Category: relationships

Self-Awareness is a Key Trait to Cultivate

“In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver.”

In a world where everyone has an opinion on every imaginable topic, but very few people have genuine self-awareness, that quality now feels like a rare mineral. True self-awareness is valuable, hard to find, and even harder to refine if you do not cultivate it like copper or silver. At its core, self-awareness is simply understanding your thoughts, emotions, habits, and personal blind spots without flinching or ignoring them. It’s the ability to see yourself honestly instead of through the fog of ego, insecurity, or willful ignorance. That sounds simple, but anyone who’s confronted with their own emotional patterns knows that simple isn’t easy. In terms of personal traits that will serve you well at home, in the workplace, or in public, exercising self-awareness makes a huge difference and is a net positive in one’s life.

Self-awareness is rare today for a few reasons. First, distraction is the default setting of modern life. Between social media, nonstop notifications, and the pressure to perform instead of looking inward about their behavior, most people never slow down long enough to reflect or contemplate who they are or how they act. Secondly, ego protection kicks in for many of us. It’s uncomfortable to recognize that you might be wrong, inconsistent, reactive, or stuck in old habits that drain you or other people. Thirdly, our individualistic culture rewards projection over introspection and putting on an act over being yourself. Being loud, visible, and “on brand” is praised more than being grounded or honest with oneself. The result is a society full of people acting on autopilot, repeating the same behavioral patterns, and wondering why life keeps giving them the same lessons. Introspection is hard to do but it could help get you off an autopilot setting.

When life turns upside down, that’s exactly when self-awareness becomes most valuable. When the world is chaotic, clarity becomes a superpower. The more you understand yourself along with your triggers, your strengths, your weaknesses, your values, the better decisions you will make. You react less to external circumstances and respond more from a place of self-assurance by knowing who you are and what you want to be. Your relationships improve because you’re paying attention to how your behavior affects others. Even your career trajectory changes: self-aware people take feedback well, adapt quickly, and build trust, which quietly but consistently pushes them upward.

The good news for us all in this? Self-awareness isn’t fixed and it’s a muscle you can train. It’s a skill you can cultivate intentionally but you must make a consistent effort to do so successfully. At work, start doing quick “post-project or post-task reviews” for yourself: what went well, what drained you, what you’d do differently, what could be better next time, and how well did you work with others. Ask trusted people for feedback and instead of defending yourself, listen to what they have to say first and what they are genuinely telling you. Notice your stress triggers and learn to pause before reacting, whether it’s in meetings, emails, or elsewhere in your workplace.

I’ve had my own moments at work where I reacted prematurely instead of responding thoughtfully, only to later realize that having self-awareness could’ve saved me a headache. Instead of interrupting, acting abrasive, and preventing a real discussion, think about where they are coming from and why they think of you the way that they do. Focus on the ways that you can improve when they have legitimate critiques and suggestions for improvement in your work performance.

In your personal life, carve out time for your own reflection. Making that kind of effort will pay off tenfold by turning inwards to discover more about your mindset, your thought process, and your personal habits, good or otherwise. Even five minutes of journaling can reveal emotional patterns you never noticed. Try also meditation or silence at the beginning or end of your day and in just ten uninterrupted minutes, it can be surprisingly revealing. Pay attention to your relationships and friendships as well: where you feel energized, where you feel defensive, and where conflicts repeat with the people in your life. Life is too short to be around people who avoid self-awareness. If you are making the effort to be introspective and try to be a better person with self-awareness, you should gravitate to those people in your life who are making that effort too, friends, family or acquaintances especially.

Ultimately, self-awareness isn’t about perfection; it’s about alignment with who you are and how others see you. The more honest you are with yourself, the easier it becomes to make choices that fit the life you want. Know yourself deeply. Pause often for self-reflection. The world will stop dictating your path and you finally begin choosing it. 

Life, Subscribed: How Everything Became a Recurring Fee

“Welcome to the age of subscriptization: a world where the default mode of engagement is no longer ownership, but ongoing payment(s).”

Okay, not literally everything, but it’s certainly starting to feel that way. Remember that feeling you had as a kid or teenager picking up a compact disc (CD), a DVD, or a book from the local school fair. You paid for it only once and then you owned it for life or if you didn’t sell it to someone else or lose it entirely. I get nostalgic for those days when ownership of items was the priority in this economy. We used to buy things.

Now, we rent or subscribe to experiences, housing, streaming services, and even our identity, one monthly or yearly payment at a time. From software and streaming to meals, mattresses, and meditation, life itself has undergone a quiet revolution from owning to subscribing. Welcome to the age of subscriptization: a world where the default mode of engagement is no longer ownership, but ongoing payment(s).

At first glance, this model seems like a win to anyone. Why drop hundreds upfront on a good or service when you can pay $9.99 a month forever? Subscription services promise convenience, affordability, and flexibility, and they’ve reshaped how we consume as a society. Need entertainment? Subscribe to Netflix. Need groceries? Subscribe to weekly HelloFresh deliveries. Therapy? BetterHelp sessions, available by month or more. Transportation? Try Tesla’s subscription model. It’s not just media and goods anymore; it’s your health, your fitness, your mental well-being, and your relationships.

However, beneath the surface of ease lies a subtler transformation if you haven’t noticed it already, one that touches everything from personal finance to cultural values. Subscriptions create the illusion of choice and control while tethering us to an endless cycle of micropayments that add up over time and can lead to a financial trap. They can fragment our budgets, blur the line between need and want, and slowly chip away at your financial autonomy. When every facet of life comes with a recurring fee or payment, you may never feel “caught up” or always feel like you need to add one more service to make your life more convenient. There’s always one more plan, one more upgrade, one more renewal reminder in your inbox making it harder and harder to unsubscribe entirely.

Beyond our bank statements, the subscription model is rewiring our expectations and sense of satisfaction with our choices. We’ve become conditioned to expect instant access, regular updates, and constant novelty, whether it’s a new show to binge, a wardrobe refresh, or the latest application feature update. That “always something new” mindset can quietly foster impatience, restlessness, and even entitlement. Why wait for anything or stick with something you buy once when everything can be delivered, streamed, or unlocked for a monthly fee? This kind of mindset creates a culture that prizes immediacy over depth, reducing life’s experiences to transactions, and undermining the joy that can come from delayed gratification or from rewarding true craftmanship.

As people, we are also internalizing the logic of subscriptization in how we relate to ourselves and others. Self-improvement has become something you can subscribe to, through fitness applications, meditation platforms, career coaching, or therapy on demand. While these tools have value as subscriptions, they often position growth as something you consume, not something you do. There’s a growing risk that we start seeing our personal progress as another product, measurable, trackable, and cancelable, rather than as a slow, often uncomfortable process that lasts a lifetime.

This recent economic shift also speaks volumes about our societal mindset. In an era marked by career instability and a gig-based economy that more people must participate in to survive and make ends meet, people are more hesitant to commit entirely for the foreseeable future, whether it’s to a car, a house, or a romantic partner. Socially, we now navigate dating and relationships through platforms that resemble subscription services themselves, where matches, friends, or followers can be swiped, upgraded, or ghosted as easily as deleting your Spotify playlist.

The emotional consequences of this wide shift are still unfolding, but the early signs suggest it’s making genuine connection more fragile, and commitment feel optional entirely. Subscriptions cater to our age of societal anxiety, offering an easy way out at any time. Don’t like it? Cancel it. Swipe left. Move on. That same disposability in what we subscribe to may be eroding our sense of permanence, ownership, and investment, in both materialistic and emotional ways.

Meanwhile, companies aren’t just selling services, they’re collecting our data for months and years because of the subscription model. Every subscription is a pipeline of behavioral intelligence; when you watch, what you skip, how often you order, when you’re most likely to purchase. Algorithms then feed this data back into your shopping, dating, or entertainment experience, shaping your preferences before you even know you have them. It’s a form of consumer surveillance masquerading as personal freedom.

The subscriptization of life isn’t inherently evil, but it’s worth examining the consequences of moving more and more to a subscription-only economy. As we increasingly trade ownership for access to services and goods that we need rather than just want, and permanence for flexibility, we must ask ourselves: what are we gaining with this model, and what are we losing? Subscriptions might make life smoother, more convenient, but they can also make it shallower, more transactional, and harder to disconnect from. It is also possible that we end up paying more for these goods and services in the long run every week, month, or year, rather just one-time only.

The question isn’t whether we’ll return to owning everything again as that ship has sailed. In this new economy of access, the challenge is to subscribe with real intention, not out of pure habit. Because if everything is on auto-renew, or there’s no longer a ‘buy now’ option, it might be time to ask: who’s really in control of our choices as consumers?

More importantly, we need to consider what kind of life we’re curating through this endless stream of monthly and yearly commitments. Are we building something lasting or simply paying to keep the lights on in a lifestyle we don’t fully own? The convenience is real, especially for those who benefit from seamless access. However, so is the quiet erosion of autonomy when we outsource our decisions to algorithms, platforms, and plans we barely remember signing up for. At some point, the goal should be more than just temporary access. It must be about intentionally creating meaning, through what we purchase, who we support, and how we contribute. And meaning, as it turns out, isn’t something you can just rent or subscribe to.

How to Evaluate Your Year

“Evaluating the year that has passed can be a valuable exercise for yourself to gain deeper insights, identify growth opportunities for the new year, and celebrate the accomplishments or successes you had.”

2024 is ending soon as I write this article and I do believe it is important to look back on the year that was to evaluate it holistically, such as whether it was good, bad, or a mixed bag. Evaluating the year that has passed can be a valuable exercise for yourself to gain deeper insights, identify growth opportunities for the new year, and celebrate the accomplishments or successes you had.

Reflecting on various aspects of your life, even areas that you can improve upon will help you to set meaningful goals for the year ahead. Here’s a guide I have created on how to evaluate your year comprehensively, focusing on the five major areas of friends, family, relationships, experiences, and work or business.

Friends

Friendships are an essential part of life and key to one’s mental health as a surefire way to stay truly connected and bond over shared activities or hobbies or even lend each other a helping hand. Think about reflecting on your relationships with friends from over the past year. Ask yourself the following questions when doing so:

  1. Giving or Getting Support: Were your friends there for you during challenging times? Were you there for them when they needed you when they were in a rut or needed help? Did they offer emotional or practical support when needed? Could you say the same?
  2. Showing Mutual Effort: Did you invest some effort into maintaining these friendships? Conversely, did your friends reciprocate to make the effort to reach out to you as well?
  3. Quality over Quantity: Did you prioritize meaningful, deep connections over superficial ones with your friends? Were your interactions enriching and positive with your friends?
  4. Encouraging Growth: Did your friendships encourage personal growth or help you broaden your perspective? Did you give each other advice on how to better yourselves?

Document the moments and memories that stood out to you, whether they were fun gatherings, heart-to-heart conversations, or instances where you and your friends supported each other through a difficult time. Evaluate if there were any friendships that became draining or unbalanced and consider whether to address these issues or set boundaries or even cut off the friendship if it isn’t working out.

Family

Family relationships can greatly influence your emotional well-being in both positive but also negative ways depending on your own situation with your family members. I encourage you to reflect on the past year’s interactions with your family members and consider these questions:

  1. Building Connection: Did you spend enough quality time with your family? Were you present and engaged during these moments or were you distracted by your phone or another device?
  2. Conflict Resolution: Were there any unresolved conflicts? How well did you communicate and handle disagreements? Why did those conflicts arise and how can they be avoided next year?
  3. Support System: Did your family serve as a source of strength or encouragement? Were you able to offer the same in return? Did you help each other out in a mutual manner?
  4. Milestones and Memories: Were there any significant events or milestones within your family? How did you contribute to these moments? Did they celebrate your wins this year and did you do the same for them when they had successes?

Think about whether you balanced your time and energy across the various family member dynamics that are constantly evolving each year along with the different personalities that you have in your family. Identify some ways to strengthen bonds with family members next year who may need more of your attention or love than you were able to give up until this point.

Relationships

If you’re in a romantic relationship currently, evaluating this aspect of your life is crucial to keeping it on the right track into next year. Even if you’re single, reflecting on your relationship with yourself or any potential romantic connections is just as important. Ask yourself these questions as you close out the year:

  1. Compatibility: Are you and your partner aligned in your values, goals, and vision for the future? Have you talked about how you felt about the relationships enough in terms of how it is going?
  2. Communication: How effectively did you communicate this year? Were you able to express your needs and listen to your partner’s? Did you handle disagreements respectfully and come to a positive resolution with each other?
  3. Growth: Did your relationship encourage mutual growth? Did you feel supported and loved? Did they support you when you needed it, and have you done the same for them?
  4. Quality Time: How much time did you spend together? Were those moments meaningful and fulfilling? Were you also able to spend time apart in a healthy manner?
  5. Self-Reflection: If you’re single, consider how you’ve nurtured your relationship with yourself. Did you take time to understand your needs, desires, and goals in a potential relationship for next year?

Identify areas where you’ve grown together as a couple or individually when you two were apart. If there were challenges this year, consider how you’ll address them moving forward in your relationship.

Experiences (Travel, Hobbies, Interests, Fun Activities)

Reflect on how you spent your free time outside of work, school, or business and how engaged with life outside of your daily obligations and weekly chores you were. Think about where you went, what you did, what you learned, and how much you enjoyed life beyond the office or the shop or the factory floor. Consider the following in your assessment of your experiences:

  1. Local and International Travel: Did you explore new places, whether locally or internationally? How did these experiences broaden your perspective? What did you learn from the places you traveled to? Would you travel in 2025 and how did you grow as a person in your travels?
  2. Hobbies and Interests: Did you pursue activities that bring you joy or help you grow? Did you try something new? Were you committed to these hobbies and spend enough time on them? What new hobby or interest would you like to try in the new year?
  3. Having Fun and Relaxation: Did you allocate time for leisure and enjoyment? Were you able to strike a balance between work and play? How often were you able to relax yourself?
  4. Making Memories: What were the highlights of your year? Did you attend events, celebrate milestones, or create special moments? Who did you share those memories with?

Take note of the activities, hobbies, interests, etc. that brought you the most happiness and fulfillment. If your year felt monotonous and a bit too routine, think about incorporating more variety or adventure into your life next year. Plan the destinations, places, or cities with regards to travel ahead of time that you hope to visit in the new year.

Work or Business

Your professional or business life is another crucial area to evaluate at the end of any year as it makes up about 80% of our time throughout the year. Reflect on your career or business journey over the past year by asking yourself these questions:

  1. Major Accomplishments: What were your major achievements? Did you meet or exceed your professional goals? What was the process you used to achieve your goals?
  2. Overcoming Challenges: What obstacles did you face, and how did you overcome them? Were there any failures, and what lessons did you learn from them? Who helped you overcome these challenges in your professional or business pursuits?
  3. Professional Growth: Did you acquire new skills, take on new responsibilities, or achieve personal growth in your role? How will these new skills help you next year and beyond?
  4. Managing Work-Life Balance: Were you able to maintain a healthy boundary between work and personal life? Did work leave you feeling fulfilled or drained? Did you take enough time off for vacation or for staying healthy? How did you spend your time outside of work or business?
  5. Establishing Future Goals: Are you satisfied with your current trajectory, or do you feel the need for a change? Did you take steps toward your long-term career aspirations? Will you find a new job next year? Do you plan to launch a new business or company? Will you ask for a raise or promotion and how will you ask this question to your supervisor?

Reflect on whether your work or business aligns with your personal values and passions. If there are gaps in that assessment, start thinking about how to address them in the coming year with regards to making your work or business more personally fulfilling Once you’ve reviewed these areas and answered as many questions in these five major areas as possible, combine your thoughts to identify patterns, strengths, and areas for improvement.

Lastly, think about the following ways generally on how you could make next year the best one yet:

  1. Showing Your Gratitude: What are you most grateful for this year? Acknowledge the people and experiences that enriched your life and made it the year that it was.
  2. Compile Lessons Learned: What did the failures, challenges, and successes of this year teach you? How will these lessons shape your approach to the new year and beyond?
  3. Having Goals for Improvement: What areas need more focus or change from you? How will you set realistic and actionable goals to address these aspects next year?

Evaluating your year holistically gives you a clearer perspective on where you stand in your life and how to move forward in a positive manner. Use this article, the questions I’ve posed and to write a yearly reflection about these five major areas as a substantive foundation for setting meaningful goals and resolutions for the year ahead.

The Importance of Being Reliable and Responsive to People

“It is important to be both reliable and responsive to the people you care about and even to those you’re just getting to know if you can do so.”

How many times have you sent a text or an email to someone thinking it was useful, humorous, thoughtful, or even just to reach out for it to have been received but not replied to? Chances are good it’s happened at least once if not multiple times to the people reading this article. It is one of the inevitabilities in life that not every text, call, or email will receive the attention it deserves and that’s alright as not everyone has the time or the urge to respond. However, when it’s a friend, family member, or a colleague, who you trust or respect or have some kind of relationship with, then it can be a real problem when your outreach goes ignored.

It is important to be both reliable and responsive to the people you care about and even to those you’re just getting to know if you can do so. Nobody’s perfect but you can really stand out nowadays in a good way when you’re willing to make the effort to respond to someone, to be relied upon and follow through, and to hold yourself accountable. These are qualities in a person that will always make you stand out in a good way because in our attention-deficit addled society, these kinds of traits are becoming less and less common.

Things happen in life such as emergencies, setbacks, and sometimes we just need a break from being plugged in to what’s going on with everyone else. It’s okay to take time off from reaching out if you want to focus on yourself for a while. If people try to reach out still, let them know though that you need some time away from the phone or the computer and if they really need you, indicate that it should only be for an emergency or an urgent matter. I don’t mind when people are unreachable but if there’s a lack of communication about why or for what purpose, it can cause some resentment and the fraying of the relationship or friendship in the long-term.

Nowadays, you can silent your notifications, put your away message up for colleagues to be aware of, or just simply turn your social media channels or phone off for a little while. You can be unresponsive and still be a responsible person in my view. What causes concern in my view is when you refuse to answer me when you read my message and wouldn’t give me any reason or indication of what’s going on. There’s a lot of talk about ‘Ghosting’ people today and I believe we are all guilty of ‘ghosting’ on each other at one time or another, but if it’s a recurring pattern, you really should think twice in how you act towards other people, especially if they value your feedback, opinion, or just want to see how you are.

Whether at work or at home or in ‘third spaces’ with friends or someone you’ve just met, remember to be responsive within reason because it’s about common courtesy not only regarding your time and effort but also of theirs for having reached out to you in the first place. It’s something we overlook but when someone is reaching out to you, they are first thinking about you and spending some time out of the millions of other things they could be thinking about to focus on you as an individual to some degree. It does not mean you need to spend a lot of your time but if you have the availability, it doesn’t hurt to give a simple response or at least let them know where they stand with you, whatever kind of relationship you may have with that person.

Whether it’s a co-worker sending you a message on Microsoft Teams asking for advice on a presentation, an elderly family member asking you to do them a favor regarding a health question, or a friend inviting you to their wedding or their birthday party, you do have a responsibility to be responsive. These situations I posed may not be urgent, but they are important, and to ‘ghost’ them is neither mature nor responsible. You have a duty not only to yourself in how you act but how you carry yourself with others.

At the end of your life, how do you want people to remember you? That’s part of why being reliable and responsive takes on such importance especially as you get older. People will remember in any kind of relationship that you have or had with them how you treated them, if you responded to them, and how much you invested into the relationship, whatever it may have been. Make sure to remember this kind of legacy that you’re building each time you answer that e-mail, respond to that voicemail, or send that text message out. The irony of our technological age is that we are connected by our devices but are as disconnected as ever regarding reaching out, making plans, and being reliable in how we present ourselves.

You can set the tone by being a reliable person who’s available and is reliable whether at work, at school, or at home. Be the person who can be trusted, who gets things done, and is able to follow through when you make a commitment to someone else. Sadly, being both reliable and responsive to other people is becoming rarer and rarer in my view. I believe you can have a lot of professional success and personal happiness if you are able to respond to others in a timely manner and be counted on when they need you.

Hopefully, they will remember you for what you did, how you acted, and how well you treated them. They won’t forget it and ideally, they will follow your lead by picking up those kinds of traits in response. Being someone who is reliable and responsive can have that positive effect on how others behave as well creating a good kind of ‘domino effect’ and improving people’s behavior in a family, in an office, or in a group. You do not have to be available 24 / 7 and nobody is expecting you to be doing so but it’s important to be willing to respond, to follow up, to check in, and to be present with other people whomever they may be and whatever kind of relationship you may have with them.

Don’t Let Yourself Be Gaslighted

“There are numerous ways to combat gaslighting, but it is key to make sure you don’t let yourself be gaslighted, even when it is by people you are close to or have grown to trust or admire.”

‘Gaslighting’, a term that was originally derived from the 1944 film titled, “Gaslight,” is sadly an increasingly common form of psychological manipulation, where one person tries to make another person doubt their own reality, memory, or perceptions.

This manipulative kind of behavior can have severe consequences on an individual’s mental health and overall well-being. Recognizing and combating ‘gaslighting’ is crucial in maintaining one’s psychological integrity and emotional health. There are numerous ways to combat gaslighting, but it is key to make sure you don’t let yourself be gaslighted, even when it is by people you are close to or have grown to trust or admire.

Gaslighting itself can occur in various scenarios, from personal relationships to workplace environments and even on an entire societal level. Here are some common examples that I would like to highlight where ‘gaslighting’ can take place and whom can be responsible for it occurring:

  1. Personal Relationships: In intimate relationships or romantic partnerships, a partner might persistently deny events that have happened, downplay your feelings, or blame you for their own abusive or manipulative behavior. For example, they might say to you, “You’re too sensitive” or “You never take things seriously.” “That never happened; you’re imagining things.” Gaslighting in any relationship at any time is a toxic combination and can cause some long-lasting trauma, regret, or depression.
  2. Family Dynamics: Within families, parents might gaslight children by denying past abusive behavior or shifting the blame onto the child for what the parent did to them. Phrases like, “I never said that”, “I never did that to you”, “I knew you couldn’t do it,” or “You’re just making things up to get attention”, “How would you know? You’re just a child.” are commonly used in terms of gaslighting.
  3. Workplace Conditioning: In professional settings, a supervisor could deny promises they had previously made to an employee or group of employees. They could also undermine their employees’ performance and contributions by taking credit for it themselves or by taking advantage of the work you do without rewarding it later or acknowledging its positive impact. Comments made by a supervisor or fellow employee could be such as, “I never approved that project”, “I did not give you permission to do that”, “That presentation was all my idea”, “You did not do as much as I did” or “You must be mistaken, that wasn’t your idea” can make employees question their own competence, proficiency, and memory when it comes to the work they do for their fellow employees or employer.
  4. Societal Distrust: Gaslighting can also be seen on a broader societal scale where media heads, activists, or political figures deny facts or historical events that did occur, leading to widespread confusion and distrust among the public because leaders of those institutions are meant to be trusted but since they lie or deceive, the institution itself is distrusted and loses its standing in society.

Gaslighting has become increasingly prevalent in today’s digital age, where misinformation and manipulation are rampant combined with seemingly never-ending ways to engage people to disbelieve what they perceive or create a different reality than what we are used to. Social media platforms, where information can be easily distorted, manipulated and spread endlessly, provides fertile ground for gaslighting on a mass scale. Politicians, national leaders, and public figures often engage in gaslighting tactics to sway public opinion or deflect criticism to win support for their agendas and policies. When it comes to personal relationships, the anonymity, the rapid pace, and the sheer distance provided by online communication can embolden individuals to gaslight others without facing immediate repercussions because of how they hide who they are and what they really believe by gaslighting you instead.

Avoiding being gaslighted is not easy especially in the modern era where we are constantly exposed to other people’s worldviews and are made to take in rapid streams of information instantaneously. Being able to avoid gaslighting involves the following steps in no order, which can help you avoid these manipulative tactics that harm your mental health:

  1. Educate Yourself: Understanding what gaslighting is, where it can come from, and recognizing the signs of when it is happening is the first step in protecting yourself. Familiarize yourself with common gaslighting tactics and how they manifest in different situations in different areas of our life.
  2. Trust Your Perception: Keep a journal to document events and conversations where you think gaslighting could have occurred. It won’t always be the case, but this approach can help reinforce your memory and provide tangible evidence of what happened, making it harder for someone to distort your reality because you’re able to jog your memory on what happened, what you did, and what was their reaction or behavior about it.
  3. Set Boundaries: It’s vital to establish clear boundaries with those who exhibit gaslighting behavior even if they are close friends or family. Make it known that manipulative behavior is unacceptable to you and that you will not engage with it regardless of if they think they are gaslighting you or not. It is better to preserve your own mental health and wellness even if it harms the friendship or relationship temporarily.
  4. Seek Support: Confide in friends, family, or a mental health professional who can provide an outside perspective and validate your experiences as an impartial participant in what happened. Support networks from people you trust and can confide in are essential in maintaining your sense of reality and self-worth. Never seek support from someone you found out was gaslighting you or attempting to gaslight you. You must hold your standards high because if they did it once, chances are good that they will do it to you again.
  5. Practice Self-Care: To protect your own health and wellness, you should continue to engage in daily or weekly activities that bolster your mental and emotional health. Exercise, meditation, sports, and hobbies with trusted friends and family members can help reduce stress and enhance your resilience against manipulation and other gaslighting tactics.
  6. Assert Your Reality: Calmly assert your version of events without getting drawn into a debate. If you can give examples surrounding what you were doing at the time or provide proof or evidence to back up your point, it doesn’t hurt to do so. Most impactful will be to use phrases with the accuser such as, “I remember it differently”, “I wrote down what happened and have proof to share with you” or “I don’t agree with your version” can help you maintain your stance without escalating the conflict further.

We know that there are ways to avoid gaslighting, but how do we combat it in different ways to give ourselves options to get out of the situation or to remedy the effects of it happening to us.

  1. Direct Confrontation: If safe to do so with the person(s), address the gaslighter(s) directly. Use specific examples and “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you. For example, “I feel confused when you say that because it contradicts what I remember” or “I am upset when you don’t believe what I tell you was how it happened to me.”
  2. Detach Emotionally: Emotionally distancing yourself from the gaslighter can reduce their impact on you or ability to affect your mental state. Do your best to practice this form of detachment by recognizing that their actions reflect their own issues, and not yours. Their problem is not your problem, and you did not do anything wrong.
  3. Seek Professional Help: Therapy or talking to a professional psychiatrist can be invaluable in recovering from the effects of gaslighting. A therapist can help you rebuild your self-esteem and develop strategies to deal with manipulative behavior if you experiencing it happening again to you.
  4. Limit Physical Contact or Distance Yourself: In some cases, the best course of action is to limit or sever contact with the gaslighter. This is especially true in toxic relationships where the gaslighting is severe and persistent. It is always better to get that person out of your life or to never see him or her again if it gets to be too much to deal with their behavior.

Gaslighting is a deeply harmful form of psychological abuse that can have long-lasting effects on someone’s mental health. It erodes your self-esteem, creates self-doubt, and can lead to anxiety, depression, and a host of other issues. The pervasive nature of gaslighting in our modern era, amplified by endless forms of digital communication, misinformation, and coarsening societal dynamics, makes it a significant issue to address for people everywhere.

Recognizing gaslighting as a negative behavior and taking steps to combat it is essential for maintaining your psychological well-being. By educating yourself, trusting your perceptions, setting boundaries, seeking professional support, practicing self-care, and potentially limiting or ending contact with gaslighters, you can protect yourself from this serious form of manipulation. Ultimately, preventing, addressing, or combating gaslighting is not just about preserving one’s mental health; it is about fostering healthier, stronger, more authentic relationships and societal environments where care for one another, truth, and trust can flourish equally.

Always Run The Numbers

“Amidst the chaos and uncertainty surrounding our daily existence, there is a guiding beacon for us, which illuminates the fog of uncertainty and leads us towards success. That beacon for you all is the power of running the numbers.”

You should always be running the numbers in life. By doing this consistently, you’ll be able to make better choices and decisions that could impact your overall destiny. Every choice we make, whether consciously or not, shapes the path we tread for ourselves. Amidst the chaos and uncertainty surrounding our daily existence, there is a guiding beacon for us, which illuminates the fog of uncertainty and leads us towards success. That beacon for you all is the power of running the numbers.

In every aspect of our lives, from career advancement to personal relationships, from financial management to time allocation, running the numbers empowers us to make informed decisions, thereby maximizing our overall lifestyle and potential for success.

In the area of career advancement and pursuit of opportunities, running the numbers is like conducting a cost-benefit analysis of our possible actions. Imagine standing at the crossroads of a fateful career decision such as a new job offer presenting itself, promising higher pay and greater responsibilities. The allure is undeniable to take the new job, but is it truly the right move for you?

By running the numbers, one can evaluate the tangible and intangible costs and benefits associated with the decision. You can start with calculating the potential increase in income against the added workload, hours, and stress. Then, consider the long-term prospects of career growth and personal development from taking this job. Lastly, you should factor in the commute time, the impact on work-life balance, and the job’s alignment with your own personal values and goals.

Running the numbers empowers people to make informed choices rather than succumbing to impulsive desires or societal pressures. It provides a basic framework for assessing the risks and rewards involved in a decision, allowing someone to put themselves forward with confidence and clarity after making a calculated move.

Moreover, in the realm of relationship building, running the numbers fosters authenticity and empathy in forming your relationships. Whether forging new connections or nurturing existing bonds, understanding the dynamics at play, the emotional investment, personality compatibility, mutual respect, helps enable individuals to cultivate better and more worthwhile relationships, which are grounded in trust, care, and understanding.

Beyond both careers and relationships, the importance of running the numbers extends to the realm of financial management and time allocation. In a world where resources are finite, and demands on our finances are seemingly endless, strategic decision-making is paramount to take into consideration.

Budgeting, which is often overlooked yet indispensable to becoming a fully formed person, lies at the heart of having financial stability. By meticulously tracking both your income and your expenses on a consistent basis, individuals will gain better insights into their current spending habits and can identify areas for improvement. Running the numbers reveals possible opportunities for savings, investment, and debt reduction that you may have missed before, helping to pave the way towards having greater financial freedom and security.

Similarly, time, the most precious of all commodities, demands a similar kind of numerical allocation. In a culture beset with constant busyness and distractions, the ability to prioritize tasks and allocate one’s time effectively is a real-life superpower. Running the numbers by evaluating the return on investment for each activity enables someone to focus on endeavors that yield the greatest impact and fulfillment to our own life.

Moreover, by embracing the quantitative approach to time management, individuals cultivate a mindset of both productivity and purpose. They learn to distinguish between the activities that contribute to their long-term goals and those other activities that merely serve as momentary distractions or procrastination traps.

The average person should be ready to do a cost-benefit analysis when deciding on whether to do an activity by weighing the potential gains against the incurred costs. Firstly, the benefits must be evaluated, considering both tangible and intangible gains such as enjoyment, learning, or personal fulfillment. Next, the costs, including time, money, and opportunity costs, should be assessed.

For example, if the activity is a hobby like learning a musical instrument, benefits might include personal growth, relaxation, and skill development. However, the costs would involve purchasing the instrument, dedicating time for practice, and possibly forgoing other activities that you could do instead.

Quantifying these factors allows you to make more informed decisions. Assigning values or ratings to each benefit and cost helps to compare and prioritize your options effectively. If the benefits outweigh the costs significantly, the activity is likely worthwhile. Conversely, if the costs exceed the benefits, the activity should be deemed a waste of time. This kind of decision rests on our own individual preferences, goals, and circumstances. To follow up, doing a regular reassessment ensures that the activities we do align with our evolving priorities, maximizing both personal satisfaction and productivity.

Whether it is applying for jobs, going out on dates, making sales calls to potential clients or customers, you need to be giving yourself the best chance that you have at success. It may not take one time, ten times, or even a hundred times to get the result you are looking for and that’s why part of running the numbers involves improving your odds as much as possible, putting in enough work where you have enough volume or experience in surging those numbers, and then learning from your mistakes or errors when you are partaking in the numbers game.

Taking chances, sometimes more than you would like, will eventually help you succeed with enough perseverance and hard work. Most people will quit after their first attempt or their first rejection but let that person not be you. Keep working at making the calls, asking the woman or man out, hitting ‘send’ on that job application, and eventually you’ll be able to see some progress towards achieving your goals, but it’s going to take a lot of ‘numbers’ to get to where you want to be. Make sure to give yourself enough chances, enough options, and enough experience to where when you get from hearing ‘no’s’ to hearing ‘yes’s’, you’ll be able to take advantage of the shift in the numbers working for you and not against you.

In the grand scheme of things, running the numbers serves as the ultimate conductor, orchestrating harmony, and fomenting balance amidst ever looming chaos. It empowers each of us to navigate the complexities of our daily existence with clarity and confidence, enabling more people to seize opportunities, manage resources effectively, and cultivate a life of purpose and fulfillment.

By embracing the quantitative approach to decision-making and ‘running the numbers’ as much as possible, anyone can transcend the shackles of uncertainty and indecision. The power of numbers can be used as a guiding beacon, illuminating the path towards success and prosperity.

Essentially, running the numbers is not merely a basic tool for living better, it is a mindset, a philosophy, and a way of life. It is the relentless pursuit of greater knowledge and understanding behind the choices that lie before us. It is the unwavering commitment to taking informed action instead of embracing endless speculation. Remember to take the time and the effort to embrace the power of numbers and begin to chart a course to a more successful and prosperous life.

Being An Active Listener

“I would like to highlight the significance of having active listening skills in contemporary society, its myriad of benefits, its role in fostering respect and empathy for other people, and the pitfalls of distraction in the digital age.”

With the frenzied pace of modern life, where everyone seems to be talking but few are truly listening, the act of active listening has become increasingly crucial to partake in. In a society inundated with seemingly unlimited information and plagued by short attention spans, the ability to listen intently and engage with others through attentive body language has emerged as a rare and invaluable skill, both personally and professionally. I would like to highlight the significance of having active listening skills in contemporary society, its myriad of benefits, its role in fostering respect and empathy for other people, and the pitfalls of distraction in the digital age.

Active listening is more than just hearing words come out of the other person’s mouth; it is about comprehending fully the message being conveyed, acknowledging the speaker’s perspective, and responding thoughtfully when they are done. In a world where communication often takes place through digital screens and abbreviated text messages, genuine human connection can easily be lost, especially when it’s not done face-to-face. However, active listening provides a counterbalance to this growing trend, allowing people to connect on a deeper level and work on building more meaningful relationships.

One of the primary benefits of active listening is the ability to facilitate effective and thorough communication. By listening attentively without interrupting, one can better understand the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of the other person behind the words spoken. This type of listening comprehension lays the foundation for productive dialogue, enabling participants to exchange ideas, resolve conflicts, and collaborate more effectively. Whether in personal relationships, professional settings, or in the public discourse, the ability to listen actively fosters mutual understanding and helps to facilitate constructive communication.

Moreover, being an active listener is a sign of respect and shows that you have real empathy towards other people. When we give someone our undivided attention, we convey that their words and experiences are truly valued. This kind of validation not only strengthens interpersonal bonds but also nurtures a sense of belonging and significance. In a society where people often feel isolated and unheard from, the simple act of listening actively can make a profound difference in someone’s life or even just their day. By demonstrating empathy and understanding, active listeners create a supportive and caring environment where individuals feel safe to express themselves authentically.

Additionally, active listening enhances our capacity for empathy and compassion. When we truly listen to others, we gain insight into their emotions, perspectives, and lived experiences. This expanded awareness cultivates empathy, allowing us to relate to others on a deeper level and appreciate the diversity of our individual experiences. Through active listening, we transcend our own preconceptions and biases and open ourselves up to new ideas and perspectives. In doing so, we foster a more inclusive and empathetic society where differences are accepted and acknowledged rather than feared and ignored.

Furthermore, active listening promotes personal growth and self-awareness. By paying attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise within us as we listen to others, we gain valuable insights into our own beliefs, values, and biases. This self-reflection enables us to identify areas for our own personal growth and development, fostering greater self-awareness and more emotional intelligence. Also, by engaging in active listening, we cultivate a habit of mindfulness and presence, allowing us to fully immerse ourselves in the present moment and appreciate the richness of undisturbed human interaction.

In today’s digital age, the temptation to multitask and divide our attention is constant. With smartphones constantly buzzing with notifications and social media feeds demanding our immediate attention, it can be challenging to stay fully present during conversations. However, the consequences of being distracted can be profound, leading to misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and damaged relationships and friendships. When we allow ourselves to be distracted by our phones, laptops, tablets, or other devices while interacting with others, we signal that they are not worthy of our full attention. This lack of full presence undermines the quality of the communication involved and diminishes the level of trust and respect between two or more individuals.

While active listening holds immense value, there are certain pitfalls to avoid ensuring its full effectiveness. One common mistake is the tendency to mentally prepare responses while the other person is speaking, rather than fully absorbing their message. This kind of anticipation without thinking can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for genuine connection. Additionally, interrupting or interjecting with personal anecdotes can derail the conversation and detract from the speaker’s unique experience. To mitigate these kinds of challenges, it is essential to cultivate mindfulness and self-awareness during interactions, even if you really have something urgent to add to the conversation.

To avoid this kind of pitfall, you should be actively monitoring your thoughts and impulses, resisting the urge to jump to conclusions or offer unsolicited advice without being asked for it. Instead, you can practice patience and humility, allowing the speaker to express themselves fully before formulating your response. By maintaining open body language and making eye contact, we can signal our engagement and receptivity, encouraging the speaker to continue sharing their uninterrupted thoughts and feelings. When we are being mindful of these potential pitfalls and committing to being an active listener with sincerity and respect, we can foster deeper connections and enrich our friendships and relationships with other people.

Therefore, it is essential to prioritize presence and mindfulness in all your interactions with others. By consciously setting aside any distractions and giving our full attention to the person speaking to us, we demonstrate full respect and consideration for their thoughts and feelings. In addition, by resisting the urge to check our phones or engage in other activities while listening to that person, we create a real space for authentic connection and meaningful dialogue. By doing this, we honor the inherent dignity and worth of every individual, fostering a culture of respect and empathy that they will be able to return in kind if they follow your good example.

Active listening is a key cornerstone of effective communication, respect, and empathy in today’s world. Listening attentively without interrupting, showing engaged body language, thinking up a response until after they’ve finished talking, and giving our full attention to the speaker helps create a foundation for meaningful dialogue and authentic connection, which is becoming increasingly rare. In our society marked by digital distractions and fleeting, shallow interactions, the ability to listen actively is more important than ever to cultivate day-in and day-out. When we embrace the art of active listening, we can foster deeper relationships, cultivate greater empathy and understanding, and create a more compassionate and inclusive world for everyone.

The Virtue of Showing Emotional Restraint

“It’s important to explore the concept of having emotional restraint when facing criticism, the benefits of not escalating the situation to make it worse than it needs to be, and how it demonstrates maturity and grace when you can show restraint in the face of judgment or criticism, whether deserved or not.”

In both professional and personal settings, criticism is an inevitable part of life. Whether it comes from a colleague, a friend, or a family member, criticism can be challenging to navigate but important to embrace if it is justifiable. However, it can be especially difficult when the criticism is unwarranted or unjustified. Therefore, it is crucial to show emotional restraint in these situations, even when it feels difficult, rude, or unfair.

It’s important to explore the concept of having emotional restraint when facing criticism, the benefits of not escalating the situation to make it worse than it needs to be, and how it demonstrates maturity and grace when you can show restraint in the face of judgment or criticism, whether deserved or not.

Emotional restraint is known as the ability to control one’s emotions, particularly in challenging situations. When faced with criticism of something you did or something you said, it is natural to feel a range of emotions, including anger, frustration, and sadness. However, acting on these emotions and turning it back on the person(s) doing the criticism of yourself can often lead to negative outcomes. For example, responding to criticism with anger or defensiveness can escalate the situation and damage relationships, sometimes permanently. It can also lead to regrettable actions or words that cannot be taken back without regret or remorse.

On the other hand, showing emotional restraint allows individuals to respond to criticism in a calm, cool, and collected manner. This kind of attitude change can lead to more productive conversations and resolutions to problems that can arise. It also demonstrates emotional maturity and self-control, which are valuable traits in both personal and professional settings that will serve you well in life.

Emotional restraint is crucial in various everyday situations, as it helps maintain composure and fosters healthy relationships with other people. Here are a few examples where having good restraint in everyday situations can come in handy:

  1. Workplace Criticism: When receiving feedback or criticism from a colleague or a supervisor, it’s essential to remain calm and composed and to not react. Reacting impulsively or defensively can escalate the situation and damage your professional relationships. Instead, by showing emotional restraint, it allows for a more constructive dialogue and a better understanding of the feedback that you are getting, whether you feel it’s warranted or not.
  2. Family Disagreements: In family settings, disagreements are common, but reacting emotionally can lead to unnecessary conflict and trauma. By showing emotional restraint, individuals can avoid saying hurtful or insulting things they may regret later and work instead towards a resolution calmly and rationally that will maintain the relationship rather than rupture it.
  3. Social Media Interactions: Online interactions can often lead to heated debates or arguments especially since they are being done behind a screen and not face to face with that person or a group of people. Instead of engaging in a war of words that can seemingly go on forever and escalate to be rude, nasty, or involve insults, you should be exercising emotional restraint, which can help maintain a respectful discourse and prevent the situation from escalating to bullying or harassment.
  4. Customer Service Interactions: Dealing with difficult customers or clients in your work or volunteering often requires having emotional restraint. Remaining calm, kind, and empathetic can help resolve issues more effectively and maintain a positive reputation for the business or company that you’re working or volunteering for.
  5. Traffic Incidents: Road rage is a common issue in our society, but showing restraint can prevent dangerous or deadly situations. Taking a deep breath, maintaining your focus on what you can control on the road, and staying calm and relaxed can help avoid confrontations and maintain safety on the road and help save yourself from an accident or a crash. You never know who you’re dealing with the other car or truck or bus so it’s best to not yell, engage them further, or leave the vehicle at any time to escalate such a dicey situation when it comes to ‘road rage.’

In any of these types of situations, having emotional restraint allows you to handle conflicts and criticism more effectively, fostering healthier relationships, and promoting a more peaceful environment. When faced with receiving criticism which will happen both professionally and personally, it can be tempting to respond in kind or to escalate the situation with the other party. However, this rarely leads to a positive outcome and can make the situation worse. Instead, it often leads to a cycle of negativity and conflict. By showing emotional restraint and not responding in kind to get into an argument or worse, individuals can break this difficult cycle of bad behavior and create a more positive environment.

Not escalating the situation also allows individuals to maintain their dignity and self-respect. It shows that they are confident in themselves and their abilities, and that they do not need to resort to negative behavior to defend themselves from criticism, whether it is justified or not from the other party. This kind of attitude can earn them respect from others including co-workers, romantic partners, or friends, and help to build and maintain stronger relationships when you show positive characteristics in your behavior by not reacting in a negative way.

Emotional restraint is both a sign of emotional maturity and grace. It shows that the person in question can control their emotions and can respond to criticism in a thoughtful and measured way to learn from their mistakes or to just take it in stride by not losing control of their emotions. This can be especially challenging when the criticism is unwarranted or unjustified. However, by showing emotional restraint, individuals can rise above the situation and demonstrate their maturity and grace in their dealings with other people.

Emotional restraint also shows that someone can put the needs of the relationship above their own ego. It shows that they are willing to listen to others’ feedback and consider the other person’s perspective, even if they disagree with it or won’t change because of it. This can lead to more open and honest communication, and ultimately, stronger friendships and relationships.

Overall, it is necessary these days to have emotional restraint as it is a valuable skill that can help individuals navigate criticism in both professional and personal settings. By showing emotional restraint, individuals can respond to criticism in a calm, cool, and collected manner, and avoid escalating the situation further. This kind of behavior from mature adults can lead to more productive conversations, problem solving, and better resolutions, and ultimately, a healthier and happier life by having this kind of outlook on managing your emotions well.

Emotional restraint demonstrates the need for having both maturity and grace and shows that someone should be able to put the needs of the relationship above their own ego or beliefs. Having the capacity for emotional restraint is an important life skill that can help individuals navigate criticism with both dignity and decency.  

Our Many Faces

“We try to find those people or at least one person who we can share ourselves with and how to open up our ‘little weird worlds’ to them without being judged or criticized or made fun of.”

There is a touching scene in one of my favorite movies, ‘Good Will Hunting’, which focuses on Sean (played by Robin Williams), a former prodigious mathematician turned psychologist, who is mentoring Will Hunting (played by Matt Damon) but also providing guidance to a young man going through a tough time. Will is gifted but also has suffered physical abuse and mental trauma having lived with different foster families who did not treat him well. Sean notices Will not really sharing who he is fully and that is not just the case with Sean at first in their sessions but also with Will’s new girlfriend, Skylar.

Will is afraid to let his guard down and shows there are different levels or facets to he is but given his personal history, is afraid to let others into his world because he is worried that he’ll be hurt or abandoned again like his foster parents did to him. Sean tries to get through to Will on multiple occasions and so does Jerry, Sean’s old friend, who believes Will has great mathematical talent but is unwilling to work with him on his personal issues, which came to a forefront when Will got into a street fight with his friends and ended up assaulting a police officer.

In order to get Will to open up to him more, Sean attempts to tell Will why it is so important to show our true self or as I would like to call it here, our true face when we can because deep down that’s who we really are and it’s special to let someone in when we are vulnerable to get to know our full personality and who we are as individuals. Sean, in his personal anecdote, relays the story of how his dearly departed wife would fart when she was nervous and that only he as her husband would know that about her. Sean would sometimes hide the truth from her by saying it was him who farted even when it was so loud that it would wake the dog up when they were all sleeping in bed together.

“It’s the little things like that, that I miss the most.” Sean doesn’t reminisce primarily about their wedding, how they met perhaps, or about what they would do together on a date night. He would think about the things that made her his wife that no other person would know. In other words, Sean would see his wife’s true face or self because of how intimate of a relationship they had as husband and wife. Those little ‘idiosyncrasies or tics or habits that Sean knew about his wife is what made it such a special relationship even when she had passed away. Sean was encouraging Will to open up more to Skylar because it’s no use going through life without showing somebody you love your true self or face, which you likely hide from other people.

Will has friends, has his Mathematician mentor, Jerry, and his psychologist turned confidant, Sean, but these are different faces he presents to all of them, and the one true face Sean is encouraging him to show is with his girlfriend, Skylar. While Will can drink, talk construction, and reminisce with his buddies, he can’t show him his whole personality or face. In addition, Will can solve complicated Math problems and challenge himself intellectually with Jerry, he can’t do that with his friends. While Sean is a friend to Will and they can talk about sports and relationships and life, Will has a hard time confiding in Sean about his past and what he wants from himself.

I think all of us can relate to a movie like Good Will Hunting and a Character like Will Hunting. We try to find those people or at least one person who we can share ourselves with and how to open up our ‘little weird worlds’ to them without being judged or criticized or made fun of. It’s why we show different faces to our loved ones and our friends than we would with our work colleagues or a stranger. It’s hard to open up but we must do our best to be vulnerable with those we trust and whose relationship matters to us most. We can go days, weeks, months, or even longer without connecting with someone on a deep level, which is why it becomes even more special when we can share our peculiarities, our oddities, or the ‘good stuff’ as Sean would call it with someone we truly love and care about.

Similar to the character of Will Hunting, each of us can be hardened by life and find it difficult especially as we age to be vulnerable, to let people in to see the real ‘you’ without holding back, and to be accepted for it. A lot of times, we may be pretending with our other faces to please our boss, to support a colleague, to crack jokes with a friend, and even help a stranger out. It’s good to have those faces in public but it’s who we are in private with someone we care about or love that is our true face.

Thinking of the expression, ‘to put on a good face’, we often must withhold part of who we are at school, at an office, or at the local restaurant or bar, to hold back from showing 100% of what makes ‘you’ you. It’s not easy as Will and Sean illustrate in scenes from ‘Good Will Hunting’ how to show your real face and real personality to someone fully, especially if you have been burned before in the past and been hurt physically or mentally as a result.

We strive to be perfect and to not make mistakes in our daily dealings with others in both professional and personal interactions. However, it can be easy to forget in our lives to not be afraid to let our true face or our true self shine through as we each have our own flaws and our own ‘peccadillos’ that we set us apart from one another. The key challenge or opportunity in life, depending on how you look at it, is finding someone that we can be truly open and vulnerable with without putting on a different face.

Being able to let your guard down, share yourself fully with another person without fear, doubt, or anxiety, that can lead to some of the deepest joy or happiness in life as Sean had explained to Will in the film. While we may not be able to fully express ourselves day in and day out to most people we meet or interact with, hopefully, we can find the right person to spend as much time with as possible and for whom we can be 100% of who we are and what we are deep down inside.

Why You Should Maintain A Solid Frame

“Life will throw an innumerable number of challenges at you. It will test you day in and day out and create obstacles and problems that you will have to solve. You will be challenged both mentally and physically to make it through while preserving your calm and your resiliency.”

Life will throw an innumerable number of challenges at you. It will test you day in and day out and create obstacles and problems that you will have to solve. You will be challenged both mentally and physically to make it through while preserving your calm and your resiliency. When you think of what ‘frame’ is in the psychological sense, think about what makes up your personality. Are you cool under pressure? Are you able to maintain your calm when things are unraveling or getting out of hand? Can you persevere when faced with both known and unknown problems?

If you answered ‘yes’ to those rhetorical questions, then your frame is solid and on a good foundation. Having a solid frame is not just about housing or for a building’s physical structure, but it can be extended to people and our emotional makeup. When your frame is solid, you will be able to meet challenges head on and even if you fail or fall short, you will have met the challenge with resiliency and perseverance. Having solid frame is primarily not what happens to you but how do you deal with what happens to you, especially when things are not going your way.

An example of a person with a solid frame does not get discouraged easily, does not overreact, and keeps their emotions under control even when internally, they may be struggling or dealing with the multiple emotions bubbling under the surface. That does not mean to not show emotion at all but to hold it in control and be able to hold them in check to not let your emotions get to you and cause you to crumble under pressure. In an emergency or a life-threatening situation, that is where having a solid frame will come most in handy and could mean the difference between life or death.

For example, when you are on a flooded road in pitch black darkness and there’s no one around and your car isn’t starting, what do you do? Do you shake the wheel in anger, punch it in frustration because the car won’t start, and let the waters consume you while you lash out? Or do you take advantage of the minute or less available to unhook your seatbelt, crack the window wide open, and create enough physical space so you can get your body out fast before you are unable to get out with the water filling up to your head leaving you vulnerable to drowning?

Being able to maintain your emotional state even under intense pressure will set you apart from others and help solidify that frame so that when the time comes and something terrible happens, you will be able to handle it without losing emotional control when you need it the most. You never think about your emotional state until it is being engaged by outside pressures and when it’s being challenged by internal or external factors, sometimes both at once. Think about those jobs where your frame needs to be solid almost 100% of the time whether you are a firefighter, police officer, soldier, paramedic, etc. Having a solid frame is key to making it through the day without an error or issue that could be fatal if serious enough.

Now, even if your day job or school life is not as engaging to your emotional state, you still need to be able to handle tasks under pressure or stress whether you are driving in ‘rush hour’ traffic or attempting to make your way out of a rambunctious crowd at the end of a rowdy concert with thousands of people fumbling to the exit together. Your solid frame needs to be engaged as much as possible even when you don’t think you’ll need to use it. A disaster or an emergency or a problem can sprout up when you least expect it so it is important to be consistently practicing how to strengthen your frame of mind when it will be tested.

Having a solid frame also extends to your friendships and relationships so that you will be able to handle any potential issues or conflicts that will need to be worked out. This is especially the case when there’s years of past relations or friendship at stake. You must be able to not let your emotions get the best of you when it comes to how you feel about the person(s) but rather to handle the issue rationally as much as possible with your best interest in mind. It is important to not lose your temper or get distraught because of the issue when you’ve been through a lot together with that person over the years, but you should treat the problem you’re having with them as separate from how you feel about them to deal with it logically.

Being able to process and control your emotions in a healthy manner is the main part of having a solid frame. Being primarily concerned with the problem or issue rationally and how to figure it out logically without the issue becoming too emotional will save you a lot of grief, heartache, and even your life. I do recommend trying to plot out how you feel about stressful situations in retrospect and if you were able to maintain a solid frame or not. Think about if you were able to keep your emotions in check or did you lash out which caused the situation to spiral negatively?

If you are in a pattern of personal behavior when your consistent responses to stressful or anxious or tense situations leave you emotionally drained, and you were not able to solve the problem(s) effectively as a result, you will need to work on solidifying your frame and working on your overall emotional state. Sometimes, changing your emotional state involves writing out how you would react to hypothetical situations. You may also need to act out such situations with a trusted friend or family member or even a psychologist.

Any of these examples would be able to see where you went wrong or how the stressful situation could have been handled better. Above all else, a solid frame involves thinking before you act, deep breathing, and evaluating as quickly as possible a course of action rather than lamenting or despairing on why you are in the situation to begin with. Without establishing a solid frame, you may not be able to handle what is thrown at you in life. Your emotions may continue to get the better of you when you do not have them under control to begin with leaving you vulnerable to a more stressful and chaotic life.