Category: 2024

The Woeful Encouragement of Slothful Behavior

“There’s always been the drive to encourage people to gamble, to smoke, to drink, to eat (and quite a lot of eating), or for prescription pills, but I don’t remember a time in my life where it was so present or in your face.”

It seems as if lately popular advertising and commercials are geared towards encouraging ‘slothful’ or lazy behavior. How many times have you seen marketing focused on satiating one’s appetite whether that’s for sports betting, general gambling, fast food, alcohol, or other forms of indulgence?

Instant gratification seems to rule the day in terms of today’s popular media and advertising, which didn’t use to be case as much in past years. There’s always been the drive to encourage people to gamble, to smoke, to drink, to eat (and quite a lot of eating), or for prescription pills, but I don’t remember a time in my life where it was so present or in your face.

Now, I have nothing against people indulging here and there especially as responsible adults and I do think moderation rather than total abstention or condemnation of legal indulgences should be preferred in terms of popular messaging. However, I don’t believe it should be as prominent as it is today or as how much it is in our faces today without any serious acknowledgement of how addictive or abusive these behaviors can be.

For example, sports betting and gambling used to be quite limited to in person casinos or only certain areas or jurisdictions where it’s legal, but now it’s widespread and being actively encouraged through big business and even with live updates on betting possibilities during many sporting events. Yes, there is messaging about gambling or betting addictions but those kinds of preventative messages about the dangers of that kind of addiction are heavily outweighed by how easy it’s become to place a bet or multiple bets, and how openly encouraged it has become by the mass media. It used to be much harder to bet or to gamble especially on sports and it required a real effort or at least something you had to do in a physical location or area, but now it’s captured the digital world and can take milliseconds to make a bet or place a wager.

I do think it is a morally troubling area in our society now, where sporting venues, companies, or sports TV channels are encouraging sports betting and gambling and while it’s legal, I do think many young people, especially young men, are being taken advantage of as a result. While I encourage legal pursuits of pleasure and sustenance for food, drink, or gambling, what I do not like is how pervasive it has become and how it can become predatory with the amount of advertising, marketing, commercials, and societal pressure that is being put on people to indulge as much as possible and as often as possible.

There is a clear difference in my view between making something legal to do and making it overtly available and powerful as a lobby or industry. With addictive behaviors around food, drink, gambling, or other pleasures, there must be stricter regulations involved especially surrounding how big business these areas are and how much advertising and marketing can be done for them and in which venue(s) or place(s). There has to be a much better job done with enforcing limits, regulations, and where the advertising can be done. I also think the dangers of addiction need to have more airtime or attention as a result if these behaviors are to be marketed freely.

Similarly to smoking, restricting where you can smoke, increasing the price for smoking cigarettes, cigars, or vapes, and then placing strong notices about the physical harms of smoking has helped regulate that kind of industry successfully in my view without making it entirely illegal or condemning it fully. People can still smoke responsibly but they know today more than ever the dangers involved and the risks to one’s health as well as it being an addictive habit. You also don’t see as many commercials or advertisements for smoking as you did twenty or thirty years ago. You still do have the advertising to some degree, but I think it’s an area of our society where the regulations, awareness of the risks and dangers, and the potential side effects are quite clear compared to other vice industries today.

Additionally, if it can be done for what was a titanic industry like smoking cigarettes and other tobacco products, there is no reason why those same regulations and rules can’t be brought in for advertising of gambling, sports betting, prescription drugs, unhealthy foods, or alcohol. There has been a lax recently for those industries especially for prescription drugs, which the U.S. is one of the few countries in the world, which allows TV and radio advertisements for prescription drugs. Many of these drugs may be approved by a regulatory agency but the actual side effects and risks are not clearly stated in public advertising and the risks are also not known to potential customers as much as they should be. Like those prescription drugs being advertised freely with the side effects and risks being shortchanged in advertising, that is where we are today with legal sports betting and gambling.

I do think there has to be more action taken to regulating these growing vice or pleasure industries with less advertising out in the open, more acknowledgement by those companies selling these services on the clearly known risks and addictions and making sure that the sports teams or venues themselves and the TV / radio partners cannot market these companies either. Fast food, alcohol, and increasingly legal marijuana are also areas of vice that could do a much better job of highlighting their risks of addiction, abuse, or the dangers of too much use to one’s health.

Lastly, with better regulation of vice industries, there should be a countermovement in my view of encouraging healthy forms of behavior in our popular media and advertising. Yes, you have some advertisements for the gym or health clubs, but rarely do you see healthy foods being advertised or how to be mentally fit in difficult times, or how to have use better judgment in our financial lives, our relationships and friendships. These kinds of messages may need more public service announcements (PSAs) rather than your typical free market advertisements, but companies and especially the popular media should be encouraging people to both be healthier mentally and physically overindulging in vices that when not moderated, can encourage slothful behavior.

Where we are today as a society in our popular media is not healthy. Instead of openly encouraging these vices, we should be prioritizing healthier behaviors and more productive uses of our time. I’m not using against these legal vices, but I think their presence has been too much, too soon, and there needs to be more regulation of them in popular media and advertising going forward.

While these vices are fun for people to indulge in responsibly, the messages corporations and individuals are sending us are too much in terms of encouragement of these vices without equally talking about potentials risks, harms, or negative consequences of possible abuse if not carefully used. I hope we can start to encourage more positive forms of media and advertising with regards to keeping people healthier, fitter, and with better behaviors in how they both spend their time and their money.

The Why of Atonement

“However, beyond its religious connotations, atonement serves a profound purpose in individual personal development and promoting social cohesion.”

Atonement, the process of seeking forgiveness for wrongdoings, mistakes, or outright sins, is deeply ingrained in human cultures for millennia, especially within the framework of the three major monotheistic religions. However, beyond its religious connotations, atonement serves a profound purpose in individual personal development and promoting social cohesion.

When we seek atonement privately or in public, it is not merely for the sake of appeasing others or a higher power that we may believe in. Often, it is instead for our own psychological healing and moral growth throughout the course of our lives. This lifelong process of self-reflection and reconciliation is vital for both personal improvement and societal progress.

Atonement plays a central role in the three major monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. Each religious tradition emphasizes the importance of repentance, asking for forgiveness, and making amends for past wrongdoing, albeit with distinct interpretations and practices unique to each religion.

In Judaism, atonement and seeking repentance is a core theme of the religion, especially during the recent holiday of Yom Kippur that just past last week, also known as, the Day of Atonement. This holy day in the Jewish calendar is marked by fasting from both food and drink for 24 hours, prayer, and introspection, where individuals seek forgiveness from God for their sins. However, Jewish teaching also emphasizes that for sins committed against other people, one must seek forgiveness directly from the person who was harmed or affected. Atonement, therefore, in the Jewish tradition, is not just a divine transaction but also a social responsibility.

In Christianity, atonement is primarily associated with the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, whose death is seen as a means for the reconciliation between God and humanity. However, Christians are also encouraged to confess their sins, seek forgiveness, and repent in their daily lives. This process of confession and reconciliation allows individuals to reflect on their shortcomings and work towards spiritual and moral renewal. The act of confession is usually done with a priest or a church leader privately, but it can also be done between the person who committed the wrongful act and the person(s) who were affected by it, like Judaism.

In Islam, atonement is closely linked to the concept of “tawbah” or repentance. Muslims are encouraged to seek forgiveness from God for their sins with sincerity and to avoid repeating the wrongdoing(s) again. The emphasis in Islam is on turning away from sin and seeking to live a righteous life in accordance with God’s will. Similarly to Judaism and Christianity, there is a focus on seeking forgiveness from those who have been wronged, which underscores the social dimension of atonement.

While the specific rituals and interpretations of atonement may vary, all the major monotheistic religions recognize the need for repentance, forgiveness, and moral correction. This demonstrates the universal human need to reconcile with the divine and the society when we err and do wrong.

Beyond religious imperatives, atonement serves as a powerful tool for personal development. By acknowledging our mistakes and seeking to rectify them, we embark on a journey of self-awareness and moral growth. The process of doing atonement often involves deep self-reflection and introspection. We are supposed to recognize not only the harm or indignity we may have caused others but also the deeper motivations behind our actions. This introspection allows us to understand our flaws, learn from our mistakes, and ultimately become better individuals.

Atonement, when done well, fosters emotional and psychological healing. Guilt and remorse, if left unchecked, can burden the conscience and prevent personal growth from ever occurring in the person who committed the wrongdoing. When we make amends, we release ourselves from the emotional weight of guilt, allowing us to move forward with a clearer conscience and a stronger sense of purpose. Atonement, then is not just about seeking forgiveness from others or from a higher power, but about forgiving ourselves and allowing ourselves the grace to grow.

Atonement also plays a crucial role in maintaining overall societal harmony and prosperity. No human society can function without a mechanism or a method for individuals to acknowledge and make amends for their wrongdoings. In fact, many legal and social systems are built around the concept of atonement, whether through restitution, punishment, or reconciliation. By allowing individuals the opportunity to atone for their mistakes, societies can offer a healthy path toward rehabilitation and reintegration rather than perpetual condemnation and disownment.

In a world where mistakes and sins are inevitable, the ability to atone ensures that all individuals are not defined solely by their errors and wrongdoing. Instead, they are given the opportunity to learn, grow, and go on to contribute positively to society. A society that does not allow for any kind of atonement, religious or secular, risks fostering resentment and alienation, while a society that encourages repentance and forgiveness cultivates greater compassion, empathy, and unity.

The act of Atonement is a deeply human practice that transcends religious boundaries. While monotheistic religions emphasize the importance of repentance and forgiveness, atonement also serves as a key tool for personal development and societal cohesion. By seeking atonement, we not only make amends for our wrongdoings but also embark on a path of self-improvement and to not make the same mistakes again. As individuals and as part of a society, the ability to atone allows us to learn from our mistakes, to heal from guilt, and build a more just and compassionate world.

‘The Perfect Storm’ – Film Review and Analysis

“In the fantastic 2000 film, ‘The Perfect Storm’, you get to see what it is like to be a full-time swordfish boat captain and his crew out of Gloucester, Massachusetts, who rely on catching enough fish, and specifically big swordfish, to make ends meet.”

How far would you go to risk it all? If you had a family to provide for, a roof to keep over your head, or in need of enough money to make it through the next week or month, would you take up a livelihood that would often put your life at risk. If you are a fisherman or a fisherwoman especially those men and women who go hundreds or thousands of miles from home to do so, you know what it’s like to put your life at risk for your life’s work. In the fantastic 2000 film, ‘The Perfect Storm’, you get to see what it is like to be a full-time swordfish boat captain and his crew out of Gloucester, Massachusetts, who rely on catching enough fish, and specifically big swordfish, to make ends meet.

Whether or not you may be familiar with the lives of the fishermen and women who make catching fish their livelihoods, you cannot argue with how vital their jobs are to local economies like Gloucester. It’s not just Massachusetts but you consider the role fishing or crabbing or shrimping plays in states like Maine, Alaska, Louisiana, and elsewhere, which can provide a comfortable life for some while others struggle to make it depending on both the size and quality of their daily or weekly catch.

‘The Perfect Storm’ film, which is based upon a non-fiction novel of the same name, which was originally published in 1997 by talented American author Sebastian Junger, details the very rare occurrence in storm weather history from 1991, when a large-scale nor-easter or what’s known as an extratropical cyclone absorbed Hurricane Grace coming from off the coast of the southeastern United States. A lot of coastal damage and flooding occurred from this rare occurrence, but the worst effects happened to those vessels caught in between as the storms absorbed each other’s strength out in the north Atlantic.

Back in 1991, when technology was not as advanced, fishing boats did not have an advanced GPS and had to rely on old school maps, and did not have access to the latest weather reports. The one thing keeping them from being in the dark ages was an antenna and a fax allowing them to get reports via radio or from a machine. For the Andrea Gail fishing vessel, tragically, they were not able to avoid the worst of the ‘Perfect Storm’ and tragically, six men out of Gloucester lost their lives at the end of October 1991.

More than 24 years after the film’s release, it is considered maybe not as accurate to Junger’s book in terms of what were the last moments of the Andrea Gail or what the decision-making was like when Captain Frank William ‘Billy’ Tyne decided to go further out into the Flemish Cap beyond the Grand Banks where he and his crew usually fished in order to go above and beyond to bring back a catch that all of Gloucester would be able to appreciate.

While I admit that I have not read the book yet but hope to do so soon, ‘The Perfect Storm’ is one of those rare Hollywood disaster films that does not trivialize the risk that these men and women take to make a living as fishermen/women. ‘The Perfect Storm’ does a good job in fleshing out Billy Tyne and his five crew members, Robert ‘Bobby’ Shatford, Dale ‘Murph’ Murphy, David ‘Sully’ Sullivan, Michael ‘Bugsy’ Moran, and Alfred Pierre, and honors their memory by the actors who portray them such as George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, and John C. Reilly.

The film sets up the story quite well including how a smaller than average catch or a lesser return on investment can put a strain on a captain and crew to go out sooner than they would want in the hopes that they can change their luck with the fishing ‘gods.’ It’s clear that these men and women are brave, bold, and love what they do regardless of the risk involved. They know the risk involved, are willing to do what it takes to feed their families and to put a roof over their heads, and even though the risks may outweigh the benefits, as Captain Billy Tyne says as part of the film’s opening monologue, “you know what? you’re a goddamn sword boat captain, is there anything better in the world?”

As ‘The Perfect Storm’ makes clear, this job is more than just a job, it’s a livelihood and a lifestyle for fishing communities like Gloucester, Massachusetts, which has had generations of fishermen for over four centuries since before the United States of America became a country. It is part of the identity of those towns and communities like Gloucester. When fishing is all that, you knew as a child from your parents, grandparents, and beyond, why wouldn’t it be what you attach your livelihood to as an adult?

In 1991, I’d imagine that the job itself had higher risk, but higher rewards given how lucrative it could be when the seas were not overfished or not as affected by climate change as they are now in 2024. The film does not judge the sword boat fishermen for the risks they make during that fateful period in late October 1991 because we will never hear from the six men who lost their lives then tragically.

We only have glimpses into their thought processes or the lack of information they had to make at the time. They not only had to contend with the stress of an ice machine breaking down, but also with not being able to fish as well in the Grand Banks, have an arrogant boss who owned the boat and was expecting them to deliver or face the consequences of losing their place on the Andrea Gail. A crew is also forced together in tight quarters for days or weeks at a time and they may end up disliking or fighting each other. There are also mishaps with a misplaced fishing trap, an errant wave casting a man overboard, or even catching an accidental shark that can harm or kill you if you are not careful.

Being a sword boat fisherman or woman is not for the weary or the weak-hearted. It is for sturdy, strong, and risk-takers who love what they do because they do what they love. It is not usually a job that you can get very wealthy from, but it can provide stability, a livelihood, and help you provide for your wife or husband or for a family if you do well enough. The film does an excellent job on not making the actors who play the six men of the Andrea Gail who lost their lives in ‘The Perfect Storm’ as caricatures but they really feel as they do exist and still exist today in terms of what they do for a living.

Their backgrounds, their motivations, their fears, and their doubts are fully fleshed out over the course of the film. The story is intriguing especially since it happened and was a tragic event in 1991 that affected millions of people in North America. We also think about how storms such as hurricanes are still with us today and are affecting people around the country regardless of if we believe that it can happen to us or not. We are always at the whims of mother nature, and we must realize that it’s important to be prepared for whatever it may throw at us regardless of if we are on land, sea, or air.

The men of the Andrea Gail knew that their job entailed risks, but they also knew that the love of the work, the livelihood and purpose it brought them, and how much it meant to others for what they did will help enshrine their memory in the hearts of their fellow Gloucester men and women forever as well as around the country and the world. Each man had love not just for the ocean, but also a love for their friends, family, and loved ones, which shines through in the film adaptation of ‘The Perfect Storm.’

One of the most beautiful parts of the film for me is when one of the youngest crewmen on the Andrea Gail, Robert ‘Bobby’ Shatform, who loses his life in the storm, tells his girlfriend Christina in a dream where she envisions him being there with her, for the last time, “Remember I’ll always love you, Christina, I’ll love you now, and I’ll love you forever. There’s no Goodbye, only love.”

The lives of the six men who were lost tragically at the end of October 1991 live on forever in the hearts and memories of the people they loved and for the lives they touched in Gloucester and elsewhere. The movie, ‘The Perfect Storm’ is a great tribute to who they were, what they did for a living, and the courageous and bold actions they took to make a living and to help feed others in that community and elsewhere with their lives as fishermen.

I hope you’ll watch this excellent film and read the book it’s based on as I hope to do so for the latter soon. Between an excellent cast, great story pacing, stirring music from the dearly departed composer James Horner, beautiful cinematography, and impactful visuals that have held up to this day almost 25 years later since the film’s original release, ‘The Perfect Storm’ is an excellent movie and one of my favorite films I’ve ever watched.

I’ll leave you with the entire portion of the excellent monologue from the film’s opening and closing scenes to describe the lived experience of being a fisherman or women out on the sea and the pure joy and peace it can bring them when they are heading out to the sea:
“The fog’s just lifting, you throw off your bowline, throw off your stern, you move out the South Channel, past Rocky Neck and Ten pound Island, past Niles Pond — where I skated as a kid — on to Black Bess Point, blow your airhorn, and throw a wave to the lighthouse keeper’s kid on Thatcher Island — then the birds arrive — Blackbacks and Herring Gulls, Big Dump Ducks and Green-Legged Coots. The sun hits you; you head north and open up to twelve — steaming now — the guys are busy and you’re in charge…And you know what? You’re a goddamn sword boat captain. Is there anything better in the world?”

The Importance of Being Reliable and Responsive to People

“It is important to be both reliable and responsive to the people you care about and even to those you’re just getting to know if you can do so.”

How many times have you sent a text or an email to someone thinking it was useful, humorous, thoughtful, or even just to reach out for it to have been received but not replied to? Chances are good it’s happened at least once if not multiple times to the people reading this article. It is one of the inevitabilities in life that not every text, call, or email will receive the attention it deserves and that’s alright as not everyone has the time or the urge to respond. However, when it’s a friend, family member, or a colleague, who you trust or respect or have some kind of relationship with, then it can be a real problem when your outreach goes ignored.

It is important to be both reliable and responsive to the people you care about and even to those you’re just getting to know if you can do so. Nobody’s perfect but you can really stand out nowadays in a good way when you’re willing to make the effort to respond to someone, to be relied upon and follow through, and to hold yourself accountable. These are qualities in a person that will always make you stand out in a good way because in our attention-deficit addled society, these kinds of traits are becoming less and less common.

Things happen in life such as emergencies, setbacks, and sometimes we just need a break from being plugged in to what’s going on with everyone else. It’s okay to take time off from reaching out if you want to focus on yourself for a while. If people try to reach out still, let them know though that you need some time away from the phone or the computer and if they really need you, indicate that it should only be for an emergency or an urgent matter. I don’t mind when people are unreachable but if there’s a lack of communication about why or for what purpose, it can cause some resentment and the fraying of the relationship or friendship in the long-term.

Nowadays, you can silent your notifications, put your away message up for colleagues to be aware of, or just simply turn your social media channels or phone off for a little while. You can be unresponsive and still be a responsible person in my view. What causes concern in my view is when you refuse to answer me when you read my message and wouldn’t give me any reason or indication of what’s going on. There’s a lot of talk about ‘Ghosting’ people today and I believe we are all guilty of ‘ghosting’ on each other at one time or another, but if it’s a recurring pattern, you really should think twice in how you act towards other people, especially if they value your feedback, opinion, or just want to see how you are.

Whether at work or at home or in ‘third spaces’ with friends or someone you’ve just met, remember to be responsive within reason because it’s about common courtesy not only regarding your time and effort but also of theirs for having reached out to you in the first place. It’s something we overlook but when someone is reaching out to you, they are first thinking about you and spending some time out of the millions of other things they could be thinking about to focus on you as an individual to some degree. It does not mean you need to spend a lot of your time but if you have the availability, it doesn’t hurt to give a simple response or at least let them know where they stand with you, whatever kind of relationship you may have with that person.

Whether it’s a co-worker sending you a message on Microsoft Teams asking for advice on a presentation, an elderly family member asking you to do them a favor regarding a health question, or a friend inviting you to their wedding or their birthday party, you do have a responsibility to be responsive. These situations I posed may not be urgent, but they are important, and to ‘ghost’ them is neither mature nor responsible. You have a duty not only to yourself in how you act but how you carry yourself with others.

At the end of your life, how do you want people to remember you? That’s part of why being reliable and responsive takes on such importance especially as you get older. People will remember in any kind of relationship that you have or had with them how you treated them, if you responded to them, and how much you invested into the relationship, whatever it may have been. Make sure to remember this kind of legacy that you’re building each time you answer that e-mail, respond to that voicemail, or send that text message out. The irony of our technological age is that we are connected by our devices but are as disconnected as ever regarding reaching out, making plans, and being reliable in how we present ourselves.

You can set the tone by being a reliable person who’s available and is reliable whether at work, at school, or at home. Be the person who can be trusted, who gets things done, and is able to follow through when you make a commitment to someone else. Sadly, being both reliable and responsive to other people is becoming rarer and rarer in my view. I believe you can have a lot of professional success and personal happiness if you are able to respond to others in a timely manner and be counted on when they need you.

Hopefully, they will remember you for what you did, how you acted, and how well you treated them. They won’t forget it and ideally, they will follow your lead by picking up those kinds of traits in response. Being someone who is reliable and responsive can have that positive effect on how others behave as well creating a good kind of ‘domino effect’ and improving people’s behavior in a family, in an office, or in a group. You do not have to be available 24 / 7 and nobody is expecting you to be doing so but it’s important to be willing to respond, to follow up, to check in, and to be present with other people whomever they may be and whatever kind of relationship you may have with them.

Finding Your Personal Sanctuary in Modern Life

“With how hectic and chaotic modern life can be, it’s more important now than ever to find your own sanctuary where you can be at peace.”

With how hectic and chaotic modern life can be, it’s more important now than ever to find your own sanctuary where you can be at peace. It’s a place that you only know ideally but if not, it is a quiet place where you can be at ease. We all deal with a lot of stressors each day and it is key to find your own sanctuary where you can be yourself, be by yourself, and enjoy being at peace. It is increasingly hard to do these days when there are so many distractions, commitments, or other things to take care of in our day-to-day lives.

Still though, for one’s own mental health, it is more important now than ever to find your own place, secluded in nature or just somewhere you can call your own, public or private, where you can be free to relax and enjoy some peace. Each person’s sanctuary will look differently from another person’s, but it must be a place where you can rest easy, relax fully, and away from work, chores, or other commitments. You should be focused on this place being good for not only your mind and your body but your soul. It is a place that you can choose to be by yourself but also that you can let other people enjoy as well should you choose to.

When I think of these places of sanctuary, it can vary in terms of setting and background. I have always loved being near the sea or the ocean. It calms me down, lets me focus, or just lets me relax and be at ease. I can leave my earthly troubles for a while and just focus on the birds, the sound of the waves, and the sand beneath my feet. I can also think more clearly when I’m just looking at the water crashing down on the beach or to be watching a seal, dolphin, or birds in the distance. There’s something relaxing about a natural setting like the ocean that may not take my problems away but where I can take a break from them instead and realize also how insignificant and temporary they are. I also love to go in the ocean, to walk on the sand, or to play a sport there a bit like volleyball or some football.

If it’s not the ocean, I have discussed the beauty of a walk in the woods or a hiking trek through the mountains to ease one’s stress and provide some clarity through life’s stressors. If you have a park or a mountain, or even just some nature nearby, a place of sanctuary can be found there as well in nature. Being able to camp or to hike or just to walk in nature, preferably by yourself in a deserted area for a while can do a lot of good for mind, body, and soul.

A sanctuary is one that you decide for yourself, and it can range from a mountain pass, a walk through the flat woods, a serene beach by an ocean or the sea, or a local park at sunset where you’re the only one there. You can let people into your own sanctuary, or you can keep it private as it should be up to you. I do believe that we all need our own sanctuary away from people now and then.

It does not mean I am recommending being a social recluse, but we do need a place where we can rest, relax, and recharge to face our challenges again, whatever they may be. We need that alone time to ourselves in a public or private setting where we can truly think freely, feel different emotions, and let us get in touch with nature.

Now, if you have not decided on what your sanctuary is yet, do not be discouraged. You have time to figure out a place in the world where you like to go and is quiet for you to be free in. There are a lot of places to choose from but the key thing to keep in mind is that it is quiet, solitary, and where you can do some reflection. If you cannot find your sanctuary to call your own, it’s important to find a private room, a private garden, or just a private setting in general, where you can be by yourself for a while to give yourself time to relax and reflect amid your days of hustle and bustle.

Your own sanctuary is what you make of it. You must decide how it looks, where it is, and how often you go there. The main thing to take away from having a sanctuary is that wherever or whatever it is, you can call it your own and it is quiet enough where it provides some solitude and peace. Others can join you there, but they don’t have to if you don’t want them to. Make sure your sanctuary is never disturbed and that is always welcoming regardless of whatever may be going on in your life, both good and bad. A sanctuary is where we find true peace in this world, and I hope you’ll find your own one day.

Always Stand Up to Bullies

“We’ve all dealt with bullying in our lives at one point or another. It can range from verbal slights such as biting sarcasm to full on insults to even threats of physical violence, but these actions all harm the bullied person regardless of the severity or extent.”

We’ve all dealt with bullying in our lives at one point or another. It can range from verbal slights such as biting sarcasm to full on insults to even threats of physical violence, but these actions all harm the bullied person regardless of the severity or extent. For myself, I was unfortunately bullied when I was younger and it’s something that you never truly get over even as you grow older, and it starts to recede to the back of your mind.

Still though, words hurt especially when they come from people you trusted such as a family member or even a friend. Bullying from a stranger is bad, but it’s worse when it comes from people who you liked or respected initially. You should never grow comfortable with being bullied even when you are a young person and if it’s happening to someone you know or care about as well, you should always look to stand up for them or make sure they stand up for themselves in front of the bully.

Bullying is never acceptable from a child let alone a fully grown adult, and it continues way too often in our society not only to children but to adults as well. Usually, the person doing the bullying to others was hurt by other bullies and has become insecure as a result, but that does not give them the right to hurt others in the same way they were hurt. They should instead choose to break the cycle of bullying as it really is a cycle that goes from one person to the other. Even when I was bullied, I didn’t want to do that to other people. Instead, I have learned that you must put your foot down and confront the bully directly. I’m not talking about getting into a war of words with the bully or escalating the situation with them. Instead, you call them out on their bullying, tell them you won’t tolerate the abuse or the rhetoric, and make sure you don’t associate with that person anymore.

Now, I will only make an exception if they apologize and promise it won’t happen again especially if it’s from a friend or a family member. You got to be direct with that person who you still care about and basically let them know that what they said is disrespectful and you don’t want to hear it anymore. Jokes or sarcasm can often disguise bullying, but you have to call it out if it hurts your feelings. If you let them get away with it once, you should be prepared for them to do it again because they’ll feel like they have free reign once you let it slide the first time.

I’ve had instances in my own life where a friend or a family member was disrespectful to me either due to my physical appearance or the way I dressed, and I did not tolerate it. I didn’t shout or didn’t insult them back. Rather, I made sure to let them know that wasn’t polite or kind and I took offense to it. Often, they’ll back down when they’re being called out on it and when you make clear that you’re serious that you were offended. If they do it again, it’s best you cut them out of your life completely or begin to maintain distance from them until they get the message and apologize formally.

If they never apologize or keep doing it, you need to have ‘zero tolerance’ for that bullying kind of behavior even when you were close to the person to begin with or have familial ties. Just because you have a history with that person doesn’t mean it gives them license to take advantage of that relationship or friendship to begin bullying you. These days, you really got to put your foot down and stamp out disrespect and incivility when you see it begin to happen to you. It can be hard as you may not want to lose that person but if it’s harming your emotional or mental health, you’ll be better off cutting that person off from you and spending your time around people instead who value you, respect you, and treat you well.

Just as you would not tolerate bullying from a friend or a family member, the same should be said for a colleague at work, a classmate, or even a stranger on the street. Bullies are often cowards who hide behind their words because it makes them feel better because they are insecure themselves about who they are as a person. You always have a choice on how you react to a bully, whoever they are, but make sure to not accept the bullying, never get used to it, and call the bullying out, and get away from that person(s) who bully you.

If it escalates to become harassment, abuse, or worse, you can get a restraining order, sever contact, or even get the legal authorities involved. There are always options to stop bullying and it should never be tolerated by you. If you’ve been bullied, are being bullied, or worry about bullying, make sure to stand up for yourself, have ‘zero tolerance’ for it, and remember that trading insults will bring you down to the bully’s level, which they enjoy doing.

Instead of escalating and trading insults with the bully, make sure to let them know you call them out on their behavior, preferably in front of other peers, extricate yourself from the situation, prevent that person from seeing you or contacting you again, and highlight the verbal or emotional abuse to other people in the bully’s orbit to make them aware of what the bully has done to you.

Bullying sucks and it’s sad that this article must still be written but whether you’re an adult, a teenager, or a child, you should know that bullies do not have control or power over you. Their words may hurt but they are not a reflection of who you actually are as a person. Hurt people like bullies hurt other people to make themselves feel better. You may be bullied sadly at points in your life, but it is not permanent, and you can choose to remove yourself from the situation and call it out clearly when it happens. By doing that, the bully will be shamed and ridiculed for their bad behavior, and they will likely back down from doing it again.

Don’t be afraid to stand up to the bullies of the world and always call them out on their bad behavior when the time comes for it.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and The True Quality of Life

“Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has always been a good reference for me in describing what exactly makes us have a safe, secure, happy, and fulfilling life. I do believe we need to have our hierarchy of needs in mind as people when we focus on what’s best for our fellow man or women and how to build a prosperous society.”

Everybody wishes to have a high quality of life but what exactly does that mean? We hear the term ‘quality of life’ a lot but what goes into the ‘quality’ of it and what makes for a satisfying ‘life’? Maslow’s hierarchy of needs has always been a good reference for me in describing what exactly makes us have a safe, secure, happy, and fulfilling life. I do believe we need to have our hierarchy of needs in mind as people when we focus on what’s best for our fellow man or women and how to build a prosperous society.

                                                                                                Source: SimplyPsychology.com

While I don’t wish to compare my own views on what true ‘quality of life’ is compared to Abraham Maslow’s ‘hierarchy of needs’ as shown in the pyramid diagram above, but it’s important to look at what makes a society flourish. I agree with Maslow at the base of the pyramid is the most important to ensure a life has some quality with it.

The societies that have the strongest base for ‘physiological needs’ usually are the happiest and satisfied with their quality of life. For example, you cannot focus on ‘safety and security’ as much as you can when you can’t even guarantee that the water you drink is clean and the air that you breathe is clean. Everything else on Maslow’s pyramid goes out the window if you are hungry, thirsty, don’t have a roof over your head or cannot clothe yourself or your family.

A lack or absence of ‘physiological needs’ is often found in the poorest or least developed of our societies and can still plague even our wealthiest and most developed societies. The key thing for all societies is that we should have an attitude of wanting to guarantee the ‘highest quality of life’ we can deliver to all people rather than just the few who can afford it financially. I do believe any society and its leadership is responsible for delivering on both ‘physiological needs’ and on ‘safety and security’ and once that is achieved, it will lead to better conditions whereas we go up Maslow’s pyramid, love, belonging, self-esteem, and self-actualization tend to be easier to achieve as well. True quality of life is knowing that if you fall on hard times, not by your fault, you’ll be looked after by your society and your government while you look to get back on your feet.

I don’t believe it’s anything farfetched or overly utopian to believe in everyone having the right to breathe clean air, drink clean war, have enough food each day, and have a roof over one’s head. I also think that while education and health care may not be on ‘physiological needs’, it ranks close in that regard to build that functional society. Everyone should be able to afford a good education and find good health care where they live and societies that accomplish this for their people are rewarded back and then some with citizens who are thriving as a result. Societies that are more educated, healthier, and with more opportunities to succeed tend to be those that have a true quality of life in my view.

You may be thinking that true quality of life is about having a big bank account, a bigger house, all the gadgets and electronics you could ever want, and all your material desires within reach, but to me, that would not go along at all with Maslow’s hierarchy. Having that stuff may make you happier but it doesn’t reflect a true quality of life in any society. If the roads are falling apart, people around you are suffering and in poverty, and you can go bankrupt for seeking medical care or a higher education, your quality of life will also suffer as a result even if you’re not directly affected by it.

When we are looked after or cared by others in the society who can ensure we have a good education, good health care, and to have affordable housing, the quality of life for everyone will go up. We are not islands unto ourselves alone and we are reflections of how we treat others. If you’re reading this article, think more about how your society or country could have a better quality of life not just for yourself but for the people living there too.

I ask that you believe in your ability to create change whether that’s advocating for more environmental regulations, prioritizing people’s access to basic needs including food and housing and thinking more about how we can include people in making them feel they belong in the society. We should collectively work towards providing more opportunities to everyone, so they don’t feel left out. Any healthy society has those public places to gather, discuss, and hopefully fix the quality-of-life issues going on in their community, town, city, or country.  

I don’t judge a society by how wealthy it is, how big the houses people live in are, or how much they have in material goods and services available. I judge a society by how they treat the least well-off members, how they prioritize the public good or not, and what they are doing to improve the overall quality of life rather than ignoring it or having it steadily decline under their watch.

It’s important for us to start thinking about not just ourselves and our own quality of life but those of our fellow man and woman. When they are worse off than us, let’s lift them up and look out for them instead of shunning them or isolating them instead. We should always be advocating for a ‘true quality of life’ where everybody is given the opportunity to succeed, grow, live healthy and happy lives, and pursue their dreams.

We all will be better off for having invested in the basic tenets of civilized society such as education, health care, transit, housing, and healthy food supply rather than just guarantee them for the few who can afford it. The higher the quality of life is not just for us but for every member of our society, the more likely we will all flourish together and reach our highest fulfillment.

Is ‘The Grass Always Greener’ On The Other Side?

“There is a sense of whimsy about wishing what would your life be like if you had made a different decision or if a different opportunity had come your way.”

The popular English language expression on ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ is a common refrain when discussing the possibilities of where one could see themselves in a different reality or circumstance other than their own. There is a sense of whimsy about wishing what would your life be like if you had made a different decision or if a different opportunity had come your way. You may even want to switch places with someone else you know or someone you admire or someone you read about. Beyond that, it could also be wanting to live in a different city or country or to experience a different culture or set of customs other than the one you were born into or grew up in.

I find that there is nothing wrong with daydreaming about the possibilities for change or how to make your life better or more successful. I do think it is a good thing to be reflective as well on how others live, what you can take from their example or even discard based on your own perspective, and to not be afraid to even experiment with making different choices in life based on what others have done ahead of you. It is good to be inspired by other people, read about their lives, and to change your own approach to how you live, where you work, how you act, and what you can be within reason.

I think, however, that it is important to not be fantasizing all the time about how others live or envious of other people without knowing the full story. Being obsessed with mimicking or copying other people is also a recipe for disaster in my view. It is okay to be influenced by others around you who are making a positive impact and living life in a successful and moral manner. However, it does not justify being a ‘copycat’ or a ‘sycophant.’ Often, we must think for ourselves, make our own decisions, and to live a life true to our own morals, values, and code. Doing what others do just because they think it is ‘popular’, ‘cool’ or ‘successful’ is not what a mature individual should be following.

You may think that the other person or group of people has it all figured out, but the reality is much more complicated than that. You may envy the house, the car, the lifestyle, or the personality they have but often, you only know the surface of what you can see about that person. The same goes for endlessly admiring another city, country, or culture. It is okay to admire and adopt those customs, the food, the language, and the beliefs, but it’s important to take a step back to see what is compatible with you and what you would rather not adapt as your own self-expression.

As another saying goes, ‘walk a mile in another person’s shoes’, that is not a bad thing to do in life. Still, to automatically wish to live like them, be like them, and change who you are entirely is losing your own conception of self in the process. I am a fan of learning about other people, their backgrounds, their cultures, and their viewpoints, but that should be a way for you to more fully accentuate who you are as a result rather than change you are entirely. It’s good to see how others live, why they live like that, and be the more educated and worldly for it, but there’s a limit to how much we can live like those people.

Instead, use those variety of experiences, either lived or learned, to water ‘your own grass’ to be ‘greener and livelier.’ Instead of envy, jealousy or obsession, be more concerned with how to live a life that’s truer to yourself and what you wish to achieve. Think about what you’ve learned, seen, or heard, to adapt that to benefit your own life. Adopt those practices that will make your life better and make you a better person. Use your expansive knowledge based on living in different places, meeting different people, or studying different topics to make your life much more fulfilling and richer. We never truly have all the information regarding the lives of others and often we just see a snapshot of it rather than the full picture.

This is the same when we visit a place or even live there for a little bit of time. Even with that knowledge of a place and a people, we are not born there, or grew up there, and it limits our perception of what is going on there to some degree. Regardless of if you’re envious, apprehensive, dismissive, or neutral about a person, place, or culture, you should not automatically think that where you are or the ‘grass’ on your side is better or worse than theirs because you really can’t even make a real judgment.

You can always ‘walk in other’s person’s shoes’ for some time but you’ll never fully live in their shoes as they do. The same goes with where, why, and how we live and comparing it to others’ lives we learn about as they may want to have our life and we may want to have theirs, but we should remember that we will never have the full picture regarding their life’s circumstances. Instead of envying the ‘grass on the other side’ that we are constantly exposed to in person and online, you should remember to focus primarily on watering, fixing, and shaping your own ‘grass’ under your own feet and in your life to make it a more fulfilling, joyful, and happy kind of life to live.  

United States Naval Academy

A Visit to the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland

Camera: iPhone 12

Locations: United States Naval Academy; Annapolis, Maryland, United States

Dealing with Melancholy after Travel

“Still though, it’s hard for me after dozens of trips and hundreds of places visited to not have that feeling of melancholy wash over me after I come home again.”

There is a comedown feeling that happens after the end of a trip, regardless of how long or short it is. All the planning, the effort, the money spent, and the adrenaline rush that goes into relocating yourself elsewhere creates a unique feeling that is hard to replicate. Often, the trip will go smoothly, and you’ll have fond memories to look back on long after it’s over. Still though, it’s hard for me after dozens of trips and hundreds of places visited to not have that feeling of melancholy wash over me after I come home again.

Luckily, it is not a deep melancholy, but it is a melancholy of missing the feeling of being on an adventure or not knowing that the next day will bring. It’s the pure excitement of the unknown, of yearning to experience a new thing or event or place, and about being more open than usual to meeting new and often interesting people you encounter during your travels. Being able to settle back into your usual routine can be a bit of a downer after the rush of going from place to place, city to city, and being footloose for a while.

Despite a routine not being the most fun to go back into, it is necessary to reestablish a routine again as it can provide some comfort after a trip rather than doting on the past trip, however fun and exhilarating it may be. I do believe we need a routine in our lives often, rather than be rudderless and without anything to focus on. If our travels are temporary and we do not live life on the road on a permanent basis, easing back into our daily lives takes time but if we don’t have anything to refocus our attention on after a trip, the melancholy can be even more profound and difficult to deal with.

It is a good idea to develop your hobbies, interests, and your goals even more after a trip to accomplish what you want to set out to do with the time you have been given. Devoting yourself to something you’re working on or taking time to achieve something you want for yourself is a good way to deal with the blues that can happen after your travel is over. Being able to have ‘travel’ as something you enjoy doing is important, but it should not be the only thing you have going for you in your life. We cannot only be one-dimensional in our focus no matter how much we enjoy taking ourselves on the road.

Being able to share your travels with others is important because it helps hone and shape our memories. You may not be able to talk about your trip as much as you would like if you would like but it is good to share with your family and friends how it went because it’s likely they will want to know how it went. Beyond that, make sure to take care of your mementos, souvenirs, keepsakes, and other items you brought back with you, because they will give you a comforting feeling from having been to that place or done that activity, and it is good to reflect on the travels you’ve done in a sustainable way. I also like to organize my photos, create canvas prints, and even share videos from the places I’ve been and to keep them in my own records to reflect on to remember better of where I was, who I was back then, and how I felt about the trip.

Lastly, keep thinking of ways to travel again to go back to the place(s) you loved again or try new places you want to visit. Travel should be a passion that sustains you throughout life and you should know that it is a marathon, not a sprint. I like to casually look at where I want to go next as I do like to plan, and I always like to have something to look forward to. Think about the culture, the language, and the people who live in the place you’re going to and start studying up in advance to learn more about what it will be like there potentially and how to prepare yourself for the trip you want to take next.

The most rewarding travel experiences for me have been those that I spent time learning the language (if need be), studying the places I want to visit as part of the itinerary, and devoting time to knowing the history and the culture a bit there. Travel is more than just taking photos and eating good food to me. While those are both enjoyable to do on a trip, I do make a conscious and concerted effort to know a bit about where I am going, and to learn as much as I can before I step on the bus, plane, or train.  As travel writers have noted, it’s not the destination that is the central reward but the journey it takes to get there.

Remember, when you get back home, it’s not the end of your traveling days. You may have put the suitcase away and the mementos on the shelf, but you’ll be back on the road again, and sooner than you may think. Embrace what you’ve done, enjoy being home for a little while and seeing friends, family again while keeping up a routine, and start planning for your next trip when you can. Travel may not be your permanent mode of living as it isn’t for most people, but once you go somewhere, even if only for a short while, you’re still a traveler for life, and that is something that will never change.