ‘joy’ or at least ‘contentedness’ and while ‘joy’ like any feeling is ephemeral, we should work to maximize the ‘joy’ we feel in life. If you are not getting that ‘joy’ at all from that relationship, that friend, or that job, you got to do some soul searching to see if it’s worth the effort involved to keep it going. You can’t choose your family, your coworkers, or even where you live at times so instead of finding ‘joy’ only there, find those things and people that are voluntarily in your life and where you can better evaluate if they are worth your time.

If you find you are spending your limited time with people who are as dull as dishwater or are even putting you down, you need to cast them aside like old clothes that Marie Kondo would want you to discard from your closet. Now, this does not mean being mean, cutting off contact without a reason, or just straight up ending on bad terms, it’s rather about letting them know that the relationship, the friendship, or the hobby you’re doing isn’t worth the effort anymore. Very few things in life are permanent and if it does not spark any kind of joy for you, you should not keep pursuing it to no fulfilling end.

Instead, I believe it is key to find those people or those activities that continue to give you some joy or happiness. I would classify it as giving you a ‘real shot of life’ and making you feel more alive. It’s not an easy thing to be conscientious of but you’ll often know when someone or something is breathing life into you rather than leaving you drained of it.

Not everything or everyone you interact with in life will give you that ‘spark of joy’ or a ‘shot of life’ but your job is to work hard in those interactions that you do control such as a friendship or a relationship to choose wisely and to do so discerningly. Your boss or your tax attorney is rarely going to spark that ‘joy’ but you’re going to have to interact with them regardless because it’s necessary in life. What you can do instead in your free time is to maximize ‘joy’, ‘happiness’ or just ‘fulfillment’ with people, places, and hobbies that make you feel most alive.

It really is a rare thing in our technologically driven, profit maximizing, socially shallow, and standardized daily routine to find those people who leave a big impression on you, but you got to put yourself out there to receive those kinds of connections. Build a life around trying to find interesting people who inspire you, who make you laugh, who you want to learn from, who you enjoy being around, and for you to be the same to them.

Life is too short to be around ‘joyless’ people who you could choose not to be around instead and to commit yourself to prioritizing those people who make you happy or joyful because of how they make you feel. The same can be said of those activities, hobbies, or interests that brighten your day and that you can look forward to. Routine in adulthood is monotonous, contrite, and not joyful, but you can still find those moments, those hobbies, and those people who make your life that much richer and more colorful.

At the end of the day, Marie Kondo had it right. Joy should be the filter through which we decide what stays and what goes in our life. The difference is that life’s clutter isn’t just found in closets or drawers of hoarders whose houses are too full; rather, it’s in the people we chase, the jobs we keep, and the habits we cling to long after they’ve stopped serving us. Maybe the real act of tidying up isn’t just folding shirts; it’s clearing out the emotional junk that keeps us from feeling alive and fulfilled. When you ask yourself what sparks joy as Marie Kondo does to her clients, don’t stop at your wardrobe or your closet. Ask it instead about your world, your personal life, your hobbies and don’t be afraid to get rid of the extra clutter.

“Don’t Look Back In Anger”, A Lyric and Life Lesson

“Don’t look back in anger, I heard you say.” Few lyrics from the 1990s have aged as gracefully as this one has from Oasis. It’s more than just a line from the Oasis anthem sung brilliantly by lead singer Noel Gallagher, it’s a mantra and a life lesson disguised as a rock chorus, and a call to stop letting yesterday’s pain and sorrow weigh down tomorrow’s joy.”

When Noel Gallagher wrote “Don’t Look Back in Anger,” it was meant as a stadium singalong, but the phrase itself has outlived its Britpop origins from the 1990s. It’s been sung at concerts, football matches, and even vigils, most notably after the tragic Manchester Arena bombing in 2017. In moments of grief or frustration or malaise, people cling to words that help them move forward, and this one delivers in just five simple words that we all can relate to.

Beyond popular cultural and music history, what does this lyric mean for the way we live our lives? For anyone who’s been mistreated, overlooked, or hurt by other people, whether at work, in love, or by life in general, intentionally or unintentionally, it’s a reminder not to stay stuck in bitterness because of how you have been wronged. Because anger or being angry forever, if you let it, will make a home in your chest and eat away at your peace of mind.

Life isn’t always fair; we all know that fact from a young age. You might work hard only to have a work colleague promoted over you who didn’t deserve it. You might trust someone like a friend who lets you down or lies about you to other people. You might pour yourself into a relationship that ends with betrayal. The gut reaction in these moments is anger and honestly, it’s justified. Anger is the body’s alarm system, telling us something wrong has happened to you.

The problem is what happens next and, in the days, months, and years that follow the event. Anger is useful for a moment, and we should be allowed to feel that emotion rather than bottle it up entirely, but corrosive over time. It tempts you to replay every slight, to act out, to rehearse every insult, and cling to grudges like they’ll somehow make the scales of justice even. Anger keeps you bound to the people and situations you want freedom from and to be free of mentally.

That’s why this song lyric hits so hard. “Don’t look back in anger” doesn’t mean “forget what happened.” It means instead to don’t let your gaze stay fixed on the wreckage. You’ve got to keep walking and moving forward, because the road ahead is always longer than the one behind.

Forgiveness is one of the most misunderstood concepts out there in life. People often think it means excusing someone’s behavior or giving them another chance to hurt you again. This is not true at all. Forgiveness is less about them and more about you, it’s a decision to release your grip on your anger so you can move forward in life and to move your emotions on from that person.

Think of it this way metaphorically: carrying anger is like holding a burning coal. Yes, it’s hot, and yes, it proves you were hurt. But the longer you clutch it, the more damage it does to you, not to the person who wronged you, but to you alone. To not look back in anger doesn’t mean inviting mistreatment to happen again. Boundaries are still vital and it’s best to get away from the person(s) who wronged you in the first place. You can forgive someone and still choose never to deal with them again. The difference is whether you carry that heavy emotional baggage with you on the road forward while not ever letting it go.

How do you live the lyric you might ask? Here are a few ways to start doing so today:

Reflect, then release: Acknowledge what happened to you and how it made you feel. Then, consciously decide to stop replaying it. Journaling or talking it out can help you.
Redirect your energy: Instead of fueling resentment, pour that fire into something constructive like playing music, writing, going traveling, or even doing physical exercise.
Build stronger boundaries: Forgiveness doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. Learn from the mistreatment you received and protect yourself from it in the future.
Practice self-compassion: Often, the hardest person to forgive is yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for trusting, caring, or trying with that person who wronged you. Recognize that those qualities are strengths, not weaknesses and to not give up on trusting others entirely.

What makes this song lyric timeless and still relevant in 2025, especially as Oasis is touring the world again and playing this song each time, is its dual simplicity and power. Everyone has something they regret or someone they resent from their past. Everyone carries scars from unfair treatment whether from work, from family, or from supposed ‘friends.’ However, “Don’t look back in anger” doesn’t ask for perfection, it asks for direction in going forward and leaving the anger behind.

Even three decades later since Noel Gallagher first put this famous song lyric down on scratch paper, it’s still sung loudly at concerts because it feels good to let it all out. Belting the words is cathartic as I did recently on a warm summer night in New Jersey but living them is transformative. In a world where negativity and hate spreads faster than hope and kindness, this song lyric reminds us to choose the harder, better path: release over revenge, peace over poison.

There’s no sugarcoating it: forgiveness isn’t easy. Sometimes it feels impossible to do. If you’ve ever carried anger long enough like I have in my past, you know how exhausting it is to hold on to. Anger narrows your world; forgiveness widens it again. The lyric, then, becomes less of a suggestion and more of a survival strategy. “Don’t look back in anger” because the future needs you to be free, not bitter and burnt out. “Don’t look back in anger” because life is too short to let someone else’s behavior dictate your happiness. “Don’t look back in anger” because joy requires space in your heart, and anger takes up too much of it and corrodes it slowly.

“Don’t look back in anger, I heard you say.” It’s a simple song lyric, yes, but it’s also timeless advice, true therapy, and a way of living well. Life will hand you plenty of reasons to grow bitter at yourself and at other people, but it will also hand you a thousand opportunities to move forward with forgiveness in your heart.

You can’t change what happened to you and who did it to you. You can’t undo the mistreatment or rewrite the past. Instead, you can decide not to be imprisoned by your anger. You can decide to keep walking, keep building, keep loving, and keep moving forward. In the end, that’s the only way to win. The next time you feel anger weighing you down because of someone or something, ask yourself this question: what would it feel like to finally set it down? You just might find the answer in a song you’ve been singing for years.

Why You Need Something To Look Forward To In Life

“Life is not just about paying bills, taking care of errands, and going to and from work or school. No, life is more than just going through the motions.”

Life is not just about paying bills, taking care of errands, and going to and from work or school. No, life is more than just going through the motions. As an adult especially, you must have a life beyond the daily grind. You must be going out of your way to make time to enjoy life and to have something to look forward to, as frequently as possible. Life is short and days, weeks, and months can pass you by without taking full advantage of it. As you get older, it becomes not just about being successful and finding purpose but finding enjoyment out of it before your time is up here.

Enjoyment doesn’t have to lead to you spending your money needlessly. It could be going on a walk, a hike, or chatting with a friend on a park bench. You can enjoy the sunrise, the sunset, or take the time to exercise and feel good about yourself as a result. These are all things that you can look forward to without spending your hard-earned money. While there is nothing wrong with using money to have fun and relax a bit, it’s not the end all be all with looking forward to a gift, a purchase, or a subscription. If it brings you happiness and you’re responsible for it, monetary or not, you should always be marking your calendar each day to at least one thing or event or person you’re looking forward to interacting with.

Clearly, man or woman is not a machine and grinding endlessly just to sustain us alone is not healthy in the long-term. You can be a hard worker and still take the time to enjoy life even when you have a busy schedule. However, you need to also set boundaries and be willing to look at your time honestly to figure when and where you can fit this downtime in. You can easily get overwhelmed with errands, chores, duties, work, and other obligations and not carve out any time for yourself but that is no way to go through this life.

We all need our down time to reset, enjoy, and relax without feeling guilty for having done so. No one in your life is going to plan out your fun experiences or down time for you so you need to be actively doing so yourself. Managing your calendar well is part of that and being conscious of what brings you joy and happiness. Other people will often dictate for you what they think will bring you fulfillment outside of work or school, but you need to decide for yourself the best uses for your free time.

For some people, that could be playing tennis on a weekly basis, for others, it could be catching up with different friends over a drink or coffee over the course of a month. You should always be looking to make time for your fun and enjoyment as you see it best. It takes effort, communication, and planning but it’s better than just going through the motions without breaking up the daily grind a bit.

Being able to plan a vacation, a concert, a hike, or just time spent with loved ones is what really will fuel you through the ups and downs of professional and academic life. You need interests, hobbies, experiences, and people you like to get more out of life beyond the briefcase or backpack. We were not meant to live to work and earn our daily bread alone. Take the time out when you can to have something to look forward to doing, experiencing, or enjoying, whatever that may be, guilt free.

There will always be plenty of hours to give for that job, that class, or that bill payment, but there is less time for our free time by and large. That is why it’s important to plan out your free time well, to have a life beyond the grind, and to create fun, joy, and laughter wherever you can, whenever you can. Enjoy your free time and make the most of it because it’s not for forever and you need to make the most of the time we are given to pursue our own happiness.

Why It’s Important to Romanticize Life a Little (While Not Losing Your Grip on Reality)

“When I say romanticize life, it’s about choosing a balance between being aware of suffering and cruelty in all its forms but not letting it steal our joy or every drop of beauty we should experience during our short time we are living on this planet.”

A star-filled sky, a sunset that looks like a colorful painting come to life, a delicious cup of coffee on a patio or rooftop, a smile from a stranger, or a song that just puts you in a good mood; romanticizing life itself is important to maintaining one’s contentedness. Romanticizing life itself isn’t about deluding oneself about the ills of our troubled world or denying that life has its problems, but it’s about choosing meaning, joy, and pleasure in a chaotic thing that we call existence. When I say romanticize life, it’s about choosing a balance between being aware of suffering and cruelty in all its forms but not letting it steal our joy or every drop of beauty we should experience during our short time we are living on this planet.

What does it mean exactly to romanticize life itself? For me, it’s about viewing life not only through its troubles, struggles, and effort, but also about embracing wonder in all its forms, keeping your imagination going, and living life with intention to observe joy and be appreciative of being able to exist in this moment. Being able to romanticize life does not come easy and we can lose track of how precious life really is. However, you can appreciate life more when you’re able to enjoy the small rituals and little moments that bring you a sense of calm and contentedness.

Maybe it’s your morning coffee or your daily walk around the neighborhood. If you’re a parent, maybe it’s the sound of your child’s laughter or if you’re married, your partner smiling at you. In those precious moments, you are left with a sense of what the good stuff in life is and that it can be good. You know those moments don’t last forever so it’s important to recognize them when they happen and to find enjoyment in them. I also think romanticizing life is about embracing yourself as the ‘main character’, which I have written about in a previous article. Being able to embrace new places, new foods, new cultures, and new adventures can give your life much more volume of good memories, meaningful connections, and some amazing stories to tell upon your return.

Life isn’t perfect and neither is your own, but it’s important to remind yourself daily of the good stuff even if it’s minor things in your routine and daily rituals. Even if life seems bad, I always think there’s the ‘little’ things in life to be grateful for and to remind yourself of what to be fortunate for even if things can look bleak at times. Romanticizing life matters even more in today’s world in my view. Modern life is designed to overwhelm us seemingly everyday and can drain our joy completely if we are not careful.

A lot of us are burnt out from work, overstimulated by 24/7 news cycles, and overwhelmed by the technological change going on around us. Romanticizing life is not about ignoring these changes going on around us but to remember exactly why life is still beautiful and how to find out what inspires us, moves us, and allows us to embrace the good things in our world.

It is also a good antidote to apathy, nihilism, and numbness to the problems in our society because remembering the good things in life and what’s worth fighting for. We cannot control the world or right every wrong, but we can control how we experience and move through the world in our own way. Being able to romanticize life and the good it can offer us encourages positive feelings of gratitude, mindfulness, and presence especially when there are so many distractions around that can cause us to lose sight of what we really should be focusing on.

While I advocate for romanticizing life, I’ll never shy away from acknowledge the pain and suffering we all inevitably go through in life. However, we cannot let ourselves be consumed by the pain we experience or seek to escape reality in unhealthy ways. Remember to be able to hold the good and the bad of life in you, the joy and the grief, stress and peace, happiness and sadness.

Don’t romanticize life to escape your problems or the pain you experience but instead use it as a tool to ground yourself, to have perspective, and to think in a more balanced way rather than ‘everything is terrible’ or ‘everything is perfect.’ For some examples of this you may experience in life, you can still pay your bills and light a candle for a nice dinner in the same day. You can still enjoy Paris while it’s raining down on you and you’re late for a tour. You can still have a bad day and still journal your thoughts down while being grateful for the good things you have in your life overall.

As the famous philosopher Albert Camus once wrote, “There is no love of life without despair of life.” To me, this quote represents that you can still be in touch with life’s beauty and joy without being broken by the pain and sorrow you experience that’s a part of life too. This is the kind of perspective that you should be cultivating like Mr. Camus in that you need to be romanticizing the ordinary and mundane of life and to find some beauty in it if you can.

How to do this exactly? Well, I like to write and observe to romanticize and find joy in the world. For others, it could be reading literature, watching films, or learning about art. Even better than that is to create these types of output yourself and to collaborate and work with others because building out human connection through these endeavors makes life more enjoyable and makes it easier to romanticize it all.

Romanticizing life does not mean broadcasting for the world every photo you take, every meal you consume, or every sunset you enjoy. It’s about living in the moment, not being performative or fake about what you experience, and taking the time to really embrace beauty wherever it can be found. It’s about being intentional in how you embrace life, little by little, the good and the bad. You need to have perspective in that things are never as bad as they seem nor as good as they seem. Romanticizing life is not about pretending bad things don’t exist or that good things don’t exist, but it’s about believing in that there is good in the world still and it’s worth taking pleasure in.

If you’re into romanticizing life through travel and adventure, do more of that, and for others it could be the comfort of family and friends, while others can do it more simply with watching the passing of a cloud or the blossoming of a flower, you need to find one small way each day to bring some good energy to your life and to uplift oneself when you can. Life is not meant to be an endless grind where we are meant to struggle endlessly without taking some time to reflect, be present, embrace beauty when we see it, and to live life with as much passion as you can muster when we find things worth enjoying, both big and small, both random and planned, and above all else, reminds us that while life can be tough, it can also be beautiful too.

Having ‘Main Character Energy’ in 2025 and Beyond

“As we enter the new year of 2025, this mindset offers a guide to prioritizing experiences and hobbies that bring both joy and excitement as we aim to lead more fulfilling lives.”

In this age of social media and the constant pressure to prioritize self-expression, the concept of having “main character energy” has recently captured the imagination of popular culture. This recent internet-born slang expression reflects the central idea of viewing your life as a narrative where you’re the protagonist, who is taking charge of your story, and embracing a sense of adventure, purpose, and individuality in what you choose to do in your free time. As we enter the new year of 2025, this mindset offers a guide to prioritizing experiences and hobbies that bring both joy and excitement as we aim to lead more fulfilling lives.

What exactly does it mean to have “main character energy”? At its core, “main character energy” is about seeing yourself as the center of your life, with complete control over what you do, where you go, and who you spend your time with. At its essence, it’s about celebrating authenticity, confidence, and self-awareness. Popular culture has fueled this idea, emphasizing the need to live boldly and create new memories through having unique experiences, both individually and with others in your life.

The concept also ties into the broader cultural shift toward mindfulness and self-care. Being the “main character” doesn’t mean being self-absorbed or ignoring others. Rather, it’s about finding as much meaning as possible in your daily life and curating experiences that reflect your passions and interests. It’s also about stepping out of your comfort zone to challenge yourself with new activities and experiences. Instead of falling into an endless and mundane routine throughout the year, having “main character energy” means starting a new hobby, embarking on a trip to a new place, or learning a skill you’ve been curious about.

Living with “main character energy” is less about the aesthetics of a lifestyle and more about harnessing your mindset and actions. It’s about taking ownership of your narrative and injecting it with moments that make life feel both cinematic and memorable. Here’s how you can channel this energy in 2025:

First, prioritize your experiences over material things. In 2025, we should focus more on trading material possessions for memorable experiences. Whether it’s traveling to a new city or country, trying a new restaurant down the street, taking a salsa dance class, or learning a new language, stepping out of your comfort zone can create unforgettable memories and help you grow as a person.

Additionally, rediscover those hobbies that ignite your creativity or start new ones. Painting, writing, coding, gardening, hiking, or even starting a book club can make your life feel more vibrant and less routine. When you invest in your passions, your life gains greater depth, and you become more connected to your overall story.

Main character moments aren’t reserved for those grand adventures that may occur just once a year or a few times each year. They’re also about making the most of the mundane in our daily lives. Romantic or memorable moments can exist in small, everyday joys, no matter how routine they seem. Sipping coffee in the morning, walking through a park, listening to the birds chirping, or watching a sunset can feel magical when you slow down and savor the moment instead of rushing to the next task.

If you’re a fan of cinema or books, you’ll notice protagonists in movies and novels take leaps of faith and so should you. Apply for that dream job, take a sabbatical to travel the world, confess your feelings to someone you love, or start a side hustle or passion project and see it grow. Bold moves in your life create turning points in your personal story.

Engaging in “main character” activities in your life means intentionally seeking out joy, adventure, and self-expression instead of waiting for them to find you, which rarely happens. It’s about taking a solo trip and feeling the thrill of independence, creating a music playlist that feels like the soundtrack to your life, or hosting a themed dinner party with friends who share your interests and passions. These moments don’t just fill your time or break up your routine; they also enrich your narrative.

In 2025 and beyond, prioritizing “main character energy” means embracing life with a renewed sense of wonder and enthusiasm. It’s about creating the biggest story worth telling: the one of a life, filled with curiosity, courage, and connection. When you step into the role of the main character, you’re not just living life like everyone else is. You are choosing instead to make it truly your own with your own interests, passions, and joys at the forefront, thriving as a result and making the most of the limited time we have on this planet. The best part of embracing the “main character” energy in your own life? The pen is always in your hands to write your own story as you see fit.

What Is Your Spice of Life?

“You may be able to find this in your studies, your daily vocation, or even your career, but for many of us, what you do to earn a living may not make up what you are excited most about in the act of living. We often must look elsewhere outside what we do day to day to find our ‘spice of life.’”

How do we explore the full richness of life? This is the kind of age-old question that philosophers and writers have asked for many centuries. What truly fulfills us and makes us enjoy what life has to offer? I would argue that it’s more important than ever to find the ‘spice’ in life that makes you excited, engaged, and fulfilled. You may be able to find this in your studies, your daily vocation, or even your career, but for many of us, what you do to earn a living may not make up what you are excited most about in the act of living. We often must look elsewhere outside what we do day to day to find our ‘spice of life.’

To get your ‘spice of life’ these days, you have to be willing to put yourself out there and try different things. What gets you excited, motivated, and fulfills you today may not be what motivates you years or decades down the line. You should remember that you won’t enjoy everything you do or try forever so it’s important to stay open minded about other possibilities and to not be tethered to one hobby or interest only. Some people have lifelong loves for different activities, hobbies, or sports, which is great, but you may not be able to do it for the rest of your life so keep it in mind that you don’t get attached to one single activity, hobby, or sport because you may not be able to commit to it forever or be as productive or successful at it in the long term.

I think it is wise to keep your identity pliable not just for one job or one academic calling but to be open to learning new things, to experimenting with new ideas, and to trying out different activities that you have some basic interest in. You won’t love everything you do, and you may only do it for a few months or a few years, but it is much better than the alternative of not having done anything at all. Our collective attention spans have become so short due to modern technology that we don’t even try new things or are patient with it because we are too distracted by the latest gadget or technological development.

True fulfillment and satisfaction can come from mastery of a subject or an activity for which you pored countless hours into and never gave up at it. You can also find the ‘spice of life’ from having fun with it and doing it just for enjoyment alone and not to master it completely. Life has a lot to offer and it’s important to keep that in mind beyond our careers and our education. We may have limited time to do what we want to do but we must prioritize that time because without our own choice(s) in what we want to do, we will not find any fulfillment at all. We can find fulfillment both in our day-to-day pursuits but also in those pursuits we do each week or each month without a set schedule in mind.

To find consistent joy in life is not easy, but it can be done by not giving up, by trying out new things, and by doing those things consistently for a little while to see if it is giving you happiness or fulfillment. Being able to give an activity or a hobby at least a few weeks or a month to try it out is key. If you find you are getting bored with something and don’t enjoy it as much or as often, it is okay to put it on the back burner, but don’t be afraid to try something else. Our likes and dislikes change as we go through life, but it is important to keep finding that ‘spice’ in our lives that gets us excited, keeps us motivated, and brings us joy.

Remember to never completely giving up on finding your own passions and fulfillment in life. It is not easy and is something you must continually motivate yourself to do but it can help your life satisfaction out to have something that you enjoy outside of what you have to do each day. Having nothing to enjoy or have fun doing could remove all the ‘spice’ or ‘zest’ that makes life worth living and you want to avoid getting into that kind of scenario. Be ready to try new things, find activities to do by yourself or with others, and be open minded in what you think you would enjoy.

It helps to make a list of activities or things that you have done that you would like to do again as well as those activities or things you’ve never done before but would like to try. There are tons of activities, hobbies, sports, or things to do in this world and you just have to try a few at a time to retain the ‘spice of life.’ Make sure you live life to the fullest in this way and I promise that you will not be disappointed by making the conscious choice to try new things.

Don’t Rely on Others for Your Happiness

“Happiness is fleeting, comes and goes, and can come from a variety of sources, sometimes unexpectedly. I want you to be sure, dear reader, that you can diversify your happiness as much as possible.”

It’s important that I give my readers a little bit of tough love every now and then. I don’t do it to be negative but to give some advice that may help you out in the future. You can think I am wrong on this one, but I’ll be sure to defend where I’m coming from here. ‘Don’t Rely on Others for Your Happiness’ is what I am wanting to get across to you if nothing else. Happiness is fleeting, comes and goes, and can come from a variety of sources, sometimes unexpectedly. I want you to be sure, dear reader, that you can diversify your happiness as much as possible.

To put it simply, you need to be always cultivating both your internal happiness as well as your external happiness. You cannot have one form of happiness without the other and you should be continually trying to exercise both forms of happiness when you can. Happiness must be experienced, and it can be a futile emotion to pursue. It comes naturally to us, often when we least expect it, and can come from both within us and from those around us. Being happy because someone made you smile, someone made you loved, or even someone made you laugh is just as important as being happy from your own accomplishment(s), your own spirituality, and by being around the right environment.

In my view, happiness should be experienced both internally and externally. It can also be a bit of a balancing act but to neglect your own internal happiness especially or the ability to create your own happiness without others’ input is a key trait that you should always have available to you. If other people can give you happiness and then take it away just as easily without you being able to create that happiness that they took away, then you’re going to be in trouble in terms of your emotional state. Depending on another person or even another thing for all your happiness is a recipe for disaster.

It can be invigorating at first for someone to add on to your happiness by leaps and bounds. You never knew perhaps that you could be that happy or feel as happy as often. You’re basically on ‘cloud nine’ and you owe it to someone else. This can be an emotional kind of apex that gives your life that much more enjoyment and contentedness. While this kind of life event whether it’s a new relationship, a new friendship, or even a new role in society that others rely on you before, it should not take away from your own way to generate happiness internally.

I don’t discourage you from maximizing your happiness but if you rely on someone else such as a lover, a friend, a family member, etc. for all your happiness to be generated then that can lead to a very negative place. You should remember that if someone can give you all your happiness and heighten it to a new level; they can easily take it away just as fast and leave you without any of that emotion left if you let yourself be wrapped up in their adoration, love, or friendship. What I encourage you to remember is that it is good to be happy from what others share with you and what they help you enjoy about life, but don’t let yourself be at the whim of their ability to give you happiness…or not at all.

Always keep some of your own happiness in a personal reserve that cannot be taken away from anyone else regardless of what they mean to you personally. While external validation, love, and warmth is beautiful to enjoy, you should let it be the end all be all your emotional state. It is vital to look within yourself to generate your own happiness even if it comes less often to you or is as not as intense or long-lasting as that external kind of happiness. Internal happiness tends to take discipline, patience, and even action on your own part. It is often not given to you like external happiness but must be done by your own self without any support or encouragement.

When it comes to creating your own happiness, look to yourself to find joy and pleasure in other ways whether it’s a stroll in nature, a goal you’re seeking to accomplish, a new place to travel to and enjoy, or even being able to manage your life well by cleaning your place or by eating healthy. The better you take care of yourself, the happier you’ll be as a result. It’s important to not neglect yourself in your pursuit of happiness externally. Some of the best gratification and contentedness can come from reaching your own goals, having your own unique experiences, or having your own accomplishments that you achieved through hard work and effort.

If you are not able to generate your own feelings of happiness, it is going to be much harder to have external happiness from others as well. If you are not able to laugh, to dance, to celebrate, to enjoy, etc. without it being done with another person by your side, then that is a slippery slope towards not having any happiness at all. While it is great to having both internal and external happiness come together, if you cannot have your own internal happiness first, there is no way in my view for you to have the external happiness to come next. Forming some internal happiness first is the key step to being able to share in being happy with others.

You also should not look to become a total hermit and only take in happiness internally. It is good to share moments of happiness with other people so make sure to get out there once you have that sense of your own happiness that can be generated on your own to seek that external validation within reason to make your life even more content and joyful. To conclude, it does no good for you to have one without the other when it comes to happiness so make sure you work on cultivating both internal and external happiness but if you can only choose one that comes first, make sure you don’t rely on others for your happiness alone and to start with your internal sense of what it means to be happy first.

A Pleasant Vision

“The cool, ocean breeze blows the wisps of water onto my face and my hair with the soft rustle of the wind refreshing and relaxing me as the sunset envelopes the bright horizon leaving just one solid line of distinction on the horizon to separate the sea from the sky.”

The sand beneath me is coarse yet soft as it envelopes my feet and legs whole as I begin to pull myself up after admiring the waves lapping up to cool my body and soothe my worries as if I were in a welcome trance. Looking around at the vast sunset before me, the canvas of colors from blue to yellow to orange to pink, light up the seascape village I find myself near to but still so far away from. The cool, ocean breeze blows the wisps of water onto my face and my hair with the soft rustle of the wind refreshing and relaxing me as the sunset envelopes the bright horizon leaving just one solid line of distinction on the horizon to separate the sea from the sky.

I am wearing all-white as I pick myself up out of the sand and I see the shimmering lights behind me of a picturesque village where there is laughter, unknown music, and the smell of delicious food cooking over an open flame. After the sun sets over the village, I feel the distinct urge to go towards the village where everything and nothing seems familiar to me at the same time. The shimmering lights help me as I climb from the base of the beach up through the rocky hillside feeling at ease even as my bare feet climb over the rocks and shrubbery covered boulders.

As I climb higher and higher to the top of the hillside that juts out of this mountainous formation, the sound of people in different languages laughing heartily, the sounds of beautiful music playing in a sweet symphony as to not clash with the people’s joy. The smells of enticing foods, which become more and more familiar to me that come either from a distant past or of a future yet to come. The arduous hill climbing causes me to stumble and rest prematurely but I am undeterred. I do not bleed and while I tire, I do not fall back. Eventually, I make my way to the entrance of this pristine yet unfamiliar village with cobbled streets and stucco walls. Each of the village homes I walk past have large windows but no one’s inside, the walls are white or pastel-colored, and the arches speak to a grandeur of which I immediately fall in love with.

The windows and doors are arched with beige or dark red clay roof tiles with outdoor space with gardens likely filled with lush tomatoes and other plants to grow one’s own food. Surprisingly, I encounter women and men dressed from different eras on these cobbled streets who greet me in the languages of my ancestors. They have carriages and horses with them and exchange pleasantries with me as I pass them by on the way to the party. While I do not know them, they know me and perhaps they’ve known me my whole life. Even though I am tired from my journey, my hunger and thirst apparent to them all, they whisper words of belonging and encouragement in my ears and tell me that, “everyone is waiting for me.”

Who is everyone? Is it my friends? My family? My loves of past, present, or future? Where am I? Questions wash over me, but I am not anxious. It’s that strange sense of anticipation that comes after a fortuitous journey where my last destination is not known but I have no doubt of where it is that I am supposed to go. I am here for a reason and while I do not know when, where, or how I got here, I finally know that I have a destination in mind that may be what I was looking for all along.

Once I get there, the high, wooden entrance of a pure white village house made of solid brown doors swing wide open for me as an honored guest. There are sturdy, mahogany tables filled with known faces who have known me throughout my life and unknown yet familiar faces who I may be related to by blood or folks who I don’t remember as a child or baby but have also met them at one point or another. The tables and chairs seem to go on forever up to the edge of the hillside looking out on the moon, the sea, and the stars as gloriously bright as can be with no way not see hundreds or thousands in the night sky. Ornate dining sets have been set up with wine goblets and delicious foods with peaceful music playing in the background and it seems everyone is waiting for me to arrive to begin the meal together.

Everybody at each table is dressed up in their own regalia from the era they lived in and are at the age that they most would like to be remembered by. Surprisingly, while each person is exchanging languages with each other that they themselves may not speak, they are somehow being instantaneously translated so everyone can understand one another even while having not been from the same century or same continent.

It dawns on me that this is exactly where I’m meant to be. The food is as delicious as can be, the wine and other drinks plentiful, and everyone is enjoying each other’s company with pure joy and happiness lighting up the evening. They all know me as if I were a family…which I am. Many hugs, kisses, and handshakes are exchanged as each of my ancestors and family members encourage me to join them at the table through a night that seems to stretch across time like a flowing river.

I am the latest to arrive to the celebration here, but it feels like they’ve all been waiting a while for me to join them here at this heavenly setting. There is no mention of anything negative in the conversations I have. We don’t highlight my or their own Earthly failures, setbacks, heartbreaks, and tragedies. There is just happiness, joy, warmth, and discussing the fine setting and meal we find ourselves enjoying together after having been apart. There are no hard feelings, no pain, no remorse, no odd person out, as we are a whole family again united after all this time, which feels like just yesterday we were all together but may have been decades, centuries, or millennia since our paths have crossed. If this is heaven, I ask myself, it is certainly a pleasant vision of it.