Get Your Own House In Order

“Before you can set an example to others in your house, or others in your community, or others in an overall society, you first need to show that you can ‘get your own house in order.’ You need to be able to handle yourself and your own day-to-day problems first before you can lead others to do the same in their own lives.”

There’s an old adage I have been thinking about lately about how it is primarily important to take care of oneself first and not just in one way but in every part of your life. Before you can set an example to others in your house, or others in your community, or others in an overall society, you first need to show that you can ‘get your own house in order.’ You need to be able to handle yourself and your own day-to-day problems first before you can lead others to do the same in their own lives.

It can be hard for other people to take you seriously when you don’t take yourself seriously in the first place. How will you be able to lead a team or an organization or a company if you are not able to master your own tasks and your own desires? Self-development isn’t just about making sure you are able to create a good life for yourself but it’s also about setting a positive example for others who would look up to you as a result. You cannot be a mentor or a role model for others without first putting yourself out there and doing what needs to be done to make yourself successful.

When you have not struggled, when have not persevered, when you have not done what it takes to reach your goals, how can you give advice to other people on what they should do to have the same kind of success? “Getting your own house in order” means taking care of yourself first and doing so consistently before you can use those same pieces of advice and examples for others to follow. Firstly, your own house in order starts with your mental and physical health.

Your body is your own house so it must be taken care of first and foremost in terms of getting good sleep, eating properly, not indulging in vices like alcohol or tobacco to excess, and knowing how to exercise as well to keep yourself in shape. It also extends to being able to relax, de-stress, handle anxiety, and be mentally sharp by challenging yourself but also relaxing your mind so as to not exhaust it entirely. Your body and your mind are their own little houses and they must be maintained thoroughly so that other people will know that you are capable enough to handle other demands in life.

Another house we don’t think of is appearance and grooming. Your own house in this case means maintaining a good appearance and practicing good hygiene. These practices are necessary also on a daily basis and to show to the world that you care about yourself and want to be taken seriously. For a job, an internship, a presentation, a seminar, a lecture, etc., your personal dress should indicate that you are a serious person for the role or for the opportunity and that others will know that they can respect your house because you respect it yourself. They will not respect your house when you show up to an interview in shorts or when you wear Yoga pants to a college lecture. Physical appearance and grooming are another ‘house’ that we all must take seriously and to do so primarily before we can give advice to others on how to maintain their own ‘houses’ in good order.

Lastly, the last ‘house’ on a personal level that I would like to focus on is where you live regardless if it is a small studio apartment or a huge mansion. Maintaining your own physical shape in the world is crucial if you want to tackle bigger and better problems. If you can’t make your bed, clean your bathroom, or keep your kitchen clean, how can you tackle any major issue in your community or in your society? At the end of the day, this kind of ‘house’ maintenance comes down to self-respect and putting your own ego aside to do the work that we all must do.

The chances are good that at the end of the work to maintain this ‘house’ that you will feel a lot better for having done the work needed to keep up a clean and orderly home. It is not easy to do this consistently but it is necessary and if you plan on having guests over, having friends over for a get-together, or want to be romantically involved with someone, a clean ‘house’ will go a long way to making you respectable and responsible in the eyes of others. Being able to maintain care not just of yourself but your own physical space means that people will know that they can trust you with other tasks and matters of importance that extend beyond your ‘house’ and to the ‘houses’ of others in the community and in the society.

Thinking about a community as a whole, their ‘houses’ include making sure that the schools are meeting the needs of the students, that the community is safe and protected for all of its residents, that the roads and bridges are maintained and do not have potholes or faulty beams, and to make sure that each and every person has access to utilities including water, electricity, and yes, an Internet connection too. If a community does not have those necessities for a high quality of life, then that ‘house’ is not in order and those people who have their own ‘houses’ in order need to step up to do their part to help others get the community in good shape.

If you have your own ‘house’ in order, you can set the standard for the rest of the community and be able to use your ideas to help others especially if you gain their respect and their trust. With how you act and how you behave in addition to your own appearance, ideas, and personal goals, you can make the community better and it’s important for you to get in there and show that you can make a difference there.

When a community can all of its necessities in order, that one community can definitely have an impact on the larger society within a country and even the world. A community where everyone has equal access to a good education, where health care is not a privilege but a right to all in that society, and when kindness, honesty, and virtue are rewarded rather than chastised. That is an overall society that is getting its own house in order and can serve as an example to other societies in other parts of the world.

Being able to provide a high quality of life and a chance to succeed to all of the people in a society should be the goal of society with its own ‘home’ in order. I am not talking about a social utopia per say but rather an ideal place where people know that they can succeed if given a fair shot in life. It’s also about providing the basic tools of any society to all of its people without discrimination and without corruption. Whether that is no homelessness, enough healthy food for everyone, and an economy where inequality is minimalized, that is what a society should be focusing on and using as an example to other societies.

When a society prioritizes the needs of the few over the many based on wealth or another privilege, that society does not have its own house in order. If there are people out there hungry, homeless, or without health care, then that society is not in order. A society cannot be an example for other societies when it lacks the courage to invest in its most vulnerable populations or to provide a higher quality of life for all people.

Without that kind of an example, a society will lose its influence or example setting and will turn inward and often tear itself apart without good leadership or good values. A society that gets its own house in order prioritizes the right social needs and finds the investments, funding necessary to maintain these necessities of its people will automatically become an example to other societies whether they are near or far. A society that doesn’t does not have a moral ground to stand on and will lose the example it could set by practicing bad ‘house’ manners in different ways.

“Getting Your Own House in Order” does not just apply to one individual but it also applies to a community and a society as a whole. We all are human and fallible and sometimes, we will fall short but if we strive to do better in our homes, in our lives, and in our examples we set for others, that kind of ‘Ripple Effect’ of positive values will improve the larger community and society as a result. How we treat ourselves (mind and body), our homes, our way of life has a direct effect on the community we share, and, on the society,  we find ourselves a part of. This kind of example setting starts at home, but it can ripple throughout to the rest of the world and it all begins with ourselves and our own actions.

Patience Will Set You Apart

We are all imbued with the important personal trait of having patience. I believe that each of us is imbued with a certain amount of it though and there’s a certain limit or tolerance level that we have within us innately. It can be difficult to augment or increase the amount of patience you have without serious mental training and willpower. Everybody has some amount of patience, but that level will stay the same unless you can train yourself to learn to have more of it and to put yourself into situations where it is tested.

In my opinion, patience is the most important trait that a mature adult can have and can change your life for the better or for the worse depending upon how much it is exercised. The level of patience you have or what you teach yourself to tolerate will depend upon your overall maturity, resilience, and willpower. The less patience you have, the more stressful your life will be ironically. The more patience you have, the less stressful your life will be too. Managing your stress levels comes as a result of how much you are able to flex your ‘patience’ muscle.

Patience such as willpower takes time to develop but the more of it, you’re able to accrue, the more payback you’re likely to see later. For example, if you’re at a bureaucratic office of some sort and you are given a number to wait your turn and you’re not sure how long it will take for your number to be called, there’s no logical reason to complain about it. The more you get peeved about it, the more it will backfire for you. Why not make the most of your time and read a book, catch up on e-mails, listen to music, or even make a few calls to pass the hour(s)?

Not only in bureaucratic functions will patience serve you but in every aspect of your life really. When you’re learning a new language, you need to have patience regarding your ability to obtain and retain what you have learned in order to improve. When you’re starting a relationship with someone, you have to be patient with their faults and with their quirks because they are going to have to do the same with you as you get to know each other more and more.

When you’re getting used to your responsibilities and roles in a new job, it will take both patience and time to get the swing of things and you have to accept that you’ll likely make mistakes at first. When you are starting a business for the first time and you have to learn a lot of new skills as well as take on duties that you have never had before to grow the business. In any of these hypothetical but possible situations to occur in your lifetime, you have to be patient in any of these personal or professional endeavors regardless of what they are.

When things are not going your way, you just got to keep your composure, keep pushing through, and stay optimistic that things will eventually work out. Like quitting too early, giving up on exercising your patience will backfire on you more often than not. Nobody really likes someone who loses their patience a lot. There’s a time and a place for confrontation but that is a very rare occurrence especially in an extreme circumstance where you really cannot wait or deal with any further delays. If you don’t have anywhere to be, if there’s a solution to be had, if it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, it’s better to be patient than blowing your gasket and letting go of your emotions.

You will earn respect from other people if you are able to be level-headed, to not let your emotions overtake your decision-making ability, and to keep calm under outside pressure(s). It is a great way to set yourself apart when you are able to exercise patience in 95% of situations and in the other 5% or able to de-escalate the situation calmly without losing control in some way. It is also a fallacy to suggest that you can’t exercise patience and stand up for yourself at the same time.

You do not have to be confrontational, but you do have to advocate for your interests and for your livelihood. This all can be done without losing one’s patience and it will be a sign of how emotionally mature you are when you are able to express your emotions in a healthy manner. Being able to exercise patience on a consistent basis will also make you happier, healthier, and more appreciative of others, flaws and all, when you can maintain a real sense of calm and composure.

Exercising patience is a real skill and positive trait to have that will pay off for you and then some throughout your life. However, like any muscle, it has to be exercised constantly and because life will test you, often at the most random times, this particular muscle will be tested often and you have to decide how much you can adapt and beat these tests that life will throw at you. Speaking as someone writing this article who sometimes struggles with exercising my own patience, it is a lot of work, but it is worthwhile to get better and better at it.

Whereas meaningless and trivial things would have bothered you in the past, if you can simply brush them off and move on quickly to focus your patience and your willpower on things that actually matter to your life and livelihood, then you will be on the right path. Do not let the small irritants of your day-to-day life affect your patience because you will waste precious emotional capital on inconsequential problems. When the waiter takes too long with the bill, when the checkout cashier is rude to you, and when the boss wants to call an extra meeting over something that was previously agreed upon, take a deep breath and let it all slide off your back.

Remember to guide your thoughts to real things that affect you and wait out or not react to the small irritants. The real battles of your patience will be much larger and longer in scale so don’t waste exerting a lack of patience for those irritants of minutes or hours. Save up your patience for the days, months, and years in your personal and professional endeavors that will require you to be in top shape emotionally to handle the challenges that are to come along.

As I have mentioned in other articles, a real mixture of commitment, patience, and willpower will set you apart and cause you to succeed in the long run where others do not. Those three emotional traits are a sign of both intelligence and maturity. Letting them decay or not exercising them consistently will set you back and cause you to fail more. Always do your best to keep those three traits in mind when you set your mind on something new because you will need all three traits of commitment, patience, and willpower to get ahead in life and to make your life the best it can be.