Tag: choices

Thinking of Life Like It’s a Cup of Turkish Coffee

“Similarly to life itself, I find that the Turkish coffee experience is a lot like life and perhaps even more so than a box of chocolates (no offense to any Forrest Gump fans).”

I love Turkish coffee. Its roast, its scent, its strength, and subtle sweetness that I can’t get enough of. I don’t even mind the times I drink too much, leaving bitter remains on my tongue. I’m not too bothered by it because sometimes you must taste the bitter ends to get the sweetness out of most of the coffee you drink. Turkish coffee is unique, the jolt and caffeine rush unlike any other I’ve experienced in the world. Similarly to life itself, I find that the Turkish coffee experience is a lot like life and perhaps even more so than a box of chocolates (no offense to any Forrest Gump fans).

Preparing Turkish coffee to be served is an art, requiring patience, precision, and care, qualities life demands from us as well. The finely ground beans must be measured just right, water poured with attention, and heat applied slowly to coax out the perfect brew without letting it boil over. A slight misstep can change the flavor entirely, just as small choices in life can ripple into large consequences. Stirring the coffee gently, watching the foam rise, and letting it rest before serving mirrors the need to pause, reflect, and nurture the moments that matter most. In both coffee and life, the effort put into preparation shapes the richness of the experience and skipping the process only leaves you with a bitter, incomplete taste.

Just like a cup of Turkish coffee is carefully prepared with time and attention, life rewards those who pause to notice the details. The swirling patterns at the bottom of the cup hint at what’s to come, just as small choices ripple into larger consequences. Sometimes, life surprises you with unexpected flavors like a hint of cardamom, a twist of fortune, and other times it’s a sharp bitterness that makes you wince. But every sip, whether sweet or strong, shapes the experience and reminds you that the richness of life comes from paying attention, savoring the moment, and accepting the unknown.

When you first taste Turkish coffee, it’s like a jolt of pure energy and a rush that I would liken to the sun hitting your face as you wake up from a dream and when your consciousness first stirs in the morning. You try to recapture that feeling with each sip, chasing the sweetness that lingers consistently. You can even add a bit of sugar, stir it around to keep the bitterness at bay, and prolong the experience as much as you can. Life like a Turkish coffee cup is pretty small and the portion is not as big as you would expect. It’s a concentrated dose of caffeine and is a high-quality batch of brew.

Like life itself, you got to enjoy it to the fullest but also savor it at the same time. No matter your age, life rushes by, just like the last sip at the bottom of a Turkish coffee cup. Bitterness is inevitable in a Turkish coffee experience as it’s mixed in with the rest of the sweet flavor. There are bitter times in life to be had mixed in with the sweet times and as much as you try to avoid it or abstain from it, you need the bitter parts of life to truly realize how sweet the overall experience was. The bitterness reminds you to savor the good times and to not let it affect your perception of the life you had as a whole. Coffee, like life, can be bitter or strong at times, but that doesn’t mean we should stop living or stop drinking it. 

Especially towards the end of life, the bitterness is unavoidable and comes on strong. As health wanes and loved ones are lost, life goes on and you sip, and you savor it while it lasts. A good Turkish coffee is enjoyed ideally by a body of water like the Bosphorus Strait in Istanbul but ideally, it can be with a view of the ocean, the mountains, or even just on your back patio with the quiet of the day. Life, like Turkish coffee, should be embraced in all its sweetness, bitterness, and everything in between. You really don’t want to miss out on the whole experience having never fully lived it to the most extent. Don’t miss it. Drink it all.

Self-Awareness is a Key Trait to Cultivate

“In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver.”

In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver. At its core, self-awareness is simply understanding your thoughts, emotions, habits, and personal blind spots without flinching or ignoring them. It’s the ability to see yourself honestly instead of through the fog of ego, insecurity, or willful ignorance. That sounds simple, but anyone who’s confronted with their own emotional patterns knows that simple isn’t easy. In terms of personal traits that will serve you well at home, in the workplace, or in public, exercising self-awareness makes a huge difference and is a net positive in one’s life.

Self-awareness is rare today for a few reasons. First, distraction is the default setting of modern life. Between social media, nonstop notifications, and the pressure to perform instead of looking inward about their behavior, most people never slow down long enough to reflect or contemplate who they are or how they act. Secondly, ego protection kicks in for many of us. It’s uncomfortable to recognize that you might be wrong, inconsistent, reactive, or stuck in old habits that drain you or other people. Thirdly, our individualistic culture rewards projection over introspection and putting on an act over being yourself. Being loud, visible, and “on brand” is praised more than being grounded or honest with oneself. The result is a society full of people acting on autopilot, repeating the same behavioral patterns, and wondering why life keeps giving them the same lessons. Introspection is hard to do but it could help get you off an autopilot setting.

When life turns upside down, that’s exactly when self-awareness becomes most valuable. When the world is chaotic, clarity becomes a superpower. The more you understand yourself along with your triggers, your strengths, your weaknesses, your values, the better decisions you will make. You react less to external circumstances and respond more from a place of self-assurance by knowing who you are and what you want to be. Your relationships improve because you’re paying attention to how your behavior affects others. Even your career trajectory changes: self-aware people take feedback well, adapt quickly, and build trust, which quietly but consistently pushes them upward.

The good news for us all in this? Self-awareness isn’t fixed and it’s a muscle you can train. It’s a skill you can cultivate intentionally but you must make a consistent effort to do so successfully. At work, start doing quick “post-project or post-task reviews” for yourself: what went well, what drained you, what you’d do differently, what could be better next time, and how well did you work with others. Ask trusted people for feedback and instead of defending yourself, listen to what they have to say first and what they are genuinely telling you. Notice your stress triggers and learn to pause before reacting, whether it’s in meetings, emails, or elsewhere in your workplace.

I’ve had my own moments at work where I reacted prematurely instead of responding thoughtfully, only to later realize that having self-awareness could’ve saved me a headache. Instead of interrupting, acting abrasive, and preventing a real discussion, think about where they are coming from and why they think of you the way that they do. Focus on the ways that you can improve when they have legitimate critiques and suggestions for improvement in your work performance.

In your personal life, carve out time for your own reflection. Making that kind of effort will pay off tenfold by turning inwards to discover more about your mindset, your thought process, and your personal habits, good or otherwise. Even five minutes of journaling can reveal emotional patterns you never noticed. Try also meditation or silence at the beginning or end of your day and in just ten uninterrupted minutes, it can be surprisingly revealing. Pay attention to your relationships and friendships as well: where you feel energized, where you feel defensive, and where conflicts repeat with the people in your life. Life is too short to be around people who avoid self-awareness. If you are making the effort to be introspective and try to be a better person with self-awareness, you should gravitate to those people in your life who are making that effort too, friends, family or acquaintances especially.

Ultimately, self-awareness isn’t about perfection; it’s about alignment with who you are and how others see you. The more honest you are with yourself, the easier it becomes to make choices that fit the life you want. Know yourself deeply. Pause often for self-reflection. The world will stop dictating your path and you finally begin choosing it. 

Life, Subscribed: How Everything Became a Recurring Fee

“Welcome to the age of subscriptization: a world where the default mode of engagement is no longer ownership, but ongoing payment(s).”

Okay, not literally everything, but it’s certainly starting to feel that way. Remember that feeling you had as a kid or teenager picking up a compact disc (CD), a DVD, or a book from the local school fair. You paid for it only once and then you owned it for life or if you didn’t sell it to someone else or lose it entirely. I get nostalgic for those days when ownership of items was the priority in this economy. We used to buy things.

Now, we rent or subscribe to experiences, housing, streaming services, and even our identity, one monthly or yearly payment at a time. From software and streaming to meals, mattresses, and meditation, life itself has undergone a quiet revolution from owning to subscribing. Welcome to the age of subscriptization: a world where the default mode of engagement is no longer ownership, but ongoing payment(s).

At first glance, this model seems like a win to anyone. Why drop hundreds upfront on a good or service when you can pay $9.99 a month forever? Subscription services promise convenience, affordability, and flexibility, and they’ve reshaped how we consume as a society. Need entertainment? Subscribe to Netflix. Need groceries? Subscribe to weekly HelloFresh deliveries. Therapy? BetterHelp sessions, available by month or more. Transportation? Try Tesla’s subscription model. It’s not just media and goods anymore; it’s your health, your fitness, your mental well-being, and your relationships.

However, beneath the surface of ease lies a subtler transformation if you haven’t noticed it already, one that touches everything from personal finance to cultural values. Subscriptions create the illusion of choice and control while tethering us to an endless cycle of micropayments that add up over time and can lead to a financial trap. They can fragment our budgets, blur the line between need and want, and slowly chip away at your financial autonomy. When every facet of life comes with a recurring fee or payment, you may never feel “caught up” or always feel like you need to add one more service to make your life more convenient. There’s always one more plan, one more upgrade, one more renewal reminder in your inbox making it harder and harder to unsubscribe entirely.

Beyond our bank statements, the subscription model is rewiring our expectations and sense of satisfaction with our choices. We’ve become conditioned to expect instant access, regular updates, and constant novelty, whether it’s a new show to binge, a wardrobe refresh, or the latest application feature update. That “always something new” mindset can quietly foster impatience, restlessness, and even entitlement. Why wait for anything or stick with something you buy once when everything can be delivered, streamed, or unlocked for a monthly fee? This kind of mindset creates a culture that prizes immediacy over depth, reducing life’s experiences to transactions, and undermining the joy that can come from delayed gratification or from rewarding true craftmanship.

As people, we are also internalizing the logic of subscriptization in how we relate to ourselves and others. Self-improvement has become something you can subscribe to, through fitness applications, meditation platforms, career coaching, or therapy on demand. While these tools have value as subscriptions, they often position growth as something you consume, not something you do. There’s a growing risk that we start seeing our personal progress as another product, measurable, trackable, and cancelable, rather than as a slow, often uncomfortable process that lasts a lifetime.

This recent economic shift also speaks volumes about our societal mindset. In an era marked by career instability and a gig-based economy that more people must participate in to survive and make ends meet, people are more hesitant to commit entirely for the foreseeable future, whether it’s to a car, a house, or a romantic partner. Socially, we now navigate dating and relationships through platforms that resemble subscription services themselves, where matches, friends, or followers can be swiped, upgraded, or ghosted as easily as deleting your Spotify playlist.

The emotional consequences of this wide shift are still unfolding, but the early signs suggest it’s making genuine connection more fragile, and commitment feel optional entirely. Subscriptions cater to our age of societal anxiety, offering an easy way out at any time. Don’t like it? Cancel it. Swipe left. Move on. That same disposability in what we subscribe to may be eroding our sense of permanence, ownership, and investment, in both materialistic and emotional ways.

Meanwhile, companies aren’t just selling services, they’re collecting our data for months and years because of the subscription model. Every subscription is a pipeline of behavioral intelligence; when you watch, what you skip, how often you order, when you’re most likely to purchase. Algorithms then feed this data back into your shopping, dating, or entertainment experience, shaping your preferences before you even know you have them. It’s a form of consumer surveillance masquerading as personal freedom.

The subscriptization of life isn’t inherently evil, but it’s worth examining the consequences of moving more and more to a subscription-only economy. As we increasingly trade ownership for access to services and goods that we need rather than just want, and permanence for flexibility, we must ask ourselves: what are we gaining with this model, and what are we losing? Subscriptions might make life smoother, more convenient, but they can also make it shallower, more transactional, and harder to disconnect from. It is also possible that we end up paying more for these goods and services in the long run every week, month, or year, rather just one-time only.

The question isn’t whether we’ll return to owning everything again as that ship has sailed. In this new economy of access, the challenge is to subscribe with real intention, not out of pure habit. Because if everything is on auto-renew, or there’s no longer a ‘buy now’ option, it might be time to ask: who’s really in control of our choices as consumers?

More importantly, we need to consider what kind of life we’re curating through this endless stream of monthly and yearly commitments. Are we building something lasting or simply paying to keep the lights on in a lifestyle we don’t fully own? The convenience is real, especially for those who benefit from seamless access. However, so is the quiet erosion of autonomy when we outsource our decisions to algorithms, platforms, and plans we barely remember signing up for. At some point, the goal should be more than just temporary access. It must be about intentionally creating meaning, through what we purchase, who we support, and how we contribute. And meaning, as it turns out, isn’t something you can just rent or subscribe to.

Avoiding Analysis Paralysis

“We also often must think if the choice or decision we make is ‘perfect’ but to put it bluntly, no choice or decision is ever perfect.”

With the rapid pace of change and constant streams of information coming at us each day, it leads a lot of us to overthink decisions and choices to the point of inaction. There are too many choices we have to make, sometimes big and sometimes small, but we can easily get overwhelmed by the fear of making the wrong decision or if it’s better to avoid deciding altogether. We also often must think if the choice or decision we make is ‘perfect’ but to put it bluntly, no choice or decision is ever perfect.

Everyday, we are faced with hundreds or even thousands of choices such as choosing what to eat, what to wear, to what to do with your life, career, or school choices. Major life decisions should always take precedence in terms of your focus and your analysis, but you have to make the decision at some point regarding career, school, investments, and relationships. You must be able to prioritize effectively the decisions you have to make in the order of what’s more urgent and what’s most important. Smaller choices should deserve some time, but they should take away from the big choices we have to make day in and day out. Prioritization, knowing when to limit the time spent on a choice, and embracing choices or decisions that are ‘good enough’ over ‘perfect’ will help prevent you from falling into an ‘analysis paralysis.’

I believe that ‘analysis paralysis’ is more common than ever due to several factors. We have too much information and it’s overloading our thought process because it’s seemingly endless with regards to the Internet and it’s harder than ever to filter out good information from bad. The fear of missing out (FOMO) has us thinking that we have endless choices in life rather than a few immediate choices we should focus on that affect our lives.

Social media makes it seem like we have endless time or endless options to consider but we must reframe it as these are the choices I can make that are within my control and for which directly impact me. Society tends to reward those people who seem to have made the best decisions even when we know we don’t know the full story behind the choice because social media and the Internet don’t give us everything regarding how a person decided or made a choice to begin with.

Too many choices each day of life, which society can thrust upon us all at once, is a modern problem especially regarding how many streaming services, career paths, educational options, and other non-essential choices that flood our attention spans. While it’s important to make choices, you should not waste more time than you need analyzing every option out there because it would be a waste of your time.

As I mentioned earlier, to avoid analysis paralysis, you have to choose only on what you can control or have an impact on your life to decide upon immediately. You got to set time limits on these decisions you can make and are relevant to your life at the time. There is also no such thing as a ‘perfect’ choice or decision and every decision we make has positives and negatives to it as well as unknown factors that we cannot foresee upon making the choice.

You should be identifying the key factors of the choice and what impacts it’ll have from making one choice or the other, but for which truly matters rather than analyzing what could be or should be without knowing what those unknowns may lead to. Identifying what truly matters and really impacts you day to day should be priority in your decision making and should be based on relevant information that is creditable and trustworthy too.

Taking small choices or decisions can make it easier as well to handle bigger decisions but both need to be happening in your life. You can’t ignore the big choices or the small choices and often they will need to be made at the same time or same day. Breaking down your decisions and the steps that lead to them will reduce the chances of you being overwhelmed by making them. Take the decision-making process one step at a time, especially for the big decisions, will make it less daunting and give you more confidence in how you analyze the choices you have.

Limit the amount of information you expose yourself to and make sure the information you get is trustworthy before making your choice or decision. There is too much information out there for every choice we could make in this information age so make sure you trust your sources, limit them to a handful, and try to analyze both sides of the choice without delaying it too much.

By recognizing what ‘analysis paralysis’ is, how often it can affect us in our daily lives due to living through the ‘information age’ and taking steps to overcoming this paralysis one choice or decision at a time, you can improve the quality of your life immensely. Go easy on yourself and try to make the best decisions you can with the best information you can get. We all make mistakes in our choices and our decisions because we’re human but it’s important also to learn from past mistakes and do the best we can each day we make a choice or decision.

Control What You Can Control

“Instead of trying to change things that we cannot control, it is best to focus solely on things that we can control and hope that we can make a positive impact on the people around us and the wider world through this kind of ‘ripple effect.’”

There is only so much that we have control over in our lives. We are constantly being influenced and affected by factors outside of our control for which we may not even have any awareness of. There are events that take place each day of our lives that can change our trajectory without us even knowing. We try to make sense of the lack of control we have but it does no good to constantly be wishing things were different if you were to have control where none exists. Instead of trying to change things that we cannot control, it is best to focus solely on things that we can control and hope that we can make a positive impact on the people around us and the wider world through this kind of ‘ripple effect.’

Life is unpredictable each day, filled with uncertainties and unknowns that can provoke anxiety, frustration, and stress within us. From work pressures to global events, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by circumstances that appear beyond our control or influence. In this chaotic and ever-changing world, I believe it’s important to adopt the mindset of “control what you can control” to foster both resilience and personal fulfillment. By focusing on what is within our reach, we gain clarity on what is most important, reduce stress, and strengthen both our mental and physical health, preparing us to navigate the complexities of life.

It’s natural to feel compelled to try to control everything or as much as we can in life, especially in a world that rewards constant achievement and control over one’s surroundings. However, trying to control things that lie outside our influence can lead to a never-ending cycle of frustration and disappointment. Conversely, focusing on what we can control allows us to feel grounded and empowered, fostering inner peace despite external turbulences.

By narrowing our focus on what we have control over, we can manage our energies better and put it toward actions that genuinely make a difference in our lives and for those around us. Concentrating on our own responses, attitudes, and habits lets us sidestep the paralyzing effect of factors beyond our control. This approach is about freeing us from wasting energy on things that simply cannot be changed. Adopting this mindset is not about giving up or avoiding the ills around us but about creating a more productive and healthy approach to life’s challenges.

It’s a fair question to ask at this point in what do we have control over? It is more than you would think based on this list below of what we can control in our life.

  1. Our Attitudes and Perspectives

How we perceive situations has a profound effect on how we experience them. While we may not control the events, we do have control over how we interpret and react to them. Developing a positive or growth-oriented mindset allows us to find lessons, strength, or motivation even in difficult situations. When we focus on what can be gained or learned from the events, setbacks become opportunities for growth rather than new sources of despair.

  1. Our Reactions and Behaviors

Our reactions are among the most tangible aspects we can control in life. Although emotions often arise involuntarily without much forethought, we can practice responding to situations in ways that align with our values. Choosing how to react, rather than allowing automatic responses to take over, is a skill that can be developed with focusing on mindfulness. This life skill enables us to handle our challenges more constructively, turning potential stressors into manageable experiences.

  1. Our Habits and Choices

The habits and routines we cultivate each day play a significant role in our quality of life. We control what we eat, what we drink, how much sleep we get, and how we manage our free time. Positive routines, such as regular exercise, limiting social media content, focusing on healthy eating, and setting aside time for relaxation, create a foundation for resilience and better health. When we invest in these areas of life, we build a stronger buffer against the impact of unexpected difficulties and changes.

  1. Our Goals and Efforts

While outcomes that happen to us or that which affect us are not always within our control, our efforts are in our control. Setting personal goals and consistently working toward them provides us with a sense of purpose and direction. Focusing on the quality of our work, rather than obsessing over the potential results, ensures that our self-worth remains stable regardless of external factors. This effort-oriented mindset helps us feel accomplished and satisfied even in unpredictable and changing environments.

Understanding what lies beyond our control is essential in practicing acceptance and letting go of what is beyond our grasp. These examples include:

  1. Other People’s Actions, Behaviors, and Opinions

Attempting to control how others think, feel, behave, or act is an exhausting and fruitless endeavor. People are influenced by their own experiences, beliefs, and emotions, which we cannot change. Rather than trying to shape others’ opinions or actions, focusing on tolerance, self-respect, and authenticity allows us to establish genuine connections without feeling responsible for people’s behaviors.

  1. External Circumstances and Events

Natural events, market trends, or political shifts are all examples of uncontrollable circumstances that happen to all of us. While we can adapt to these realities and prepare for them to some extent, we cannot dictate or know when they will occur or what the outcome(s) will be. Learning to accept and know that the world will continue to evolve with or without our influence is liberating; it relieves the pressure of feeling responsible for the many forces beyond our own reach.

  1. What Happened In The Past and What Will Happen In The Future

The past is unchangeable as we cannot go back to change anything about it and the future remains uncertain at best. While reflecting on our past experiences can provide insight and comfort to us; dwelling on past mistakes or obsessing over potential future scenarios drains our energy that could be used in the present to improve our daily lives. Embracing the present moment enables us to shape our future without being paralyzed by what it may be or what you think it could be.

When we focus on controlling what is within our reach, we naturally turn inward to cultivate resilience especially when times are tough. Investing in our mental and physical health creates a solid foundation that allows us to weather the storms of life, even those we cannot control at all.

Practicing mindfulness and self-care helps us stay present and reduces anxiety about both the present and future. Activities such as meditation, journaling, painting, or simply spending time in nature help to cultivate a calmer mind. Regular acts of self-care, such as setting boundaries, prioritizing rest, and engaging in hobbies helps nurture a strong mental state. When our minds are balanced, we’re better equipped to face challenges with a clear, calm perspective.

Physical health also supports mental resilience, making daily exercise, balanced nutrition, and sufficient rest, vital components of handling stress and anxiety. Physical exercise releases endorphins, boosts our mood, and reduces out stress. When our bodies are well-nourished and strong from exertion, we can face life’s uncertainties and changes with more stamina and energy.

We can always control who we spend time within our personal lives. Building meaningful connections with others we care about creates a network of support, which is especially important when facing various challenges. We cannot control how others act, but we can control the energy we put into cultivating positive relationships. Trusted friends, family, or networking groups offer encouragement, perspective, and comfort during tough times.

Developing a growth mindset will serve you well throughout life especially in being able to exert more control in areas of professional and personal development. It is key to have an openness to learning from every situation, which helps us adapt and thrive both in the workplace and at home. Life rarely goes exactly as planned, but those who can adapt to those changes we cannot control maintain resilience and will be better off as a result. Investing time in learning new skills, embracing change as much as possible, and nurturing a lifelong curiosity and inquisitiveness empowers each of us to see life’s challenges as opportunities for growth and improvement.

Adopting this philosophy of “control what you can control” is not easy to do but it does empower us to live more peaceful, healthy, and balanced lives. By focusing on what we truly have influence or control over such as our attitudes, learning, reactions, habits, and health builds resilience and clarity. Accepting that certain aspects of life are beyond our control frees us from futile worry and frustration as a result. In this way, we prepare ourselves to not only withstand life’s uncertainties but to thrive amid them, cultivating inner strength and well-being. In the end, it is not about being able to control life itself; rather it is about becoming the best stewards of ourselves as we navigate the beautiful, unpredictable, and uncertain journey that is life itself.

Is ‘The Grass Always Greener’ On The Other Side?

“There is a sense of whimsy about wishing what would your life be like if you had made a different decision or if a different opportunity had come your way.”

The popular English language expression on ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ is a common refrain when discussing the possibilities of where one could see themselves in a different reality or circumstance other than their own. There is a sense of whimsy about wishing what would your life be like if you had made a different decision or if a different opportunity had come your way. You may even want to switch places with someone else you know or someone you admire or someone you read about. Beyond that, it could also be wanting to live in a different city or country or to experience a different culture or set of customs other than the one you were born into or grew up in.

I find that there is nothing wrong with daydreaming about the possibilities for change or how to make your life better or more successful. I do think it is a good thing to be reflective as well on how others live, what you can take from their example or even discard based on your own perspective, and to not be afraid to even experiment with making different choices in life based on what others have done ahead of you. It is good to be inspired by other people, read about their lives, and to change your own approach to how you live, where you work, how you act, and what you can be within reason.

I think, however, that it is important to not be fantasizing all the time about how others live or envious of other people without knowing the full story. Being obsessed with mimicking or copying other people is also a recipe for disaster in my view. It is okay to be influenced by others around you who are making a positive impact and living life in a successful and moral manner. However, it does not justify being a ‘copycat’ or a ‘sycophant.’ Often, we must think for ourselves, make our own decisions, and to live a life true to our own morals, values, and code. Doing what others do just because they think it is ‘popular’, ‘cool’ or ‘successful’ is not what a mature individual should be following.

You may think that the other person or group of people has it all figured out, but the reality is much more complicated than that. You may envy the house, the car, the lifestyle, or the personality they have but often, you only know the surface of what you can see about that person. The same goes for endlessly admiring another city, country, or culture. It is okay to admire and adopt those customs, the food, the language, and the beliefs, but it’s important to take a step back to see what is compatible with you and what you would rather not adapt as your own self-expression.

As another saying goes, ‘walk a mile in another person’s shoes’, that is not a bad thing to do in life. Still, to automatically wish to live like them, be like them, and change who you are entirely is losing your own conception of self in the process. I am a fan of learning about other people, their backgrounds, their cultures, and their viewpoints, but that should be a way for you to more fully accentuate who you are as a result rather than change you are entirely. It’s good to see how others live, why they live like that, and be the more educated and worldly for it, but there’s a limit to how much we can live like those people.

Instead, use those variety of experiences, either lived or learned, to water ‘your own grass’ to be ‘greener and livelier.’ Instead of envy, jealousy or obsession, be more concerned with how to live a life that’s truer to yourself and what you wish to achieve. Think about what you’ve learned, seen, or heard, to adapt that to benefit your own life. Adopt those practices that will make your life better and make you a better person. Use your expansive knowledge based on living in different places, meeting different people, or studying different topics to make your life much more fulfilling and richer. We never truly have all the information regarding the lives of others and often we just see a snapshot of it rather than the full picture.

This is the same when we visit a place or even live there for a little bit of time. Even with that knowledge of a place and a people, we are not born there, or grew up there, and it limits our perception of what is going on there to some degree. Regardless of if you’re envious, apprehensive, dismissive, or neutral about a person, place, or culture, you should not automatically think that where you are or the ‘grass’ on your side is better or worse than theirs because you really can’t even make a real judgment.

You can always ‘walk in other’s person’s shoes’ for some time but you’ll never fully live in their shoes as they do. The same goes with where, why, and how we live and comparing it to others’ lives we learn about as they may want to have our life and we may want to have theirs, but we should remember that we will never have the full picture regarding their life’s circumstances. Instead of envying the ‘grass on the other side’ that we are constantly exposed to in person and online, you should remember to focus primarily on watering, fixing, and shaping your own ‘grass’ under your own feet and in your life to make it a more fulfilling, joyful, and happy kind of life to live.  

The Increasing Digitization of Everything

“Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything.”

Call me old fashioned or a ‘luddite’ but I really do miss the feeling of paper tickets, boarding passes, and even the plastic menu. It does not mean I don’t enjoy the fruits of the abundance of technology that we have today, and it is something I’m comfortable with having grown up in the 1990s and 2000s as the computer, personal cell phone, and mobile applications came into being. I do also remember going to baseball games to buy a physical ticket at the ‘will call’ window and keeping the ticket stub as a form of memorabilia. The same could be said for receiving a boarding pass when you’re traveling to a new city or country and keeping it with you to remember when and where it was when you went there.

Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything. Yes, you may still have the option to print out what it is you need or send out birthday cards, wedding invitations, college diplomas to enjoy the momentous occasions that come up throughout our lives, but when it comes to our day-to-day needs, we increasingly rely on digital wallets, QR codes, mobile applications, and smartphones to get the job done.

You could argue that given how present a reality climate change is in our current era that not using paper or plastic to protect our trees and wildlife is a positive step, but I would argue that everything has an environmental effect including our smartphones, smartwatches, and computers. Using less paper and plastic is overall a good thing but my concern these days is that it seems like we are not being given a choice to have either option.

I like to keep physical / paper records, when possible, up to a point whether for personal, financial, or medical reasons. It is hard to do that when you are only allowed to use a digital record for your files, which may not be as permanent or as secure. Maybe physical records are never 100% secure either but at least you know that you are the only one that has access to it or people you trust who you give access to as well.

When it comes to digital records or files, there is a cost involved in building up the security and safety measures around those sensitive records, and it is never 100% secure regardless of how many firewalls or barriers you put up. There have been numerous data breaches, hacks, and manipulation of people’s digital records, and that will be a cause for concern going forward as we increasingly go to a digital-first world where our first go to is a swipe of smart phone instead of the stroke of a pen. I believe that each person should have the option though to go forward with having both options of having a physical as well as a digital copy rather than having to choose between the two options.

There are always going to be external costs involved with both physical records (paper, plastic, etc. or digital records (computer, smartphones, smartwatches, wi-fi enabled devices). The key for the future is how to minimize these harmful costs whether to the environment, to our safety and security, or to our mental health as well when it comes to using either option. Those costs need to be factored in to how much we pay to use them and whether the competition can be fairer as companies vie to be both ethical and responsible in how they use our records, physical or digital.

Having a choice at the end of the day between physical v. digital when it comes to our personal data and records should be advocated for to companies and other entities before we give them access to our information and our wallets. The lack of an option to choose who, when, where, what, why, and how our data is obtained and shared should change especially as we increasingly rely on digital services and products to power our daily lives.

For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the QR code or barcode went from being used to scan items that we buy to allowing customers to read menus, see advertisements, subscribe to a new service, and have access to a unique link to sign-up for events and workshops. While in the interest of public health, the QR code utilization helped maintained social distance protocols and assisted in keeping workers safe by limiting contact with clients, however, QR codes have not really gone away in the post-pandemic era and are still being substituted for real person-to-person interaction.

Not only can you see your dinner menu on a QR code, but you scan your movie or concert ticket without needing a paper ticket or printout copy of it, you can also use it to order food or drinks or shop from that QR code without needing a catalog or a store magazine or a customer service employee to help you with the transaction. The rise of self-checkouts, automated service to order what we want and when we want, and being able to pay or reserve or check out with our phone alone is not just creating less paper but also the need for less person-to-person interaction.

Without being someone who yearns for the good old days, but you used to be able to order from a paper menu, get your ticket collected and stub ripped off for you to keep, and be able to pay with cash at a business without worrying if it was card or Apple / Google Pay only. Less paper and plastic are not a bad thing, but I do think it’s healthy from a social interaction point of view and as the world digitalizes and automates, I also think we will be less comfortable making small talk or socializing with those we don’t know who provide us with a service or a product.

There are real security concerns with an increasingly digital only world that have their own potential costs and drawbacks to consider as well. I hope that even as technology continues to advance with automation and artificial intelligence surpassing our own human capabilities, we will not allow ourselves to be robbed of our choice especially when it comes to how we receive our mail, pay our bills, buy our products, or if we can opt to talk to someone at the checkout register instead of self-check-out because we believe that 2-3 minutes we talk to a worker there is better than that 30 seconds or 1 minute we do it ourselves but without talking to anyone and with no one to maybe brighten our day a bit or make small talk with.

Losing that choice of digital vs. physical records or information would be detrimental in the long run. We should know of the environmental, security, and mental health costs involved if we tip too far in one direction or the other, but I think given that we are social creatures and we enjoy the physical touch of a book, a magazine, a letter, or even a ticket to a baseball game, let’s not try to go to 100% digital especially for those of us who remember when information was primarily shared physically.

It’s a complex era that we are currently living through, and it appears that we are transitioning slowly but surely to a digital-only world. However, my hope is that we allow ourselves to choose how much or little as individuals we opt into this ‘brave new world’. We may not be nostalgic now, but something tells me we would miss our scrapbooks, our photo albums, our book collection, and even our baseball tickets, and boarding passes if they were up in the ‘Cloud’ protected by facial recognition and multi-factor authentication instead. That’s not the world I wish for us to have in the future and that our choice(s) to opt-out will never go away.

‘Up In The Air’ – Film Review and Analysis

“The choices he has made haven’t caught up to him yet, but he is on the path he has chosen that while unorthodox to most leaves him satisfied and content with who he is.”

Ryan Bingham has chosen a different life path than most people he knows. Instead of staying in his hometown, reveling in the glories past of high school and the diner down the road, he wanted to leave his roots and his family for his true passion in life: being up in the air and striving for excellence as a motivational speaker. The choices he has made haven’t caught up to him yet, but he is on the path he has chosen that while unorthodox to most leaves him satisfied and content with who he is.

Bingham (played by George Clooney) is at a crossroads in middle age where he has forgone the responsibilities that are normally achieved by most people his age with a house and a picket fence, being married, and maybe having children. He has forgone all that for an industry on the rise sadly at the time the film is set in and for being out on the road and up in the air for 250+ days of the year. He advocates for a life in motion because if he is not moving, he is not actually living.

His work like his constant travel is an unorthodox industry where he works as a human resources consultant traveling both domestically and internationally to do the dirty work of firing or ‘letting go’ employees in person and providing them with transition packet(s) that the company that’s firing them is leaving them with to help them in the ‘transition’ period. It is a rough job that due to the 2008-2009 global recession has made his HR consultancy firm as needed as ever. The one industry at the time that is gaining jobs rather than losing jobs, Ryan finds himself at risk of having his life of work travel outsources to advancements in video technology (about ten years before Zoom and Skype became mainstream).

While Ryan Bingham is not at risk of getting laid off like so many other working Americans during the period of the Great Recession, the worst since the Great Depression of the 1930s, Bingham is at risk of losing his life of travel on the road due to firing people via telecommunications video instead. To make matters worse, his boss Craig Gregory (Jason Bateman) is tasking him with having a new hire out of Yale University, Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) shadow his in-person firings for a few months as the company, CTC, makes the transition to virtual consulting instead of letting those employees go in-person from now on.

That is not the only change that threatens to upend Ryan’s life choice as he has met a charming, attractive woman who has the same lifestyle as him and appears to see life as he does with less commitments and more choice. Alex Goran (Vera Farmiga) is the constantly traveling business woman for whom Ryan may have finally met his match. While they started out as a casual fling, Ryan begins to develop feelings for her as he ponders his uncertain future of life on the road as well as the fact that once he achieves his life goal of ten million airline miles accumulated may not have much to strive for.

Ryan and Natalie may not show it at first but the firings and the emotional weight of being responsible for upending people’s lives cause them stress, anxiety, and a desire to break free of their own pains in doing the job they have chosen. While Ryan is content with travel on the road, he hears from his estranged sister, Kara, that his other, younger sister, Julie is getting married. Ryan left home when he first could leave and never looked back, and his family still remembers that. He is the ‘black sheep’ of the family, known to pursue his own gratification while letting his relationships deteriorate over the years.

Having Alex as a love interest has reignited his desire to see his sisters again and to be there for the wedding in northern Wisconsin. Him and Alex are still a bit of a mystery to each other, but they enjoy each other’s company, and he invites her to join him as the +1 guest, not wanting to be the ‘guy alone at the bar’ watching all the couples enjoy a dance together. There are these moments of vulnerability interspersed through ‘Up in The Air’ that remind the audience that all these characters have their own flaws and shortcomings. They are not perfect people, and the film does not judge them outright but allows the audience to decide if they are admirable or detestable or a bit of both. What I love most is that the film director and writers allow us to decide if we agree with Ryan’s choices or if we would have chosen to go the other route in life that he has neglected.

Sometimes, it is never too late to choose a different path than the one that we have set out for ourselves. However, whether we can pull back from previous choices made and to get a fresh start on a new path, is one of the underlying themes of ‘Up in The Air.’ Ryan can try to start a real relationship with Alex, make amends with his sisters and be more present in their lives, and still achieve his 10-million-mile goal but life can get in the way so it’s possible he will not be as successful in salvaging both his relationships, his career goals, and his need for travel. Even if he thinks he can be successful at keeping everybody in his life happy, he may have to make sacrifices as in life, it can be nearly impossible to keep all options available to you.        

The priorities we make now while end up defining us far into the future and there may come a time where the sacrifices, we make in one area may lead to a lack of connection or attachment or fulfilment in another area. Throughout the film during Ryan’s motivational speeches, he talks about the ‘stuff’ in life weighing us down whether it’s our relationships, our possessions, and even our desires. He makes the point in the audience that ‘life can be better footloose’ and not as tied down to suffer from it. However, what the film makes clear is that when you find real happiness in a relationship, can you pivot to slowing down with that heavier backpack you carry around because you feel fulfilled to do so? Can Ryan make room for a real relationship with Alex or his sisters to give up life on the road so his backpack will be heavier, but he’ll still be happier as a result, and maybe that what’s he was missing all this time around?

While Ryan is a ‘road warrior’ and enjoys not being attached to anyone or anything, who will be there for him if he must stay at his scant one-bedroom apartment in Omaha or if he were to be fired from his job where he fires other people. The film brilliantly shows real people who’ve been through real loss in terms of their jobs and livelihoods, and how while it is almost impossible to get through it, they could not keep going on without their responsibility to their families or the love that their families show for them in those tough times. In life, it always helps to have a good support system or to have good people like family motivating you to get you through the tough times.

Ryan may be prepared for a life unattached now, but he may find as he gets older, that his choice to not have many or any attachments at all may lead to the loneliness and pain that then can come from facing life’s hurdles alone, especially when you don’t truly get to know the person because you are so busy traveling and can’t make time for them at all. As Ryan says to his sister Julie’s husband-to-be, Jim, on their wedding day to help him get over his ‘cold feet’ at getting married, “Life’s better with company.”

A Roll of The Dice

“There is always going to be a risk involved when rolling the dice or making the choice in life as there is when it comes to choosing one of two possible decision or even one of multiple decisions.”

When many of us think about versus chance, the English expression, “A roll of the dice” comes to mind. When you are faced with two or more choices and you must act, it’s like rolling the dice and hoping to get lucky in a table game at a casino. There is always going to be a risk involved when rolling the dice or making the choice in life as there is when it comes to choosing one of two possible decision or even one of multiple decisions.

Life involves a lot of non-linear choices to make and that inevitably involves taking chances on it. There’s no bigger example for me of taking a chance metaphorically than the rolling of a dice like at a craps table. Dice can have multiple choices on them or two choices only, one of which that it will land on, the other it will miss, but there is only one outcome without any alternative once the dice stops rolling.

Many of our day-to-day decisions involve choosing, taking that action, and going in one and only direction after the decision is made like the dice being rolled. While we would like to choose both options to see where they lead us, the chances of doing so are unrealistic and impossible. Like the dice that we roll, in life, we only can choose one of two or more possibilities. Dice can have more than two choices and while your standard dice has six sides to it, life usually has us choose between more than a few options as well with only one possible choice being the outcome to follow.

The metaphor of rolling the dice is apt when you consider that for the average person, choice overload leads to indecision or no decision at all. The most stressful part of a person’s day is not making the choice itself but rather when they are not given a choice or if they have too many choices to choose from. There is real fear and anxiety in people thinking they made the wrong decision and if they have multiple choices, the likelihood of feeling stress goes up because the choice is not simplified, and they must weigh different outcomes rather than just two or a few of them.

When the choices we have in front of us are two or four or six, we suffer less from ‘analysis paralysis’ or from indecision itself. While you can still second guess yourself later, if you are still able to think your decisions through and make an educated guess or choice, you won’t feel as stressed or anxious. I think that’s why the adage of ‘flipping a coin’ or ‘rolling the dice’ appeals to people because sometimes, the randomness and leaving it up to chance is better than putting actual effort into our decisions.

That’s partly why gambling is such an intrinsic part of most cultures in that you can still act by flipping the coin, rolling the dice, pulling the lever, but you don’t have any real choice to make because you’re leaving the choice up to someone else like an algorithm, a card dealer, or fate itself. People like autonomy over their decisions but they also enjoy leaving things out of their hands and letting ‘fate’ decide what happens next.

Of course, ‘fate’ usually has its outside influence on the choice that is made whether that’s the wind gust blowing the coin on a different side you expected, the casino letting the algorithm or computer decide who wins or who loses, or more generally, the environment around you that has an impact on the outcome. Fate itself is not without its own influence on the outcome so if you think that there is anything in this world that is truly impartial or just unbiased to the core, I tend to disagree and believe that whether it’s leaving things up to ‘chance’ or ‘fate’ itself, nothing is ever truly random in its consequence and that no outcome is without its own chance of interference.

You may have rolled the dice, pulled the lever, tossed the coin, picked a card from a deck, but there are other factors at play that keep ‘fate’ from being truly blind in its outcome. Even when leaving things up to ‘chance’, you still acted up until that point and the fact that you put yourself in that situation means the outcome itself afterwards even if you call it ‘fate’ was a consequence of your actions only but it is rather true instead that the immediate environment, the people around you, and a number of other external factors that had an influence on the ‘fate’ of that outcome.

Rolling dice, playing cards, and gambling give people a thrill because your action can lead to random winnings or losings but that’s basically the illusion of it all. Fate in life like a rolling of the dice may seem random but there are outside factors in place that may seem like it was ‘destiny’, ‘fate’ or ‘random luck’ but involved several actions, decisions, beliefs that led to the present moment.

Instead of trusting in ‘fate’ to guide us or for our choices to always be led to pure ‘chance’, we lose the power of our choices and the education of our decisions. We cannot always leave things to ‘chance’ and must look beyond picking randomly or choosing out of a hat to guide us in life. While I disagree with taking on too many choices or nitpicking every decision you make, you must always be thinking things through, educating yourself, and being willing to learn from your mistakes.

Choices inevitably cause consequences, both good and bad, and we cannot foresee where our choices may lead. However, if we leave too much up to ‘fate’ or ‘luck’ as we call it, then we will never really mature or grow as people. People should do their best to have autonomy over their decisions and to not take them lightly. Yes, it can be fun to roll a dice or flip a coin to make our choices, but life is too serious to be gambling on our choices like that. Rolling the dice may seem like an easy way to go through life like picking random numbers out of a hat but that’s not how the real-world works. When we evaluate our choices, think through decisions that have big consequences, and trust in our believes to guide us through the consequences of those decisions, we will be better off as individuals for having taken control of our lives rather than leave it all up to ‘chance.’

Anatomy of a Scene – ‘At A Crossroads’

“Sometimes, the only way to move forward in life is to look for a sign or in this case, a person to help guide you in the right direction.”

“You look lost.” “I do?” “Where you headed?”, “Well, I was just about to figure that out.”

There are moments in life where the road ahead looks vague and uncertain, where we struggle to figure out what happens next or what should we do next. You can have a map with you, and you have an idea of where you want to go but there are four directions ahead and you’re not sure whether to go north, south, east, or west. Sometimes, the only way to move forward in life is to look for a sign or in this case, a person to help guide you in the right direction.

A brilliant movie in its own right, ‘Cast Away’ is about a man whose life is upended by mother nature and who will never be the same again. Without spoiling too much of the movie, Chuck (the main character) loses years away from his wife, his job, and his lifestyle and while he was away from it all, the world moved on without him. Most heartbreakingly, he cannot get back the time he lost working for FedEx or being with his wife or integrating back into his former lifestyle after having his life upended by mother nature.

Similar to how oftentimes in our lives, people move on without us. Friendships sometimes end, romantic partnerships fizzle out, and loved ones can grow distant from us on purpose or by accident. The message of the ‘Crossroads’ scene that I have included above is that life goes on with or without us and if we are still here on the planet, we cannot hold on too tightly to the past and must instead try to chart a new path forward even when that is often difficult to do.

This particular movie scene is one that a lot of us can relate to right away. You’ve finished your education, maybe you’ve quit a job, or you decided to retire and are wondering, ‘what’s next?’, which is an essential question of the human condition. It is hard to pause when you’ve had a routine upended or a part of your life just end one day, and you are not sure what will come next. You may have a couple of choices pulling you in different directions and you are looking for a sign of what to do next. Sometimes, that sign comes to you based on a significant item, object, or memory that pulls you in a certain direction but oftentimes, we just have to make the best decision that we have based on our thoughts and assumptions on the way forward. After making ‘crossroads’ decisions of my own in life, what’s important to realize is you have to make some choice and not stagnate in your own worries about what could happen. The worst decision would be to make no choice at all and let your life stay in a perpetual kind of limbo. Chuck was close to doing just that in ‘Cast Away’ before he found the sign that he needed in an unlikely place.

This ‘Crossroads’ scene starts exactly with that image of a crossroads on a non-descript road in middle America, which could be Kansas but is actually somewhere in rural Texas. Chuck, our protagonist, looks lost as he gets out of his car at this dirt crossroads, takes a big gulp of water in the hot Texan sun, and gets his large USA map out to chart his next decision. He just left the house of someone whose package with ‘angel wings’ helped him a lot during his isolation from civilization and for which he brought back their package as a way of thanking him or her. The people in Chuck’s life have moved on without him and he is not sure what comes next given he is a free man after years away from people but at the same time has lost his wife, his job, and his previous lifestyle to one fateful event that was out of his control, and which seemed like an act of God or mother nature.

Any part of this scenario would frighten and subdue even the most resilient person in the world, but Chuck is resilient albeit perplexed on how he ended up where he is without a sign of a compass to chart his way forward. When Chuck reaches this four-way crossroads and stops to check his map, a woman in a red, flatbed truck comes up to greet him and see if he needs any help and if ‘he is lost.’ She tries to give him advice on whether to go north to Canada, west to California, or eastward bound to the coast but he seems resilient if not a bit stubborn after being on his own for so long. Still though, the redheaded woman is kind and sweet in her manner and she says back to Chuck, “well, alright, good luck, cowboy!”

As the sweet-natured woman starts to drive away in her truck, Chuck notices something he’s seen before. A pair of yellow angel wings at the back of her truck’s bumper that he’s seen before on the package he had with him all those years. He knows now that the package he delivered was the one to her house and it was her package! A range of emotions hit Chuck all at once as he becomes shocked, bemused, and then pensive as if he should follow her or not.

Most intriguingly, towards the end of this scene, chuck now with the first sign in a while of where he might go next in life, stands in the middle of the four-way crossroads thinking about the woman whose package had such a big impact on him in his years-long solitude and how likely it is that he finds her attractive as well as kind. The camera pans out to show him in the middle of the crossroads looking at the different directions where he could possibly go next but then the camera lingers on his face as he moves to the direction where he really wants to go. It is the redhead’s truck’s direction down the long, sloping road ahead and Chuck begins to smile as he finally knows where to the long road of his life should end up next.

It is a very poignant and moving scene as we all must make decisions like Chuck in terms of where we want to go next in life. These decisions are hard to make and sometimes involve real regrets but also lead to joy, peace, and happiness. We must do our best to choose wisely in life, but like Chuck did, we must look for the signs where and when we can, and then we must make a choice because not making a choice is not living at all, it is merely existing and that is no way to go through life.