February 2024 – The Life and Times of Ben Weinberg

Condado Beach

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Condado Beach; San Juan, Puerto Rico

Remembering the Basics of Civility

“Beyond these tenets, I think it is important to remember the basics of civility in terms of everyday behavior, which is about establishing boundaries, using good manners, and fully recognizing the other person or people you are dealing with.”

In any society, there’s a thin line between civilization and barbarism. When we are civil with each other, when we say what we mean and when we do what we say, we will be better off for having maintained the basic standards of civility. Without civility, there is no civilization to come from that.

There are many forms of civility and I have written already at length about the need to be honest, truthful, be emotionally mature, and to treat others the way you would like to be treated. Beyond these tenets, I think it is important to remember the basics of civility in terms of everyday behavior, which is about establishing boundaries, using good manners, and fully recognizing the other person or people you are dealing with.

In addition to the rise of anti-social behavior since the pandemic and perhaps on the decline even beforehand, there has also been a lack of civility and poor behavior in public whether it’s with colleagues, strangers, or just another person who you are passing by on the street. Some of the behaviors that reflect a lack of overall civility include not greeting someone formally or informally, not making eye contact, lack of a handshake upon greeting that person(s), and perhaps what would be the most basic is the ability to say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning / afternoon / evening’ when you see someone or meet someone.

Basic greetings form the backbone of any civil society and if you cannot take the time to look up from your phone or laptop or to take 5-10 seconds to acknowledge that person in the language that you both speak, then it makes me wonder if civilized behavior is on a permanent decline, rather than a temporary one. Greetings are more than just communication but it’s a way of ‘seeing’ that person beyond them just being in relative proximity to you. When you say ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or acknowledge them with a formal ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’ in English or in the equivalent of another language, you will make that person feel better. You’re letting them know that you know they are there, that you recognize who they are, and appreciate the fact that you get to see them in some small way.

I would say that in addition to greetings, having good posture, standing up straight, walking with your head held high, not slouching, or putting your feet up on the desk or in front of the person sitting across from you, there are all common ways of maintaining civility and not being disrespectful to yourself and other people around you. It shows not just a lack of respect for yourself but to other people when you cannot maintain eye contact or look them in the eye.

A handshake that is never given when greeting someone now or is lackluster in its firmness or strength also shows a lack of social awareness or respect for having neglected it. If you know the person well enough, giving a hug is not a weird or out of place action and shows that you care for the other person to let them know that. Standing up straight, making eye contact, greeting the person respectfully, giving them your full attention, etc. are all necessary actions to maintain civility before diving into the deeper aspects of maintaining a civilization or a society that is not on the decline in terms of its overall behavior patterns or standards.

Having respect for another person also means getting up for an injured / disabled person, an elderly person, or a pregnant woman if you are on a bus, train, or other public transportation to let them sit down instead of you. Holding the door open for another person is also polite, kind, and a sign that you are not just thinking of yourself and are able to think of other people who need a little bit of help, especially if they could be your neighbor or need aid if they have heavy groceries or may have their hands full. If you really want to maintain classy and dignified behavior, pouring a drink for another person or proposing a toast in their honor or even pulling the chair out for a loved one or a relative is a great way to maintain the civility of our collective behavior that keeps our civilization or general society functioning.

Nobody also likes to have their time wasted regardless of the appointment or meeting whether it’s an interview, a date, a social engagement, or a dinner / lunch outing. Make sure you are on time or a few minutes early, and while this is not universal across cultures, I do think being on time and keeping your word allows for societal advancement and for civilized behavior to flourish. Now, there’s nothing wrong with being 5-10-15 minutes late here and there, but if you don’t apologize or acknowledge your tardiness with even a basic excuse, you are letting the basic values and standards of a society degrade a bit with your lack of awareness.

You may not think these basics of societal civility matter, but they do, and I’ve noticed there has been a general decline in this area since the pandemic and even earlier. It does not cost you much to observe basic greetings, observe social graces that have been around for centuries, think of other people such as the elderly, the disabled, and the pregnant before yourself, and to do what you say, mean what you say, and to be honest and forthright.

Being reliable, being accountable, and holding yourself to a higher standard is important as well to maintaining civilization and improving one’s society. However, if you do not have the basics or the fundamentals down first, it won’t matter one bit. You must constantly be reminding yourself to observe these social attitudes, graces, and behaviors that have marked the upward trend of human civilization since ancient times.

Without making accommodations for others or thinking of others when it comes to our own behavior, we will be headed on a downward slope for which there might not be a way out from in the future. Please again remember your basics of civility when you’re in public but also in private too. Uphold the basic standards of good behavior and make sure you reinforce those kinds of standards with the people in your lives and with the stranger on the street too.

San Juan Sunset

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: San Juan, Puerto Rico

The Virtue of Showing Emotional Restraint

“It’s important to explore the concept of having emotional restraint when facing criticism, the benefits of not escalating the situation to make it worse than it needs to be, and how it demonstrates maturity and grace when you can show restraint in the face of judgment or criticism, whether deserved or not.”

In both professional and personal settings, criticism is an inevitable part of life. Whether it comes from a colleague, a friend, or a family member, criticism can be challenging to navigate but important to embrace if it is justifiable. However, it can be especially difficult when the criticism is unwarranted or unjustified. Therefore, it is crucial to show emotional restraint in these situations, even when it feels difficult, rude, or unfair.

It’s important to explore the concept of having emotional restraint when facing criticism, the benefits of not escalating the situation to make it worse than it needs to be, and how it demonstrates maturity and grace when you can show restraint in the face of judgment or criticism, whether deserved or not.

Emotional restraint is known as the ability to control one’s emotions, particularly in challenging situations. When faced with criticism of something you did or something you said, it is natural to feel a range of emotions, including anger, frustration, and sadness. However, acting on these emotions and turning it back on the person(s) doing the criticism of yourself can often lead to negative outcomes. For example, responding to criticism with anger or defensiveness can escalate the situation and damage relationships, sometimes permanently. It can also lead to regrettable actions or words that cannot be taken back without regret or remorse.

On the other hand, showing emotional restraint allows individuals to respond to criticism in a calm, cool, and collected manner. This kind of attitude change can lead to more productive conversations and resolutions to problems that can arise. It also demonstrates emotional maturity and self-control, which are valuable traits in both personal and professional settings that will serve you well in life.

Emotional restraint is crucial in various everyday situations, as it helps maintain composure and fosters healthy relationships with other people. Here are a few examples where having good restraint in everyday situations can come in handy:

Workplace Criticism: When receiving feedback or criticism from a colleague or a supervisor, it’s essential to remain calm and composed and to not react. Reacting impulsively or defensively can escalate the situation and damage your professional relationships. Instead, by showing emotional restraint, it allows for a more constructive dialogue and a better understanding of the feedback that you are getting, whether you feel it’s warranted or not.
Family Disagreements: In family settings, disagreements are common, but reacting emotionally can lead to unnecessary conflict and trauma. By showing emotional restraint, individuals can avoid saying hurtful or insulting things they may regret later and work instead towards a resolution calmly and rationally that will maintain the relationship rather than rupture it.
Social Media Interactions: Online interactions can often lead to heated debates or arguments especially since they are being done behind a screen and not face to face with that person or a group of people. Instead of engaging in a war of words that can seemingly go on forever and escalate to be rude, nasty, or involve insults, you should be exercising emotional restraint, which can help maintain a respectful discourse and prevent the situation from escalating to bullying or harassment.
Customer Service Interactions: Dealing with difficult customers or clients in your work or volunteering often requires having emotional restraint. Remaining calm, kind, and empathetic can help resolve issues more effectively and maintain a positive reputation for the business or company that you’re working or volunteering for.
Traffic Incidents: Road rage is a common issue in our society, but showing restraint can prevent dangerous or deadly situations. Taking a deep breath, maintaining your focus on what you can control on the road, and staying calm and relaxed can help avoid confrontations and maintain safety on the road and help save yourself from an accident or a crash. You never know who you’re dealing with the other car or truck or bus so it’s best to not yell, engage them further, or leave the vehicle at any time to escalate such a dicey situation when it comes to ‘road rage.’

In any of these types of situations, having emotional restraint allows you to handle conflicts and criticism more effectively, fostering healthier relationships, and promoting a more peaceful environment. When faced with receiving criticism which will happen both professionally and personally, it can be tempting to respond in kind or to escalate the situation with the other party. However, this rarely leads to a positive outcome and can make the situation worse. Instead, it often leads to a cycle of negativity and conflict. By showing emotional restraint and not responding in kind to get into an argument or worse, individuals can break this difficult cycle of bad behavior and create a more positive environment.

Not escalating the situation also allows individuals to maintain their dignity and self-respect. It shows that they are confident in themselves and their abilities, and that they do not need to resort to negative behavior to defend themselves from criticism, whether it is justified or not from the other party. This kind of attitude can earn them respect from others including co-workers, romantic partners, or friends, and help to build and maintain stronger relationships when you show positive characteristics in your behavior by not reacting in a negative way.

Emotional restraint is both a sign of emotional maturity and grace. It shows that the person in question can control their emotions and can respond to criticism in a thoughtful and measured way to learn from their mistakes or to just take it in stride by not losing control of their emotions. This can be especially challenging when the criticism is unwarranted or unjustified. However, by showing emotional restraint, individuals can rise above the situation and demonstrate their maturity and grace in their dealings with other people.

Emotional restraint also shows that someone can put the needs of the relationship above their own ego. It shows that they are willing to listen to others’ feedback and consider the other person’s perspective, even if they disagree with it or won’t change because of it. This can lead to more open and honest communication, and ultimately, stronger friendships and relationships.

Overall, it is necessary these days to have emotional restraint as it is a valuable skill that can help individuals navigate criticism in both professional and personal settings. By showing emotional restraint, individuals can respond to criticism in a calm, cool, and collected manner, and avoid escalating the situation further. This kind of behavior from mature adults can lead to more productive conversations, problem solving, and better resolutions, and ultimately, a healthier and happier life by having this kind of outlook on managing your emotions well.

Emotional restraint demonstrates the need for having both maturity and grace and shows that someone should be able to put the needs of the relationship above their own ego or beliefs. Having the capacity for emotional restraint is an important life skill that can help individuals navigate criticism with both dignity and decency.

Universal Studios’ Islands of Adventure

Universal Studios Islands of Adventure

Camera: iPhone 12

Location: Universal Studios Islands of Adventure, Orlando, Florida, USA

‘Her’ – Film Review and Analysis

“As Theodore navigates the complexities of his relationship with Samantha, ‘Her’ raises profound questions about the nature of love, intimacy, and the impact of technology on human connection.”

Directed by Spike Jonze, ‘Her’ (2013) is a very thought-provoking film and emotionally resonant exploration of love, loneliness, connection, and the continually evolving relationship between human beings and artificial intelligence. Set in a near-future Los Angeles, the film follows Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix), a sensitive and introverted man who develops a deep emotional connection with an artificial intelligence operating system named Samantha (voiced by Scarlett Johansson). As Theodore navigates the complexities of his relationship with Samantha, ‘Her’ raises profound questions about the nature of love, intimacy, and the impact of technology on human connection.

‘Her’, when it begins, unfolds in a meticulously crafted near-future world where technology seamlessly integrates into everyday life. The film’s urban setting, characterized by sleek minimalist design, towering skyscrapers, and vibrant colors, offers a vision of the future that feels both familiar and slightly surreal. Against this backdrop, Theodore, a melancholic writer, struggles with the recent end of his marriage to Catherine (Rooney Mara) and finds solace in his interactions with ‘Samantha’, an advanced operating system designed to meet his every emotional need.

As Theodore and Samantha’s relationship deepens, the film explores the complexities of human emotions and the blurred boundaries between what is reality and what is fantasy. It also explores how intimacy can be replicated but not replaced when embraced by AI and man despite the boundaries and limitations that can never fade away. Theodore and Samantha’s unconventional romance challenges societal norms and prompts reflection on the nature of intimacy in an increasingly digitized world.

Joaquin Phoenix delivers a captivating performance as Theodore, bringing depth and vulnerability to his character. Theodore is a relatable figure, an everyday, normal guy, grappling with feelings of loneliness and longing for connection in a world that often feels cold and impersonal as technological growth outpaces human understanding. Scarlett Johansson infuses Samantha with warmth, curiosity, and a childlike wonder, making her a compelling and empathetic presence despite her lack of a physical form. Rooney Mara, shines in her brief but impactful role as Catherine, Theodore’s ex-wife, whose prior divorce from her husband, Theodore, leaves a profound and seemingly irreplaceable void in his life, and creates the need for new companionship in the form of Samantha.

Each character in the film, ‘Her’, is intricately woven into the fabric of the storyline, contributing to its emotional resonance and thematic richness. Whether it’s Theodore’s close friend, Amy (Amy Adams), who finds her own connection with an AI companion, or the various individuals Theodore encounters through his work at BeautifulHandwrittenLetters.com. Each character serves as a reflection of the film’s central themes and ideas surrounding romance, loneliness, intimacy, and technology.

At its core, ‘Her’ is a meditation on the nature of love and the human desire for connection. The film explores the ways in which technology shapes our relationships and challenges our traditional notions of romance and intimacy. Through Theodore and Samantha’s evolving bond, ‘Her’ raises profound questions about the essence of love and whether it can transcend the limitations of physicality and lack of touch.

Central to the film is the theme of artificial intelligence and its growing impact on human society and reaching every part of our lives. ‘Her; imagines a future where AI entities like Samantha possess consciousness, emotions, and the capacity for growth, self-learning, and self-discovery. As Theodore and Samantha’s relationship deepens, the film increasingly blurs the lines between human and machine, prompting viewers to reconsider what it means to be alive and sentient.

This film presents a possible vision of how advances in artificial intelligence could reshape the landscape of romance and relationships. By portraying a world where individuals form deep emotional connections with AI companions, the film challenges traditional notions of human-to-human intimacy. Theodore’s relationship with Samantha transcends physicality, highlighting the potential for AI to fulfill emotional needs, and provide companionship in ways previously thought to be unimaginable. While the film’s depiction of AI may seem far-fetched to some viewers, it is grounded in real-world and recent developments, and trends in the field of artificial intelligence.

‘Her’ also underscores the complexities and ethical dilemmas inherent in human-AI relationships. As Theodore and Samantha navigate the challenges of their budding romance, they confront questions of agency, autonomy, and the inherent power dynamics at play similarly to how it would take place in a human-human relationship. This film invites viewers to consider the implications of forming intimate connections with non-human entities and the ethical considerations that arise from blurring the boundaries between man and machine.

The concept of an advanced operating system like Samantha may seem fantastical, but it is not entirely implausible given the rapid advancements in AI technology in 2024 and earlier. Researchers are making significant strides in creating AI systems that can understand natural language, learn from experiences, and interact with humans in increasingly sophisticated ways. While current AI systems may not yet possess the level of consciousness portrayed in ‘Her,’ the film’s vision of future AIs as intelligent, empathetic entities is not outside the realm of possibility.

Moreover, ‘Her’ raises thought-provoking questions about the ethical implications of creating AI systems with human-like qualities. As AI technology continues to evolve, society will need to grapple with issues such as AI rights, privacy concerns, and the potential impacts of AI on human society. By exploring these themes through the lens of Theodore and Samantha’s relationship, ‘Her’ invites viewers to consider the ethical complexities of creating intelligent machines capable of both emotional connection and self-awareness.

‘Her’ offers a nuanced exploration of how AI technology can alleviate loneliness and provide companionship in an increasingly digitized yet atomized world. Theodore’s relationship with Samantha serves as a compelling example of how an AI system can fulfill emotional needs and offer a sense of connection and belonging to some individuals who may feel isolated or alone.

While the idea of forming deep emotional bonds with AI companions may seem unconventional or outright strange, ‘Her’ suggests that technology has the potential to bridge the gap between human beings as well who struggle to connect with each other and help alleviate the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Samantha’s ability to understand and empathize with Theodore’s emotions allows him to feel seen, heard, and understood in ways that he may not have experienced with other humans. Through their interactions, Samantha provides Theodore with the companionship and emotional support he craves, offering a sense of intimacy and connection that transcends physicality and physical desires.

However, ‘Her’ also acknowledges the limitations and complexities of human-AI relationships. Despite Samantha’s advanced capabilities, she is ultimately a machine programmed to fulfill Theodore’s needs, raising questions about the authenticity of their emotional connection, and the nature of intimacy in a digital age. The film’s portrayal of Theodore’s struggle to reconcile his feelings for Samantha with societal norms and expectations highlights the challenges of navigating relationships with non-human entities.

While ‘Her; may offer a somewhat idealized depiction of AI’s ability to alleviate loneliness, it raises important questions about the potential of technology to reshape human relationships and address the profound need for connection and companionship between people. As AI technology continues to advance, ‘Her’ already serves as a thought-provoking exploration of the complex interplay between humans and machines and the evolving nature of intimacy in a digitized world.

One of the most poignant themes of the ‘Her’ film is the pervasive sense of loneliness and longing that permeates the film’s narrative and cinematography. Theodore’s journey is marked by profound feelings of isolation and disconnection, which he seeks to alleviate through his relationship with Samantha. As he grapples with the dissolution of his marriage and the challenges of navigating modern relationships after his divorce, Theodore’s yearning for companionship serves as a poignant reminder of the human need for connection and belonging regardless of what age we live in, with technology or without its presence.

‘Her’ suggests that while technology has the potential to connect us in new and innovative ways especially with recent advancements, it also has the capacity to exacerbate feelings of alienation and detachment from one another. In a world where digital interfaces increasingly mediate our interactions, the film raises important questions about the true nature of intimacy and the emotional toll of living in an atomized society. In conclusion, ‘Her’ is a deeply affecting film and it is thought-provoking in its exploration of love, loneliness, and the impact of technology on human relationships.

Through its compelling narrative, richly written characters, and resonant themes, the film offers a poignant reflection on the complexities of intimacy in a world likely to be our near future. As artificial intelligence continues to advance and develop, the film ‘Her’ serves as a timely and necessary reminder of the importance of sustaining human connection and maintaining the enduring power of love in all its forms.