Tag: self-esteem

Get Used to Rejection

“Rather than hide from a rejection, be ready to embrace and learn from it. Rejections should serve to motivate you to be better, do better, and keep striving forwards to reaching your goals and not letting rejection stop you in your tracks. Get used to rejection because it’s a part of life, but it’s not our whole life.”

Rejection is never enjoyable nor is it pleasant. It is something you always want to forget immediately and to bury it in the recesses of your brain, never to be thought of or remembered again. However, like death and taxes, I truly believe rejection is an inevitable part of life and it happens to everyone. We can never go through life being accepted for everything or being accepted by everyone. Because rejection is so much a part of our life, it is better to face it head on rather than try to hide from it or ignore it completely.

We never really like to address rejection or talk about when they happen. We often feel that reflects who we are rather than what the other person or job or opportunity is looking for. Sure, there are times where maybe we didn’t put the best foot forward or ace the interview or be able to show the best of ourselves to the person(s) considering us, but often, the rejection itself may be a factor of other circumstances beyond what kind of effort you put in or who you are as a person. Even if you get rejected, it’s not a wholesale rejection of who you are but rather there is incompatibility there to begin with or it just wasn’t going to work out in the long run.

It is very hard for us to predict what we will be accepted or rejected for. That fact makes it even more important for us to put ourselves out there even more because the more no’s you get, the likelier it is you’ll eventually get to the ‘yes.’ As the popular expression goes, “Practice makes perfect,” and I do believe it is necessary to face your rejections head on rather than to just get rejected once and then call it quits, never to go through it again. Giving up entirely should not be an option if you want it that badly and you should not be afraid to try again. Yes, rejection hurts and it stings for a while, but it is better for you to build your self-confidence up and shore up your self-esteem by trying than to go through life being afraid of it.

Getting used to rejection does not mean give up after getting the rejection. No, it means you must understand that rejections will happen but the more you try, the likelier it is you’ll find that job, that relationship, that big sale, etc. that you can be proud of after getting to that ‘yes.’ Being rejected is good for one’s ego in that it both keeps it in check and keeps you humble. Maybe you need to do things differently to get that acceptance or maybe work a bit harder or try something new after getting rejected.

You don’t give up, but you keep working at it, getting better, trying again, or even asking the person(s) who rejected you politely why the rejection happened. Asking about the rejection can be a bit sensitive but it doesn’t hurt to see why it wasn’t the right fit or place for you but if an answer isn’t forthcoming, you should just move on and try your efforts elsewhere.

I’m a New York Jets American football fan but I can’t help but think of the story about former New England Patriots quarterback, Tom Brady, when it comes to a story about rejection. Multiple NFL teams chose other quarterbacks ahead of this Hall of Fame player and 198 players went ahead of him in the draft. They essentially rejected him as a quarterback and didn’t think he had it in him to lead their team to a Super Bowl. I’m sure this would have hurt Tom Brady quite a bit waiting for his name to be called. Expecting to be drafted and waiting through 198 players before you in a draft would have that effect on anyone. I’m sure Tom was discouraged but eventually, the New England Patriots took a chance on him and drafted him 199th in the sixth round.

This kind of rejection likely lit a fire under young Tom Brady especially when New England did not consider him at the time to be the kind of NFL quarterback and legend, he turned out to be. Tom did not let the rejection get to him from the other teams, but it motivated him even more to turn those rejections against those teams who did not think he was worth drafting. He worked harder than any other player on the roster, kept his body in better shape than any other quarterback, and put more time in the film room than many NFL veteran players.

The results speak for themselves today as Tom Brady is widely considered the greatest quarterback of all-time and won seven Super Bowl championships and multiple Most Valuable Player (MVP) awards during his 22-year career. Again, I wish the New York Jets had drafted him in the 1st round so we would be talking about how great of a Jets quarterback he was but rejection by my team led to the Patriots getting him later in the sixth round.

I hope that anecdote about Tom Brady, the Patriots former quarterback, will be a lesson for us all on how rejection, while painful and disappointing, can spur us to still be successful and achieve our goals elsewhere. We all are going to get rejected for something whether it’s a job opportunity, making a sale for our company, asking that cute girl or guy for a date with you, or even not being picked to go on a work trip or getting chosen last for the local kickball team. The key is to take it in stride, move on to another opportunity, continue to work hard, improve, and prove the doubters wrong, and to never, ever give up.

Rather than hide from a rejection, be ready to embrace and learn from it. As a child, we don’t know any better when it comes to rejection because it’s so new to us and it hurts the most, but when you’re an adult or even teenager, you should be used to it by now and it should be something that you’re able to handle in a mature manner. It’s never easy but living your life in a way where you avoid it at all costs is neither productive nor healthy. Next time you get rejected, take a deep breath, ask yourself if you put your best effort forward, see where you might have gone wrong or ask for an answer if feasible, and keep moving on and don’t look back. Rejections should serve to motivate you to be better, do better, and keep striving forwards to reaching your goals and not letting rejection stop you in your tracks. Get used to rejection because it’s a part of life, but it’s not our whole life.

The Art of Introspection

“There is no shame in turning inwards from time to time. When I say turning inwards, I am referring to the art of introspection.”

There is no shame in turning inwards from time to time. When I say turning inwards, I am referring to the art of introspection. Being able to concentrate solely on your thoughts, emotions, and feelings is a key part of being emotionally mature. Now, it does not mean that you are constantly evaluating how you feel about someone or something 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but rather you are taking a few minutes or even an hour out of each day to step back, just pause and think, and reflect on how you are doing emotionally.

Being in touch with how you are doing without being prompted by someone else is healthy emotionally. Also, no one knows how you are feeling, what your thoughts are, or what you believe better than you. We can get caught up a great deal in how others view us and what they are thinking about us when the priority should be about what we are thinking or feeling about ourselves instead. Consciously stepping back from the world to analyze our thought processes, our feelings, and our worldview is a healthy thing to do, and I really encourage every reader perusing this article to do so daily, if not each week if you are pressed for time.

Introversion is never a sign of weakness or aloofness. Rather, it is a sign that you can be self-aware to the extent that you can take a step back from the world to pause, reflect, and view your emotions from your own personal standpoint. Being an observer is key not only for one’s surroundings and regarding other people you come across but also to observe yourself and to be able to sum up how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking not only about the present but to some extent to engage with what you’re examining for the future as well as the past.

Psychologists often say that introversion is not just observing or examining one’s own mental state but also one’s soul. Keeping one’s soul intact by evaluating your actions, beliefs, feelings and knowing how to do soul searching or to invigorate one’s soul is part of the introversion state. As a functioning adult or in the process of becoming one, performing self-analysis is key to being a more mature and responsible individual. Nobody’s perfect, of course, and being able to be introspective, will help you learn from your mistakes, do better next time, and see where you went wrong and how things could have gone better.

It’s easier to examine the people in your life’s actions, beliefs, or thought processes but those assumptions may not be accurate or fully formed because you never truly know what’s going on in another person’s life or why they act or believe in the way that they do. The only 100% analysis I believe that you can do is the one you can do on yourself since no one knows who you are better than you do. While you can still lie to yourself or not be entirely faithful to who you believe yourself to be, introspection is an action that you can always get better at the more you practice it sincerely.

When it comes to introspection or self-analysis, it’s not a one-and-done deal. You must be introspective multiple times a week in my view or at the minimum at least once a week. It is key to be in a quiet or tranquil place or setting by yourself and without any distractions. You should not be on your phone, with a friend, or performing some activity or action. You cannot do a real self-analysis or self-reflection when you are doing other things that require your attention.

Some people do not even realize that we already perform introspection without even noticing that we are committing this action in our daily or weekly routines. Whether it is brushing our teeth, jumping in the shower, going on a solo hike in a secluded forest, or even performing your fifteen minutes of yoga or meditation; these are all excellent forms of introspection where we can take the time to analyze our behavior, emotions, and feelings. It does not take a lot of time to do and if we have an activity that doesn’t distract us with talking, eating, listening to music, or being entertained by something we see or hear, you will better be able to perform your introspection or self-analysis at least a few minutes each day and it will add up over time.

When you can perform some introspection through some habit or activity in solitude that you do, you will get better at being able to perform this introspection without it being too difficult or tedious. There are twenty-four hours in a day and even a few minutes to check in with ourselves to see how we’re doing, what we’re feeling, thinking about how to be a better person or what to change for the future; that kind of introspection will be worth it to do so, and it will be easier to do so when we set some time apart to look inwards.

The next time you feel like you need some alone time to think, reflect, and get in touch with what you’re feeling: you should do that. There is nothing wrong with some introspection and I find personally that it is extremely healthy and beneficial to our mental clarity and our overall state of being. Each day, we are seemingly overwhelmed with the thoughts, beliefs, and actions of others and we are forced to react instantaneously since it affects our lives to some degree. It can be a struggle to take a step back to think things through or analyze why we reacted the way we did. Because of how fast things happen in our lives and how often we are around others and must be quick on our feet, it is very healthy to be able to carve out some time, even if a few minutes each day, to reflect rather than react and to process our actions to be able to be and do better in an effort to be more emotionally healthy and mature.

Custom Suit Mentality

“The key point to keep in mind is that it’s good to think of yourself dressed to the nines, looking like you put so much effort into your appearance that you have this aura of confidence that can command attention, light up a room, and boost your ability to get things done.”

A good imagination can be a terrible thing to waste. I want to start out by imagining if you would dress up each day of your life in a ‘custom suit’ meaning a matching jacket, freshly pressed dress shirt, and a sleek tie that is color coordinated. You can even add a nice pair of trousers and a vest to make it a three-piece suit. The key point to keep in mind is that it’s good to think of yourself dressed to the nines, looking like you put so much effort into your appearance that you have this aura of confidence that can command attention, light up a room, and boost your ability to get things done.

Now, I’m going to mainly focus on the gentlemen here but for the ladies reading this article, you can substitute a custom suit for a tailored dress but the key part here is that you imagine yourself having the mentality of someone in a custom suit or a tailored dress without actually being in one. I would definitely recommend getting a custom suit made for a man or having a new dress tailored to your liking for a woman but that is not always financially feasible.

If you have fallen on hard times, are not able to get your suit adjusted or tailored, you can still carry yourself both physically and mentally as if you were wearing a custom-made suit. It is not the suit that makes the man but the man that makes the suit in my view. You could have the nicest three-piece custom suit in the world but if you cannot walk the walk and talk the talk, it will not be the same. For example, one’s body language while wearing a suit and their attitude about it carries a lot of weight.

Whether you can wear a custom suit or not, imagining yourself dressed up as best as you will do wonders for your confidence, outlook on life, and ability to get the job done in work or in school. Wearing an actual, tailor-made suit will get you most of the way there but if you cannot afford it or cannot make it happen in time, you need to be able to foster that imagination to realize that you are worthy of respect and that you should be taken seriously even if you’re not dressed up.

When you wear a suit, you want people to take notice of you, to be taken seriously, and to command attention from others. However, you should not need to rely on the suit in order to have any of those qualities in public. When you are not suited up, you still need to be able to be taken seriously by other people. That does not mean, however, that you should dress like a slob or let your personal appearance be neglected entirely. You can still dress well without a custom suit or a tailored dress (for the ladies).

The main key here is not to rely on one suit or one dress to be able to have that confidence because then you will not have that necessary inner confidence developed enough to be successful in business and in your personal life. Relying on your physical features or appearance to give you confidence is a stopgap solution because you will have neglected your inner beliefs in yourself and your ability to succeed and prosper.

When you walk around town or the city, I want you, the reader, to carry yourself as if you are wearing a custom, tailor-made suit. If you imagine it, you can live it. You can get that swagger going where you keep your shoulders back, lift your head up, and move with purpose and like you’re ready to take on the world. Making eye contact, shaking hands (if required), and taking the initiative by engaging with strangers or networking without anxiety, you will get ahead in life, and you’ll definitely go places.

Of course, the custom suit will help get you there much easier as that aura of confidence, swagger, and self-esteem boost is almost automatic as long as you can match the suit with your eye contact, body language, and overall physical presence. It’s unrealistic for me to tell you that you should always wear a custom suit each day or even a few times a year. It’s also unrealistic to assume that it is financially possible to get a custom suit, although it’s not too expensive to get a suit tailored or adjusted. However, I encourage you to try on a suit or a few of them and see how much better you feel not just in terms of physical appearance but your mentality. I think by dressing well, your mentality on life does change and you will feel a bit better about yourself.

When you put in effort by dressing up, it carries over into other aspects of your life. There’s no question that you feel more motivated, more in touch with your goals, more conscientious of what you can offer the world when you throw on a suit. If you would rather wear something more traditional yet dressy that relates more to where you’re from or from your own cultural background, I encourage that as well. You should use that experience of dressing up to be used later when you’re dressed normally but still need that inner self-esteem boost to help you in your day-to-day life.

If you wore a custom suit or at least a suit or the closest formal wear to it possible, remember how you were when you wore that piece of clothing. How was your mentality? Were you more confident or less? How did you carry your body? What were other peoples’ reactions to you? The chances are good that the suit made you confident yet not cocky, motivated but not overzealous, poised but not stressed out. You should not need the suit to feel in those ways and you just need to remember how it was you acted, how you were around others, what was your body language and movements like, and were you better off as a result.

When you do some needed introspection, you’ll realize while a custom suit is great to have and can really improve your life a lot, it is not the end all be all for you to succeed. However, you need that kind of ‘custom suit mentality’ each and every day whether you’re in a three-piece suit or just jeans and a t-shirt. You have to carry yourself each day like you’re wearing a fine suit and you’re heading out to make your mark on the world. That kind of mentality that you must hone and develop on your own will take you even further because you will be consistent about it day-in and day-out.

Having that inner confidence and strength as well as a healthy dose of self-esteem will pay off for you in the long run. That way, you won’t need to wear a suit every day although that’s not a bad thing for those guys who enjoy it, but that you remember to put yourself out there to succeed and you have that inner mentality that suit or no suit, you’re going to meet your goals, face your commitments head on, and work hard to achieve success in whatever you choose to pursue in life.