Category: life

Get A Little Better Each Day

“Progress takes time and effort, and you will not see results overnight without putting the work in.”

Progress takes time and effort, and you will not see results overnight without putting the work in. You can measure progress in whatever you do by seeing if you are starting to get a little better in whatever area you are applying yourself to. If you are taking practice tests and you notice your score keeps going up, if you can swim further and faster than before while being timed, and if you are able to save more money each month than you had the previous one.

Progress is not linear in terms of growth, and it will not happen all at once. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are having more good days than bad days. You need to see if you are progressing a little bit each day or if you are at least progressing most of the time when you measure yourself. There will be days or times when no progress is being made and that’s alright. However, how you react to that and how you work to exceed your expectations next time can make all the difference. Setbacks and lack of progress are going to happen when you are striving to be better or to do better. You must persevere and not let it get to you mentally.

What you want to avoid is to ‘throw in the towel’ and to give up without doing your absolute best and pushing yourself to the limit. If you work as hard as you can as often as you can, progress is more likely to be made on that day, that week, that month, or even that year. It’s not bad to take a day or so off to give yourself a break if needed but don’t let that break become permanent or don’t throw your hopes and dreams away because something is hard. When something is hard to do, that should push you even more because you are testing the limits of what you are capable of.

There is no greater thrill than being able to usurp everybody’s expectations that they set for you including your own. The thrill of achieving or accomplishing something that you thought was previously impossible and so did everyone else. It’s important to keep in mind that kind of achievement takes days, weeks, months, or even years to accomplish so you should be consistently measuring your progress and your setbacks. If you are consistently getting a bit better each day and doing so more often than being stagnant or getting worse, you are that much closer to achieving your goal(s). The key to achieving anything is both progress and consistency because they go hand in hand with each other.

For example, if you are running to train for a marathon, there will be days where you can run 10 miles and some days where you’ll run 5 or 15 miles. The key to keep in mind is that you are running most days or even every day to train on a consistent basis. You should be striving to go from 5 to 10 to 15 to eventually 26.2 miles in a full marathon pace to train at that level to be fully ready for the race. What you want to avoid in this scenario is running less miles as you get closer to race day or running less miles over time. You want to be building consistent habits and practices to be truly ready for this kind of accomplishment.

An impressive goal like running a marathon is an excellent way to show just how key consistency can lead to progress but it’s also about setting goals such as reaching a new number of miles each week for training purposes. If you go in a training like this case from 5 miles to 25 miles in a few months to train for the race six days a week, you’ll be much more likely to reach that goal of running a full marathon. You’ll ensure that you are as ready as can be when you step to the start line on that race day because you became a little better each day.  

The key is to go from 0 to 26.2 miles during that training and not 26.2 miles to 0 miles ran. There is a clear distinction there on how to get a little better each day and that involves both consistent progress each day and knowing how to measure yourself in terms of that progress with the amount of running you do to train. Getting better at anything in life is like running a marathon in that you won’t achieve it overnight, it takes consistency at a high level, and you have to set measurable goals to show that your progress is sustainable so that you are ready to claim that achievement.

Life is a marathon in itself so make sure you count the days you made progress in your goal(s), note how you can get better, be consistent about what you want to achieve, how you’re going to do it, why it’s important to you, and you’ll be well on your way to being successful. Getting a little better each day is what I hope for all of us in whatever we set our minds and our hearts to. Be sure to treat life as a marathon and not as a sprint, and you’ll be on the right track.

You Never Know Until You Ask

“If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask!”

If there is anything I would want to give advice on to anyone trying to get ahead in life or to create something out of nothing, you never know until you ask! Whether I’m talking about at work, or school, or in relationships, you must be willing to speak up when it comes to creating or seeking new opportunities. Usually, no one is going to hand you anything and you’re going to have work for it but if you don’t seek out possibilities, you’ll never know whether the answer is going to be ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ There’s nothing to lose when it comes to pursuing your goals in life and in putting yourself out there.

As a big fan of popular movies, there is one line from the film, ‘The Departed’, given by actor Jack Nicholson’s character, Frank Costello, a cynical mobster turned FBI informant, about how in life, “no one gives it to you…you have to take it.” While I understand that I’m referring to a mob movie here with horrible people as the main characters, the point still stands that in life, you must go after what you want and assume that no one is going to give it to you. There will be a few times where your work will be rewarded, and you will receive some praise and even adulation for what you did. However, there will also be times where you must apply for that job or university spot, seek out that big promotion, volunteer for that promising opportunity, take the entrance exam, or study that foreign language.

There will always be a 0% chance of something happening for you unless you open your mouth and make the words come out. You give yourself a possible chance just by asking for it (nicely, of course). Whereas before you would have a zero chance because you haven’t sought out the opportunity or made your interest known, now you have anywhere as good from a 1% chance to a 100% chance. Let your resume, repertoire, resilience, and other attributes speak for themselves when other people are evaluating your abilities and qualifications but that only will get you so far if you don’t strike up the courage to ask for it.

Also, do not be discouraged if the answer is ‘no.’ Rejection is going to come more often than being told ‘yes’ and that is going to happen throughout your life. You have to be comfortable with being told ‘no’ and get used to it. Being rejected will only make hearing ‘yes’ that much sweeter and rewarding in the long run. Be bold and be brave but remember to only press the other person or people deciding your offer so far and to thank them for their consideration if that ‘no’ is final. Don’t let it hurt you or get you down but remember to keep pushing forward because eventually, if you work hard, are earnest in your intent, and believe in what you are doing, I do believe you will get to that ‘yes’ you are hoping to hear.

Being able to ask for anything is a key skill and if you propose the question and be comfortable with the answer whatever it may be, you will get far in life. Asking is integral especially for sales if your job entails that, for getting a relationship with the person you love, and for that promotion from your supervisor, who you may have to convince why you deserve it, but you do have to ask for it first. With any kind of result in life, you need to work for it, build your credentials up, and then ask for it. While we would like to think that our life’s work or our past experiences should speak for themselves, often, that will not be enough to get you past the goal line.

If you really want to get ahead and take yourself further with business, work, relationships, or just getting help from a stranger, you got to ask for it. If you take away anything from what I’m telling you is that it is much better to have asked, then not having asked at all. You never know until you make that ask and it’s better than living with the regret of having not asked in the first place. There will be ‘no’s and it will lead to feelings of frustration, disappointment, and even sadness, but you will get to those ‘yes’s if you keep asking, keep trying, and keep doing the best you can in whatever you pursue.

Think also of how we only have one life to live, and I would personally rather live it with no or just a few regrets than having many regrets that take up all my mind space. Get comfortable with asking for what you want in life and don’t apologize for it if it was sincere. I think people will appreciate you going for what you want in the right way and being earnest about it. That kind of sincere approach will also help you get more ‘yes’s than ‘no’s too and help you stand out from other people asking. There is the related popular saying, “you never know until you try”, which I wholeheartedly agree with, especially for children and teenagers. However, when it comes to us in the adult world, the saying I like to leave you with is also true in that “you never know until you ask.”

The Increasing Digitization of Everything

“Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything.”

Call me old fashioned or a ‘luddite’ but I really do miss the feeling of paper tickets, boarding passes, and even the plastic menu. It does not mean I don’t enjoy the fruits of the abundance of technology that we have today, and it is something I’m comfortable with having grown up in the 1990s and 2000s as the computer, personal cell phone, and mobile applications came into being. I do also remember going to baseball games to buy a physical ticket at the ‘will call’ window and keeping the ticket stub as a form of memorabilia. The same could be said for receiving a boarding pass when you’re traveling to a new city or country and keeping it with you to remember when and where it was when you went there.

Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything. Yes, you may still have the option to print out what it is you need or send out birthday cards, wedding invitations, college diplomas to enjoy the momentous occasions that come up throughout our lives, but when it comes to our day-to-day needs, we increasingly rely on digital wallets, QR codes, mobile applications, and smartphones to get the job done.

You could argue that given how present a reality climate change is in our current era that not using paper or plastic to protect our trees and wildlife is a positive step, but I would argue that everything has an environmental effect including our smartphones, smartwatches, and computers. Using less paper and plastic is overall a good thing but my concern these days is that it seems like we are not being given a choice to have either option.

I like to keep physical / paper records, when possible, up to a point whether for personal, financial, or medical reasons. It is hard to do that when you are only allowed to use a digital record for your files, which may not be as permanent or as secure. Maybe physical records are never 100% secure either but at least you know that you are the only one that has access to it or people you trust who you give access to as well.

When it comes to digital records or files, there is a cost involved in building up the security and safety measures around those sensitive records, and it is never 100% secure regardless of how many firewalls or barriers you put up. There have been numerous data breaches, hacks, and manipulation of people’s digital records, and that will be a cause for concern going forward as we increasingly go to a digital-first world where our first go to is a swipe of smart phone instead of the stroke of a pen. I believe that each person should have the option though to go forward with having both options of having a physical as well as a digital copy rather than having to choose between the two options.

There are always going to be external costs involved with both physical records (paper, plastic, etc. or digital records (computer, smartphones, smartwatches, wi-fi enabled devices). The key for the future is how to minimize these harmful costs whether to the environment, to our safety and security, or to our mental health as well when it comes to using either option. Those costs need to be factored in to how much we pay to use them and whether the competition can be fairer as companies vie to be both ethical and responsible in how they use our records, physical or digital.

Having a choice at the end of the day between physical v. digital when it comes to our personal data and records should be advocated for to companies and other entities before we give them access to our information and our wallets. The lack of an option to choose who, when, where, what, why, and how our data is obtained and shared should change especially as we increasingly rely on digital services and products to power our daily lives.

For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the QR code or barcode went from being used to scan items that we buy to allowing customers to read menus, see advertisements, subscribe to a new service, and have access to a unique link to sign-up for events and workshops. While in the interest of public health, the QR code utilization helped maintained social distance protocols and assisted in keeping workers safe by limiting contact with clients, however, QR codes have not really gone away in the post-pandemic era and are still being substituted for real person-to-person interaction.

Not only can you see your dinner menu on a QR code, but you scan your movie or concert ticket without needing a paper ticket or printout copy of it, you can also use it to order food or drinks or shop from that QR code without needing a catalog or a store magazine or a customer service employee to help you with the transaction. The rise of self-checkouts, automated service to order what we want and when we want, and being able to pay or reserve or check out with our phone alone is not just creating less paper but also the need for less person-to-person interaction.

Without being someone who yearns for the good old days, but you used to be able to order from a paper menu, get your ticket collected and stub ripped off for you to keep, and be able to pay with cash at a business without worrying if it was card or Apple / Google Pay only. Less paper and plastic are not a bad thing, but I do think it’s healthy from a social interaction point of view and as the world digitalizes and automates, I also think we will be less comfortable making small talk or socializing with those we don’t know who provide us with a service or a product.

There are real security concerns with an increasingly digital only world that have their own potential costs and drawbacks to consider as well. I hope that even as technology continues to advance with automation and artificial intelligence surpassing our own human capabilities, we will not allow ourselves to be robbed of our choice especially when it comes to how we receive our mail, pay our bills, buy our products, or if we can opt to talk to someone at the checkout register instead of self-check-out because we believe that 2-3 minutes we talk to a worker there is better than that 30 seconds or 1 minute we do it ourselves but without talking to anyone and with no one to maybe brighten our day a bit or make small talk with.

Losing that choice of digital vs. physical records or information would be detrimental in the long run. We should know of the environmental, security, and mental health costs involved if we tip too far in one direction or the other, but I think given that we are social creatures and we enjoy the physical touch of a book, a magazine, a letter, or even a ticket to a baseball game, let’s not try to go to 100% digital especially for those of us who remember when information was primarily shared physically.

It’s a complex era that we are currently living through, and it appears that we are transitioning slowly but surely to a digital-only world. However, my hope is that we allow ourselves to choose how much or little as individuals we opt into this ‘brave new world’. We may not be nostalgic now, but something tells me we would miss our scrapbooks, our photo albums, our book collection, and even our baseball tickets, and boarding passes if they were up in the ‘Cloud’ protected by facial recognition and multi-factor authentication instead. That’s not the world I wish for us to have in the future and that our choice(s) to opt-out will never go away.

Tempering The Ego

“Ego, to me, is a holistic sense of our abilities, capabilities, and our possibilities. For the ego to not go out of control, it has to be tamed and to be done so repeatedly.”

The Ego can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. It can drive us forward to make progress in different areas of your lives, but it can also detract from us by setting our expectations too high and in not actually challenging ourselves to see if our ego is being realistic. Ego, to me, is a holistic sense of our abilities, capabilities, and our possibilities. For the ego to not go out of control, it has to be tamed and to be done so repeatedly.

When the Ego is not tamed, it has an unhealthy tendency to run wild. Your Ego can grow, often unhealthily, when you leave it to be unchallenged. I have found that those people with the biggest Egos in life are the ones who never challenge themselves to back it up in a real way. The Ego can inflate our sense of self to the point where we are actively deluding ourselves with who we want to be without taking account of who we really are.

Everyone has an ‘Ego’ or Latin for ‘I’ and as world-renowned psychologist Sigmund Freud pointed out1, we each have a perception of our ‘self’ that will differ often from how others would perceive us. Our ‘Ego’ or our ‘I’ is often about our physical self, the sum of our experiences, our innate abilities, and our drive to get ahead in life. The ego can grow, or it can shrink, often based on how we alone view ourselves, but it also is reflective of how others see us and what they expect of us. The Ego must be kept in check because it can inflate or deflate based on what we tell ourselves about who we are and how others tell us who we are. The Ego is malleable and can be different on the day based on what we experience or what happens to us.

You can have an excellent day one day where you win a sports competition, gain a promotion at work, or overcome a challenge that you previously thought was impossible. One good day can massively inflate our Egos and while it is good to boost one’s Ego and be proud of what you accomplished and how hard you worked, you should still have that sense of humility and understand that one good day does not mean that you are suddenly God’s gift to Earth.

The same can be said of when you have a terrible day such as perhaps you failed an important test or exam, a work presentation you gave wasn’t received well, or you had someone insult you or talk down to you. These kinds of events, especially in the same day, can really wound your Ego and your self-worth. While bad events can hurt you, you should not totally give up your Ego or sense of ‘self’ from them as that would be disastrous. One bad day does not have to be a referendum on the sum of your entire life. Your Ego has to be resilient, when it is both humbled and challenged, and this should happen on a daily basis.

My firm belief is that you should never get too low or get too high when it comes to the self or your Ego. You have to constantly remind yourself of what you do well on, what you need to work on, and what you have no experience or ability with. For example, I like to think that I’m a good writer at this point, but some articles have turned out better than I expected, and some have been worse than I thought. Despite how I perceive my written work and how others do so, I can continue to work on my style, syntax, and substance, and I can expand my writing focus to challenge myself that I may have previously avoided on different topics that are new to me.

I also think of how one’s Ego needs to be challenged especially in a new activity or hobby that you have picked up. A good way to think about the Ego is to challenge it in different ways by putting yourself out there physically for yourself to be tested in that manner. One example of this is to train in the martial arts where your body is being challenged. You may weightlift, run, or consider yourself athletic, but it’s a good way to measure yourself against others when you are training against other people who have been doing it for a while and who could be bigger or stronger than you.

It does not mean that you won’t become better as a martial artist, but you should temper the Ego by challenging those practitioners who know more, can teach you new skills and abilities, and who you can face off with even when you are getting beaten for a while by them. Whether it’s’ boxing, jiu jitsu, krav maga, or kickboxing, I think any martial arts, whichever one(s) you choose, are a great way to temper one’s Ego. This is because you’ll see just how exactly you measure up against other fighters, especially if you’re new to the sport, and while you may think you are strong, fast, or have great stamina, you won’t truly know if that is the case or not until you step on the mat or into the ring.

The same could be said when you challenge your Ego mentally such as when you try to learn something new or adapt a new skillset that you know nothing about. I find that learning a new language is a way to temper my Ego in a healthy manner because every language, while they have some similarities, are also quite different and cause me to adapt how I learn that language, and the kinds of difficulties I’ll have when learning it based on how the language is written or spoken.

While I may be great at learning Spanish and am comfortable there, I can throw my Ego for a loop by learning a non-romance language such as German. I can brag that I can speak one or two foreign languages well after a lot of practice and that fuels my Ego but so that it doesn’t get too fragile, I temper it by learning a different language or trying to advance my Spanish or other learned language with more advanced material.

The Ego is constantly changing and evolving because our sense of self is different daily. The key is to not let it grow too big without putting yourself out there and being challenged or by deluding yourself by not ever trying anything new by putting your mental or physical abilities to the test. The best way to temper the Ego is to constantly challenge it both physically and mentally to have a more accurate measure of yourself against other peers in your field(s) or area(s) of expertise.

You should not ever ignore your Ego as it is your sense of ‘self’ and how you fit into the world, but rather you should not think of yourself as either the best or the worst in anything without going out into the world and seeing where exactly you fit in. As the popular expression goes, “you’ll never know until you try” and when it comes to the Ego or self, you must be testing yourself and by extension, testing your Ego to temper it or and keep it in check. The worst thing to do to yourself when it comes to the Ego is to continue to delude yourself by not trying, never challenging yourself, or not trying to go beyond the standards that you have set for yourself.

Source:

1.) https://www.britannica.com/topic/ego-philosophy-and-psychology

Why A Digital Detox Is Good For You

“It is a great chance to recenter yourself, focus more on what matters to you whether it is more time spent with family or friends, or just to be more present with the world around us without staring at our phone, computer, or even our smartwatch.”

We are not meant to be on our digital devices 24 / 7 / 365 a year. I think a key part of realizing how our digital lives are so integral to who we are nowadays is to take some time away from them whenever possible. On a recent vacation I was on, I was able to be without cell service or an internet connection for a week. I do have to say that while the first day or two was difficult, it became nice to be out of reach for a while. It is a great chance to recenter yourself, focus more on what matters to you whether it is more time spent with family or friends, or just to be more present with the world around us without staring at our phone, computer, or even our smartwatch.

Now, in work or in school, we are always expected to be plugged in and reachable even when we might not want to be. However, if you’re on a break, a vacation, or it’s the weekend, I do believe that is a good time to have a digital detox where you can put your devices away. A day, a week, or even a month, is not asking too much to get away from your emails, your social media, or your mobile applications. In that time away, you can really interact with the physical world more fully, feel more present with what you are doing, and it is likely to be healthier for you to devote more time to walking, hiking, playing sports. Instead of reading Twitter or X now, you can read some books. Instead of listening to Spotify, you can play some records or some CDs on your speakers to gain a greater appreciation of the music you like.

In addition, you will have more time to pick up a new skill like playing the guitar, focusing more on your home life with fixing up your apartment or house if it has been neglected, and you can take full advantage of spending more time with friends and family. Digital detox is not so much unplugging from technology forever but temporarily taking some time away to focus on other parts of your life that may have been neglected due to your time spent online. It is hard for most of us to realize this fact, but we likely spend 4-5 hours a day online especially if we have classes or must work online for our jobs.

On top of video games, streaming TV and movies, and the rise of augmented and virtual reality headsets, we are on the path to being more present virtually than being present physically. There is such an endless amount of content that we are exposed to when online that it can be overwhelming for us. If you find that you are too wrapped up in your emails, your Instagram feed, your TikTok videos, or just not being able to pull away from your computer to get enough sunlight and fresh air, you could use a digital detox.

After my week away from being on my laptop, phone, and tablet, I felt lighter in the sense that I was not so overburdened by the constant stream of emails, updates, reminders, news updates, and overall wave of notifications that come with being plugged in. You really live more in the moment when you don’t have your devices with you or in my case, not being able to connect to WIFI or the 5G connection while we are on vacation. Overall, this is a good thing to happen in my view. If someone needs to reach out to us, a regular phone call is still possible or if it’s an emergency, you can enable texts or messages to come through to you.

However, there are many activities and hobbies to do without needing to be online as you’ll soon find out when doing your digital detox.
I encourage you when you go on vacation from work or school to leave your phone and computer on silent or off or even leave it at home. You’ll be surprised on how much you don’t miss it after 1-2 days of the initial FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) hurdle. You will likely be more present with others, more engaged with the world, and more aware of what you are actively doing without the necessary digital distraction or allure that the smartphone, smartwatch, or laptop has on us.

Yes, we do need our digital devices most days, if not every day, but if you can at least take the weekend off, or take a few hours where you’re unreachable, then that is also a good form of digital detoxing. I do recommend using a week or two each year to not be reachable via your devices or to not use them at least for Internet, email, or any mobile applications.

That week or two where you’re fully unplugged will do a world of good for you and your loved ones who could join you to be fully present with you. You’re likely to be closer to one another, enjoy doing more things together, and really appreciate what the physical world has to offer whereas you’re not really thinking anymore about what’s going on online or what kind of digital content you’re potentially missing.

Lastly, we should remember that for hundreds, if not, thousands of years, everybody got on pretty well living their daily lives without being able to have the Internet, computers, or TikTok. They managed to do just fine in the world without the digital age. I think it is good for each of us to remind ourselves that we can get by fine without our devices, if only for a short while. Overall, It is good in my view to be free of technology here and there because as much as we rely on it more and more nowadays, it is not the end all, be all for our lives here.

Be Interested and Be Interesting

“How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions.”

Making small talk can be a necessary yet tedious part of daily life. It sometimes may not come naturally to you, and it can be forced at times. However, it is a courteous and polite way to get to know people who are complete strangers to you and to show that you are not oblivious to their presence around you. While ‘small talk’ often revolves around the weather, a simple ‘hello, how are you?’ or just mentioning something about the time of day, the commute to work or school, or maybe a small compliment to brighten their day, it can sometimes lead to a good conversation and even a new friend.

How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions. You can take a general comment on the weather to ask if they are used to that kind of weather or if it is new for them. That can lead to a talk about their hometown or where they currently live or if they are just visiting on travel. You would be surprised how a seemingly small question can lead to a wide-ranging and deeper conversation. A comment about the traffic or commute to your work can lead to a discussion on what could be improved about the roads, the transportation options, or if remote work would make things easier for you and the other person.

Even just asking for the time of the day can lead you to asking about their watch (if they have one), if their day is going well or not, and perhaps a comment on if the day is going fast or slow for them since we can tend to perceive time’s passing differently from one another. Key to taking ‘small talk’ to what could be considered ‘medium talk’, or a genuine conversation is to listen intently, wait until they are finished speaking, and follow up with a question or a comment relevant to what they told you.

If you are in a rush, are having a bad day, or are just not in the mood to continue the conversation, you can let it end after the ‘small talk’ or pleasant greeting or two. However, if you feel like you would like to get to know the other person or group of people better, make sure to listen, let them finish, and ask a question about them (within reason), or like the general comment(s) you made, and keep the conversation going for a while longer.

You should not have to do all the work in the conversation and if it is running its course, politely excuse yourself and say goodbye and that it was nice to meet them. Conversations naturally start and end but if you would like to be more social, make a new friend, or just put yourself out there in the world more, you must ‘be interested’ in those around you. You should do your best to refrain from making the conversation all about you at first and what you’re up to. Naturally, that should make its way into the conversation but if you started talking to this person, you would like to get to know them more, then, I believe you should be interested in who they are, find out more about them, and get to know them beyond just the time of the day, the weather forecast, or how their day is generally going.

Even if you feel like you don’t know much about their work, school, hobbies, interests, or where they are from, it shouldn’t prevent the conversation from continuing as you can show curiosity about their background and try to learn more about them from themselves. If there is anything I have learned about my own social life, people like to talk about themselves and will be happy to answer questions about themselves if done in a polite and respectful manner. It’s important to know someone’s boundaries especially if they are still somewhat of a stranger to you but usually, they’ll be willing to share a lot about who they are, where they are from, what they like to do in their free time, and what gets them excited about life in general.

If you feel like your social life could use a boost, I recommend being more interested in others and you should start to feel like you’re making progress in your conversations. Now, it should not be so one sided that they know nothing about you as that would be a bit odd as they’ll likely want to ask you the same questions in response. The conversation should not feel like a one-sided interrogation or a job interview. There should be a natural give and take where you both are interested in each other and you are letting each other answer questions, talk about possible mutual interests, and even discussing if your personal backgrounds overlap at all.

The 2nd part of a successful beginning of any kind of positive first impression is to ‘be interesting’, which I know is a broad statement to make but you should have things to talk about to that person. You should know a little bit about where you’re from, talk about what excites you about life whether that’s a particular hobby, interest, or activity you like to do. Your life will often involve work or school or both at the same time, but I would recommend making yourself interesting beyond what you do to make a living. If you like traveling, let the person ask you about where you’ve been. If you enjoy learning languages, discuss which ones. If you like to build bird houses or molding ceramic pottery, discuss the process(es) involved in getting either activity done.

While you should be interested in other people to get to know them and have interesting conversations, don’t be shy to discuss who you are in return. You should have a life that is beyond work or school even if it is a large part of our lives. If you don’t have many hobbies or interests, perhaps pivot to what goal(s) you have for the future. It is easier when you have a lot on going on in terms of your outside interests, activities, or hobbies, so that is where the ’be interesting’ comes into play.

You don’t have to be doing something cool, exciting, or fascinating every day, but I find it is easier to build a friendship or relationship when you can share something that you are passionate about and can even include them in on. Whether it is traveling together, going on a hike, building something out of wood or metal, or maybe playing a sport, you can show you are an interesting individual. You can also show that you are inclusive too by allowing yourself to show that hobby or interest to the other person and see if they would enjoy doing that with you as a result. They can also let you join in on what they enjoy doing as well giving you a new hobby or interest that you can learn more about, partake in, and build upon with that other person as well.

Being social may not come naturally or easily to some of us but I think a good way to make it easier is to ‘be interested’ in who they are, what they do, and how they came to be who they are today. Once you do that, you can show that you can ‘be interesting’ with what you enjoy doing in life and that you would like them to be involved or help them learn about it and see if it is something they want to try. I think these are two good ways to be better socially and can lead you to building stronger friendships and relationships as a result.

What is ‘True Wealth’?

“I believe the key is being able to maximize wealth in both facets as much as possible without sacrificing one or the other too much.”

There is a standard definition of ‘wealth’ as a concept: An abundance of valuable possessions, money, or other resources to the degree that it causes prosperity. However, what is prosperity to you may not be prosperity to others. I like to think of wealth is not an abundance not just of material possessions or of money or of how much you can acquire but also how much you value what inherently belongs to you. What I mean by that is your time, your health, and your freedom. While building wealth is key to having success in life, there are other facets to wealth that we can neglect if you are not careful.

Wealth will come with sacrifices whether it is your time, your freedom, or your health as there are tradeoffs involved. You’ll find that to become more prosperous, you may have to sacrifice time, freedom, or health to build that wealth up whether in the form of money, resources, or material possessions. I believe the key is being able to maximize wealth in both facets as much as possible without sacrificing one or the other too much.

In order to gain more money, you may have to sacrifice your time in the sense that you exchange your time to earn money or you are not as free to do what you want each day because you have to work a job, grow your business, or learn new skills in order to earn the money to become wealthy. The same could be said of your health whereas you may have to sacrifice the time you could use to invest in your own health to build material or resource wealth with the time you put in to earn money or other assets. That time that could be used to be spent at the gym, on a run, going on a hike, or practicing a sport could go to your job or your business or investing into a new asset.

If you can find out what you truly value and what you want to maximize in terms of your wealth, make sure you prioritize it to have true wealth for you. For example, if fancy cars, big houses, and a lot of material possessions appeal to you, maybe you don’t mind putting a lot more time into working for that, putting your health on the backburner, and sacrificing certain freedoms to do what you must instead of what you want to. On the contrary, if you care less about possessions, material wealth, but still want to be comfortable in terms of money or investments, then maybe you can work less, focus on your health and free time more, and exercising more freedoms to do what you want with the extra time you have as a result.

You should decide what kind of wealth is best for you. What truly will make you happy, what you are passionate about in life, and what you want to get most out of life, you’ll be able to build that true wealth. I think the key for anyone is to maximize the 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week as much as possible. If you can build your wealth passively to get some of your time back, that is a key advantage in my view to having true wealth too. When you can be financially successful by having multiple sources of income, multiple options to build wealth, and with some or a lot of autonomy in your work or business pursuits, that really can be an advantage in not only being successful but happy too.

Wealth is not just about being financially well off but also about being well off in other areas including health, time, and exercising freedom in what you do and how you do it. There is a distinct difference between someone who must rely on others for their wealth building and someone who is able to create their own opportunities or build their own means of wealth in a business, in real estate, or in investments that can create more freedoms rather than slowly eliminate them.

You can have as many possessions as possible, houses, cars, and money in the world but if you have no free time, no health, or no autonomy in what you do or how you earn that wealth, then you may need to reassess if that is the true wealth that you want out of life. I hope that you’ll rethink what wealth means to you because only you can decide what you would like to prioritize as you build it. You must consider that sacrifices will have to be made, that time, money, and health are all commodities that can be saved or lost depending on what you prioritize these days.

I only ask that you realize that having the freedom to do what you want and when you want is underrated. It is a form of wealth within itself along with keeping your health in good shape as long as possible even if you must sacrifice some time or freedom as a result. Consider that you can be very wealthy in the material sense but if you are unhealthy, working all the time, and have to answer to others in order to keep building that wealth, are you truly wealthy or is it only one kind of wealth that you have?

Think about what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are willing to earn, and how to passively build on the wealth you want to earn to save more time and freedoms that can be used for health, time spent with family and/or friends, or enjoying what the world has to offer outside of your own wealth building. Wealth takes many forms as I mentioned so remember that while we often think of money, cars, houses, and other assets, we should remember that wealth can be time spent away from an office to enjoy a vacation, wealth can be an extra hour in the day to use the gym or go for a hike, wealth can be starting businesses that matter to you with hours of work that you set for yourself and only you can hold yourself accountable for. Think about the wealth that you want to build throughout your life and how you want to make it work for you.

Trust Is The Foundation

“Trust is the bedrock that glues our society together. It is the foundation for which our relationships are built on.”

Without trust, there can be nothing. Trust is the bedrock that glues our society together. It is the foundation for which our relationships are built on. Once that bedrock is ruptured, it can never fully heal again. This is why we place such a high value on it because it can be hard to find or even replicate whether in business or in work or in our lives in general. We learn from a young age the value of keeping our word, being accountable for our actions, and being part of a team or a whole.

If we cannot make a promise, we shouldn’t keep it. We learn not to overpromise, undersell, or to bite off more than we can chew in what we can be relied upon for. Whether it is a secret between friends, a business deal that should remain private, or our duty to uphold a certain standard in our professional lives, the ideal of trust is at the center of how we are expected to act and behave. Trust can be earned over time and can take months, years, or even decades to build on it but while it is hard to gain trust initially, it can last a very long time with repeated adherence.

However, once the trust is broken between people or groups or societies, it can never truly be fully healed again as it once was. While verbal trust is a key part of our lives, we often go above and beyond to string together the bonds of trust more deeply. We shake hands to formalize a deal, sign the terms and conditions of an agreement, have legal papers, lawyers, and the ‘fine print’ drawn up, so the trust given and received is as clear as day. There are multiple ways to establish trust with each other but there are just as many ways that trust can be broken too if you are not careful.

It is not just our work lives or business success that depends on the trust established within them but also our personal relationships. If you are not seen as trustworthy but those people who are closest to you, it is likely that will extend outwards to other kinds of relationships in your life. It is vital to maintain your trustworthiness across the board regardless of how fleeting the ties to the other person or group are. While our relationships, business dealings, and professional ties will all begin and come to an end, our reputation precedes us throughout our lives, and it is important to keep your trustworthiness intact as you navigate the years and decades of who you meet and who you establish connections with.

Trust is not only about keeping your word or telling the truth to someone else or acting in an honest matter, but it is also about not promising something that you can’t deliver on or embellishing or making up falsehoods to earn the other person’s trust. You may think you are able to take an action or provide something or to promise a result but if you cannot guarantee it 100%, it’s best to pull back and let that person or group know that it is not entirely possible. How often have you heard that expression, “don’t make a promise that you know you can’t keep.”

It’s not only about breaking a promise that shatters trust but also trying at something that you said would happen and guaranteeing its success without being realistic about the odds or about if you could deliver the intended result without error, delay, or setbacks. You not only have to be honest with other people to establish trust but also honest with yourself and what you can and what you cannot do for them.

Our own ego can sometimes hurt our own trustworthiness because we are biased in believing we can do more or be more or accomplish more than what we can do when we make a promise. It can be difficult to reign back our promises to others and to pull back our own ego when it comes to what we are capable of. However, it is necessary to keep our trust alive with the other group or person with whom you are dealing with. I believe it is better to hurt our own ego when it comes to being realistic about the promises or the actions, we can accomplish rather than to lie or to embellish or to delay the unrealistic promises that were made, which hurts that trust or even breaks it completely. When the trust is broken, the other person won’t think you’re honest or reliable or even a good person so that is why trust itself is the foundation for which any kind of relationship is built upon.

Trust being the foundation of an individual’s relationships is key, but it also portends to our society and our world. Shared values, beliefs, and rules are built on trust in that if you will follow them and obey them so will everyone else living in that society. If that trust is broken in the sense that there are rules for me and you, but not for them, then that trust in one another starts to erode. Basic civility, courteousness, respect for laws and rules, and overall trust builds society up and when promises are broken, when double standards are common, and when one party or group holds unfair advantages over another group, without any kind of recourse or change made to make the society fairer, then the society will suffer as a result.

It is no accident that more productive and successful societies and countries function at a higher level, and it comes down a high level of trust between its citizens regardless of age, gender, race, socioeconomic background, etc. When trust is shared by all to play by the rules and do the right thing for each other, then that society and/or country will flourish as a result. How can a society establish strong economic ties, pass new laws that are enforced for all, and foster a strong education system that works for all? if it is not built on that fundamental trust that we are to look out for one another rather than to take advantage of one another instead.

If you can read this article knowing that your trust for your fellow man or woman is high and that they can rely on you as you would rely on them, then you’re in good shape where you are with the trust of your society. However, if your trust in your fellow man or woman is waning and you are skeptical of other people’s intentions often, well, then unfortunately, your society has a lot of work to do to rebuild and strengthen that fundamental trust. You should be part of that change by helping to build up the trust in one another again where you are at rather than to keep poking holes in the foundation or to tear it down completely. The choice is yours to make.

Treating Every Day as a Gift

“While it does no good to dwell endlessly on our own mortality and ponder how long we get to have our existence on this planet, we should take heed each day when we wake up in the morning and when we lie down at night just how special it is to be alive and breathing.”

Recent events in my life have reminded me just how fragile and precious life itself is to me. As you get older and the years start to speed up rather than slow down, you start to realize more and more just how fast time flies and how fleeting life can be. While it can be easy to get bogged down in the day-to-day routines and the busyness of what we have in our own schedules, there’s no denying that we only have so long to live, and we should remember that we are not going to be around forever. It does no good to dwell endlessly on our own mortality and ponder how long we get to have our existence on this planet. We should take heed each day when we wake up in the morning and when we lie down at night just how special it is to be alive and breathing.

Our mere existence at miraculous odds through multiple generations of ancestors who came before us is a clear reminder how miraculous it is to have the gift of life. It can be easy to lose perspective on how the state of being alive rather than the opposite is so special, unique, and wonderful that we can take it for granted. Even when life inevitably throws its challenges, obstacles, and setbacks at you, it is important to slow down, take a deep breath, and remember that this too shall pass, and that having life is always worth the struggles and suffering involved.

I believe that instead of getting caught up in going through the motions, checking all the boxes, and waiting for the next day to begin, try to take a minute or even a few minutes to reflect on the fact that you are in the here and now, reading this article, being able to breathe, eat, drink, and be part of humanity as so many who have come before you. Life is a miracle when you really think about it, and you only have one life to live. Make peace with the fact that life is not forever, our bodies are mortal, and what we should not let trivialities, gossip, and regrets swallow us up as we live and breathe.

Remember to make peace and share love with those closest to you because they such as yourself are mortal too and will not be around forever. Try not to hold grudges, feed off your resentments, dwell endlessly on what’s past in your life. You should try as much as you can to be present in the moment, appreciate what blessings life has given you, and enjoy the beauty and wonder of what living in this world means. We all know that life isn’t perfect and that many days in our lives are a struggle where we might be treading water unsure of where we’re headed, what the meaning of it all is, and how can live a life that others will remember.

Try not to dwell on those questions endlessly but rather strive to be the best person you can be. If you’re a brother, be a better brother. If you’re a mother or a father, be a better parent to your child or children. If you’ve done wrong, atone for what you did and seek forgiveness from others. You can never truly right past wrongs, but you can strive to be better in your life from there on out. Be willing to tell your family and your friends that you care and love them if they have been there for you as much as you have been there for them. Life is precious and fleeting not only for us as the narrative of our own journey through this world but also for those others we love and cherish who we share our precious life with.

Treating every day as a gift even when life is hard will make you more appreciative, grateful, and reflective on what truly matters during our existence. We do not know when our time will come to say goodbye to this world so you should always strive to live true to who you are and to leave this world better than you found it. I encourage you to take a moment or two before you get out of bed or fall asleep to reflect on what life you have led so far.

If you are content with your life and have made the most of it, you are on your way to building a fulfilling canvas that will be bright, colorful, and detailed. If you are not content with how life has gone, think about what joys you’ve had so far, how life could be more fulfilling, and what you can do to improve upon it as it is never too late to make our one life the best it can be. Do not get discouraged by mortality and that our existence may be finite.

Take comfort in knowing that your life, however small it may seem in the grand scheme of our universe, influenced those around you and that the world was changed by your place in it. You may not be remembered a thousand years from now after you’re gone, but you will always know deep down inside what kind of life you led while you were here, in its good and bad times, joys and sorrows, its pleasures and pains. Hopefully, you may be able to rest in eternal peace knowing that the life you had lived, regardless of its days, months, years, or even a century or more, it was worth the gift of life itself.  

The Case Against Hyper-Individualism

“You can be an individualistic person but that does not excuse selfish or amoral behavior at all.”

It is not inherently bad to look out for yourself and your own interests. How many times have you heard that you have to “be a better friend to yourself” or to “take care of yourself?” If you can’t help yourself, then how can you help others out? The key thing to keep in mind with being individualistic is that while it can help you as a person, you should always remember that it does not mean neglecting, hurting, or disadvantaging others in the process. You can be an individualistic person but that does not excuse selfish or amoral behavior at all.

I would argue that hyper-individualism has become more and more common in our society and has led to people being taken advantage of, scammed, lied to, or otherwise mistreated because they had someone take advantage of them because they were acting in their own interest but without regards for others who were affected. If I had to give my own definition of what distinguishes hyper-individualism from individualism is that in the former, you are looking out for yourself only without regards for others or you are looking out for yourself even if it may cause other people to be negatively affected by your focus on individualistic behavior.

While it is okay in my view to strive to achieve your own goals, seek out a better life, find your own path, and to not be dependent on others if you can afford to do so. It is not okay to hurt others in the process by robbing them of their own goals, their own chance at seeking a better life, and even preventing them from building a community where the individual takes a back seat to the interests of a group.

I find that hyper-individualism is similar to a ‘dog eat dog’ kind of world where everybody is on their own all the time, there is limited or no support if you fall on tough times, and where communal living or community-building is sacrificed for individual power seeking, wealth gaining, or prestige building. Caring about oneself alone and not others at all or not caring if your own goals, success, and overall happiness may put others in a bad place can also fall under what hyper individualism would be to me.

I believe that most people cannot be hyper individualistic because since the early days of our species, we could not live on our own without the support of a tribe, group, or a small community. Everybody had their own individual wants, desires, or needs, but we worked together to achieve those needs by catering to our individual strengths. Each person brought something unique or useful to the larger group and that is where individualism can play a healthy role within a community. If you can hunt, you can provide food to yourself, yes, but also to others if you are good at what you do. If you can fish, you can fish enough to help yourself but also for others in the tribe too. The same could be said for cooking, cleaning, protecting livestock, building shelter, etc.

This kind of individualism where we express ourselves in what we do best and how we can contribute meaningfully to a larger group, community, or society helps to make individualism a powerful force, often for good. Where hyper-individualism goes wrong is where you only look out for yourself and don’t share with anybody else or lend a helping hand with your skills and talents. It is not good to hoard or be greedy but that is what hyper individualistic behavior is based around and the disturbing thing to remember is that it seems to be encouraged more and more by our popular culture.

Think about the advertising and marketing messages we often receive: do they cater to your needs or to the needs of a group? When society is largely telling you to constantly be going after the money, the cars, the clothes, and the fancy mansions, this kind of behavior often leads to hyper-individualism. Sadly, we don’t hear about how we can use our skills to help others or to volunteer to use our resources for a shared good or effort. It is up to us to resist hyper individualistic behavior as much as possible.

Hyper-individualism may make that person feel good at first, but it is an empty feeling especially if they are not contributing anything meaningful to the larger society. Yes, you were able to buy a nice car, a flashy television, and an expensive house, but while that’s good for you and your own skills and abilities, is that all there is to your life? For a few of us, maybe that’s good enough, but I believe that we feel happiest and most fulfilled when we not only share our talents with the world, but we use those talents to also better the world in some way.

Individualistic societies and more community-focused societies can both be wealthy, happy, and productive, but if you go to the extremes of individualism or to communism, to state the obvious, societies will often crater in on themselves and cease to function well. I like to think that the best societies in our world are those that recognize, encourage, and foster individual talent but to use that talent to create a better society and to make sure that success while rewarded financially or otherwise, is also meant to help others receive a helping hand up so they too can also succeed and pursue their individual dreams and goals.

My analogy for hyper-individualism is if you’re in a rowboat and you have six people in the boat, and we’re all meant to row to get to the shore. Problems can start to arise when you have five people rowing in sync together and starting to move the boat faster and faster to the shore. However, if that sixth person does not row at all because he or she does not want to or if they want to row back out to sea, all six people as a result are going to suffer together because of that one person’s hyper-individualism.

Think of that rowboat of six people like a society of a million or a billion people. If you have one person or a few people ‘rowing’ against the others and hurting the total society as a result, the problems even a few people can cause would affect everyone in that boat or in the society negatively. Let’s all remember that we all rise or fall together and that while individual success, wealth, and prestige, is admirable to achieve, it is not everything in life and we are judged not just by our own merits but by our character and our values as well in society.