Category: gestures

I’ll Take Kind Gestures Over Kind Words Any Day

“When was the last time someone let you merge into traffic or grabbed you a coffee without asking? Too long, right? Small gestures like these can make your day or even your week. We’re taught from a young age that kind words keep the world turning, but words are just the starting point.”

When was the last time someone let you merge into traffic or grabbed you a coffee without asking? Too long, right? Small gestures like these can make your day or even your week. We’re taught from a young age that kind words keep the world turning, but words are just the starting point.

Even rarer than kind words are kind actions. Post-COVID, people’s social skills have atrophied, making everyday courtesies harder to come by. Things like holding the door, walking on the right side of the sidewalk, or letting someone merge on the highway might seem small but they matter far more than words alone, and we could all use more of them.

Having these kinds of gestures be optional instead of compulsory represents an overall reflection of the fracturing of what used to be common courtesy along with the kind of bare minimum expectations we have of one another too often. Instead of kind gestures, we often have the opposite now: people being loud in public places, not using earphones or headphones on their meetings or in the music they listen to, or just not minding their body language or others’ personal space. I value the importance of these basic gestures because they take such little time or self-awareness yet have become harder to find even when I consider them to be increasingly important to societal harmony.

It’s one thing for strangers to abstain from kind gestures or words but it’s entirely another when they come from business associates, colleagues, family, or friends. Taking the initiative and building a two-sided friendship or relationship, professional or personal, doesn’t take much to sustain but it truly can make a world of difference to the other person(s). Such kind gestures mean more than the average word could ever and people really remember those sincere actions more than giving a basic compliment or heaping on effusive praise.

These kind gestures depend on the kind of relationship you have with the person or group in question, but sending business associates a holiday card or remembering their birthday can strengthen the relationship significantly. You could also offer to buy them coffee or tea for providing advice or mentorship with your work or business. With work colleagues, it doesn’t hurt to share your appreciation in giving a kind word for them, but it could mean much more to bring in food or drinks for lunch or help them with a problem they are having on a difficult project. If you’re a manager, kind words are nice to hear but recognizing your employees with a bonus, a promotion, or just an award or other kind of real recognition can make a huge difference with morale building or employee retention at your firm.

With one’s family and friends, it’s always important to say ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and show your appreciation for their presence in your life. However, it’s always better to take the initiative to ask them out for a dinner or a concert or just to give them a call consistently to check-in with them and see how they’re really doing. Keeping a friendship or family relationship in good shape is hard to do but at least making the effort to see each other and to do so in a two-way manner is key to keeping it sustainable.

Being complimentary, supportive, and positive are all great with your words but real actions or gestures will always speak loudest. That’s especially the case when you’ve known that person a long time and have a history together. Sometimes, friendships end out of nowhere and family bonds are breakable by one party or the other, but if you want to make a real effort, make sure to rely on kind gestures primarily because they mean a lot more to someone than your words.

These days, it’s hard to get kind words out of strangers or people you don’t know and even more so when it comes to expecting basic social graces or gestures of kindness. As a result, we are starved for those kinds of gestures and actions that are unprompted, considerate, and relevant to us. We need those friends, family, and even close associates doing kind things for us and for them to be reciprocated as well because it helps foster our happiness, joy, and overall life satisfaction more than we think.

Kindness begets kindness. While words can move the needle, gestures, actions, and time spent together make a world of difference. Remember: kind words are the minimum of a polite society but making kind gestures second nature to you, especially for the people in your orbit, will make your life richer and fuller. Tomorrow, remember to hold the door for someone, send that quick ‘thank you’ note if someone did something kind for you, or buy a mentor or a friend a cup of coffee. Small gestures always make a big impact, which makes life better for everyone.

What It Really Means to Be a True Friend

“Having a true friend is hard to come by and it’s important to get better at distinguish who is a ‘true’ or ‘real’ friend and who should deserve that kind of title in your mind.”

People tend to throw the word ‘friend’ around a lot especially when you may be desperate or wanting to have a new ‘friend’ come into your life. It is natural to want to build rapport with someone and to do so quickly. It is good to have someone want to spend time with you and get to know you are. When you are short on friends or when friends you know have moved on to a different town, city, or country, you want to work on replacing those lost or far away friendships that you used to have.

Especially as you get older, friends move away, get married, have children, and it can be hard to keep those friendships the same or keep them alive in a meaningful away. Having a true friend is hard to come by and it’s important to get better at distinguish who is a ‘true’ or ‘real’ friend and who should deserve that kind of title in your mind.

Unless the bonds you have are broken or ruptured due to any kind of factor, which does happen in life, you will still have your friends to pick up the connection again despite factor of distance or life circumstances. A friendship that has been established for years or decades doesn’t ever fully go away but you both must work to keep in touch to keep the flame alive into the future. Friendships do fade away, and you or the other person may not be getting what you need to keep it going. It can be sad to let go of a friendship especially when you invest the time, the emotions, and the money spent to keep it alive, but that is just part of life.

We have a tendency in American culture to form friendships at a dizzying pace or want to have someone as a friend quickly to ensure our own need for popularity or for social status. Other cultures tend to be slower in establishing those tight social connections or friendships, but once you do, you have a friend for life, or you have a true friend under a separate kind of category that should be reserved for a few friends and not for many connections or acquaintances.

Yes, we do throw around the word ‘friend’ a lot and too quickly. However, you should be wary of entrusting people who you consider ‘friends’ without feeling out how much that friendship entails. When I think of the meaning of a ‘true friend’, it is deeper than getting drinks every now and then or meeting up to play a sport or do an activity, it is someone who you can share both the good and the bad in your life and they can do the same with you. You don’t have to reveal your whole life story or be exhaustive about it, but a true friend is someone for whom you can be vulnerable with. A true friend won’t judge you for looking for their help, advice, or let you vent to them every now and then.

There are also several kind and thoughtful gestures a friend would do for you whereas an acquaintance or social connection would not. When you need to move and you’re free to lend a helping hand with the furniture, that is a true friend in action. If you need a ride to and from the airport and they don’t mind it even when it’s a little out of the way, that is a true friend. If you need a place to sleep or ‘crash’, and you would rather not splurge for a hotel room, a true friend will offer you their coach or a spare bedroom.

Now, there are two sides to any friendship so keep in mind that if they are willing to do that for you, you should try to do the same for them if the need arises. It is not being transactional but it’s remembering that any true friendship needs effort from both people, and it is good to look out for another especially in an increasingly isolated and technologically driven world. Our phone or our computer or our AI chat tool will never be a replacement for a true friend who is a real person, one whom you can share stories with, help each other with advice, and lend a hand to you when you are in need. Now, you can still drink, eat, play sports, or hang out with a ‘friend’, but if that friend isn’t someone who you can confide in, discuss life and its happenings, or be there for each other, it’s not a deep friendship or can be a bit shallow.

True friendships in my view take years or even decades to foster so while it’s good to try to make new friends, don’t neglect the older friendships you have that can be revived or don’t be too quick to trust someone without giving the friendship time to bloom and see if you both are compatible in the long-run. I would rather have five ‘true friends’ than a hundred or more ‘friends’ who don’t really know me, care about me, or for whom we are close enough to help each other out or just look out for each other.

Friendships are like relationships, though platonic in nature, they are just as important to foster in a healthy manner and that both people are contributing to it. You can start off just as acquaintances but if you’re putting in the time, trying on each side, and growing deeper as friends over the months and years, instead of staying in the shallow subjects, you really are building the ‘true friendships’ that survive time, distance, and other challenges.

Even if you’re married, or have children, or are busy at work, you also need friends and healthy friendships so keep trying to create them, build them, and be a good friend to others in your life. Remember to have quality friendships over the quantity of them as having a few friends for life is much better than have 100 friends who will drop you in a few months because you couldn’t keep up with their lifestyle or their demands or their ‘image.’ True friendship is missing someone when they’re gone and looking forward to the day when you can rekindle the friendship anew.

Kindness Always Matters

“One of those things is the effort taken to be kind. It does not take much to do and while it can be difficult to be kind all the time, it doesn’t cost anything, and the effort is always worth it.”

There are a few things in life that are non-negotiable. One of those things is the effort taken to be kind. It does not take much to do and while it can be difficult to be kind all the time, it doesn’t cost anything, and the effort is always worth it. Some of the issues that we experience in our world is due to a lack of kindness in our daily interactions. If more people tried to be kind towards one another, I could guarantee that a lot of conflict, irritation, and resentment would go away.

Someone who is always kind to anyone regardless of who they are or what they can or cannot do for the person will stand out even more. The smallest gestures can make all the difference in another person’s day or week. As the popular saying goes, “It costs nothing to be kind.” I would add on to that saying but highlighting that, “It costs nothing to be kind, but it means everything to be kind.” When you do kind gestures and use kind words, not only will it reflect well on you, but it will also endear you to the people around you.

When we are living in a day and age of rapid technological, social, and political change, it is even more important to stay true to the morals and values that make people trust, believe, and have faith in one another. Showing kindness and being a kind person helps make the world a little bit better in a measurable way. I have written before about the ripple effect and how your kind gesture is likely to lead to another kind gesture from the person you impact. I’ll give an example to highlight just exactly what I mean.

We open and close doors multiple times a day and usually we are in a public place when we must do this. It takes approximately three to five seconds to hold the door open for the next person. You may not think it’s a kind gesture, but I would like you to imagine that the person behind you has a bag or two bags in their hand. Maybe, they also have their dog with them, or they are on a cell phone call. Thus, when you put it like that, the simple gesture of opening the door for them so they don’t have to use their arms if they’re full or if they’re busy with another urgent task can make all the difference.

You will have to exert a little bit of physical effort to hold that door open to a complete stranger but think about if they automatically would not hold the door open for you when you are in need. It would not feel that good to you if you were the person occupied with other items or tasks and the person before you did not hold the door open for you when you need that. When it comes to kindness, we do have to think about being in someone else’s shoes and how a lack of kindness can make our day worse and not better.

I do believe that when you do a kind gesture for someone, they will likely then reciprocate by following that learned behavior. It’s similar to what we do when we are children, and someone offers us a piece of gum, or a candy and we do that to someone else as we learn that “sharing is caring.” You can have that kind of impact each day by holding the door open for someone reminding them that they themselves can do that same small act of kindness for the next time when the opportunity presents itself.

In the Post-COVID era where we were instructed to stay away from each other to prevent the pandemic from spreading, I think it’s not even more important to get back to looking out for each other in the opposite way by looking out for one another even more after a hard period of isolation, distress, and uncertainty. The world remains in a tumultuous and difficult period still but now we have the chance to make life a little easier by being kind because it is the right thing to do as we are taught since we are children.

Whether it is holding that proverbial door open or asking how someone is really doing and hearing them out if they are not doing well, or remembering to check in with friends and family from time to time and asking if they need help with anything, especially if you have elder family members in need. We truly show our humanity when we look out for one another, and it is the singular characteristic for which we will be remembered for or not remembered for when we are gone from this Earth.

While we would like to think we were remembered for having a prestigious job or for all the things we did for our own personal gain or benefit, or for what kind of impact we had in the world, which are not bad things to be remembered for, I do think it is better to be remembered as a kind person firstly. I believe it is best for others who will remember you to focus most on if you were the kind of person who endeared himself or herself to others in a selfless manner without expectation of a return for having done so.

You can bet that if you are a kind person, people who will remember you when you’re gone will focus on that quality more than anything else. If you have ignored being kind to others or have not focused on it as a character trait, it is never too late to instill more kindness to people in your life. Every effort matters and kindness always matters. If you can change your ways to a better person, being a kind person is a trait that will always be remembered long after you’re gone. Remember that people are struggling out there and the simplest kind gesture of asking how a person is doing, opening the door for someone else, and checking in on people to help them if they are in need is the greatest gift to share in this world.