Tag: work

Why You Need Something To Look Forward To In Life

“Life is not just about paying bills, taking care of errands, and going to and from work or school. No, life is more than just going through the motions.”

Life is not just about paying bills, taking care of errands, and going to and from work or school. No, life is more than just going through the motions. As an adult especially, you must have a life beyond the daily grind. You must be going out of your way to make time to enjoy life and to have something to look forward to, as frequently as possible. Life is short and days, weeks, and months can pass you by without taking full advantage of it. As you get older, it becomes not just about being successful and finding purpose but finding enjoyment out of it before your time is up here.

Enjoyment doesn’t have to lead to you spending your money needlessly. It could be going on a walk, a hike, or chatting with a friend on a park bench. You can enjoy the sunrise, the sunset, or take the time to exercise and feel good about yourself as a result. These are all things that you can look forward to without spending your hard-earned money. While there is nothing wrong with using money to have fun and relax a bit, it’s not the end all be all with looking forward to a gift, a purchase, or a subscription. If it brings you happiness and you’re responsible for it, monetary or not, you should always be marking your calendar each day to at least one thing or event or person you’re looking forward to interacting with.

Clearly, man or woman is not a machine and grinding endlessly just to sustain us alone is not healthy in the long-term. You can be a hard worker and still take the time to enjoy life even when you have a busy schedule. However, you need to also set boundaries and be willing to look at your time honestly to figure when and where you can fit this downtime in. You can easily get overwhelmed with errands, chores, duties, work, and other obligations and not carve out any time for yourself but that is no way to go through this life.

We all need our down time to reset, enjoy, and relax without feeling guilty for having done so. No one in your life is going to plan out your fun experiences or down time for you so you need to be actively doing so yourself. Managing your calendar well is part of that and being conscious of what brings you joy and happiness. Other people will often dictate for you what they think will bring you fulfillment outside of work or school, but you need to decide for yourself the best uses for your free time.

For some people, that could be playing tennis on a weekly basis, for others, it could be catching up with different friends over a drink or coffee over the course of a month. You should always be looking to make time for your fun and enjoyment as you see it best. It takes effort, communication, and planning but it’s better than just going through the motions without breaking up the daily grind a bit.

Being able to plan a vacation, a concert, a hike, or just time spent with loved ones is what really will fuel you through the ups and downs of professional and academic life. You need interests, hobbies, experiences, and people you like to get more out of life beyond the briefcase or backpack. We were not meant to live to work and earn our daily bread alone. Take the time out when you can to have something to look forward to doing, experiencing, or enjoying, whatever that may be, guilt free.

There will always be plenty of hours to give for that job, that class, or that bill payment, but there is less time for our free time by and large. That is why it’s important to plan out your free time well, to have a life beyond the grind, and to create fun, joy, and laughter wherever you can, whenever you can. Enjoy your free time and make the most of it because it’s not for forever and you need to make the most of the time we are given to pursue our own happiness.

Accountability Starts at the Top

“Having great power comes with great responsibilities as the popular adage goes and that involves making sure you set a good example for your peers and those people who look up to you.”

Good leadership has never been more important than it is now. Regardless of which organization, firm, company, or working body you oversee or manage, you have a responsibility to be open, transparent, and accountable to both your subordinates and others who have a stake in the leadership role you oversee. Having great power comes with great responsibilities as the popular adage goes and that involves making sure you set a good example for your peers and those people who look up to you.

While what you’re in your own role should not reflect on how others in an organized company, firm, or agency to do their own roles, but you can have an outsized impact on the effect you have on other people you work with by setting a good example for them. What do I mean by setting a good example? There are several ways, including the fifteen I have listed below to do that in a leadership role in the working world and for which will not only help you as a leader but help the workplace that you are both developing and managing.

  1. Own Up to Your Mistakes – Acknowledge personal errors without deflecting blame to your subordinates. This sets up a culture where it’s okay to fail, but it’s crucial to learn from it without being chastised.
  2. Communicate Transparently and Consistently – Keep team members in the loop about decisions, challenges, and updates on a weekly or at least a monthly basis. Transparent communication fosters trust and accountability. Avoiding gossip, rumors, and other loose talk is a key role of a leader to make sure that doesn’t override official guidance.
  3. Set Clear Expectations for Everyone – Define what success looks like in specific terms for each person’s performance and hold everyone, including themselves as the leader or CEO, to those same standards.
  4. Lead by Actual Action(s) – Demonstrate work ethic, punctuality, proper dress code and overall professionalism each day. Leaders who practice what they preach inspire others to do the same. Always be willing to put in serious work relevant to your company’s mission and not just sit in meetings all day when you could be pitching in to help with the big picture, especially for a smaller organization when you may not have as many employees to solve problems that come up each day.
  5. Encourage Consistent Feedback from Others – Actively seek feedback from all levels of the organization for how things could improve or be better for the average worker. This shows that the leader values input and is open to improvement even when it may reflect negatively on them or the organization.
  6. Hold Themselves to the Same Standard – Apply the same level of accountability to themselves as they would to others, regardless of rank or position. Make sure that they are open to having their performance reviewed just the same as anyone else.
  7. Be Consistent in Your Decision Making – Consistency in decisions, actions, and behavior reinforces trust and a culture of accountability. For example, if there is a flexible hybrid or remote work policy and a contract is signed for that part of the work environment, that cannot just be ended without abiding by the contract or letting people know there will be changes after the end of a contract. It’s important to not pull the rug out from your employees when they come into the job with certain work expectations that they agreed to.
  8. Provide Recognition and Consequences – Celebrate successes and address failures in a fair and constructive way. Holding people accountable, positively or negatively, ensures a balanced approach that people will appreciate because of your honesty and consistency.
  9. Empower Other People in Their Roles – Provide resources, training, and autonomy for team members to succeed and be responsible for their roles. Make sure that they can go to conferences, relevant trainings, skills development courses, and other events that they will benefit from whether it’s for IT, sales, marketing, business development, etc.
  10. Always Maintain Ethical and Moral Standards – Model both Ethical and Morally sound behavior for others in your organization, even when no one is looking. This sets a baseline for personal and organizational integrity that others will follow based on your example as the leader of the firm and because they know they are doing right and following the rules.
  11. Be Present and Available to Everyone – Hold open office hours each week and make it a priority to meet with each employee or each team throughout the year to see how they are doing, especially individually. Be accessible to all team members when they need guidance or clarity, demonstrating commitment to their growth and accountability in your firm or organization.
  12. Follow Through on Your Commitments – Demonstrate reliability by keeping promises and meeting deadlines, setting an example for follow-through in the organization. Your word is your bond as a leader in the work you do, and others will want to do business with you or continue the partnership if you are able to do what you said you were going to do.
  13. Foster a Culture of Mutual Accountability – Cultivate an environment where everyone feels responsible for the success of the team, not just individual performance. If you have different teams, make sure they know the role that is expected of them, what they are responsible for, and how to resolve issues with each other when they inevitably come up.
  14. Address Issues Promptly and Privately – Tackle accountability problems early before they grow into larger organizational issues, showing that problems are addressed fairly and swiftly. Make sure to do it privately as well with those affected employees and keep it constructive in terms of ensuring more accountability. It’s never good to air out grievances with your workers in public or in front of a team or group of employees.
  15. Provide Continued Growth and Training Opportunities – Workers want to feel like they are progressing in the job and giving skills or certification training(s) can really help with overall job satisfaction. Being able to provide a long-term trajectory for those people in your firm or company so they stick around and lower the turnover rate is key too.

Being a leader of a company, firm, or organization is not easy, but the reward of being an effective leader of a thriving workplace is worth the stress of it all. You must be a positive example who sets a high standard but also is able to help the people under you develop their own professional futures and be willing to adapt and adjust your own ideas and policies based on constructive feedback. If accountability and transparency are to thrive in any organization, it must come from leadership first and work its way down through the hierarchy.

Unlocking More Freedom By Escaping The Hamster Wheel

“I am hopeful that everyone reading this article can find a way to escape at some point in the sense that you keep pursuing a life that is freer, more fulfilling, and less constricted than what is expected of you rather than what you are wishing for.”

Life can feel a lot like a ‘hamster wheel’ the older you get. The responsibilities, bills, obligations, and societal expectations can pile up without you even noticing at first. The hustle and bustle of life can keep us trapped without a way out. I am hopeful that everyone reading this article can find a way to escape at some point in the sense that you keep pursuing a life that is freer, more fulfilling, and less constricted than what is expected of you rather than what you are wishing for.

It is easy to settle into the steady job, the steady paycheck, the comfort of the ‘daily grind’ despite the dislike of it that a lot of us feel about it. It’s called a ‘grind’ for a reason and while there’s nothing wrong with steady work, paying your bills, and handling your responsibilities like an adult, but it’s about not questioning or working towards a different path that may make you get more out of life and what it has to offer you. You should not resign yourself to a life of constantly chasing something that you don’t even want or what doesn’t make you fulfilled. You should consider the ‘hamster wheel’ as a temporary station and not your permanent status in life.

Society often encourages each of us to take the ‘safe route’ and to ‘climb the ladder’ without thinking about if it’s really fulfilling or giving you the purpose and satisfaction we yearn for as human beings. It’s a cycle of working, earning, spending and saving, and while that’s fine if that’s your choice, I do believe there is more to life than that and you have to try to figure out which path is the right one for you off the wheel.

You may want to get off the proverbial ‘hamster wheel’ if you have a feeling of monotony and boredom each day, there’s a lack of passion or purpose in what you’re doing, and if you’re not earning or having the kind of success you envisioned in your current role in whatever work you are currently doing. Time slips away faster and faster as you age, and you really got to ask yourself more and more is if it’s worth my time and effort. If you’ve aged five years and your goals are still not in reach or if the job or vocation you chosen isn’t doing it for you anymore, you need to have some internal reflection on whether your life is heading in the right direction.

Productivity and achievement can be fulfilling at first but if you find the work to be repetitive, listless, or without any growth, it will often lead to burnout and a lack of overall fulfillment. If you are feeling that days are becoming more listless, directionless, or without any purpose, you may need to adjust your career, your lifestyle, or even your values to decide if where you’re heading is where you want to end up being. If that involves refocusing your priorities to less possessions or less spending or a change in your home location, you may need to shake things up a bit to see if you can get more out of life than you’ve been getting.

I am a fan of routines but if that routine, daily or otherwise, is sucking the life out of you, then you need to change up your routine or lifestyle in a big way. Living freely means not just breaking free of an unfulfilling routine but also creating space for deeper relationships, more creativity in what you do, activities that contribute to personal growth, and diversifying your identity outside of your work and more towards experiences and living more outside of the grind.

If you can’t escape the ‘hamster wheel’, I completely understand but you can still create a more intentional approach to your life. You can still prioritize those things that give you greater satisfaction and meaning including balancing out work, leisure time, and personal development without sacrificing each of these life aspects. Other strategies involve being less materialistic and being minimalistic with your possessions, setting boundaries with people at work and at home, practicing mindfulness in your decision making, and exploring different careers and lifestyles that serve you and not someone else. Those practical steps can help you break free a bit more and help you reclaim control over your life.

Meaningful change takes time and having more personal freedom involves making gradual shifts to where you live, who you work with, how you spend your time, what you prioritize, and how you live your life each day. You don’t need to quit your job today, sell your house, and move to a different city or country, but you can try to make some changes in your life to improve your freedom and choice as much as possible.

Living outside the ‘hamster wheel’ can bring a greater sense of peace, clarity, and contentedness that will allow you to enjoy your time more, bolster your relationships, and allow you to have more experiences that you want to have. Think less of what other think of your life and prioritize a life where you are constrained less about what others think of you and focus more on creating your own joy, happiness, and connections with other people as much as possible. Getting off the hamster wheel fully will not be easy but if you can’t get off now, try to slow down, take measure of what’s working and what isn’t, and make meaningful changes to enjoy life before that spinning wheel comes to an end.

Anatomy of a Scene – ‘Family, Jimmy, Family’ (The Wire)

“This scene that I’ve titled, ‘Family, Jimmy, Family’ feels like it’s not just about the character, Jimmy McNulty, one of the leading roles of the show and a deeply flawed one at that but also could reflect on our own lives and who we prioritize in them.”

Sometimes, it takes a great work of fictional television to cause the viewer to do some soul searching themselves. ‘The Wire’ is not only an excellent crime drama and takes a critical lens to different facets of American society, but there are also multiple scenes that stand out for how they deliver truths to each of their characters for what they themselves are ignorant of or choose to forget. One of those scenes is short but whose succinctness of its message and point-blank delivery is something that you could do a deep analysis of. This scene that I’ve titled, ‘Family, Jimmy, Family’ feels like it’s not just about the character, Jimmy McNulty, one of the leading roles of the show and a deeply flawed one at that but also could reflect on our own lives and who we prioritize in them.

For a little bit of background before diving into the scene itself, which takes place in ‘The Wire’ Season 5, Jimmy McNulty is an obsessive workaholic and a functional alcoholic. His thirst for booze rivals his own thirst for self-satisfaction in being able to solve murders as a detective in the Baltimore Police Department. While he does crave justice, he craves adulation, admiration, and boosting his ego too because of his natural talents with regards to being a lead detective. However, without getting into too many details, the stress of the job, the clashes with his bosses, and the long hours cause him to drink heavily, carouse with random women, and cause him to lose control of his relationship with both his ex-wife and his children.

Jimmy loves being a detective, the purpose that comes with the badge, and the colleagues who he handles cases with. It’s also about the camaraderie that he finds in the work, the all-consuming nature of the work, and by outsmarting criminals and thugs who think they have successfully outwitted him and the police. The thing with letting work consume you is that it takes over your life and suffocates the rest of your identity with it. Jimmy is a great detective but throughout the show, the job takes a toll on his personal life and about separating work from his time out of work. When you have nothing but the job and the people in it, is it really a good life?

The scene I refer to titled, ‘Family, Jimmy, Family’ is instrumental in telling Jimmy McNulty what he needs to hear and what other workaholics need to hear: “The job won’t save you.” It takes five seasons but Beadie Russell, a Baltimore Port Authority police officer, introduced in season two, but for which her and Jimmy start to become romantically involved does what no one else in the show has the courage to do, tell Jimmy that the job isn’t everything.

“In the end, they’re not going to be there either.” Beadie sums it up in less than a minute with this scene but reminds Jimmy that the drinking pals at the bar, the workmates who he shares a patrol car with and shares stories, or even the girls he’s met for quick flings, they won’t be there when he really needs it. Yes, you can have fun, enjoy their company, and make the most of the work hours, but those people won’t be there for you when it comes to your health, wellness, and your overall fulfillment as a person. Beadie indicates to Jimmy that his workaholic behavior and his propensity for alcohol won’t save him and won’t give him the internal satisfaction he is always looking for.

“Family, that’s it. Family, and if you’re lucky, one or two friends who are the same as family. That’s all the best of us get. Everything else just…” Beadie pauses at the end of this scene and lets it all sink in for Jimmy. She knows she has reached him and lets him know that at your funeral or in your last days, you won’t have the girls you dated, the workmates or bosses, or the casual bar buddies you swap stories with there. If you’re lucky, you may have close family to care for you and maybe one or two close friends and that’s the truth of this scene not just for Jimmy McNulty of ‘The Wire’ but for all of us.

Beadie makes it clear that everything else goes away at some point once the job is done, the glasses are empty, and everybody goes their separate ways. Nothing is permanent but maybe your family will be there for you through most of it, thick and thin of life, if you’re lucky and until your dying day if you are truly blessed in that regard. Jimmy knows by the end of the scene that he needs to shift his priorities based on his body language.

He does not say anything back to Beadie, but he knows what she is saying as his new girlfriend is 100% true. It’s been a while since anyone has laid it out to him that clearly, but she gets through to him by telling him the unvarnished truth that he has refused to face up until that point. Like Beadie, we all need someone to cut through the nonsense and tell us what we really need to hear and if you watch this scene from ‘The Wire’, it’s not just Jimmy who this scene can reflect upon but maybe for our own lives too.

We all want to have productive work lives, make friends, and enjoy the fruits of our labor, but we must remember that it all does go away, and that family can be the most important and reliable thing we have throughout our lives if we’re lucky. Workmates, casual buddies and flings, and even friends come and go, but family can sustain us if we nurture those relationships and don’t let them atrophy and go away too.

Beadie reminds Jimmy to not let the work and the environment around his work consume him entirely. She saves him from himself to some degree but telling him what he needs to hear before he spirals out of control as a functioning alcoholic and workaholic. I think we all need a Beadie Russell in our lives to tell us what we need to hear rather than what we want to hear so that we can get that needed support to help reassess our priorities in life and change ourselves for the better.

How to Evaluate Your Year

“Evaluating the year that has passed can be a valuable exercise for yourself to gain deeper insights, identify growth opportunities for the new year, and celebrate the accomplishments or successes you had.”

2024 is ending soon as I write this article and I do believe it is important to look back on the year that was to evaluate it holistically, such as whether it was good, bad, or a mixed bag. Evaluating the year that has passed can be a valuable exercise for yourself to gain deeper insights, identify growth opportunities for the new year, and celebrate the accomplishments or successes you had.

Reflecting on various aspects of your life, even areas that you can improve upon will help you to set meaningful goals for the year ahead. Here’s a guide I have created on how to evaluate your year comprehensively, focusing on the five major areas of friends, family, relationships, experiences, and work or business.

Friends

Friendships are an essential part of life and key to one’s mental health as a surefire way to stay truly connected and bond over shared activities or hobbies or even lend each other a helping hand. Think about reflecting on your relationships with friends from over the past year. Ask yourself the following questions when doing so:

  1. Giving or Getting Support: Were your friends there for you during challenging times? Were you there for them when they needed you when they were in a rut or needed help? Did they offer emotional or practical support when needed? Could you say the same?
  2. Showing Mutual Effort: Did you invest some effort into maintaining these friendships? Conversely, did your friends reciprocate to make the effort to reach out to you as well?
  3. Quality over Quantity: Did you prioritize meaningful, deep connections over superficial ones with your friends? Were your interactions enriching and positive with your friends?
  4. Encouraging Growth: Did your friendships encourage personal growth or help you broaden your perspective? Did you give each other advice on how to better yourselves?

Document the moments and memories that stood out to you, whether they were fun gatherings, heart-to-heart conversations, or instances where you and your friends supported each other through a difficult time. Evaluate if there were any friendships that became draining or unbalanced and consider whether to address these issues or set boundaries or even cut off the friendship if it isn’t working out.

Family

Family relationships can greatly influence your emotional well-being in both positive but also negative ways depending on your own situation with your family members. I encourage you to reflect on the past year’s interactions with your family members and consider these questions:

  1. Building Connection: Did you spend enough quality time with your family? Were you present and engaged during these moments or were you distracted by your phone or another device?
  2. Conflict Resolution: Were there any unresolved conflicts? How well did you communicate and handle disagreements? Why did those conflicts arise and how can they be avoided next year?
  3. Support System: Did your family serve as a source of strength or encouragement? Were you able to offer the same in return? Did you help each other out in a mutual manner?
  4. Milestones and Memories: Were there any significant events or milestones within your family? How did you contribute to these moments? Did they celebrate your wins this year and did you do the same for them when they had successes?

Think about whether you balanced your time and energy across the various family member dynamics that are constantly evolving each year along with the different personalities that you have in your family. Identify some ways to strengthen bonds with family members next year who may need more of your attention or love than you were able to give up until this point.

Relationships

If you’re in a romantic relationship currently, evaluating this aspect of your life is crucial to keeping it on the right track into next year. Even if you’re single, reflecting on your relationship with yourself or any potential romantic connections is just as important. Ask yourself these questions as you close out the year:

  1. Compatibility: Are you and your partner aligned in your values, goals, and vision for the future? Have you talked about how you felt about the relationships enough in terms of how it is going?
  2. Communication: How effectively did you communicate this year? Were you able to express your needs and listen to your partner’s? Did you handle disagreements respectfully and come to a positive resolution with each other?
  3. Growth: Did your relationship encourage mutual growth? Did you feel supported and loved? Did they support you when you needed it, and have you done the same for them?
  4. Quality Time: How much time did you spend together? Were those moments meaningful and fulfilling? Were you also able to spend time apart in a healthy manner?
  5. Self-Reflection: If you’re single, consider how you’ve nurtured your relationship with yourself. Did you take time to understand your needs, desires, and goals in a potential relationship for next year?

Identify areas where you’ve grown together as a couple or individually when you two were apart. If there were challenges this year, consider how you’ll address them moving forward in your relationship.

Experiences (Travel, Hobbies, Interests, Fun Activities)

Reflect on how you spent your free time outside of work, school, or business and how engaged with life outside of your daily obligations and weekly chores you were. Think about where you went, what you did, what you learned, and how much you enjoyed life beyond the office or the shop or the factory floor. Consider the following in your assessment of your experiences:

  1. Local and International Travel: Did you explore new places, whether locally or internationally? How did these experiences broaden your perspective? What did you learn from the places you traveled to? Would you travel in 2025 and how did you grow as a person in your travels?
  2. Hobbies and Interests: Did you pursue activities that bring you joy or help you grow? Did you try something new? Were you committed to these hobbies and spend enough time on them? What new hobby or interest would you like to try in the new year?
  3. Having Fun and Relaxation: Did you allocate time for leisure and enjoyment? Were you able to strike a balance between work and play? How often were you able to relax yourself?
  4. Making Memories: What were the highlights of your year? Did you attend events, celebrate milestones, or create special moments? Who did you share those memories with?

Take note of the activities, hobbies, interests, etc. that brought you the most happiness and fulfillment. If your year felt monotonous and a bit too routine, think about incorporating more variety or adventure into your life next year. Plan the destinations, places, or cities with regards to travel ahead of time that you hope to visit in the new year.

Work or Business

Your professional or business life is another crucial area to evaluate at the end of any year as it makes up about 80% of our time throughout the year. Reflect on your career or business journey over the past year by asking yourself these questions:

  1. Major Accomplishments: What were your major achievements? Did you meet or exceed your professional goals? What was the process you used to achieve your goals?
  2. Overcoming Challenges: What obstacles did you face, and how did you overcome them? Were there any failures, and what lessons did you learn from them? Who helped you overcome these challenges in your professional or business pursuits?
  3. Professional Growth: Did you acquire new skills, take on new responsibilities, or achieve personal growth in your role? How will these new skills help you next year and beyond?
  4. Managing Work-Life Balance: Were you able to maintain a healthy boundary between work and personal life? Did work leave you feeling fulfilled or drained? Did you take enough time off for vacation or for staying healthy? How did you spend your time outside of work or business?
  5. Establishing Future Goals: Are you satisfied with your current trajectory, or do you feel the need for a change? Did you take steps toward your long-term career aspirations? Will you find a new job next year? Do you plan to launch a new business or company? Will you ask for a raise or promotion and how will you ask this question to your supervisor?

Reflect on whether your work or business aligns with your personal values and passions. If there are gaps in that assessment, start thinking about how to address them in the coming year with regards to making your work or business more personally fulfilling Once you’ve reviewed these areas and answered as many questions in these five major areas as possible, combine your thoughts to identify patterns, strengths, and areas for improvement.

Lastly, think about the following ways generally on how you could make next year the best one yet:

  1. Showing Your Gratitude: What are you most grateful for this year? Acknowledge the people and experiences that enriched your life and made it the year that it was.
  2. Compile Lessons Learned: What did the failures, challenges, and successes of this year teach you? How will these lessons shape your approach to the new year and beyond?
  3. Having Goals for Improvement: What areas need more focus or change from you? How will you set realistic and actionable goals to address these aspects next year?

Evaluating your year holistically gives you a clearer perspective on where you stand in your life and how to move forward in a positive manner. Use this article, the questions I’ve posed and to write a yearly reflection about these five major areas as a substantive foundation for setting meaningful goals and resolutions for the year ahead.

You Never Know Until You Ask

“If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask!”

If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask! Whether I’m talking about at work, or school, or in relationships, you must be willing to speak up when it comes to creating or seeking new opportunities. Usually, no one is going to hand you anything and you’re going to have work for it but if you don’t seek out possibilities, you’ll never know whether the answer is going to be ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ There’s nothing to lose when it comes to pursuing your goals in life and in putting yourself out there.

As a big fan of popular movies, there is one line from the film, ‘The Departed’, given by actor Jack Nicholson’s character, Frank Costello, a cynical mobster turned FBI informant, about how in life, “no one gives it to you…you have to take it.” While I understand that I’m referring to a mob movie here with horrible people as the main characters, the point still stands that in life, you must go after what you want and assume that no one is going to give it to you. There will be a few times where your work will be rewarded, and you will receive some praise and even adulation for what you did. However, there will also be times where you must apply for that job or university spot, seek out that big promotion, volunteer for that promising opportunity, take the entrance exam, or study that foreign language.

There will always be a 0% chance of something happening for you unless you open your mouth and make the words come out. You give yourself a possible chance just by asking for it (nicely, of course). Whereas before you would have a zero chance because you haven’t sought out the opportunity or made your interest known, now you have anywhere as good from a 1% chance to a 100% chance. Let your resume, repertoire, resilience, and other attributes speak for themselves when other people are evaluating your abilities and qualifications but that only will get you so far if you don’t strike up the courage to ask for it.

Also, do not be discouraged if the answer is ‘no.’ Rejection is going to come more often than being told ‘yes’ and that is going to happen throughout your life. You have to be comfortable with being told ‘no’ and get used to it. Being rejected will only make hearing ‘yes’ that much sweeter and rewarding in the long run. Be bold and be brave but remember to only press the other person or people deciding your offer so far and to thank them for their consideration if that ‘no’ is final. Don’t let it hurt you or get you down but remember to keep pushing forward because eventually, if you work hard, are earnest in your intent, and believe in what you are doing, I do believe you will get to that ‘yes’ you are hoping to hear.

Being able to ask for anything is a key skill and if you propose the question and be comfortable with the answer whatever it may be, you will get far in life. Asking is integral especially for sales if your job entails that, for getting a relationship with the person you love, and for that promotion from your supervisor, who you may have to convince why you deserve it, but you do have to ask for it first. With any kind of result in life, you need to work for it, build your credentials up, and then ask for it. While we would like to think that our life’s work or our past experiences should speak for themselves, often, that will not be enough to get you past the goal line.

If you really want to get ahead and take yourself further with business, work, relationships, or just getting help from a stranger, you got to ask for it. If you take away anything from what I’m telling you is that it is much better to have asked, then not having asked at all. You never know until you make that ask and it’s better than living with the regret of having not asked in the first place. There will be ‘no’s and it will lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even sadness, but you will get to those ‘yes’s if you keep asking, keep trying, and keep doing the best you can in whatever you pursue.

Think also of how we only have one life to live, and I would personally rather live it with no or just a few regrets than having many regrets that take up all my mind space. Get comfortable with asking for what you want in life and don’t apologize for it if it was sincere. I think people will appreciate you going for what you want in the right way and being earnest about it. That kind of sincere approach will also help you get more ‘yes’s than ‘no’s too and help you stand out from other people asking. There is the related popular saying, “you never know until you try”, which I wholeheartedly agree with, especially for children and teenagers. However, when it comes to us in the adult world, the saying I like to leave you with is also true in that “you never know until you ask.”

Be Interested and Be Interesting

“How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions.”

Making small talk can be a necessary yet tedious part of daily life. It sometimes may not come naturally to you, and it can be forced at times. However, it is a courteous and polite way to get to know people who are complete strangers to you and to show that you are not oblivious to their presence around you. While ‘small talk’ often revolves around the weather, a simple ‘hello, how are you?’ or just mentioning something about the time of day, the commute to work or school, or maybe a small compliment to brighten their day, it can sometimes lead to a good conversation and even a new friend.

How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions. You can take a general comment on the weather to ask if they are used to that kind of weather or if it is new for them. That can lead to a talk about their hometown or where they currently live or if they are just visiting on travel. You would be surprised how a seemingly small question can lead to a wide-ranging and deeper conversation. A comment about the traffic or commute to your work can lead to a discussion on what could be improved about the roads, the transportation options, or if remote work would make things easier for you and the other person.

Even just asking for the time of the day can lead you to asking about their watch (if they have one), if their day is going well or not, and perhaps a comment on if the day is going fast or slow for them since we can tend to perceive time’s passing differently from one another. Key to taking ‘small talk’ to what could be considered ‘medium talk’, or a genuine conversation is to listen intently, wait until they are finished speaking, and follow up with a question or a comment relevant to what they told you.

If you are in a rush, are having a bad day, or are just not in the mood to continue the conversation, you can let it end after the ‘small talk’ or pleasant greeting or two. However, if you feel like you would like to get to know the other person or group of people better, make sure to listen, let them finish, and ask a question about them (within reason), or like the general comment(s) you made, and keep the conversation going for a while longer.

You should not have to do all the work in the conversation and if it is running its course, politely excuse yourself and say goodbye and that it was nice to meet them. Conversations naturally start and end but if you would like to be more social, make a new friend, or just put yourself out there in the world more, you must ‘be interested’ in those around you. You should do your best to refrain from making the conversation all about you at first and what you’re up to. Naturally, that should make its way into the conversation but if you started talking to this person, you would like to get to know them more, then, I believe you should be interested in who they are, find out more about them, and get to know them beyond just the time of the day, the weather forecast, or how their day is generally going.

Even if you feel like you don’t know much about their work, school, hobbies, interests, or where they are from, it shouldn’t prevent the conversation from continuing as you can show curiosity about their background and try to learn more about them from themselves. If there is anything I have learned about my own social life, people like to talk about themselves and will be happy to answer questions about themselves if done in a polite and respectful manner. It’s important to know someone’s boundaries especially if they are still somewhat of a stranger to you but usually, they’ll be willing to share a lot about who they are, where they are from, what they like to do in their free time, and what gets them excited about life in general.

If you feel like your social life could use a boost, I recommend being more interested in others and you should start to feel like you’re making progress in your conversations. Now, it should not be so one sided that they know nothing about you as that would be a bit odd as they’ll likely want to ask you the same questions in response. The conversation should not feel like a one-sided interrogation or a job interview. There should be a natural give and take where you both are interested in each other and you are letting each other answer questions, talk about possible mutual interests, and even discussing if your personal backgrounds overlap at all.

The 2nd part of a successful beginning of any kind of positive first impression is to ‘be interesting’, which I know is a broad statement to make but you should have things to talk about to that person. You should know a little bit about where you’re from, talk about what excites you about life whether that’s a particular hobby, interest, or activity you like to do. Your life will often involve work or school or both at the same time, but I would recommend making yourself interesting beyond what you do to make a living. If you like traveling, let the person ask you about where you’ve been. If you enjoy learning languages, discuss which ones. If you like to build bird houses or molding ceramic pottery, discuss the process(es) involved in getting either activity done.

While you should be interested in other people to get to know them and have interesting conversations, don’t be shy to discuss who you are in return. You should have a life that is beyond work or school even if it is a large part of our lives. If you don’t have many hobbies or interests, perhaps pivot to what goal(s) you have for the future. It is easier when you have a lot on going on in terms of your outside interests, activities, or hobbies, so that is where the ’be interesting’ comes into play.

You don’t have to be doing something cool, exciting, or fascinating every day, but I find it is easier to build a friendship or relationship when you can share something that you are passionate about and can even include them in on. Whether it is traveling together, going on a hike, building something out of wood or metal, or maybe playing a sport, you can show you are an interesting individual. You can also show that you are inclusive too by allowing yourself to show that hobby or interest to the other person and see if they would enjoy doing that with you as a result. They can also let you join in on what they enjoy doing as well giving you a new hobby or interest that you can learn more about, partake in, and build upon with that other person as well.

Being social may not come naturally or easily to some of us but I think a good way to make it easier is to ‘be interested’ in who they are, what they do, and how they came to be who they are today. Once you do that, you can show that you can ‘be interesting’ with what you enjoy doing in life and that you would like them to be involved or help them learn about it and see if it is something they want to try. I think these are two good ways to be better socially and can lead you to building stronger friendships and relationships as a result.

What is ‘True Wealth’?

“I believe the key is being able to maximize wealth in both facets as much as possible without sacrificing one or the other too much.”

There is a standard definition of ‘wealth’ as a concept: An abundance of valuable possessions, money, or other resources to the degree that it causes prosperity. However, what is prosperity to you may not be prosperity to others. I like to think of wealth is not an abundance not just of material possessions or of money or of how much you can acquire but also how much you value what inherently belongs to you. What I mean by that is your time, your health, and your freedom. While building wealth is key to having success in life, there are other facets to wealth that we can neglect if you are not careful.

Wealth will come with sacrifices whether it is your time, your freedom, or your health as there are tradeoffs involved. You’ll find that to become more prosperous, you may have to sacrifice time, freedom, or health to build that wealth up whether in the form of money, resources, or material possessions. I believe the key is being able to maximize wealth in both facets as much as possible without sacrificing one or the other too much.

In order to gain more money, you may have to sacrifice your time in the sense that you exchange your time to earn money or you are not as free to do what you want each day because you have to work a job, grow your business, or learn new skills in order to earn the money to become wealthy. The same could be said of your health whereas you may have to sacrifice the time you could use to invest in your own health to build material or resource wealth with the time you put in to earn money or other assets. That time that could be used to be spent at the gym, on a run, going on a hike, or practicing a sport could go to your job or your business or investing into a new asset.

If you can find out what you truly value and what you want to maximize in terms of your wealth, make sure you prioritize it to have true wealth for you. For example, if fancy cars, big houses, and a lot of material possessions appeal to you, maybe you don’t mind putting a lot more time into working for that, putting your health on the backburner, and sacrificing certain freedoms to do what you must instead of what you want to. On the contrary, if you care less about possessions, material wealth, but still want to be comfortable in terms of money or investments, then maybe you can work less, focus on your health and free time more, and exercising more freedoms to do what you want with the extra time you have as a result.

You should decide what kind of wealth is best for you. What truly will make you happy, what you are passionate about in life, and what you want to get most out of life, you’ll be able to build that true wealth. I think the key for anyone is to maximize the 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week as much as possible. If you can build your wealth passively to get some of your time back, that is a key advantage in my view to having true wealth too. When you can be financially successful by having multiple sources of income, multiple options to build wealth, and with some or a lot of autonomy in your work or business pursuits, that really can be an advantage in not only being successful but happy too.

Wealth is not just about being financially well off but also about being well off in other areas including health, time, and exercising freedom in what you do and how you do it. There is a distinct difference between someone who must rely on others for their wealth building and someone who is able to create their own opportunities or build their own means of wealth in a business, in real estate, or in investments that can create more freedoms rather than slowly eliminate them.

You can have as many possessions as possible, houses, cars, and money in the world but if you have no free time, no health, or no autonomy in what you do or how you earn that wealth, then you may need to reassess if that is the true wealth that you want out of life. I hope that you’ll rethink what wealth means to you because only you can decide what you would like to prioritize as you build it. You must consider that sacrifices will have to be made, that time, money, and health are all commodities that can be saved or lost depending on what you prioritize these days.

I only ask that you realize that having the freedom to do what you want and when you want is underrated. It is a form of wealth within itself along with keeping your health in good shape as long as possible even if you must sacrifice some time or freedom as a result. Consider that you can be very wealthy in the material sense but if you are unhealthy, working all the time, and have to answer to others in order to keep building that wealth, are you truly wealthy or is it only one kind of wealth that you have?

Think about what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are willing to earn, and how to passively build on the wealth you want to earn to save more time and freedoms that can be used for health, time spent with family and/or friends, or enjoying what the world has to offer outside of your own wealth building. Wealth takes many forms as I mentioned so remember that while we often think of money, cars, houses, and other assets, we should remember that wealth can be time spent away from an office to enjoy a vacation, wealth can be an extra hour in the day to use the gym or go for a hike, wealth can be starting businesses that matter to you with hours of work that you set for yourself and only you can hold yourself accountable for. Think about the wealth that you want to build throughout your life and how you want to make it work for you.

Why You Should Take The Initiative

“A lot of times in life, things won’t be handed to you, opportunities won’t just present themselves to you, and relationships or friendships don’t just form out of thin air.”

A lot of times in life, things won’t be handed to you, opportunities won’t just present themselves to you, and relationships or friendships don’t just form out of thin air. You must be making the effort more often than not to take the initiative to do all those things I just mentioned. It is not easy and can cause you rejection, stress, and even heartache, but if you just expect your life to just progress on its own without putting in the work, you will be sorely mistaken.

Making that initial effort will make the difference as you devote 80-90 or even 100% to get the return you were looking for. You may expect others at work, at school, or in your personal life to meet your half-way or 50/50 after a while but you may find that it’s a running theme in that instead of finding it as being equal or meeting them halfway, it’s likely to be more 60-40 or 70-30 in terms of your effort versus theirs. Now, that does not mean you should be taking the initiative all the time to ask for that promotion, or be open to developing a friendship, or seeking a new relationship but you’ll be better off from driving the effort rather than by taking a backseat.

Having more of the effort initially won’t just make an impression on the person but it will also develop your abilities, your relationships, and your professional / educational future more so than if you had made less of the effort. You should be conscious that the initiative you are taking is worth it and that the time you are putting in gets the result(s) that you are looking for. Your hard work, effort, and perseverance should lead to the other party putting in some conscious effort after a while. If it is just a one-way street in terms of that effort months or years later, I think that relationship, job, or friendship is likely to be doomed to fail.

It would not be fair or just for you to be constantly taking the initiative especially when that person isn’t reciprocal at all or even 30-40% of the way in a friendship or relationship. If you are giving all of the effort and feel like you’re not getting anything back from it, you may be dealing with an ‘emotional vampire’, who you may enjoy their company and like them but the fact that you are putting in all the work to keep things going and them not doing anything to reciprocate is not only a form of manipulation but it is also a sign of someone who only wants to take advantage of you.

They may lack certain qualities including introspection or self-awareness so they may not think they are at fault but if you believe that nothing is going to change, your time and efforts aren’t being valued adequately, and you are not getting as much in return from them, you may need to cut them off or just take a break from being with them or working for them. I encourage proactivity, being extroverted, sociable, and wanting to take on new goals, but if it is draining you and the results professionally or the relations personally you get as a result are not satisfying from that 60-40 or 70-30 set up, it may be best to move on to another person or opportunity.

To cite some examples, if you are good at reaching out to friends or acquaintances and just checking in to see how they are doing or even making the effort to see them and spend time together, that’s a positive initiative to take and shows you care about keeping that relationship going even if it had fizzled out a bit. However, if you feel like you are constantly the one making the calls, setting up the plans, or checking in on them, and they are not doing the same to you on that 30-70 or 40-60 balance that I mentioned, then it may be best to cut back on making the initiative there. If they truly cared about you, they would seek to make plans to see you by their own initiative or they would call to check in every now and then to see how you have been doing. Again, you should not be doing that all the time and if you find that it is becoming a pattern with that person, it may be best to stop seeing them so much since it looks like more of a one-sided friendship or relationship rather than a balanced one.

Another example professionally would be if you’re looking to boost your career and would like to learn new skills, then you should take that initiative with a training or a workshop or a conference that can make you more valuable to your employer. Similarly, if you take it upon yourself at work to learn a new skill by taking courses or attending seminars or providing trainings to others, it should be recognized not only to develop your career but to also further yourself in your role with better compensation or to be promoted to a new role because of the skills / abilities you acquired. If you take the time to volunteer, to be trained, to train, and to become a better worker, your employer or company should realize that it is also not a one-way street so there should be a proper recognition of your having taken the initiative to be more valuable to the firm in question.

However, if you find that after multiple trainings, skills developed, or competencies improved upon, that you are not getting the desired career promotion or compensatory boost, it may be that your initiative, while recognized, is not being formally appreciated. You made the most of the opportunities given but the other party involved doesn’t seem to recognize the new value or abilities you can provide. In this kind of situation, it may be best to start looking elsewhere professionally with those new proficiencies in your work to find a firm, company, or organization who will do their best to meet you halfway or maybe 40-60 so that you know that they care about you staying with them into the future and that your presence is both valued and appreciated, which is actually shown in different ways, a promotion, a raise, or otherwise.

Personally or professionally, you should consistently be looking to take action or initiative to improve your life in either way. However, it should not give the other party free reign to not give anything back in return or to provide their own initiatives or actions for you to take part in after they start it up. If you invite your friend to a barbecue, hopefully they’ll reciprocate in the future by having you over for a birthday party. If you do a skills workshop for a week to improve your competency at work, maybe your company or firm can reward you with a promotion to apply those new skills you picked up. It’s not always 50-50 in life and you may have to do most of the work, especially at the beginning of a new job or friendship. However, if it is you who is giving 100% and them putting in 0% in return on a consistent basis without the other party realizing it, it’s a toxic kind of relationship and you should be cutting ties with that person or entity as soon as possible.

The Fruits of One’s Labor

“The song is called ‘Victory Dance’ by My Morning Jacket and whose lyrics directly address the earned happiness and contentedness after a day of struggle through a hard day’s work.”

One of my favorite song lyrics deals with the satisfaction of another day worked and to see the fruits of one’s labor enjoyed at the end of the day. The song is called ‘Victory Dance’ by My Morning Jacket and whose lyrics directly address the earned happiness and contentedness after a day of struggle through a hard day’s work.

“Hope to watch the victory dance after the days’ work is done
Hope to watch the victory dance in the evenings setting sun…
Hope to watch the victory dance over many lives to come…
Hope to watch the victory dance in the evenings setting sun.”

The ‘victory dance’ could be interpreted as a metaphor for a celebration or a relaxation or a general happiness that comes over you at the end of the working day. Regardless of the work involved, at the end of the day or the week or even the year, you can be able to look back with pride and satisfaction in your ability to ‘dance’ or enjoy the fruits of your labor in the evening or night or whenever your work is done.

The key lyric I can relate to is that the work may be done for the day, but it will continue for many ‘lives’ or ‘years’ to come. While the work you did today was hopefully meaningful or valuable, your progress will need to continue in the future so you can keep enjoying the ‘victory dance’ in whatever form you celebrate or take stock of what you were able to do.

Fruit takes time to grow and to be at its most ripe for eating and the same goes for our labor. While labor or work can be evaluated on a day-to-day basis, real progress in our labor whether it’s a business, a corporation, or a conglomerate, that kind of work can take years, decades, or even generations to build. You can enjoy a ‘victory dance’ for any kind of daily labor you can put in because of the progress made, but a key point as highlighted in this song by My Morning Jacket is that you really should try to enjoy the ‘victory dance’ for “many lives to come”, which I interpret as years to come or even over the generations from one family member to another.

Long-term progress requires ‘lives’ or ‘workers’ to build over the years or decades so it’s important to not celebrate too early or to ‘dance’ too early because the fruits of your labor should not be enjoyed too prematurely but rather when the moment is right or when the fruit is all ripe. Fruit, like one’s labor, takes time to enjoy so it’s best to be patient and work hard over time rather than to try to rush the process to enjoy ‘the fruits’ prematurely rather than when things have progressed to a finished point and even then, there is always room for further progress and improving in one’s work.

Another few of the lyrics from ‘Victory Dance’ that I really enjoy is the emphasis on trying out whatever labor may be best for you to thrive, or for which is done out of necessity to survive. It is key to adapt to the labor required of you or which is most available at the time since the ‘fruits’ will be just as enjoyable at the end of it. If you are committing yourself to ‘labor’, which inevitably involves struggle, either mentally or physically, the rewards or ‘fruits’ will likely be worth it because of that same ‘struggle’ involved.

“But you should work, for the self and the family
Should I hit the water or stay on dry land, even though I never swam?
Take machete into the brush, though at first there is no path
Taste the warpaint on my tongue as it’s drippin’ with my sweat
Place my gaze in the futures path, seein’ things that aint come yet.”

Your labor or work is not just for your own fruits as the lyrics state above. It’s also for your family or for the people who depend on your labor. They must share in the ‘fruits’ as well beyond your own needs and desires. Needing labor to survive and enjoy the fruits of life’s necessities such as food, water, shelter, clothing, etc. will sometimes force us to get out of our comfort zone as well. As the lyric above suggests, we often must test our limits to secure labor to have the ‘fruits’ in life. We may have to swim even when we have never swum before, but labor will require learning both new abilities and skills to be good at what we do.

You may have to learn those new skills to secure labor to do or to have work for the future. You should leave your comfort zone such as learning to swim, or to hike, or to hunt, or to lift heavy things or to use your mind to solve problems.

Whether it is a machete or a screwdriver or a keyboard, you are going to have to ‘clear a path’ with your labor even as the song says, nothing was there before. Creating something or making something out of nothing is a key part of being able to enjoy those fruits later by the work of sound mind or a good body.

Lastly, you may be physically challenged in your labor especially if there happens to be conflict as the song alleges. You may not know it, but you may be asked for labor of national importance or survival such as in times of peace but also in warfare, and you may have to provide service as part of your labor not for yourself but for community or for country as well. The final lyric in particular sums up why we labor for our fruits to begin with to plan for an uncertain or unknown future.

We may not have planned to do certain types of labor or work but regardless of if you’re an engineer, a blacksmith, or a doctor, you may be asked to do other types of work that you will have to both learn and then be proficient at. One must always be prepared to do other kinds of work to stay agile, be flexible, and plan for the unexpected such as a war or conflict that you did not see coming but you may be forced into fighting as the reluctant warrior in the song lyrics.

To secure the fruits now and for later as well will help to make sure that our collective labor will not have been for nothing. When your secure labor for yourself to do, you cannot work forever so it is important to think of the future and how to plan to have those ‘fruits’ not just for today, next year, but for the rest of your life too.