reflection – The Life and Times of Ben Weinberg

Self-Awareness is a Key Trait to Cultivate

“In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver.”

In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver. At its core, self-awareness is simply understanding your thoughts, emotions, habits, and personal blind spots without flinching or ignoring them. It’s the ability to see yourself honestly instead of through the fog of ego, insecurity, or willful ignorance. That sounds simple, but anyone who’s confronted with their own emotional patterns knows that simple isn’t easy. In terms of personal traits that will serve you well at home, in the workplace, or in public, exercising self-awareness makes a huge difference and is a net positive in one’s life.

Self-awareness is rare today for a few reasons. First, distraction is the default setting of modern life. Between social media, nonstop notifications, and the pressure to perform instead of looking inward about their behavior, most people never slow down long enough to reflect or contemplate who they are or how they act. Secondly, ego protection kicks in for many of us. It’s uncomfortable to recognize that you might be wrong, inconsistent, reactive, or stuck in old habits that drain you or other people. Thirdly, our individualistic culture rewards projection over introspection and putting on an act over being yourself. Being loud, visible, and “on brand” is praised more than being grounded or honest with oneself. The result is a society full of people acting on autopilot, repeating the same behavioral patterns, and wondering why life keeps giving them the same lessons. Introspection is hard to do but it could help get you off an autopilot setting.

When life turns upside down, that’s exactly when self-awareness becomes most valuable. When the world is chaotic, clarity becomes a superpower. The more you understand yourself along with your triggers, your strengths, your weaknesses, your values, the better decisions you will make. You react less to external circumstances and respond more from a place of self-assurance by knowing who you are and what you want to be. Your relationships improve because you’re paying attention to how your behavior affects others. Even your career trajectory changes: self-aware people take feedback well, adapt quickly, and build trust, which quietly but consistently pushes them upward.

The good news for us all in this? Self-awareness isn’t fixed and it’s a muscle you can train. It’s a skill you can cultivate intentionally but you must make a consistent effort to do so successfully. At work, start doing quick “post-project or post-task reviews” for yourself: what went well, what drained you, what you’d do differently, what could be better next time, and how well did you work with others. Ask trusted people for feedback and instead of defending yourself, listen to what they have to say first and what they are genuinely telling you. Notice your stress triggers and learn to pause before reacting, whether it’s in meetings, emails, or elsewhere in your workplace.

I’ve had my own moments at work where I reacted prematurely instead of responding thoughtfully, only to later realize that having self-awareness could’ve saved me a headache. Instead of interrupting, acting abrasive, and preventing a real discussion, think about where they are coming from and why they think of you the way that they do. Focus on the ways that you can improve when they have legitimate critiques and suggestions for improvement in your work performance.

In your personal life, carve out time for your own reflection. Making that kind of effort will pay off tenfold by turning inwards to discover more about your mindset, your thought process, and your personal habits, good or otherwise. Even five minutes of journaling can reveal emotional patterns you never noticed. Try also meditation or silence at the beginning or end of your day and in just ten uninterrupted minutes, it can be surprisingly revealing. Pay attention to your relationships and friendships as well: where you feel energized, where you feel defensive, and where conflicts repeat with the people in your life. Life is too short to be around people who avoid self-awareness. If you are making the effort to be introspective and try to be a better person with self-awareness, you should gravitate to those people in your life who are making that effort too, friends, family or acquaintances especially.

Ultimately, self-awareness isn’t about perfection; it’s about alignment with who you are and how others see you. The more honest you are with yourself, the easier it becomes to make choices that fit the life you want. Know yourself deeply. Pause often for self-reflection. The world will stop dictating your path and you finally begin choosing it.

A Little Solitude Can Be Good for You

“As much as it is important to socialize and be around friends, it can also be good to be alone, focus on yourself, and enjoy a little solitude.”

Sometimes, it’s good to recharge your batteries alone. We all need real social connection and friendship, that is for certain, but there is nothing wrong with seeking out solitude to enjoy your alone time. Everybody has a different tolerance for how much time alone they can handle before they seek out a social event, gathering, or activity to dust off the cobwebs and not let one’s social skills atrophy. As much as it is important to socialize and be around friends, it can also be good to be alone, focus on yourself, and enjoy a little solitude.

Solitude often has a negative connotation, and it is often associated with having it imposed on you or having it done without consent such as the similar phrasing of ‘solitary confinement.’ That kind of solitude is denigrating to one’s spirit and causes one to mentally break over time. Just like endless solitude is harmful to one’s health, I also think that is true for the opposite side of the spectrum when you are constantly surrounded by other people, some of them mere acquaintances or coworkers for which you are forced to be around and whose company you do not enjoy. There are many forms of loneliness, and it is true that you can be as lonely by yourself as you can in a room full of people who don’t care for you, or you don’t care for them.

If you are around people who constantly want something from you or need something from you, that can be as draining as it is to have no one to talk to or to share life with. Just as a balance of having some social activity is good for you, it is as important to be on your own sometimes and enjoy one’s own company. There have been times in my own life where I have sought to be on my own deliberately, not because I didn’t enjoy being around others, but that I needed the time alone to meditate, to think, to reflect, to problem solve, and to more fully observe the world around me. In extroverted cultures including in the United States, this kind of activity can be thought of as strange or unusual, but I find that my best ideas or my most relaxing moments can be on my own and even when doing nothing but just the art of being present in the world.

We constantly are having our attention pulled to the next meeting, the next call, the next trip, the next gathering that we can forget to take the time to be on our own in whatever form that may take. Solitary kind of activities have gone out of style lately for some people whether that is reading, writing, walking, meditating, or just doing nothing (looking at your phone doesn’t count here). While these things can be done in concert with other people around, these activities are best done alone in my view and help me to recharge so I can be more present and engaged when seeing friends or family members.

You shouldn’t wait on other people to live your life too even if it’s by yourself. If you must be alone for a little while on a trip, at a concert, in the library, and generally out in public by yourself, it is not the end of the world. No one is judging you for doing life solo sometimes and it can be healthy to do so. Rather than giving too many people too little of your attention or having it split too often, why not focus all of your attention on something singular such as the footsteps you take on a walk, the thoughts in your head as you absorb a good book, and the clacking of a keyboard as you work on your novel.

Being alone all the time is not healthy, I want to make that clear, but it’s also not healthy either to be surrounded by people all the time. Part of being a healthy adult is working to have a little solitude, a little social life, and mix it all together to rewarding yet refreshing lifestyle. By being on your own sometimes, you’ll be more reflective, more observant, more self-aware, and treasure those social moments more when you’re more present, more engaged, and happier to have that social muscle stimulated.

I’ve always been an advocate for a moderate and balanced life and that is why solitude should not always be shunned for someone to progress as a person. Our deepest thoughts, our brightest ideas, our healthiest habits aren’t always cultivated around other people, which is why it is important to use one’s solitude to see if you can think deeper, live better, and build more because your attention is focused inwards rather than outwards. Find out what your tolerance for solitude is and then see what it can give you when you’re alone, because you would be surprised how relaxing and necessary it can be, especially when you put that solitary time to good use.

Anatomy of a Scene – Bourdain’s ‘Parts Unknown’ in Congo and NYC Contrast

“One of Anthony Bourdain’s ‘Parts Unknown’ episodes in the Congo has one of the show’s best scenes where it has a vivid description of Bourdain gazing over New York City from his high-rise apartment in the closing moments, set up against the backdrop of his first and only foray to the Democratic Republic of Congo.”

If you had to pick opposites in the world, you couldn’t do much worse to contrast the journey through the thick Congolese jungles and down the Congo River with the urban sprawl of New York City. One of Anthony Bourdain’s ‘Parts Unknown’ episodes in the Congo has one of the show’s best scenes where it has a vivid description of Bourdain gazing over New York City from his high-rise apartment in the closing moments, set up against the backdrop of his first and only foray to the Democratic Republic of Congo.

There are multiple themes to take away from the significance of Bourdain’s perilous journey in the Congo throughout the episode and with the contrasting solitude and isolation he likely had felt back in his NYC apartment after such a harrowing trip. There is a burden that he must have felt in witnessing such a contrast between the Congo and New York City that leaves the contrasting scenes up for our interpretation as fans of his ‘Parts Unknown’ show. How easy it can be to feel lonely amongst millions of people after traveling to such a distinct place, the burden of making it through a perilous journey and putting your life on the line, and how traveling to such extreme places can change your sense of place in a complicated and often troubling world.

Before his passing in 2018, Anthony Bourdain was the preeminent travel host for over 15 years and his last show, Parts Unknown, from 2013-2018 was the deepest dive in his own mission of uncovering people’s stories through food and culture. In terms of looking at human nature and the human condition, few shows, if any, were better than Parts Unknown. More than anything, many of the Parts Unknown episodes had Bourdain providing needed historical context regarding the complex and difficult history of the country or place he would be visiting. This was especially the case during the Congo episode where he spends part of the episode looking at the colonial exploitation, civil conflict, and poverty that has gripped the country both before and after it became the nation state known as the Democratic Republic of the Congo today.

Bourdain was a huge fan of the Joseph Conrad book, ‘Heart of Darkness’ and makes it known in the episode of how became obsessed with the Congo and the Congo River without trivializing the country or its people. His approach is sincere, and he looks to paint an accurate picture of what the Congo is like, why he sought to demystify and humanize the place, and how it was both similar and different to Conrad’s interpretation of it.

“When all is said and done, I wanted to go to the Congo, and I did.” Bourdain knew that this would be one of his most difficult journeys, but he also wanted to pay homage to Conrad’s novel by following a similar exploration to the authors with a boat trip down the Congo river. However, this kind of journey as shown in the episode was not simply a leisurely trip down the river without witnessing the history, culture, or food of the Congolese. Bourdain and his film crew interacted with different villagers, aid workers, and other locals to hear their stories despite how difficult the journey had been especially losing power on the boat and being surrounded by mosquitoes and other insects at one point.

It takes a toll on a person to look at the dark history of a place’s past as well as its uncertain present and not be affected by it. Bourdain has a visible weariness and introspection upon the conclusion of the journey given how hearing about the history of violence, dealing with the security issues involved, the lack of infrastructure to make the journey work, and to hear about the sheer resilience and fortitude of the Congolese people under extremely difficult circumstances.

The hardest part for Bourdain in my view maybe wasn’t the actual trip down the Congo river with all the bureaucracy, bribery, and lack of infrastructure involved to make it finally happen. I think the final scene of this Parts Unknown episode sums up the ‘lost’ feeling and the isolation to have witnessed all that and come back to a New York City that is abundant, thriving yet inequal, and with a completely different set of circumstances than one would encounter in the Congo. There’s ‘culture shock’ and then there is experiencing a bit of a totally different reality that few Americans and fewer New Yorkers would ever see for themselves. This contrast in realities and the stark scene transition from leaving the Congo River to being back at his high-rise apartment in Manhattan is perhaps the greatest scene ever shot for Parts Unknown or in any of his travel shows.

To break down this excellent scene and contrast further, Bourdain is in one of the world’s most crowded cities, but he is alone and isolated in his apartment like being isolated from most people’s lived experiences of the world, which pales in comparison to his own having had been to over 100 countries in his travels. He is filmed sitting behind his apartment windows, which acts as a barrier between Anthony and the rest of the world, seeing everything for himself but finding it difficult to connect with his immediate surroundings in NYC after witnessing such a contrasting reality in the Congo.

I think this final scene of the Congo episode really encapsulates Bourdain’s struggle as a travel host and writer to search for meaning and purpose in a world that often feels indifferent or alienates the struggles of other people who live in a different place or country. Bourdain’s gaze through the window symbolizes the distance between the world he witnessed and the world he felt disconnected from. It reflected the existential tension that marked his life: the constant search for meaning, tempered by the knowledge that some things, no matter how deeply we travel, remain elusive.

In his life, Antony Bourdain likely felt a sense of solitude and isolation having witnessed the worst of humanity at times, which could be hard to relate to other people or even travelers who had not been to the same places. He was brave, kind, and let other people to tell their stories without judgment but it must have been lonely especially after a return from the Congo and returning home where he may have felt the most alone rather than out on the road with others in his crew or amongst people he had met. There is a loneliness in the familiar as any traveler can attest and the novelty of new places, people, and experiences make the routine feel mundane and trite. Bourdain’s entire journey, in this case, from the Congo back to his home in New York, shows that it can be hard to come full circle after visiting one of the least known places in the world.

The final shot of Anthony Bourdain in his New York City apartment, looking out over the vast, bustling city, yet consumed by solitude, serves as a poignant culmination of his journey as a seasoned traveler. After traveling the world, exploring the darkest corners of humanity in places like the Congo, Bourdain returns home, not with answers, but with a profound sense of isolation. The Congo episode, with its harrowing depictions of suffering and resilience, reflects the complexity of human nature that Bourdain grappled with throughout his career. The contrast between the vibrant, chaotic cityscape of NYC and Bourdain’s contemplative stillness in his apartment alone emphasizes a universal paradox: despite all the human connections made in the world, the traveler often finds themselves confronted with a loneliness that cannot be filled as a result.

Bourdain’s Parts Unknown was not merely about exploring food and culture, but it was also an exploration of the man himself. His travels were a quest for greater understanding, but they also unearthed the difficult truth that knowing the world does not necessarily mean knowing oneself at the same time. In the end, Bourdain’s legacy lies in the raw, honest portrayal of this duality, the external world and the internal battles that shape who we are. His life story continues to remind us that, no matter where we go or how much we learn, we all face the same fundamental challenge in life: to find a true connection in a world that often seems vast, indifferent, and overwhelming.