Tag: emotions

The Lost Skill of Making People Feel Seen

“Most people aren’t lonely because they lack friends, they’re lonely because nobody truly sees them. In a world of constant interactions, at work, online, or in our daily routines, these moments are often shallow, rushed, and forgettable.”

Most people aren’t lonely because they lack friends, they’re lonely because nobody truly sees them. In a world of constant interactions, at work, online, or in our daily routines, these moments are often shallow, rushed, and forgettable.

One of the best books I’ve read recently on this subject is from New York Times writer and columnist, David Brooks, who authored the book, ‘How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen’ in October 2023. The core idea of his book was that you can divide people into two camps of ‘Illuminators vs. Diminishers’, with illuminators making people feel recognized, clearer, more important, and the diminishers who make interactions about themselves or forget about the other person (often not on purpose). If attention is now the primary currency in our lives, giving or receiving quality attention is the key difference in seeing others fully.

Let’s go into what ‘feeling seen’ means in 2025 and what it doesn’t because it can get confusing if you’re new to this concept. Feeling seen is not about just agreeing with someone, praising them effusively, being ‘nice’ or ‘kind’, fixing their problems for them, dumping your own problems or inadequacies on them to compensate in return for them sharing their issues. Rather, feeling seen is about being perceived accurately and without judgment often, having your inner logic understood and how you see the world, and feeling that your emotions are being recognized rather than just analyzed and interpreted.

An example of this in action could be a friend, a spouse, or a co-worker telling you, “I don’t necessarily agree with you here, but I understand why that matters to you and I see your perspective.” Being able to let that person know that you know where they are coming from in their views and why it matters to them makes a huge difference in your personal and professional life.

Technological and other daily distractions aside, there are various reasons why people don’t feel fully seen nowadays. Most people are not patient in waiting for their turn to talk, rehearse their response in advance while you’re still speaking, filtering everything through themselves and what they would do, or just not wanting to understand when they listen. If you are not seeing someone enough, start with listening to understand the other person rather than listening to reply or putting themselves in their shoes right away. You cannot see someone else while you’re playing their role in your own mental movies or thinking through what you would do, say, or behave in their shoes.

Like any social skill, there are ways to make someone feel more seen and to build up that skill like it’s a positive habit. The more you use, repeat, and solidify these response tactics, the more comfortable other people will feel around you. First, listen to the emotion that they are carrying with their words even if they don’t express it outright. Train yourself to hear the ‘fear, anxiety, pride, shame, sadness, frustration, hope, joy, etc. that they exude with their cadence and tone beyond the words they are saying. Being able to voice what emotions they may be expressing to you in their words is very powerful and will make someone feel very seen. For example, “You sound disappointed, not angry, about ____.” As David Brooks wrote about ‘illuminators’, seeing people’s emotions clearly even if they aren’t telling you with their words what exactly they are feeling is a very useful people skill.

Second, I think it’s key to asking expanding questions, rather than extractive or basic ones. Good questions open doors to a deeper and more fulfilling conversation while bad questions can feel like an interview or an interrogation. A good question could be, “What part of your work gives you the most fulfillment?”, which can expand the conversation and take that person through a positive memory or a feeling of contentedness sharing what they do for a living in a specific way. Rather than an extractive question that may not lead anywhere that we often hear a lot as “So, what do you do?” If the question helps them understand better or explains why someone does what they do, you’re doing it the right way.

Additionally, some other ways to make others feel seen is to avoid pivoting to yourself right away. You should want to reflect on the conversation rather than redirect it to be about yourself or what you would do. For example, you could say “What I’m hearing from you is ____”, allowing that person to know that you were paying attention but also that you heard them correctly in terms of their viewpoint. Remember to ask questions that open the conversation, not trap it. Name specific strengths you notice. These small moves make someone feel truly seen. A friend once told me they felt burnt out by their job. In this case, just nodding back wasn’t enough, but I reflected on their frustrations with their work environment, and it completely shifted the conversation

Naming the strength(s) and good qualities of a person is also an excellent way to make them feel seen. Instead of calling someone you respect ‘smart, clever, hard-working’, go deeper than that by taking why you think they are that way and what it is specifically that led you to come to that conclusion about them. At a meeting once, instead of saying “Good point. I said, ‘I see why that approach would make sense given the constraints you’re dealing with.”

Lastly, people are unfinished characters meaning that they are complex, deep, and contradictory at times. Mr. Brooks’s book emphasizes the need to have a ‘moral imagination’ about someone to get beyond who you think they are just because you know their politics, childhood, job, worst moment(s). Assume in good faith that there is a lot more going on in a person’s life than you currently understand and try to hold judgment about them based just on the information that you have available about them.

Being seen by another person deeply is a great feeling and is increasingly rare these days. Seeing others requires courage, dedication, and attention, which is in short supply. The ability to see and be seen demands humility, slowing ourselves down, removing our ego armor, and being present with them fully. It is also worth noting that the people who feel most unseen by others end up being the worst at seeing others in response as it becomes a negative cycle. If you’re not seen at all or at least a little bit, why would you want to do the same for others rather than breaking the cycle?

Making others feel seen changes you for the better as a person. When you see others well, your relationships deepen, you become a better leader, your conflicts soften or end, and your own sense of personal meaning grows as a result. As Brooks writes in ‘How to Know a Person’, “To know other person well is one of the highest forms of love.” I think this is a great lesson worth imparting on us all to try to illuminate other people as often as people and to do so in a consistent manner. I’ve seen it personally in my classrooms, work meetings, or even casual coffee chats as people light up when someone hears them and not just nods along.

Try this once today: make someone feel truly understood. Watch what happens. Whether it’s a comment, a reflection, a thoughtful question, a moment of real attention without distraction, you can make a positive difference in that person’s life, especially if they are going through a tough time. You don’t need grand gestures, just presence, attention, and care. In a world obsessed with being seen, the rarest superpower is knowing how to see.

Thinking of Life Like It’s a Cup of Turkish Coffee

“Similarly to life itself, I find that the Turkish coffee experience is a lot like life and perhaps even more so than a box of chocolates (no offense to any Forrest Gump fans).”

I love Turkish coffee. Its roast, its scent, its strength, and subtle sweetness that I can’t get enough of. I don’t even mind the times I drink too much, leaving bitter remains on my tongue. I’m not too bothered by it because sometimes you must taste the bitter ends to get the sweetness out of most of the coffee you drink. Turkish coffee is unique, the jolt and caffeine rush unlike any other I’ve experienced in the world. Similarly to life itself, I find that the Turkish coffee experience is a lot like life and perhaps even more so than a box of chocolates (no offense to any Forrest Gump fans).

Preparing Turkish coffee to be served is an art, requiring patience, precision, and care, qualities life demands from us as well. The finely ground beans must be measured just right, water poured with attention, and heat applied slowly to coax out the perfect brew without letting it boil over. A slight misstep can change the flavor entirely, just as small choices in life can ripple into large consequences. Stirring the coffee gently, watching the foam rise, and letting it rest before serving mirrors the need to pause, reflect, and nurture the moments that matter most. In both coffee and life, the effort put into preparation shapes the richness of the experience and skipping the process only leaves you with a bitter, incomplete taste.

Just like a cup of Turkish coffee is carefully prepared with time and attention, life rewards those who pause to notice the details. The swirling patterns at the bottom of the cup hint at what’s to come, just as small choices ripple into larger consequences. Sometimes, life surprises you with unexpected flavors like a hint of cardamom, a twist of fortune, and other times it’s a sharp bitterness that makes you wince. But every sip, whether sweet or strong, shapes the experience and reminds you that the richness of life comes from paying attention, savoring the moment, and accepting the unknown.

When you first taste Turkish coffee, it’s like a jolt of pure energy and a rush that I would liken to the sun hitting your face as you wake up from a dream and when your consciousness first stirs in the morning. You try to recapture that feeling with each sip, chasing the sweetness that lingers consistently. You can even add a bit of sugar, stir it around to keep the bitterness at bay, and prolong the experience as much as you can. Life like a Turkish coffee cup is pretty small and the portion is not as big as you would expect. It’s a concentrated dose of caffeine and is a high-quality batch of brew.

Like life itself, you got to enjoy it to the fullest but also savor it at the same time. No matter your age, life rushes by, just like the last sip at the bottom of a Turkish coffee cup. Bitterness is inevitable in a Turkish coffee experience as it’s mixed in with the rest of the sweet flavor. There are bitter times in life to be had mixed in with the sweet times and as much as you try to avoid it or abstain from it, you need the bitter parts of life to truly realize how sweet the overall experience was. The bitterness reminds you to savor the good times and to not let it affect your perception of the life you had as a whole. Coffee, like life, can be bitter or strong at times, but that doesn’t mean we should stop living or stop drinking it. 

Especially towards the end of life, the bitterness is unavoidable and comes on strong. As health wanes and loved ones are lost, life goes on and you sip, and you savor it while it lasts. A good Turkish coffee is enjoyed ideally by a body of water like the Bosphorus Strait in Istanbul but ideally, it can be with a view of the ocean, the mountains, or even just on your back patio with the quiet of the day. Life, like Turkish coffee, should be embraced in all its sweetness, bitterness, and everything in between. You really don’t want to miss out on the whole experience having never fully lived it to the most extent. Don’t miss it. Drink it all.

Self-Awareness is a Key Trait to Cultivate

“In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver.”

In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver. At its core, self-awareness is simply understanding your thoughts, emotions, habits, and personal blind spots without flinching or ignoring them. It’s the ability to see yourself honestly instead of through the fog of ego, insecurity, or willful ignorance. That sounds simple, but anyone who’s confronted with their own emotional patterns knows that simple isn’t easy. In terms of personal traits that will serve you well at home, in the workplace, or in public, exercising self-awareness makes a huge difference and is a net positive in one’s life.

Self-awareness is rare today for a few reasons. First, distraction is the default setting of modern life. Between social media, nonstop notifications, and the pressure to perform instead of looking inward about their behavior, most people never slow down long enough to reflect or contemplate who they are or how they act. Secondly, ego protection kicks in for many of us. It’s uncomfortable to recognize that you might be wrong, inconsistent, reactive, or stuck in old habits that drain you or other people. Thirdly, our individualistic culture rewards projection over introspection and putting on an act over being yourself. Being loud, visible, and “on brand” is praised more than being grounded or honest with oneself. The result is a society full of people acting on autopilot, repeating the same behavioral patterns, and wondering why life keeps giving them the same lessons. Introspection is hard to do but it could help get you off an autopilot setting.

When life turns upside down, that’s exactly when self-awareness becomes most valuable. When the world is chaotic, clarity becomes a superpower. The more you understand yourself along with your triggers, your strengths, your weaknesses, your values, the better decisions you will make. You react less to external circumstances and respond more from a place of self-assurance by knowing who you are and what you want to be. Your relationships improve because you’re paying attention to how your behavior affects others. Even your career trajectory changes: self-aware people take feedback well, adapt quickly, and build trust, which quietly but consistently pushes them upward.

The good news for us all in this? Self-awareness isn’t fixed and it’s a muscle you can train. It’s a skill you can cultivate intentionally but you must make a consistent effort to do so successfully. At work, start doing quick “post-project or post-task reviews” for yourself: what went well, what drained you, what you’d do differently, what could be better next time, and how well did you work with others. Ask trusted people for feedback and instead of defending yourself, listen to what they have to say first and what they are genuinely telling you. Notice your stress triggers and learn to pause before reacting, whether it’s in meetings, emails, or elsewhere in your workplace.

I’ve had my own moments at work where I reacted prematurely instead of responding thoughtfully, only to later realize that having self-awareness could’ve saved me a headache. Instead of interrupting, acting abrasive, and preventing a real discussion, think about where they are coming from and why they think of you the way that they do. Focus on the ways that you can improve when they have legitimate critiques and suggestions for improvement in your work performance.

In your personal life, carve out time for your own reflection. Making that kind of effort will pay off tenfold by turning inwards to discover more about your mindset, your thought process, and your personal habits, good or otherwise. Even five minutes of journaling can reveal emotional patterns you never noticed. Try also meditation or silence at the beginning or end of your day and in just ten uninterrupted minutes, it can be surprisingly revealing. Pay attention to your relationships and friendships as well: where you feel energized, where you feel defensive, and where conflicts repeat with the people in your life. Life is too short to be around people who avoid self-awareness. If you are making the effort to be introspective and try to be a better person with self-awareness, you should gravitate to those people in your life who are making that effort too, friends, family or acquaintances especially.

Ultimately, self-awareness isn’t about perfection; it’s about alignment with who you are and how others see you. The more honest you are with yourself, the easier it becomes to make choices that fit the life you want. Know yourself deeply. Pause often for self-reflection. The world will stop dictating your path and you finally begin choosing it. 

Why It’s Important to Romanticize Life a Little (While Not Losing Your Grip on Reality)

“When I say romanticize life, it’s about choosing a balance between being aware of suffering and cruelty in all its forms but not letting it steal our joy or every drop of beauty we should experience during our short time we are living on this planet.”

A star-filled sky, a sunset that looks like a colorful painting come to life, a delicious cup of coffee on a patio or rooftop, a smile from a stranger, or a song that just puts you in a good mood; romanticizing life itself is important to maintaining one’s contentedness. Romanticizing life itself isn’t about deluding oneself about the ills of our troubled world or denying that life has its problems, but it’s about choosing meaning, joy, and pleasure in a chaotic thing that we call existence. When I say romanticize life, it’s about choosing a balance between being aware of suffering and cruelty in all its forms but not letting it steal our joy or every drop of beauty we should experience during our short time we are living on this planet.

What does it mean exactly to romanticize life itself? For me, it’s about viewing life not only through its troubles, struggles, and effort, but also about embracing wonder in all its forms, keeping your imagination going, and living life with intention to observe joy and be appreciative of being able to exist in this moment. Being able to romanticize life does not come easy and we can lose track of how precious life really is. However, you can appreciate life more when you’re able to enjoy the small rituals and little moments that bring you a sense of calm and contentedness.

Maybe it’s your morning coffee or your daily walk around the neighborhood. If you’re a parent, maybe it’s the sound of your child’s laughter or if you’re married, your partner smiling at you. In those precious moments, you are left with a sense of what the good stuff in life is and that it can be good. You know those moments don’t last forever so it’s important to recognize them when they happen and to find enjoyment in them. I also think romanticizing life is about embracing yourself as the ‘main character’, which I have written about in a previous article. Being able to embrace new places, new foods, new cultures, and new adventures can give your life much more volume of good memories, meaningful connections, and some amazing stories to tell upon your return.

Life isn’t perfect and neither is your own, but it’s important to remind yourself daily of the good stuff even if it’s minor things in your routine and daily rituals. Even if life seems bad, I always think there’s the ‘little’ things in life to be grateful for and to remind yourself of what to be fortunate for even if things can look bleak at times. Romanticizing life matters even more in today’s world in my view. Modern life is designed to overwhelm us seemingly everyday and can drain our joy completely if we are not careful.

A lot of us are burnt out from work, overstimulated by 24/7 news cycles, and overwhelmed by the technological change going on around us. Romanticizing life is not about ignoring these changes going on around us but to remember exactly why life is still beautiful and how to find out what inspires us, moves us, and allows us to embrace the good things in our world.

It is also a good antidote to apathy, nihilism, and numbness to the problems in our society because remembering the good things in life and what’s worth fighting for. We cannot control the world or right every wrong, but we can control how we experience and move through the world in our own way. Being able to romanticize life and the good it can offer us encourages positive feelings of gratitude, mindfulness, and presence especially when there are so many distractions around that can cause us to lose sight of what we really should be focusing on.

While I advocate for romanticizing life, I’ll never shy away from acknowledge the pain and suffering we all inevitably go through in life. However, we cannot let ourselves be consumed by the pain we experience or seek to escape reality in unhealthy ways. Remember to be able to hold the good and the bad of life in you, the joy and the grief, stress and peace, happiness and sadness.

Don’t romanticize life to escape your problems or the pain you experience but instead use it as a tool to ground yourself, to have perspective, and to think in a more balanced way rather than ‘everything is terrible’ or ‘everything is perfect.’ For some examples of this you may experience in life, you can still pay your bills and light a candle for a nice dinner in the same day. You can still enjoy Paris while it’s raining down on you and you’re late for a tour. You can still have a bad day and still journal your thoughts down while being grateful for the good things you have in your life overall.

As the famous philosopher Albert Camus once wrote, “There is no love of life without despair of life.” To me, this quote represents that you can still be in touch with life’s beauty and joy without being broken by the pain and sorrow you experience that’s a part of life too. This is the kind of perspective that you should be cultivating like Mr. Camus in that you need to be romanticizing the ordinary and mundane of life and to find some beauty in it if you can.

How to do this exactly? Well, I like to write and observe to romanticize and find joy in the world. For others, it could be reading literature, watching films, or learning about art. Even better than that is to create these types of output yourself and to collaborate and work with others because building out human connection through these endeavors makes life more enjoyable and makes it easier to romanticize it all.

Romanticizing life does not mean broadcasting for the world every photo you take, every meal you consume, or every sunset you enjoy. It’s about living in the moment, not being performative or fake about what you experience, and taking the time to really embrace beauty wherever it can be found. It’s about being intentional in how you embrace life, little by little, the good and the bad. You need to have perspective in that things are never as bad as they seem nor as good as they seem. Romanticizing life is not about pretending bad things don’t exist or that good things don’t exist, but it’s about believing in that there is good in the world still and it’s worth taking pleasure in.

If you’re into romanticizing life through travel and adventure, do more of that, and for others it could be the comfort of family and friends, while others can do it more simply with watching the passing of a cloud or the blossoming of a flower, you need to find one small way each day to bring some good energy to your life and to uplift oneself when you can. Life is not meant to be an endless grind where we are meant to struggle endlessly without taking some time to reflect, be present, embrace beauty when we see it, and to live life with as much passion  as you can muster when we find things worth enjoying, both big and small, both random and planned, and above all else, reminds us that while life can be tough, it can also be beautiful too.

Mi Quinto Conjunto de Poesia en Español (My Fifth Set of Spanish Poems)

My fifth set of Spanish poems focusing on the springtime, solitude, Guatemala, and experiences becoming new memories.

  1. La Distancia Entre Nosotros
    La distancia entre nosotros
    Me da una pena tan grande
    No sé lo que puedo hacer
    ¿Este es el fin, cierto?
    Tu cariño no lo siento como antes
    Eso me va a lastimar mucho
    La pérdida definitiva de ti.

2. Primavera Eterna
Quisiera ver las flores y toda la belleza
Por toda mi vida
El sol me da fuerza para enfrentar la vida
La belleza que no va a dañarme nunca
El florecimiento de la vida animal y vegetal
Es donde quiero estar por siempre

3. La Soledad
Al principio, me siento bien
La paz y la tranquilidad
Pero la soledad no es para todos los días
Es algo que puede destruirte sin interrupción
La conexión es insustituible
Nosotros nos necesitamos como humanos

4. Los Colores de Guatemala
Un país con belleza inmensa
Colores brillantes, ropa brillante y alimentos brillantes
Casi demasiado para mis ojos avellana absorber
Belleza natural se mezcla con belleza humana
Guatemala, impresionante y expresionista
Quisiera explorar la cacofonía de colores aquí

5. Ahora, es un Recuerdo
Momentos bonitos que ya están en el pasado
Quiero volver, pero ya no puedo más
Recapturar el mismo sentimiento será imposible
Los recuerdos que compartimos fueron especiales
Yo sé que solo existen en mi mente ahora, pero para mí
Todos mis días voy a recordarlos y a ti también

My First Attempt at Spanish Poems (Mis Primeros Poemas en Español)

My First Attempt at writing poetry in the Spanish language, which is my second language. I have five poems here and hope to write more in the future. Muchas gracias por leer mis palabras aqui.

  1. En La Noche

Yo te pienso en la noche.

Yo extraño tu presencia.

Con las estrellas tan brillantes.

En frente de la luna mas grande.

Yo veo tu cara y tu sonrisa.

_____________________

2. Me Hace Falta

Cada dia que yo vivo,

Extrañando como vivi contigo.

No puedo continuar sin ti.

Recordando tu sonrisa y tu besos.

Me hace falta tu presencia.

_____________________

3. Azul

Me toco la guitarra esta noche.

Pensando en el mar y el lago azul.

Es como nadar en tus ojos azules.

Hasta el fin de mi vida.

_____________________

4. Estoy De Pie

Aqui, estoy de pie

No se por donde vaya.

Pensando en mis pasos proximos.

En tu mundo donde quisiera estar.

Porque aqui no puedo continuar.

____________________

5. Viajero Gringo

Soy viajero gringo

Eso no voy a cambiar.

Pensando en el mundo entero.

Quiero vivir asi, porque este mundo

Es siempre un parte de mi corazon.

Is ‘The Grass Always Greener’ On The Other Side?

“There is a sense of whimsy about wishing what would your life be like if you had made a different decision or if a different opportunity had come your way.”

The popular English language expression on ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ is a common refrain when discussing the possibilities of where one could see themselves in a different reality or circumstance other than their own. There is a sense of whimsy about wishing what would your life be like if you had made a different decision or if a different opportunity had come your way. You may even want to switch places with someone else you know or someone you admire or someone you read about. Beyond that, it could also be wanting to live in a different city or country or to experience a different culture or set of customs other than the one you were born into or grew up in.

I find that there is nothing wrong with daydreaming about the possibilities for change or how to make your life better or more successful. I do think it is a good thing to be reflective as well on how others live, what you can take from their example or even discard based on your own perspective, and to not be afraid to even experiment with making different choices in life based on what others have done ahead of you. It is good to be inspired by other people, read about their lives, and to change your own approach to how you live, where you work, how you act, and what you can be within reason.

I think, however, that it is important to not be fantasizing all the time about how others live or envious of other people without knowing the full story. Being obsessed with mimicking or copying other people is also a recipe for disaster in my view. It is okay to be influenced by others around you who are making a positive impact and living life in a successful and moral manner. However, it does not justify being a ‘copycat’ or a ‘sycophant.’ Often, we must think for ourselves, make our own decisions, and to live a life true to our own morals, values, and code. Doing what others do just because they think it is ‘popular’, ‘cool’ or ‘successful’ is not what a mature individual should be following.

You may think that the other person or group of people has it all figured out, but the reality is much more complicated than that. You may envy the house, the car, the lifestyle, or the personality they have but often, you only know the surface of what you can see about that person. The same goes for endlessly admiring another city, country, or culture. It is okay to admire and adopt those customs, the food, the language, and the beliefs, but it’s important to take a step back to see what is compatible with you and what you would rather not adapt as your own self-expression.

As another saying goes, ‘walk a mile in another person’s shoes’, that is not a bad thing to do in life. Still, to automatically wish to live like them, be like them, and change who you are entirely is losing your own conception of self in the process. I am a fan of learning about other people, their backgrounds, their cultures, and their viewpoints, but that should be a way for you to more fully accentuate who you are as a result rather than change you are entirely. It’s good to see how others live, why they live like that, and be the more educated and worldly for it, but there’s a limit to how much we can live like those people.

Instead, use those variety of experiences, either lived or learned, to water ‘your own grass’ to be ‘greener and livelier.’ Instead of envy, jealousy or obsession, be more concerned with how to live a life that’s truer to yourself and what you wish to achieve. Think about what you’ve learned, seen, or heard, to adapt that to benefit your own life. Adopt those practices that will make your life better and make you a better person. Use your expansive knowledge based on living in different places, meeting different people, or studying different topics to make your life much more fulfilling and richer. We never truly have all the information regarding the lives of others and often we just see a snapshot of it rather than the full picture.

This is the same when we visit a place or even live there for a little bit of time. Even with that knowledge of a place and a people, we are not born there, or grew up there, and it limits our perception of what is going on there to some degree. Regardless of if you’re envious, apprehensive, dismissive, or neutral about a person, place, or culture, you should not automatically think that where you are or the ‘grass’ on your side is better or worse than theirs because you really can’t even make a real judgment.

You can always ‘walk in other’s person’s shoes’ for some time but you’ll never fully live in their shoes as they do. The same goes with where, why, and how we live and comparing it to others’ lives we learn about as they may want to have our life and we may want to have theirs, but we should remember that we will never have the full picture regarding their life’s circumstances. Instead of envying the ‘grass on the other side’ that we are constantly exposed to in person and online, you should remember to focus primarily on watering, fixing, and shaping your own ‘grass’ under your own feet and in your life to make it a more fulfilling, joyful, and happy kind of life to live.  

Dealing with Melancholy after Travel

“Still though, it’s hard for me after dozens of trips and hundreds of places visited to not have that feeling of melancholy wash over me after I come home again.”

There is a comedown feeling that happens after the end of a trip, regardless of how long or short it is. All the planning, the effort, the money spent, and the adrenaline rush that goes into relocating yourself elsewhere creates a unique feeling that is hard to replicate. Often, the trip will go smoothly, and you’ll have fond memories to look back on long after it’s over. Still though, it’s hard for me after dozens of trips and hundreds of places visited to not have that feeling of melancholy wash over me after I come home again.

Luckily, it is not a deep melancholy, but it is a melancholy of missing the feeling of being on an adventure or not knowing that the next day will bring. It’s the pure excitement of the unknown, of yearning to experience a new thing or event or place, and about being more open than usual to meeting new and often interesting people you encounter during your travels. Being able to settle back into your usual routine can be a bit of a downer after the rush of going from place to place, city to city, and being footloose for a while.

Despite a routine not being the most fun to go back into, it is necessary to reestablish a routine again as it can provide some comfort after a trip rather than doting on the past trip, however fun and exhilarating it may be. I do believe we need a routine in our lives often, rather than be rudderless and without anything to focus on. If our travels are temporary and we do not live life on the road on a permanent basis, easing back into our daily lives takes time but if we don’t have anything to refocus our attention on after a trip, the melancholy can be even more profound and difficult to deal with.

It is a good idea to develop your hobbies, interests, and your goals even more after a trip to accomplish what you want to set out to do with the time you have been given. Devoting yourself to something you’re working on or taking time to achieve something you want for yourself is a good way to deal with the blues that can happen after your travel is over. Being able to have ‘travel’ as something you enjoy doing is important, but it should not be the only thing you have going for you in your life. We cannot only be one-dimensional in our focus no matter how much we enjoy taking ourselves on the road.

Being able to share your travels with others is important because it helps hone and shape our memories. You may not be able to talk about your trip as much as you would like if you would like but it is good to share with your family and friends how it went because it’s likely they will want to know how it went. Beyond that, make sure to take care of your mementos, souvenirs, keepsakes, and other items you brought back with you, because they will give you a comforting feeling from having been to that place or done that activity, and it is good to reflect on the travels you’ve done in a sustainable way. I also like to organize my photos, create canvas prints, and even share videos from the places I’ve been and to keep them in my own records to reflect on to remember better of where I was, who I was back then, and how I felt about the trip.

Lastly, keep thinking of ways to travel again to go back to the place(s) you loved again or try new places you want to visit. Travel should be a passion that sustains you throughout life and you should know that it is a marathon, not a sprint. I like to casually look at where I want to go next as I do like to plan, and I always like to have something to look forward to. Think about the culture, the language, and the people who live in the place you’re going to and start studying up in advance to learn more about what it will be like there potentially and how to prepare yourself for the trip you want to take next.

The most rewarding travel experiences for me have been those that I spent time learning the language (if need be), studying the places I want to visit as part of the itinerary, and devoting time to knowing the history and the culture a bit there. Travel is more than just taking photos and eating good food to me. While those are both enjoyable to do on a trip, I do make a conscious and concerted effort to know a bit about where I am going, and to learn as much as I can before I step on the bus, plane, or train.  As travel writers have noted, it’s not the destination that is the central reward but the journey it takes to get there.

Remember, when you get back home, it’s not the end of your traveling days. You may have put the suitcase away and the mementos on the shelf, but you’ll be back on the road again, and sooner than you may think. Embrace what you’ve done, enjoy being home for a little while and seeing friends, family again while keeping up a routine, and start planning for your next trip when you can. Travel may not be your permanent mode of living as it isn’t for most people, but once you go somewhere, even if only for a short while, you’re still a traveler for life, and that is something that will never change.

Some Thoughts On “This Too Shall Pass”

“The main message of the quote is meant to be comforting to those who hear the words strung together either in a poem, a speech, a song, or a fable, and it is supposed to let us all know that whatever we are experiencing or feeling at the moment, whether it is positive or negative, good or bad, happy or sad, “this too shall pass.”

A favorite quote of mine in the English language, originally adapted from Farsi / Persian centuries ago, has been used by both Sufi poets and American presidents alike to describe the impermanence of everything. The main message of the quote is meant to be comforting to those who hear the words strung together either in a poem, a speech, a song, or a fable, and it is supposed to let us all know that whatever we are experiencing or feeling at the moment, whether it is positive or negative, good or bad, happy or sad, “this too shall pass.”

The human condition is ever evolving and what we experience one moment, one hour, or one day can be drastically different later from what was before. Nothing is permanent as we all know because one of the first things we become sentient of is our own mortality and our own impermanence on Earth. While this can fill us with existential dread and despair, it can be a blessing too because the pain, the suffering, and other negative emotions we experience in this life are not for forever. Just as we can’t be experiencing euphoria in the form of only good things happening every moment of our life, the same can be said for having everything go wrong throughout life.

What happens to us in life is largely beyond our control but what we can control is how we react to life and its challenges. In addition, we should remind ourselves that tough times are not forever and if you stay in the game, you keep moving forward, you give yourself a chance of pulling yourself out of a bad rut or a down time. I find it healthy emotionally to remember the Persian and now translated to English saying of, “this too shall pass.” It is a good reminder for us all about the impermanence of all things we experience including life itself.

In addition, this quote of “this too shall pass” can be correlated to “carpe diem” because we must do our best to enjoy life despite its challenges because we never know how many days will be given to live this life. You may not know what life will throw your way day by day, but you should be prepared to make the most of it, to ‘seize’ it, and to have an impact on it in whatever way you can.

The impermanence of everything in life should make us savor the good moments more whenever they come to us. We can remind ourselves that the bad times don’t last forever too and that good times can be just around the corner if we believe in ourselves to turn things around. Being more grateful, more appreciative, more kind, and being a better person even when we don’t feel like karma or life itself is reflecting the good that we’re doing should not mean we stop trying. The reward of life is to live it to the fullest and to do it well even with the inevitable ups and downs, the highs and lows that come with it.

We must refuse to give up or surrender when the bad times in life challenge us, sometimes beyond what we would ever want to endure. We must believe in doing good and being good even when bad things or times happen to us. Life is a gift; however we are affected by existing and living day by day, we must make the most of it and to continue making our lives better even when times are tough on us. Those four words of “this too shall pass” have comforted people in different cultures and in different languages throughout the centuries.

The human condition is not the same day by day and what we experience today will not be what we experience tomorrow. Time can blend, routines can become suffocating, and experiences can become mundane in life, but it is up to you and you alone first to make changes to your life, to make different choices to how you react to life, and to form different habits that could make what looks like a permanent situation turn into a temporary blip in your life trajectory. We may think that we are on a set course, but we have agency, and nothing is permanent, and we can make our lives what we wish if we decide to act and make change to go from good to bad or bad to good depending on how we act on both our actions and choices.

“This too shall pass” is a timeless piece of wisdom that resonates deeply with the human experience and has done so for centuries. At its core, this universal phrase has served as a powerful reminder to all human beings of the impermanence of all things and of life itself. By acknowledging that both good and bad moments are fleeting, we cultivate a healthier and balanced perspective on life. When faced with the challenges life throws at us each day, remembering that “this too shall pass” helps us to endure the hardships with greater resilience, humility, and patience. It encourages us to stay grounded, knowing that difficult times will not last forever. This outlook can alleviate the weight of anxiety and stress, providing a sense of hope, belief, and a clear mind to navigate through life’s adversities.   

Similarly, this kind of wisdom also teaches us to cherish the happy and joyful moments more fully, understanding that they are both precious and temporary. It fosters an appreciation for the present moment we are living in, urging us to savor the beauty and happiness we encounter even in a minute way. By internalizing this phrase in our lives, we become more mindful and grateful for the positive experiences in our lives when they occur.

Incorporating “this too shall pass” into our mindset every day can lead to a more balanced emotional and mental state. This quote promotes resilience by reassuring us during tough times and maximizing our joy by reminding us to live in the present, whether good or bad. Ultimately, this simple yet profound wisdom from earlier times in the history of humanity helps us embrace the ebb and flow of life with grace and humility, transforming how we approach both our triumphs and our trials.

The Virtue of Showing Emotional Restraint

“It’s important to explore the concept of having emotional restraint when facing criticism, the benefits of not escalating the situation to make it worse than it needs to be, and how it demonstrates maturity and grace when you can show restraint in the face of judgment or criticism, whether deserved or not.”

In both professional and personal settings, criticism is an inevitable part of life. Whether it comes from a colleague, a friend, or a family member, criticism can be challenging to navigate but important to embrace if it is justifiable. However, it can be especially difficult when the criticism is unwarranted or unjustified. Therefore, it is crucial to show emotional restraint in these situations, even when it feels difficult, rude, or unfair.

It’s important to explore the concept of having emotional restraint when facing criticism, the benefits of not escalating the situation to make it worse than it needs to be, and how it demonstrates maturity and grace when you can show restraint in the face of judgment or criticism, whether deserved or not.

Emotional restraint is known as the ability to control one’s emotions, particularly in challenging situations. When faced with criticism of something you did or something you said, it is natural to feel a range of emotions, including anger, frustration, and sadness. However, acting on these emotions and turning it back on the person(s) doing the criticism of yourself can often lead to negative outcomes. For example, responding to criticism with anger or defensiveness can escalate the situation and damage relationships, sometimes permanently. It can also lead to regrettable actions or words that cannot be taken back without regret or remorse.

On the other hand, showing emotional restraint allows individuals to respond to criticism in a calm, cool, and collected manner. This kind of attitude change can lead to more productive conversations and resolutions to problems that can arise. It also demonstrates emotional maturity and self-control, which are valuable traits in both personal and professional settings that will serve you well in life.

Emotional restraint is crucial in various everyday situations, as it helps maintain composure and fosters healthy relationships with other people. Here are a few examples where having good restraint in everyday situations can come in handy:

  1. Workplace Criticism: When receiving feedback or criticism from a colleague or a supervisor, it’s essential to remain calm and composed and to not react. Reacting impulsively or defensively can escalate the situation and damage your professional relationships. Instead, by showing emotional restraint, it allows for a more constructive dialogue and a better understanding of the feedback that you are getting, whether you feel it’s warranted or not.
  2. Family Disagreements: In family settings, disagreements are common, but reacting emotionally can lead to unnecessary conflict and trauma. By showing emotional restraint, individuals can avoid saying hurtful or insulting things they may regret later and work instead towards a resolution calmly and rationally that will maintain the relationship rather than rupture it.
  3. Social Media Interactions: Online interactions can often lead to heated debates or arguments especially since they are being done behind a screen and not face to face with that person or a group of people. Instead of engaging in a war of words that can seemingly go on forever and escalate to be rude, nasty, or involve insults, you should be exercising emotional restraint, which can help maintain a respectful discourse and prevent the situation from escalating to bullying or harassment.
  4. Customer Service Interactions: Dealing with difficult customers or clients in your work or volunteering often requires having emotional restraint. Remaining calm, kind, and empathetic can help resolve issues more effectively and maintain a positive reputation for the business or company that you’re working or volunteering for.
  5. Traffic Incidents: Road rage is a common issue in our society, but showing restraint can prevent dangerous or deadly situations. Taking a deep breath, maintaining your focus on what you can control on the road, and staying calm and relaxed can help avoid confrontations and maintain safety on the road and help save yourself from an accident or a crash. You never know who you’re dealing with the other car or truck or bus so it’s best to not yell, engage them further, or leave the vehicle at any time to escalate such a dicey situation when it comes to ‘road rage.’

In any of these types of situations, having emotional restraint allows you to handle conflicts and criticism more effectively, fostering healthier relationships, and promoting a more peaceful environment. When faced with receiving criticism which will happen both professionally and personally, it can be tempting to respond in kind or to escalate the situation with the other party. However, this rarely leads to a positive outcome and can make the situation worse. Instead, it often leads to a cycle of negativity and conflict. By showing emotional restraint and not responding in kind to get into an argument or worse, individuals can break this difficult cycle of bad behavior and create a more positive environment.

Not escalating the situation also allows individuals to maintain their dignity and self-respect. It shows that they are confident in themselves and their abilities, and that they do not need to resort to negative behavior to defend themselves from criticism, whether it is justified or not from the other party. This kind of attitude can earn them respect from others including co-workers, romantic partners, or friends, and help to build and maintain stronger relationships when you show positive characteristics in your behavior by not reacting in a negative way.

Emotional restraint is both a sign of emotional maturity and grace. It shows that the person in question can control their emotions and can respond to criticism in a thoughtful and measured way to learn from their mistakes or to just take it in stride by not losing control of their emotions. This can be especially challenging when the criticism is unwarranted or unjustified. However, by showing emotional restraint, individuals can rise above the situation and demonstrate their maturity and grace in their dealings with other people.

Emotional restraint also shows that someone can put the needs of the relationship above their own ego. It shows that they are willing to listen to others’ feedback and consider the other person’s perspective, even if they disagree with it or won’t change because of it. This can lead to more open and honest communication, and ultimately, stronger friendships and relationships.

Overall, it is necessary these days to have emotional restraint as it is a valuable skill that can help individuals navigate criticism in both professional and personal settings. By showing emotional restraint, individuals can respond to criticism in a calm, cool, and collected manner, and avoid escalating the situation further. This kind of behavior from mature adults can lead to more productive conversations, problem solving, and better resolutions, and ultimately, a healthier and happier life by having this kind of outlook on managing your emotions well.

Emotional restraint demonstrates the need for having both maturity and grace and shows that someone should be able to put the needs of the relationship above their own ego or beliefs. Having the capacity for emotional restraint is an important life skill that can help individuals navigate criticism with both dignity and decency.