Tag: life

Getting Off The Hedonistic Treadmill

“It is important to explore the pitfalls of exclusively chasing after hedonistic pleasures and why it’s crucial to get off the hedonistic treadmill.”

In our modern world that often seems primarily consumed by the pursuit of pleasure and instant gratification, the philosophy of ‘hedonism’, which advocates for the maximization of pleasure and the minimization of pain, has found its way into the hearts and minds of many people in our society. However, if we undergo a critical examination of the pursuit of hedonism for its own sake, it reveals a complex interplay between short-term pleasure and long-term well-being. It is important to explore the pitfalls of exclusively chasing after hedonistic pleasures and why it’s crucial to get off the hedonistic treadmill.

The hedonistic treadmill is a concept that is defined by how a person can be on a constant pursuit of pleasure, akin to running on a treadmill that never stops like a hamster looking to constantly drink from the waterspout in its cage or have a morsel of food released that it can devour. Despite one’s efforts to increase their well-being by seeking pleasure, individuals find themselves in a perpetual cycle where the happiness derived from hedonistic pursuits is fleeting, short-lived, and can’t match their prior pleasure intake. This treadmill effect occurs because as people experience pleasure, their expectations rise, and what once brought joy and satisfaction becomes the new baseline for the future. Consequently, a person must constantly seek higher and more intense pleasures to maintain the same level of satisfaction as they had experienced before.

At the heart of hedonism is the pursuit of dopamine hits, defined as ‘the brain’s reward neurotransmitter’ that is released in response to pleasurable stimuli. Whether it’s indulging in rich foods, drinks, smoking a cigar or cigarette, engaging in impulsive behaviors like skydiving, sports betting, or seeking another kind of immediate gratification, the dopamine rush provides a temporary sense of euphoria that we seek to replicate more and more. However, relying on these short-term pleasures can have detrimental effects on our long-term well-being.

The more individuals indulge in hedonistic behaviors solely for the sake of having pleasure, the more our brains become desensitized to the dopamine rush. This desensitization leads to a reduced ability to experience pleasure from the same stimuli over time. As a result, individuals may find themselves trapped in a cycle of escalating hedonistic pursuits, constantly searching for more intense experiences, to recapture the initial pleasure that they felt when experiencing it for the first time.

Hedonism fosters a tolerance to pleasure, where the same stimuli that once brought joy or happiness lose its effectiveness. This tolerance often drives individuals to seek novel and riskier experiences to elicit the same level of satisfaction. The pursuit of novelty, especially in different areas of pleasure, can lead to reckless behaviors, as individuals become increasingly desensitized and crave ever more intense experiences to maintain their hedonistic highs.

The relentless pursuit of hedonistic pleasure can take a toll on our mental health. The fleeting nature of pleasure on the hedonistic treadmill can contribute to feelings of emptiness, anxiety, and even depression when the anticipated happiness doesn’t materialize or quickly dissipates. The constant need for more pleasure can create a vicious cycle that undermines mental well-being and prevents the cultivation of lasting contentment.

Hedonism, when pursued exclusively, can create an illusion of fulfillment. Individuals may mistake the pursuit of immediate pleasures for overall life satisfaction, only to realize that the pursuit itself was devoid of deeper meaning. The fleeting nature of hedonistic pleasure leaves individuals yearning for a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment that goes beyond the momentary highs of pleasure-seeking.

In the relentless pursuit of hedonistic pleasures, individuals may inadvertently neglect the development and maintenance of their personal and professional relationships. The focus on self-gratification can lead to a disregard for the emotional needs and connections with others, hindering the development of supportive social networks that are essential for long-term well-being.

Hedonic adaptation is a psychological phenomenon wherein individuals return to a baseline level of happiness despite the positive or negative changes in their lives. This adaptation undermines the long-term effectiveness of hedonistic pursuits, as the pleasure derived from external sources tends to be temporary in nature. Understanding hedonic adaptation highlights the futility of relying solely on external stimulus for achieving lasting happiness and emphasizes the importance of internal factors such as mindset, gratitude, selflessness, and purpose.

While hedonism focuses on the pursuit of pleasure, ‘eudaimonia’, a concept rooted in Ancient Greek philosophy, emphasizes the pursuit of a meaningful and purposeful life. Eudaimonia involves living in a state of well-being, which aligns with one’s own values and contributes to personal growth but also the welfare of others in your life. Eudaimonia encourages individuals to seek their fulfillment through meaningful pursuits that go beyond momentary pleasures. By engaging in activities that align with your personal values and contributes to your personal growth, one can foster a deeper and more enduring sense of well-being.

Unlike hedonism, which can leave individuals vulnerable to the whims of external circumstances such as if the pleasure is achieved or not, eudaimonia promotes resilience. By focusing on internal strengths, values, and personal growth, individuals can weather life’s challenges with a sense of purpose and a resilient mindset.

Eudaimonia places a strong emphasis on the cultivation of positive and meaningful relationships at its core philosophy. Unlike the isolating nature of hedonistic pursuits for one’s own personal gratification, it is better to be building and maintaining connections with other people in your life, which contributes significantly to one’s long-term well-being.

The pursuit of hedonism for its own sake, driven by the relentless chase for dopamine hits, from lust to money to material items, can lead individuals into a never-ending cycle of escalating pleasures on the hedonistic treadmill. The ephemeral nature of these pleasures, coupled with the diminishing sensitivity to any kind of pleasure gained and an escalating tolerance to its achievement, poses a serious threat to any person’s long-term well-being and overall mental health.

It is crucial that we all recognize the limitations of pursuing hedonism, especially as the number one purpose in one’s life above all other priorities. I believe it is necessary to consider alternative paths to well-being, such as eudaimonia. By embracing a life of meaning, purpose, and both deeper and positive relationships, anybody can break free from the hedonistic treadmill and cultivate a more enduring and fulfilling sense of overall well-being. While pleasure has its place in a balanced life of moderating one’s impulses and desires, it should not be the sole driver of one’s overall pursuit of happiness. Ultimately, a life well-lived is one that combines pleasure with purpose, which creates a sustainable foundation for long-term contentment and fulfillment.

Navigating the Down Days in Life

“During these inevitable down days that we all go through, when challenges seem insurmountable, and the losses keep piling up, it is essential to cultivate your internal mental strength to navigate through the storm.”

Life inevitably has its various peaks and valleys, days filled with various successes and other days where nothing goes your way. During these inevitable down days that we all go through, when challenges seem insurmountable, and the losses keep piling up, it is essential to cultivate your internal mental strength to navigate through the storm. Being mentally strong doesn’t mean avoiding any hardship and making sure no problems ever find you; rather, it involves developing the resilience and coping mechanisms necessary to face your adversity head-on.

Everybody has down days in their life, and it is better for you to acknowledge and accept the down days, face them rather than run from them, understand the factors contributing to building up your mental strength, and adopting the practical strategies to emerge stronger and better on the other side.

As the popular English saying goes, “when it rains, it pours.” I’ve found that things tend to go wrong in bunches similarly to how when things go well, they tend to go well all at once. You must be able to brace yourself for these tough times and to look for the positives where you can during the down days. The first step towards bolstering your mental strength during challenging times is acknowledging and accepting the existence of down days.

Denying or suppressing negative emotions can exacerbate the situation, leading to prolonged stress and anxiety for every challenge that comes your way. You should not shy away from the reality of difficult moments as it will allow for a healthier processing of your emotions. It is essential to recognize that everyone faces hardships in life, and experiencing these lows is an integral part of what makes us human.

In addition, acknowledging the down days in life doesn’t equate to having a weakness. On the contrary, it is a testament to having both emotional intelligence and self-awareness. By accepting the presence of challenges that you are facing, you can better understand your emotional state and take proactive steps towards building up resilience.

Mental strength is not a fixed trait but a skill that can be developed through intentional efforts and experiences. Understanding the components of mental strength is crucial for cultivating resilience during tough times. If you can manage your emotions, have a positive mindset despite your circumstances, and still build healthy habits, you will be able to meet the down days head on instead of letting them consume you.

Effective emotional management is a cornerstone of one’s mental strength. It involves acknowledging and expressing emotions in a healthy manner. Suppressing your emotions can lead to a buildup of stress, anxiety, and other negative feelings. When things are going wrong, you should work even harder to navigate your emotions, seek healthy outlets such as writing, playing sports, talking to a friend or family member, or engaging in fun activities. Don’t let an argument, a disagreement, a difference of opinion make your down day worse than it needs to be.

Cultivating a positive mindset doesn’t mean denying the existence of your problems but rather in adopting an optimistic perspective to getting through them. This involves reframing those challenges as actual opportunities for growth and learning. Practicing gratitude, focusing on the solutions rather than the problems only, and surrounding yourself with positive influences can all help contribute to the development of a resilient mindset.

Our Mental strength is closely tied to our daily habits. It is key to keeping your routines going that prioritize physical health, such as regular exercise and sufficient sleep, which positively impacts mental well-being especially during down times. Additionally, I believe that incorporating mindfulness practices, such as practicing meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises, can help manage your stress, anxiety and enhance your resilience.

While understanding the components of our mental strength is crucial during rough periods of time, you should be thinking of practical strategies for navigating the down days of life. Here are some strategies that can come in handy when you are going through a tough time and may not know where to go for sustained support:

  1. Cultivate a Support System: During tough times, the value of a strong support system cannot be overstated. Whether it’s family, friends, or a professional counselor, having someone to share thoughts and feelings with about what you are going through will provide both emotional validation and a sense of connection. Social support acts as a buffer against stress and fosters one’s resilience.
  2. Set Realistic Goals: In the face of sustained adversity, it’s essential to set realistic and achievable goals. Breaking down larger challenges into smaller, manageable tasks on a day by day basis can make the journey seem less daunting. Celebrating small victories that happen to you, especially during the down days along the way, contributes to a sense of accomplishment and boosts confidence.
  3. Embrace Change as an Opportunity: Life is inherently dynamic, and change is a constant. Instead of resisting changes to your life, instead, you should view the change(s) as an opportunity for growth and adaptation. Flexibility in your thinking and the ability to adjust to new circumstances are key components of maintaining mental strength. Embracing the change(s) will allow you to navigate challenges with a more open and resilient mindset.
  4. Practice Self-Compassion: During difficult times or days, it can be tempting to often criticize oneself and focus on your perceived shortcomings. Practicing self-compassion instead involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and faces challenges. Nobody’s perfect. Treat yourself with the same empathy and support you would offer to a friend or a family member.
  5. Learn from Adversity: Every challenge, no matter how difficult or large it is, provides an opportunity for personal learning and growth. Reflecting on your past experiences, identifying the lessons learned from past challenges, and applying them to current situations contribute to personal development. Adversity can be a powerful teacher, which can shape individuals into more resilient and resourceful beings.
  6. Seek Professional Help When Needed: It’s important to recognize when professional assistance is necessary and that you do not have to go through it alone. If feelings of sadness, anxiety, or hopelessness persist, reaching out to a mental health professional can provide valuable support. Therapy offers a safe space to explore emotions, develop coping strategies, and gain insights into one’s thought patterns and habitual actions. There is nothing wrong and no stigma with taking care of yourself mentally in my view including reaching out to a mental health professional during down times.

Life’s down days are an inevitable part of being human, but they need not define us. Building mental strength to make it through the down days involves a combination of acknowledging the challenges, understanding the different components of resilience, and implementing practical strategies to navigate adversity and stress. By cultivating a strong support system, setting realistic goals, embracing change, practicing self-compassion, learning from adversity, and seeking professional help when needed, you can develop the mental fortitude necessary to weather life’s storms.

In the journey that is life, it is not the absence of challenges that defines us but our ability to rise above the ones we face. Mental strength is a skill that can be honed, a muscle that grows stronger with intentional dedication, effort, and practice. By embracing the down days and seeing them as possible opportunities for growth and self-discovery, you can emerge from adversity not only intact from having overcome them but also having been strengthened and made more resilient than ever before.

What Is The Real Rate of Return on Investment?

“As you get older, you realize just how valuable time as a commodity is. You tend to start measuring the cost-benefit analysis or the return on investment that you are receiving not just regarding finances and how you spend or invest your money but also on how you spend your time.”

As you get older, you realize just how valuable time as a commodity is. You tend to start measuring the cost-benefit analysis or the return on investment that you are receiving not just regarding finances and how you spend or invest your money but also on how you spend your time. Unfortunately, this is a topic that we do not prioritize or learn about very well at a young age. Often, you must figure out what are the best ways to use your time wisely and your money.

There are numerous tools out there to help guide you find the real rate of return on your investment, but you must be the one making the decision on what you prioritize. We know for a fact that our time on this Earth is limited from the day we are born. Having such knowledge shouldn’t be morbid or despairing, but rather help us to prioritize how we spend our lives in search of a good use of our time, our money, and much more.

Now, not everything that we do in life should be correlated with a ‘cost-benefit analysis’ or ‘opportunity cost’ involved. Such behavior should be discouraged if you’re obsessing over how you spend every waking minute each day. You should be leaving some room for spontaneous actions that you enjoy regardless of if it’s geared towards health, wealth, and personal satisfaction. There are times each day where we have to commit to actions that take time when we would rather be doing something else and that is what adulthood entails sometimes.

The true focus is what can we do with our time that is free, which will help us in the long-term. If we have goals of wealth, health, and pursuing our own happiness, your time should be spent in looking in investing each day in building yourself up in each of these areas. For example, when we look at investing in our health, we know there are concrete things that can be done, which will help us with a return on having a healthier body, a healthier mind, and managing our stress and anxiety.

We may have to join a gym, change our diet, sleep more, and make time for exercising, and these are the kinds of investments, if done consistently, that can pay off in the long-term. These investments that I cite will not guarantee a longer life, but it is giving yourself the best possible chance of living a healthier life, especially if you are focusing on multiple investments.

In this case, the real return on investment may not be seen right away but you are likely to see some results if you’re consistent with your investments on a long-term basis. You can measure how your diet is helping you lose weight, how your sleep patterns have changed, and how much time you spend at the gym, the yoga studio, or in playing sports. These investments are measurable but the results on these investments will eventually show up in a real rate of return that will put you on a path that leads to a healthier life in the long-term. Returns are not guaranteed but if you are putting in the work over a long enough period, I believe the chances are good that you will be better off than you were years or even decades ago.

Similarly, how we save and invest financially for our long-term financial future, we can do the same with our health and our happiness. Everyone has different financial goals, and I won’t talk about specific investment advice to give, but you can always estimate to a degree what kind of percentage return you’re likely to get from your investments over a year or a decade or a century in terms of growth. These real returns will come to you but if you’re not consistently investing in building your wealth, those real returns will not be as impactful or as fruitful as you would have hoped. It goes to show that with either health, wealth, and happiness, that the earlier you invest in those facets of life and the more that you invest in them, the better off that you will be.

What makes someone truly happy is complicated and will differ depending on your emotional state, but I do believe spending more time with those who care about you, and you who care about them, enjoying more time spent doing the hobbies and interests that give you joy, and being able to invest time in learning new skills, exploring new places, or investing in your home and community, those kind of investments will have real returns on making you happier in the long-run. There will be times when what you did or do no longer makes you happy and that is alright. The key here is to keep trying out new things, keep meeting people, keep trying to be involved in areas of life that you think will make you happier, that is key in continuing to make those investments in building your happiness into the future to keep producing better and better returns.

Time is fleeting and you must prioritize health, wealth, and happiness in my view, which will give you those real returns in your life to enjoy and take joy in. Most of all, you have to know the difference as you get older between what’s give you actual returns for your hard work and efforts, and what you have to stop doing that is giving you no real returns. It is important to prioritize more of what will pay off in the future throughout your life and increasingly avoid those activities that produce a negative return and will leave you worse off.

It is one thing to be able to invest well in activities that bolster your life satisfaction, but you should also remember to avoid those other ways of spending the time that lower your real returns or negate them entirely. Be sure to know what a waste of your time is, if you can cut that activity out or lower your exposure to it and be able to replace the time spent on that activity with a good alternative. which you can take part in to continue to invest in building a life and a future that will make you healthy, wealthy, and happy.

The Bill Always Comes Due

“It is an inevitability that we all must face and even when we try to push it out of our mind, that responsibility is there to provide lest we face any consequences that comes with not paying the bill.”

When we think about the moment of slight anxiety or stress involved with sitting in a restaurant, you’re satiated from a great meal of great food and drinks, maybe you’re surrounded by friends and family on a special night together, in all that joy and happiness, you still have that thought in the back of your mind, “the bill always comes due.”

There is no way of avoiding it and you’re going to have to pay it, one way or another. It is an inevitability that we all must face and even when we try to push it out of our mind, that responsibility is there to provide lest we face any consequences that comes with not paying the bill.

While you are under the expectations that any food, drinks, or other service at a restaurant always will come at a cost, we as consumers try to not think about that at all to be here and now in the present to enjoy what we have ordered with the company that we keep. It is a key characteristic of human nature that we often avoid thinking about the future even when we do at present is likely to carry its own kind of consequences. I use ‘the bill coming due’ as an anecdote for how what we choose to do, how we act, what we focus on and prioritize, will lead to what kind of bill we end up paying in the future.

Just like you would not want to pay a restaurant bill you cannot afford by understanding your budget and what you can afford to order off the menu of that particular reasonably priced restaurant, we should be aware of the fact that there are other ‘bills’ that can come due in the future that can cost us more than we bargained for if we are not careful about it. What we do in the present can help us manage our bills and how we handle our future by dealing with it in a responsible and mature manner now.

Let’s think about our health and how we manage it as there will be some kind of ‘bill’ handed down to us as we get older. It can be a clean ‘bill’ of health as your physician or doctor will tell you if everything goes well or it can instead be an array of expensive tests, surgeries, or procedures that lead to a hefty medical ‘bill’ that will cost us dearly beyond what we can afford, even if you have some form of insurance. How do we avoid this kind of ugly ‘bill’ of health? Well, I won’t dive into specifics as I am not a medical physician but how you eat, if you exercise, whether you stay active in your daily life, can help us pay off that ‘bill’ in advance or make it that much smaller to manage in the long run. There are common sense ways to manage the ’bill’ of health as it will come due at some point, and you have a measure of control over it in the present to make sure it does not bankrupt you or cost you with your health in the future.

In a similar way, one’s ‘wealth’ and how you manage it in the present can help you pay the various ‘bills’ that come due on a monthly, yearly, or longer basis. When you use part of your paycheck and weekly or monthly earnings to pay down outstanding debt or to save up for an emergency or to help yourself learn an employable skill, you are making sure that you will be able to pay for any bill that can come due because you have accrued your wealth and investments in a way where you will never be broke from these ‘bills’ coming due.

If you make other choices instead where you spend every dollar you make and beyond that, get into debt with various bill collectors including the credit cards and other loans you have taken out, the bills that come due will be beyond your accrued means, and you may be struggling for the rest of your life to get out from the ‘bills’ coming due that you have to pay or face serious financial consequences.

You do not want your health, wealth, or ability to earn a living to suffer because you cannot handle both present and future bills to come. You should make sure to think of the future to save, invest, and earn for a ‘rainy day’ fund that can overcome an unforeseen or unexpected bill coming due. Again, I am not making any specific financial recommendations to you as I am neither a financial planner or investor, but I do want to impart some common sense and wisdom in how to avoid future ‘bills’ by planning to save and invest for the future in some measurable way so the bills coming due will be paid for entirely without any stress or anxiety.

Lastly, it is unfortunate where we live in a society where it can cost exorbitant amounts to educate oneself for the workforce and for financial success, indebting ourselves in the process. I believe education is worth investing in if you are able to afford the bills to come due, but if you are in a cycle where you can’t get out of accrued bills or debt because you went for higher or professional education, please make sure that the investment that you make in the present will help pay off the debt in the future. The worst thing to do is invest in an education that does not end up paying for itself later and help with all the bills coming due to that investment.     

Make sure you focus on those employable skills or to be a subject matter expert or practitioner, in an important area that will pay off because you invested in your education in a useful area. I know of a lot of people who cannot get themselves out of a debt or pile of bills, even with their extra years of education, because what they learned what not useful for the job market, and now they are stuck with bills that will never be paid off.

I am not against the idea of paying for more education but please make sure it is aligned with your future career or business goals. If you are not sure of what you want to invest financially in an education, there are many free tools and videos that can help you understand better of what opportunities are out there. I think it’s important to think hard about what bills you want to take on for your education because it is no good to have a debt burden that will prevent you from future job or educational opportunities because you have bills coming due that you must sacrifice your ideal career or business for.

Whether it is health, wealth, or education, you will have to pay the bills that come due, even if they come at an unknown future date. Make sure you invest in each area within reason that you will be able to afford to do so without suffering later for bills or obligations that you took on that you found were beyond your capacity.

Do not sacrifice your future by what you do in the present. Make sure you practice good health habits, invest in your wealth accrual with whatever route that you find is best for your goals, and to reasonably access educational opportunities that can create excellent business or career opportunities that you will not have to sacrifice either your health or your wealth to achieve. Remember that the bill(s) always come due at the end, but that does not mean life should not be enjoyed or taken advantage of, but to do so in responsible manner, where your present is secured in each of these three areas, and as a result, your future is prosperous, healthy, and full of opportunities.

Get A Little Better Each Day

“Progress takes time and effort, and you will not see results overnight without putting the work in.”

Progress takes time and effort, and you will not see results overnight without putting the work in. You can measure progress in whatever you do by seeing if you are starting to get a little better in whatever area you are applying yourself to. If you are taking practice tests and you notice your score keeps going up, if you can swim further and faster than before while being timed, and if you are able to save more money each month than you had the previous one.

Progress is not linear in terms of growth, and it will not happen all at once. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are having more good days than bad days. You need to see if you are progressing a little bit each day or if you are at least progressing most of the time when you measure yourself. There will be days or times when no progress is being made and that’s alright. However, how you react to that and how you work to exceed your expectations next time can make all the difference. Setbacks and lack of progress are going to happen when you are striving to be better or to do better. You must persevere and not let it get to you mentally.

What you want to avoid is to ‘throw in the towel’ and to give up without doing your absolute best and pushing yourself to the limit. If you work as hard as you can as often as you can, progress is more likely to be made on that day, that week, that month, or even that year. It’s not bad to take a day or so off to give yourself a break if needed but don’t let that break become permanent or don’t throw your hopes and dreams away because something is hard. When something is hard to do, that should push you even more because you are testing the limits of what you are capable of.

There is no greater thrill than being able to usurp everybody’s expectations that they set for you including your own. The thrill of achieving or accomplishing something that you thought was previously impossible and so did everyone else. It’s important to keep in mind that kind of achievement takes days, weeks, months, or even years to accomplish so you should be consistently measuring your progress and your setbacks. If you are consistently getting a bit better each day and doing so more often than being stagnant or getting worse, you are that much closer to achieving your goal(s). The key to achieving anything is both progress and consistency because they go hand in hand with each other.

For example, if you are running to train for a marathon, there will be days where you can run 10 miles and some days where you’ll run 5 or 15 miles. The key to keep in mind is that you are running most days or even every day to train on a consistent basis. You should be striving to go from 5 to 10 to 15 to eventually 26.2 miles in a full marathon pace to train at that level to be fully ready for the race. What you want to avoid in this scenario is running less miles as you get closer to race day or running less miles over time. You want to be building consistent habits and practices to be truly ready for this kind of accomplishment.

An impressive goal like running a marathon is an excellent way to show just how key consistency can lead to progress but it’s also about setting goals such as reaching a new number of miles each week for training purposes. If you go in a training like this case from 5 miles to 25 miles in a few months to train for the race six days a week, you’ll be much more likely to reach that goal of running a full marathon. You’ll ensure that you are as ready as can be when you step to the start line on that race day because you became a little better each day.  

The key is to go from 0 to 26.2 miles during that training and not 26.2 miles to 0 miles ran. There is a clear distinction there on how to get a little better each day and that involves both consistent progress each day and knowing how to measure yourself in terms of that progress with the amount of running you do to train. Getting better at anything in life is like running a marathon in that you won’t achieve it overnight, it takes consistency at a high level, and you have to set measurable goals to show that your progress is sustainable so that you are ready to claim that achievement.

Life is a marathon in itself so make sure you count the days you made progress in your goal(s), note how you can get better, be consistent about what you want to achieve, how you’re going to do it, why it’s important to you, and you’ll be well on your way to being successful. Getting a little better each day is what I hope for all of us in whatever we set our minds and our hearts to. Be sure to treat life as a marathon and not as a sprint, and you’ll be on the right track.

You Never Know Until You Ask

“If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask!”

If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask! Whether I’m talking about at work, or school, or in relationships, you must be willing to speak up when it comes to creating or seeking new opportunities. Usually, no one is going to hand you anything and you’re going to have work for it but if you don’t seek out possibilities, you’ll never know whether the answer is going to be ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ There’s nothing to lose when it comes to pursuing your goals in life and in putting yourself out there.

As a big fan of popular movies, there is one line from the film, ‘The Departed’, given by actor Jack Nicholson’s character, Frank Costello, a cynical mobster turned FBI informant, about how in life, “no one gives it to you…you have to take it.” While I understand that I’m referring to a mob movie here with horrible people as the main characters, the point still stands that in life, you must go after what you want and assume that no one is going to give it to you. There will be a few times where your work will be rewarded, and you will receive some praise and even adulation for what you did. However, there will also be times where you must apply for that job or university spot, seek out that big promotion, volunteer for that promising opportunity, take the entrance exam, or study that foreign language.

There will always be a 0% chance of something happening for you unless you open your mouth and make the words come out. You give yourself a possible chance just by asking for it (nicely, of course). Whereas before you would have a zero chance because you haven’t sought out the opportunity or made your interest known, now you have anywhere as good from a 1% chance to a 100% chance. Let your resume, repertoire, resilience, and other attributes speak for themselves when other people are evaluating your abilities and qualifications but that only will get you so far if you don’t strike up the courage to ask for it.

Also, do not be discouraged if the answer is ‘no.’ Rejection is going to come more often than being told ‘yes’ and that is going to happen throughout your life. You have to be comfortable with being told ‘no’ and get used to it. Being rejected will only make hearing ‘yes’ that much sweeter and rewarding in the long run. Be bold and be brave but remember to only press the other person or people deciding your offer so far and to thank them for their consideration if that ‘no’ is final. Don’t let it hurt you or get you down but remember to keep pushing forward because eventually, if you work hard, are earnest in your intent, and believe in what you are doing, I do believe you will get to that ‘yes’ you are hoping to hear.

Being able to ask for anything is a key skill and if you propose the question and be comfortable with the answer whatever it may be, you will get far in life. Asking is integral especially for sales if your job entails that, for getting a relationship with the person you love, and for that promotion from your supervisor, who you may have to convince why you deserve it, but you do have to ask for it first. With any kind of result in life, you need to work for it, build your credentials up, and then ask for it. While we would like to think that our life’s work or our past experiences should speak for themselves, often, that will not be enough to get you past the goal line.

If you really want to get ahead and take yourself further with business, work, relationships, or just getting help from a stranger, you got to ask for it. If you take away anything from what I’m telling you is that it is much better to have asked, then not having asked at all. You never know until you make that ask and it’s better than living with the regret of having not asked in the first place. There will be ‘no’s and it will lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even sadness, but you will get to those ‘yes’s if you keep asking, keep trying, and keep doing the best you can in whatever you pursue.

Think also of how we only have one life to live, and I would personally rather live it with no or just a few regrets than having many regrets that take up all my mind space. Get comfortable with asking for what you want in life and don’t apologize for it if it was sincere. I think people will appreciate you going for what you want in the right way and being earnest about it. That kind of sincere approach will also help you get more ‘yes’s than ‘no’s too and help you stand out from other people asking. There is the related popular saying, “you never know until you try”, which I wholeheartedly agree with, especially for children and teenagers. However, when it comes to us in the adult world, the saying I like to leave you with is also true in that “you never know until you ask.”

The Increasing Digitization of Everything

“Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything.”

Call me old fashioned or a ‘luddite’ but I really do miss the feeling of paper tickets, boarding passes, and even the plastic menu. It does not mean I don’t enjoy the fruits of the abundance of technology that we have today, and it is something I’m comfortable with having grown up in the 1990s and 2000s as the computer, personal cell phone, and mobile applications came into being. I do also remember going to baseball games to buy a physical ticket at the ‘will call’ window and keeping the ticket stub as a form of memorabilia. The same could be said for receiving a boarding pass when you’re traveling to a new city or country and keeping it with you to remember when and where it was when you went there.

Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything. Yes, you may still have the option to print out what it is you need or send out birthday cards, wedding invitations, college diplomas to enjoy the momentous occasions that come up throughout our lives, but when it comes to our day-to-day needs, we increasingly rely on digital wallets, QR codes, mobile applications, and smartphones to get the job done.

You could argue that given how present a reality climate change is in our current era that not using paper or plastic to protect our trees and wildlife is a positive step, but I would argue that everything has an environmental effect including our smartphones, smartwatches, and computers. Using less paper and plastic is overall a good thing but my concern these days is that it seems like we are not being given a choice to have either option.

I like to keep physical / paper records, when possible, up to a point whether for personal, financial, or medical reasons. It is hard to do that when you are only allowed to use a digital record for your files, which may not be as permanent or as secure. Maybe physical records are never 100% secure either but at least you know that you are the only one that has access to it or people you trust who you give access to as well.

When it comes to digital records or files, there is a cost involved in building up the security and safety measures around those sensitive records, and it is never 100% secure regardless of how many firewalls or barriers you put up. There have been numerous data breaches, hacks, and manipulation of people’s digital records, and that will be a cause for concern going forward as we increasingly go to a digital-first world where our first go to is a swipe of smart phone instead of the stroke of a pen. I believe that each person should have the option though to go forward with having both options of having a physical as well as a digital copy rather than having to choose between the two options.

There are always going to be external costs involved with both physical records (paper, plastic, etc. or digital records (computer, smartphones, smartwatches, wi-fi enabled devices). The key for the future is how to minimize these harmful costs whether to the environment, to our safety and security, or to our mental health as well when it comes to using either option. Those costs need to be factored in to how much we pay to use them and whether the competition can be fairer as companies vie to be both ethical and responsible in how they use our records, physical or digital.

Having a choice at the end of the day between physical v. digital when it comes to our personal data and records should be advocated for to companies and other entities before we give them access to our information and our wallets. The lack of an option to choose who, when, where, what, why, and how our data is obtained and shared should change especially as we increasingly rely on digital services and products to power our daily lives.

For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the QR code or barcode went from being used to scan items that we buy to allowing customers to read menus, see advertisements, subscribe to a new service, and have access to a unique link to sign-up for events and workshops. While in the interest of public health, the QR code utilization helped maintained social distance protocols and assisted in keeping workers safe by limiting contact with clients, however, QR codes have not really gone away in the post-pandemic era and are still being substituted for real person-to-person interaction.

Not only can you see your dinner menu on a QR code, but you scan your movie or concert ticket without needing a paper ticket or printout copy of it, you can also use it to order food or drinks or shop from that QR code without needing a catalog or a store magazine or a customer service employee to help you with the transaction. The rise of self-checkouts, automated service to order what we want and when we want, and being able to pay or reserve or check out with our phone alone is not just creating less paper but also the need for less person-to-person interaction.

Without being someone who yearns for the good old days, but you used to be able to order from a paper menu, get your ticket collected and stub ripped off for you to keep, and be able to pay with cash at a business without worrying if it was card or Apple / Google Pay only. Less paper and plastic are not a bad thing, but I do think it’s healthy from a social interaction point of view and as the world digitalizes and automates, I also think we will be less comfortable making small talk or socializing with those we don’t know who provide us with a service or a product.

There are real security concerns with an increasingly digital only world that have their own potential costs and drawbacks to consider as well. I hope that even as technology continues to advance with automation and artificial intelligence surpassing our own human capabilities, we will not allow ourselves to be robbed of our choice especially when it comes to how we receive our mail, pay our bills, buy our products, or if we can opt to talk to someone at the checkout register instead of self-check-out because we believe that 2-3 minutes we talk to a worker there is better than that 30 seconds or 1 minute we do it ourselves but without talking to anyone and with no one to maybe brighten our day a bit or make small talk with.

Losing that choice of digital vs. physical records or information would be detrimental in the long run. We should know of the environmental, security, and mental health costs involved if we tip too far in one direction or the other, but I think given that we are social creatures and we enjoy the physical touch of a book, a magazine, a letter, or even a ticket to a baseball game, let’s not try to go to 100% digital especially for those of us who remember when information was primarily shared physically.

It’s a complex era that we are currently living through, and it appears that we are transitioning slowly but surely to a digital-only world. However, my hope is that we allow ourselves to choose how much or little as individuals we opt into this ‘brave new world’. We may not be nostalgic now, but something tells me we would miss our scrapbooks, our photo albums, our book collection, and even our baseball tickets, and boarding passes if they were up in the ‘Cloud’ protected by facial recognition and multi-factor authentication instead. That’s not the world I wish for us to have in the future and that our choice(s) to opt-out will never go away.

Tempering The Ego

“Ego, to me, is a holistic sense of our abilities, capabilities, and our possibilities. For the ego to not go out of control, it has to be tamed and to be done so repeatedly.”

The Ego can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. It can drive us forward to make progress in different areas of your lives, but it can also detract from us by setting our expectations too high and in not actually challenging ourselves to see if our ego is being realistic. Ego, to me, is a holistic sense of our abilities, capabilities, and our possibilities. For the ego to not go out of control, it has to be tamed and to be done so repeatedly.

When the Ego is not tamed, it has an unhealthy tendency to run wild. Your Ego can grow, often unhealthily, when you leave it to be unchallenged. I have found that those people with the biggest Egos in life are the ones who never challenge themselves to back it up in a real way. The Ego can inflate our sense of self to the point where we are actively deluding ourselves with who we want to be without taking account of who we really are.

Everyone has an ‘Ego’ or Latin for ‘I’ and as world-renowned psychologist Sigmund Freud pointed out1, we each have a perception of our ‘self’ that will differ often from how others would perceive us. Our ‘Ego’ or our ‘I’ is often about our physical self, the sum of our experiences, our innate abilities, and our drive to get ahead in life. The ego can grow, or it can shrink, often based on how we alone view ourselves, but it also is reflective of how others see us and what they expect of us. The Ego must be kept in check because it can inflate or deflate based on what we tell ourselves about who we are and how others tell us who we are. The Ego is malleable and can be different on the day based on what we experience or what happens to us.

You can have an excellent day one day where you win a sports competition, gain a promotion at work, or overcome a challenge that you previously thought was impossible. One good day can massively inflate our Egos and while it is good to boost one’s Ego and be proud of what you accomplished and how hard you worked, you should still have that sense of humility and understand that one good day does not mean that you are suddenly God’s gift to Earth.

The same can be said of when you have a terrible day such as perhaps you failed an important test or exam, a work presentation you gave wasn’t received well, or you had someone insult you or talk down to you. These kinds of events, especially in the same day, can really wound your Ego and your self-worth. While bad events can hurt you, you should not totally give up your Ego or sense of ‘self’ from them as that would be disastrous. One bad day does not have to be a referendum on the sum of your entire life. Your Ego has to be resilient, when it is both humbled and challenged, and this should happen on a daily basis.

My firm belief is that you should never get too low or get too high when it comes to the self or your Ego. You have to constantly remind yourself of what you do well on, what you need to work on, and what you have no experience or ability with. For example, I like to think that I’m a good writer at this point, but some articles have turned out better than I expected, and some have been worse than I thought. Despite how I perceive my written work and how others do so, I can continue to work on my style, syntax, and substance, and I can expand my writing focus to challenge myself that I may have previously avoided on different topics that are new to me.

I also think of how one’s Ego needs to be challenged especially in a new activity or hobby that you have picked up. A good way to think about the Ego is to challenge it in different ways by putting yourself out there physically for yourself to be tested in that manner. One example of this is to train in the martial arts where your body is being challenged. You may weightlift, run, or consider yourself athletic, but it’s a good way to measure yourself against others when you are training against other people who have been doing it for a while and who could be bigger or stronger than you.

It does not mean that you won’t become better as a martial artist, but you should temper the Ego by challenging those practitioners who know more, can teach you new skills and abilities, and who you can face off with even when you are getting beaten for a while by them. Whether it’s’ boxing, jiu jitsu, krav maga, or kickboxing, I think any martial arts, whichever one(s) you choose, are a great way to temper one’s Ego. This is because you’ll see just how exactly you measure up against other fighters, especially if you’re new to the sport, and while you may think you are strong, fast, or have great stamina, you won’t truly know if that is the case or not until you step on the mat or into the ring.

The same could be said when you challenge your Ego mentally such as when you try to learn something new or adapt a new skillset that you know nothing about. I find that learning a new language is a way to temper my Ego in a healthy manner because every language, while they have some similarities, are also quite different and cause me to adapt how I learn that language, and the kinds of difficulties I’ll have when learning it based on how the language is written or spoken.

While I may be great at learning Spanish and am comfortable there, I can throw my Ego for a loop by learning a non-romance language such as German. I can brag that I can speak one or two foreign languages well after a lot of practice and that fuels my Ego but so that it doesn’t get too fragile, I temper it by learning a different language or trying to advance my Spanish or other learned language with more advanced material.

The Ego is constantly changing and evolving because our sense of self is different daily. The key is to not let it grow too big without putting yourself out there and being challenged or by deluding yourself by not ever trying anything new by putting your mental or physical abilities to the test. The best way to temper the Ego is to constantly challenge it both physically and mentally to have a more accurate measure of yourself against other peers in your field(s) or area(s) of expertise.

You should not ever ignore your Ego as it is your sense of ‘self’ and how you fit into the world, but rather you should not think of yourself as either the best or the worst in anything without going out into the world and seeing where exactly you fit in. As the popular expression goes, “you’ll never know until you try” and when it comes to the Ego or self, you must be testing yourself and by extension, testing your Ego to temper it or and keep it in check. The worst thing to do to yourself when it comes to the Ego is to continue to delude yourself by not trying, never challenging yourself, or not trying to go beyond the standards that you have set for yourself.

Source:

1.) https://www.britannica.com/topic/ego-philosophy-and-psychology

Sunset Boat Ride in Lisbon

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Lisbon, Portugal

Be Interested and Be Interesting

“How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions.”

Making small talk can be a necessary yet tedious part of daily life. It sometimes may not come naturally to you, and it can be forced at times. However, it is a courteous and polite way to get to know people who are complete strangers to you and to show that you are not oblivious to their presence around you. While ‘small talk’ often revolves around the weather, a simple ‘hello, how are you?’ or just mentioning something about the time of day, the commute to work or school, or maybe a small compliment to brighten their day, it can sometimes lead to a good conversation and even a new friend.

How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions. You can take a general comment on the weather to ask if they are used to that kind of weather or if it is new for them. That can lead to a talk about their hometown or where they currently live or if they are just visiting on travel. You would be surprised how a seemingly small question can lead to a wide-ranging and deeper conversation. A comment about the traffic or commute to your work can lead to a discussion on what could be improved about the roads, the transportation options, or if remote work would make things easier for you and the other person.

Even just asking for the time of the day can lead you to asking about their watch (if they have one), if their day is going well or not, and perhaps a comment on if the day is going fast or slow for them since we can tend to perceive time’s passing differently from one another. Key to taking ‘small talk’ to what could be considered ‘medium talk’, or a genuine conversation is to listen intently, wait until they are finished speaking, and follow up with a question or a comment relevant to what they told you.

If you are in a rush, are having a bad day, or are just not in the mood to continue the conversation, you can let it end after the ‘small talk’ or pleasant greeting or two. However, if you feel like you would like to get to know the other person or group of people better, make sure to listen, let them finish, and ask a question about them (within reason), or like the general comment(s) you made, and keep the conversation going for a while longer.

You should not have to do all the work in the conversation and if it is running its course, politely excuse yourself and say goodbye and that it was nice to meet them. Conversations naturally start and end but if you would like to be more social, make a new friend, or just put yourself out there in the world more, you must ‘be interested’ in those around you. You should do your best to refrain from making the conversation all about you at first and what you’re up to. Naturally, that should make its way into the conversation but if you started talking to this person, you would like to get to know them more, then, I believe you should be interested in who they are, find out more about them, and get to know them beyond just the time of the day, the weather forecast, or how their day is generally going.

Even if you feel like you don’t know much about their work, school, hobbies, interests, or where they are from, it shouldn’t prevent the conversation from continuing as you can show curiosity about their background and try to learn more about them from themselves. If there is anything I have learned about my own social life, people like to talk about themselves and will be happy to answer questions about themselves if done in a polite and respectful manner. It’s important to know someone’s boundaries especially if they are still somewhat of a stranger to you but usually, they’ll be willing to share a lot about who they are, where they are from, what they like to do in their free time, and what gets them excited about life in general.

If you feel like your social life could use a boost, I recommend being more interested in others and you should start to feel like you’re making progress in your conversations. Now, it should not be so one sided that they know nothing about you as that would be a bit odd as they’ll likely want to ask you the same questions in response. The conversation should not feel like a one-sided interrogation or a job interview. There should be a natural give and take where you both are interested in each other and you are letting each other answer questions, talk about possible mutual interests, and even discussing if your personal backgrounds overlap at all.

The 2nd part of a successful beginning of any kind of positive first impression is to ‘be interesting’, which I know is a broad statement to make but you should have things to talk about to that person. You should know a little bit about where you’re from, talk about what excites you about life whether that’s a particular hobby, interest, or activity you like to do. Your life will often involve work or school or both at the same time, but I would recommend making yourself interesting beyond what you do to make a living. If you like traveling, let the person ask you about where you’ve been. If you enjoy learning languages, discuss which ones. If you like to build bird houses or molding ceramic pottery, discuss the process(es) involved in getting either activity done.

While you should be interested in other people to get to know them and have interesting conversations, don’t be shy to discuss who you are in return. You should have a life that is beyond work or school even if it is a large part of our lives. If you don’t have many hobbies or interests, perhaps pivot to what goal(s) you have for the future. It is easier when you have a lot on going on in terms of your outside interests, activities, or hobbies, so that is where the ’be interesting’ comes into play.

You don’t have to be doing something cool, exciting, or fascinating every day, but I find it is easier to build a friendship or relationship when you can share something that you are passionate about and can even include them in on. Whether it is traveling together, going on a hike, building something out of wood or metal, or maybe playing a sport, you can show you are an interesting individual. You can also show that you are inclusive too by allowing yourself to show that hobby or interest to the other person and see if they would enjoy doing that with you as a result. They can also let you join in on what they enjoy doing as well giving you a new hobby or interest that you can learn more about, partake in, and build upon with that other person as well.

Being social may not come naturally or easily to some of us but I think a good way to make it easier is to ‘be interested’ in who they are, what they do, and how they came to be who they are today. Once you do that, you can show that you can ‘be interesting’ with what you enjoy doing in life and that you would like them to be involved or help them learn about it and see if it is something they want to try. I think these are two good ways to be better socially and can lead you to building stronger friendships and relationships as a result.