Tag: skills

The Lost Skill of Making People Feel Seen

“Most people aren’t lonely because they lack friends, they’re lonely because nobody truly sees them. In a world of constant interactions, at work, online, or in our daily routines, these moments are often shallow, rushed, and forgettable.”

Most people aren’t lonely because they lack friends, they’re lonely because nobody truly sees them. In a world of constant interactions, at work, online, or in our daily routines, these moments are often shallow, rushed, and forgettable.

One of the best books I’ve read recently on this subject is from New York Times writer and columnist, David Brooks, who authored the book, ‘How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen’ in October 2023. The core idea of his book was that you can divide people into two camps of ‘Illuminators vs. Diminishers’, with illuminators making people feel recognized, clearer, more important, and the diminishers who make interactions about themselves or forget about the other person (often not on purpose). If attention is now the primary currency in our lives, giving or receiving quality attention is the key difference in seeing others fully.

Let’s go into what ‘feeling seen’ means in 2025 and what it doesn’t because it can get confusing if you’re new to this concept. Feeling seen is not about just agreeing with someone, praising them effusively, being ‘nice’ or ‘kind’, fixing their problems for them, dumping your own problems or inadequacies on them to compensate in return for them sharing their issues. Rather, feeling seen is about being perceived accurately and without judgment often, having your inner logic understood and how you see the world, and feeling that your emotions are being recognized rather than just analyzed and interpreted.

An example of this in action could be a friend, a spouse, or a co-worker telling you, “I don’t necessarily agree with you here, but I understand why that matters to you and I see your perspective.” Being able to let that person know that you know where they are coming from in their views and why it matters to them makes a huge difference in your personal and professional life.

Technological and other daily distractions aside, there are various reasons why people don’t feel fully seen nowadays. Most people are not patient in waiting for their turn to talk, rehearse their response in advance while you’re still speaking, filtering everything through themselves and what they would do, or just not wanting to understand when they listen. If you are not seeing someone enough, start with listening to understand the other person rather than listening to reply or putting themselves in their shoes right away. You cannot see someone else while you’re playing their role in your own mental movies or thinking through what you would do, say, or behave in their shoes.

Like any social skill, there are ways to make someone feel more seen and to build up that skill like it’s a positive habit. The more you use, repeat, and solidify these response tactics, the more comfortable other people will feel around you. First, listen to the emotion that they are carrying with their words even if they don’t express it outright. Train yourself to hear the ‘fear, anxiety, pride, shame, sadness, frustration, hope, joy, etc. that they exude with their cadence and tone beyond the words they are saying. Being able to voice what emotions they may be expressing to you in their words is very powerful and will make someone feel very seen. For example, “You sound disappointed, not angry, about ____.” As David Brooks wrote about ‘illuminators’, seeing people’s emotions clearly even if they aren’t telling you with their words what exactly they are feeling is a very useful people skill.

Second, I think it’s key to asking expanding questions, rather than extractive or basic ones. Good questions open doors to a deeper and more fulfilling conversation while bad questions can feel like an interview or an interrogation. A good question could be, “What part of your work gives you the most fulfillment?”, which can expand the conversation and take that person through a positive memory or a feeling of contentedness sharing what they do for a living in a specific way. Rather than an extractive question that may not lead anywhere that we often hear a lot as “So, what do you do?” If the question helps them understand better or explains why someone does what they do, you’re doing it the right way.

Additionally, some other ways to make others feel seen is to avoid pivoting to yourself right away. You should want to reflect on the conversation rather than redirect it to be about yourself or what you would do. For example, you could say “What I’m hearing from you is ____”, allowing that person to know that you were paying attention but also that you heard them correctly in terms of their viewpoint. Remember to ask questions that open the conversation, not trap it. Name specific strengths you notice. These small moves make someone feel truly seen. A friend once told me they felt burnt out by their job. In this case, just nodding back wasn’t enough, but I reflected on their frustrations with their work environment, and it completely shifted the conversation

Naming the strength(s) and good qualities of a person is also an excellent way to make them feel seen. Instead of calling someone you respect ‘smart, clever, hard-working’, go deeper than that by taking why you think they are that way and what it is specifically that led you to come to that conclusion about them. At a meeting once, instead of saying “Good point. I said, ‘I see why that approach would make sense given the constraints you’re dealing with.”

Lastly, people are unfinished characters meaning that they are complex, deep, and contradictory at times. Mr. Brooks’s book emphasizes the need to have a ‘moral imagination’ about someone to get beyond who you think they are just because you know their politics, childhood, job, worst moment(s). Assume in good faith that there is a lot more going on in a person’s life than you currently understand and try to hold judgment about them based just on the information that you have available about them.

Being seen by another person deeply is a great feeling and is increasingly rare these days. Seeing others requires courage, dedication, and attention, which is in short supply. The ability to see and be seen demands humility, slowing ourselves down, removing our ego armor, and being present with them fully. It is also worth noting that the people who feel most unseen by others end up being the worst at seeing others in response as it becomes a negative cycle. If you’re not seen at all or at least a little bit, why would you want to do the same for others rather than breaking the cycle?

Making others feel seen changes you for the better as a person. When you see others well, your relationships deepen, you become a better leader, your conflicts soften or end, and your own sense of personal meaning grows as a result. As Brooks writes in ‘How to Know a Person’, “To know other person well is one of the highest forms of love.” I think this is a great lesson worth imparting on us all to try to illuminate other people as often as people and to do so in a consistent manner. I’ve seen it personally in my classrooms, work meetings, or even casual coffee chats as people light up when someone hears them and not just nods along.

Try this once today: make someone feel truly understood. Watch what happens. Whether it’s a comment, a reflection, a thoughtful question, a moment of real attention without distraction, you can make a positive difference in that person’s life, especially if they are going through a tough time. You don’t need grand gestures, just presence, attention, and care. In a world obsessed with being seen, the rarest superpower is knowing how to see.

Skills Pay The Bills

“Sadly, that is no longer the case even though some people seem to be blind to this change in our expectations of people’s professional qualifications.”

As you go through your professional and career pursuits, you realize more and more each year the need to continually invest in your skills. It used to be whereas a high school and more recently a college degree would set you on a path for sustained success whatever field you would enter. Sadly, that is no longer the case even though some people seem to be blind to this change in our expectations of people’s professional qualifications.

More than ever, ‘skills pay the bills’ so even though you may be formally educated, it is simply not enough to compete 5-10-20 years down the line. Technology and the world of work continues to rapidly change, whether you wear a blue collar or a white collar, many types of work nowadays ask you to stay up to date with the latest trends, innovations, and developments including new skills you’ll need to succeed.

This is not advice you are likely to hear as much if you’re a young person reading this article or just having been fresh out of college. You must continually be learning as much as you can and as related to your career interests long-term. Unfortunately, I don’t think our traditional education system from K-12 or at the university level have realized this as much yet to provide skills in the trades or in different areas like STEM, project management, cybersecurity, artificial intelligence, cloud computing, etc.

Hopefully, your employer or your university can provide those skills to you as part of your employment or as part of your time as a student but that is not always the case for us. In our working life, you will often have to take the initiative in learning new skills or building upon your current skillsets to pay the bills especially as you get older and move up the career ladder.

They may even pay for training or for your exam and/or course, but if that’s not in the cards, I do recommend seeking out those skillsets on your own that are marketable to add to your repertoire. It may be financially unaffordable or difficult, but I do recommend at least taking a few low-cost courses or no-cost videos to at least learn on your own. We still live in a day and age with seemingly unlimited access to information, whether online, or in your public library to learn new skills. Learning new skills and being certified or credentialed is worth the financial investment as well if you can save up money for it or at least work your way towards accreditation.

It does not hurt to show initiative to ask directly of your boss or other employees about ways to learn from them or see if you can shadow them to learn a new skill. You can also politely let them know the benefits that you could bring to your workplace from them having invested in your new skillsets over time. It may not take much to convince them, and you would be surprised how your argument could change their mind(s) when they realize the benefits to the company or the organization.

Still, if that does not happen, always, always invest in yourself. Jobs may change, bosses will change, but the skills you learn could last for the life of your career. Try out different skills here and there to see how much you want to invest in it financially and time wise. It can take a while to find out which skill(s) you would like to use for a living. I ask that you keep trying out different skills, learn new ones, and do it for yourself first. It is helpful in keeping yourself mentally sharp too because we can tend to stagnate after our formal education is over whether it was high school, college, or even after an advanced degree.

It is great to test ourselves not only in our teens in 20s, but in our 30s, 40s, 50s, and even beyond that. The current job market is not easy as I can tell so you need to keep investing in your skillsets to stand out amongst stiff competition regardless of what career field, you’re in. Please do not let yourself stagnate and rest on your laurels forever. I do agree it is good to take a break from learning here and there to give yourself time to think about what you want to learn.

However, you won’t be as competitive in your career pursuits if you aren’t improving your skills or learning new ones. The economy is so dynamic and changing rapidly due to advancements in different technologies that you constantly need to adapt to keep up with the job market. I barely mentioned the future of work, but I can say for sure that the future of work will go well for those of us who work hard, stay flexible, learn new skills with or without the support of our employers, and for whom of us have an open mind and a thirst for knowledge that cannot ever be quenched. Keep investing in yourself because as the saying goes, “skills pay the bills.”

The Importance of Giving Actionable Advice

“Being able to give out actionable advice is a key people skill that will set you apart from other people who dole out advice, but for which is not specific enough, not catered to that person in question, or does not have steps laid out for that person to fulfill.”

It is one thing to give some advice and it is another thing to give actionable advice. What do I mean when I say, ‘actionable advice’? Isn’t all advice ‘actionable’? Not necessarily. You can give someone basic advice that could help them to some degree, but ‘actionable advice’ is about laying out a plan or at least steps from A to Z or at least a few steps in chronological order to help someone achieve a goal, reach an objective, or solve a problem. Being able to give out actionable advice is a key people skill that will set you apart from other people who dole out advice, but for which is not specific enough, not catered to that person in question, or does not have steps laid out for that person to fulfill.

For an example of ‘actionable advice’, if you know someone studying for a professional certification and they need to pass an exam to get the certificate, you can lay out some real advice that could help them step by step. Instead of just telling that person in this hypothetical situation, “good luck and remember to study hard!”, that is basic advice that is redundant at best or insulting at worst because everyone knows they need to study for an exam to pass and they know luck may play a small factor in it, but it’s not helping them any more than they already know they need to study.

In this case, giving ‘actionable advice’ would look like, “hey, I know you’ll study hard but remember to join a study group each week, take 1-2 hours per night to review the exam material, be sure to take a few mock exams to get you ready for the test format, and even make flashcards or practice the concepts with me when you have some free time to do so.” This kind of approach is a perfect example of giving ‘actionable advice’ beyond just to “study hard!” You are really diving deeper with the person preparing for the exam by giving them several ways that they can maximize their study time, improve their knowledge, and show your own investment in them succeeding by asking them about the concepts or questions that may come up on the exam as well as reviewing flash cards with the test taker.

You will really stand out when you give that kind of detailed, actionable advice that lays out a plan for the test taker in this case to improve their odds at success. Most people will stop at the “study hard!” or “good luck!” but if you really care about the person, whether it’s a friend, a family member, or someone you’re in a relationship with, you will want to go further than that to show that you care about them and want to help them to the best of your ability.

When giving ‘Actionable advice’, it comes down to tailoring it to that individual person’s request or need such as acing a job interview, passing a test or exam, planning a trip for a few weeks or a few months, or if they are looking to improve their own finances. Deliberate and meaningful advice involves planning, following through with that plan, and marking your progress each time you fulfill a step or a part of the plan. If you are giving general advice that can be summed up in a few words or a sentence, that advice may help a little but it’s going to be forgotten quickly by the person you’re giving it to, and it won’t easily be remembered.

Taking the time with the person you’re helping means working closely with them, sharing ideas and the plan, holding him or her accountable for if they are following through with the advice, and having hard conversations at times about what their goals, dreams, or objectives really are, and how much they are willing to work for it to succeed.            

Anyone can give ‘boiler plate’ or ‘standard’ advice but if you want to know about who really cares about you and is invested in your success, be sure to give out ‘actionable advice’ instead. If it’s the kind of advice where you’re collaborating with that person, mapping out steps in chronological order to have a full plan, and where you’re ticking off the boxes together along the way in the hopes of reaching the ultimate goal(s) or objective(s), you can rest assured that kind of advice will be remembered for a long time by the person(s) you are helping to succeed.

The next time someone asks you for some advice, don’t ignore them or blow them off. Instead, understand where they’re coming from, what they are hoping to achieve and succeed with, and since they’re coming to you specifically, they really care about your perspective and your past familiarity with what they’re going through. Take the time to help them, build them up, hold them accountable, and chart a path together to help them succeed through sheer hard work and effort.

Getting Good at Asking Questions

“Asking questions is a fundamental life skill that you should always be improving on. You should be able to ask relevant questions without feeling as if you are imposing on someone.”

Asking questions is a fundamental life skill that you should always be improving on. You should be able to ask relevant questions without feeling as if you are imposing on someone. There are limits to how many questions or what kind of questions we can ask but you won’t know if that question will be answered until you ask it. Most of the time, there is no harm in asking someone a question and seeing what the response will be. I find that it’s often better to have posed the question than not to have asked anything at all.

Unfortunately, I would say that a lot of people are afraid of asking any questions at all. They may not want to cause a stir, fear a reprisal, or feel that their ego would be harmed by asking a question. I can sympathize with these concerns but it’s important to make sure that before agreeing to someone, before signing a document, or verifying a statement, that you ask all relevant questions that come to mind.

I would also argue that asking questions is not only necessary professionally but in your personal life. Being able to know more about your friend(s), your family member(s), and even your romantic partner comes down to asking good questions without overdoing it. It is one thing to be able to ask simple questions, but I would encourage you to get good at asking questions by following a few steps before you ask the question of the other person or of a group of people.

  1. As I mentioned earlier, the question should be relevant to the subject(s) that you are talking about. To give a simple example, if you need to ask someone what their plans are job or career-wise, I could ask them, “what would you like work on in the future?” or “where would you like to work in the future?” I wouldn’t say, “what does the future hold?” or “what will you do?”. You must make the sentence a bit more relevant by expressing that you are asking about ‘work’ specifically and highlighting ‘in the future’ to make sure that you are discussing a future opportunity. The other two questions are too general and do not specify enough that this is about a future job or opportunity. You should also make sure your question focuses on ‘your future’ and not ‘the future’ when asking that person. The other question of “what will you do?” has ‘in the future’ missing from the end where it could be more relevant.

2. Not only should questions be as relevant as possible, but you should avoid having them be open-ended. Similarly to not omitting ‘in the future’ from the end of the question, your question should be more concrete and firmer in what you are asking. Instead of asking someone, for example, “Did you tell the truth?”, it’s too open ended compared with, “Did you tell the truth about what happened at the party?” The person you are questioning may feign ignorance about an open-ended question such as not know what ‘truth’ or ‘true statement’ you are referring to. At the end of the question, you should be specific about what the ‘truth’ pertains to such as ‘the party’, that the person you’re questioning was likely at and can tell you more about it. I believe that when it comes to asking questions, they should be relevant but not be open-ended so the other person will not better what you are asking them about and will find it more difficult to feign ignorance. You only may have one chance to ask the relevant person(s) your question(s) so it’s better that they be as a specific as possible and discuss what the person or people should already have some familiarity with.

3. Lastly, when it comes to getting good at asking questions, make sure you are addressing not just ‘what’ and ‘why’ but to get the full context, including all the -wh question words as well as ‘how’ to add on to it. I believe ‘what’ and ‘why’ to be the most important kinds of question words to use in any question. However, I would recommend not neglecting the chance to have follow up questions if feasible. Those follow up questions you ask should include ‘where’, ‘who’, ‘when’, and ‘how.’ You can also include other ways to ask the question such as ‘for what reason _______’ or ‘for what purpose ______’ as questions can begin in English with ‘for’. If you have just one question to ask, ‘why’ followed by ‘what’ can be used almost interchangeably but are most effective in finding out the person’s reasoning or justification regarding the answer.

Don’t repeat the same kind of questions repeatedly. It is important to mix up your questions involving the question words that you use at the start of the sentence. If you can ask multiple questions, make sure you address each relevant question word with the person you’re asking. You’ll find that you will get more information from them and will get better answers by using each question word. Whether it is reason, explanation, justification, or overall rationale in their answer(s), the various question words can be a large difference in the information you receive as a result. If you are going to ask questions, do not make them the same and vary them each chance you get to achieve better results.

Asking good questions is not easy and there is some skill involved. It is better to ask a question than to not have asked one at all if you take the time to practice. You should want to make sure that you are asking questions generally but ones that are relevant, not too open-ended, more specific, and are also varied in how they are phrased. These key steps will set you apart in terms of the kind of answers you may get. If your questions are vague, irrelevant, open-ended, or too generic, you will likely not get the answers you need, and your professional or personal life may not progress as well as a result.

Like any good life skill, asking good questions will take serious time and effort. Make sure to practice what questions you’ll ask someone before stepping in front of them. Take the time to prepare, write down your questions, analyze them for relevance, and practice with a trusted person before stepping up to ask the actual question. You’ll be glad for the practice in doing so and I think you’ll be much better off as a result when ‘question time’ comes around.

Being An Active Listener

“I would like to highlight the significance of having active listening skills in contemporary society, its myriad of benefits, its role in fostering respect and empathy for other people, and the pitfalls of distraction in the digital age.”

With the frenzied pace of modern life, where everyone seems to be talking but few are truly listening, the act of active listening has become increasingly crucial to partake in. In a society inundated with seemingly unlimited information and plagued by short attention spans, the ability to listen intently and engage with others through attentive body language has emerged as a rare and invaluable skill, both personally and professionally. I would like to highlight the significance of having active listening skills in contemporary society, its myriad of benefits, its role in fostering respect and empathy for other people, and the pitfalls of distraction in the digital age.

Active listening is more than just hearing words come out of the other person’s mouth; it is about comprehending fully the message being conveyed, acknowledging the speaker’s perspective, and responding thoughtfully when they are done. In a world where communication often takes place through digital screens and abbreviated text messages, genuine human connection can easily be lost, especially when it’s not done face-to-face. However, active listening provides a counterbalance to this growing trend, allowing people to connect on a deeper level and work on building more meaningful relationships.

One of the primary benefits of active listening is the ability to facilitate effective and thorough communication. By listening attentively without interrupting, one can better understand the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of the other person behind the words spoken. This type of listening comprehension lays the foundation for productive dialogue, enabling participants to exchange ideas, resolve conflicts, and collaborate more effectively. Whether in personal relationships, professional settings, or in the public discourse, the ability to listen actively fosters mutual understanding and helps to facilitate constructive communication.

Moreover, being an active listener is a sign of respect and shows that you have real empathy towards other people. When we give someone our undivided attention, we convey that their words and experiences are truly valued. This kind of validation not only strengthens interpersonal bonds but also nurtures a sense of belonging and significance. In a society where people often feel isolated and unheard from, the simple act of listening actively can make a profound difference in someone’s life or even just their day. By demonstrating empathy and understanding, active listeners create a supportive and caring environment where individuals feel safe to express themselves authentically.

Additionally, active listening enhances our capacity for empathy and compassion. When we truly listen to others, we gain insight into their emotions, perspectives, and lived experiences. This expanded awareness cultivates empathy, allowing us to relate to others on a deeper level and appreciate the diversity of our individual experiences. Through active listening, we transcend our own preconceptions and biases and open ourselves up to new ideas and perspectives. In doing so, we foster a more inclusive and empathetic society where differences are accepted and acknowledged rather than feared and ignored.

Furthermore, active listening promotes personal growth and self-awareness. By paying attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise within us as we listen to others, we gain valuable insights into our own beliefs, values, and biases. This self-reflection enables us to identify areas for our own personal growth and development, fostering greater self-awareness and more emotional intelligence. Also, by engaging in active listening, we cultivate a habit of mindfulness and presence, allowing us to fully immerse ourselves in the present moment and appreciate the richness of undisturbed human interaction.

In today’s digital age, the temptation to multitask and divide our attention is constant. With smartphones constantly buzzing with notifications and social media feeds demanding our immediate attention, it can be challenging to stay fully present during conversations. However, the consequences of being distracted can be profound, leading to misunderstandings, missed opportunities, and damaged relationships and friendships. When we allow ourselves to be distracted by our phones, laptops, tablets, or other devices while interacting with others, we signal that they are not worthy of our full attention. This lack of full presence undermines the quality of the communication involved and diminishes the level of trust and respect between two or more individuals.

While active listening holds immense value, there are certain pitfalls to avoid ensuring its full effectiveness. One common mistake is the tendency to mentally prepare responses while the other person is speaking, rather than fully absorbing their message. This kind of anticipation without thinking can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for genuine connection. Additionally, interrupting or interjecting with personal anecdotes can derail the conversation and detract from the speaker’s unique experience. To mitigate these kinds of challenges, it is essential to cultivate mindfulness and self-awareness during interactions, even if you really have something urgent to add to the conversation.

To avoid this kind of pitfall, you should be actively monitoring your thoughts and impulses, resisting the urge to jump to conclusions or offer unsolicited advice without being asked for it. Instead, you can practice patience and humility, allowing the speaker to express themselves fully before formulating your response. By maintaining open body language and making eye contact, we can signal our engagement and receptivity, encouraging the speaker to continue sharing their uninterrupted thoughts and feelings. When we are being mindful of these potential pitfalls and committing to being an active listener with sincerity and respect, we can foster deeper connections and enrich our friendships and relationships with other people.

Therefore, it is essential to prioritize presence and mindfulness in all your interactions with others. By consciously setting aside any distractions and giving our full attention to the person speaking to us, we demonstrate full respect and consideration for their thoughts and feelings. In addition, by resisting the urge to check our phones or engage in other activities while listening to that person, we create a real space for authentic connection and meaningful dialogue. By doing this, we honor the inherent dignity and worth of every individual, fostering a culture of respect and empathy that they will be able to return in kind if they follow your good example.

Active listening is a key cornerstone of effective communication, respect, and empathy in today’s world. Listening attentively without interrupting, showing engaged body language, thinking up a response until after they’ve finished talking, and giving our full attention to the speaker helps create a foundation for meaningful dialogue and authentic connection, which is becoming increasingly rare. In our society marked by digital distractions and fleeting, shallow interactions, the ability to listen actively is more important than ever to cultivate day-in and day-out. When we embrace the art of active listening, we can foster deeper relationships, cultivate greater empathy and understanding, and create a more compassionate and inclusive world for everyone.

Creating Something Out Of Nothing

“The greater the ownership over an idea, a product, a thing, or a concept that you create, the more investment you’re likely to have over it.”

Every one of us has a creative impulse that should not be ignored. It is important to tap into it throughout our lives to create something out of nothing. What better gift to share with the world than something that comes from within us alone and can bring something of utility to another person. I personally find that being able to create something that you made or built or established from your own hard work is the most fulfilling thing that one can do in life. It is beyond rewarding to see something that started from just an idea alone come to fruition through your own efforts.

While it can be exciting or interesting to help someone else build their dream into reality or help be part of that team that executes another person’s idea or vision, it simply does not compare to making your own idea into reality and having others work on that idea to help you develop it into something real. Fulfillment can come in many forms, but I find that making something of your own and having it go out in the world to be a successful product, service, or thing that will be used for months, years, or generations is one of the greatest joys that one can experience in one’s life.

The greater the ownership over an idea, a product, a thing, or a concept that you create, the more investment you’re likely to have over it. When you are the owner or the founder rather than an employee or a team member, the feeling of accomplishment that you have when it happens or becomes something that is fully realized, it is hard to go back to being in that complementary role going forward.

It is good to start small when you are creating something, and to set your expectations within reason. You don’t have to start building a massive business or a large product to feel its joyful effects. It’s best to start with a small project like an eBook, a small product you designed or built, or some kind of freelance service that you alone provide. Once you start to advertise, market, or sell that small product or service you built, it will give you that needed boost of confidence that can propel you forward with other ideas to implement.

When it comes to the act of creation, you must stick with it for a while whether it is an invention, a business, or a service because it will need some tweaking, refinement, or even a rebuild especially if people aren’t buying what you are selling. Sometimes, you’ll need to start over again with a different idea and other times, you’ll need to do a lot of revisions or tweaks to make it more palatable to your audience. Any creation has a strong possibility of failure but even if it does fail, you should rest easy knowing that the act of creating anything is something that not many people can do or even try it at all.

If you can create anything at all, that’s taking a step that most people are not comfortable with doing themselves. You may think that if you create or build something that isn’t successful that you failed entirely but that is not the case at all. If you take that pivotal step in creating something out of nothing, you went further than most people are willing to go. You should keep your spirits up by knowing that just because what you built, made, or created wasn’t exactly financially profitable or sold a lot of units, it does not mean your efforts were wasted.

When you build something from scratch, you gain valuable skills in that process that you would not get otherwise as an employee or team member. Creating something takes innovation, critical thinking, subject matter knowledge, and knowledge of the components of that product or service. Additionally, any kind of creation often involves website development, shipping / delivery, sales, marketing, advertisement, content creation, and networking with other people in that area of expertise. If what you first created did not reach your own goals or hopes, don’t stop creating.

Be bold enough to create something else and to keep trying new inventions, new products, or new services. I am a believer in a creator’s ability to keep tinkering with new ideas, trying out different ideas, and being able to revise their ideas to build something even better. Many inventors including Thomas Edison, one of the greatest creators in history, had to submit hundreds of inventions and establish hundreds of patented creations, before he was able to establish and market the early version of the incandescent light bulb, the phonograph, and the motion picture camera.

Any great creator from Thomas Edison to Steve Jobs to Elon Musk did not just stop with their one creation or one product or one invention, they used their talents and their ideas to propel themselves forward into different creative areas. You should build on a small success and use that fuel to try out other ideas in your area of expertise. If you can create something that generates a little bit of success, that motivation will carry you forward in being able to develop other ideas that may be even more successful. Do not be afraid to fail either. If you can be one of those people who can create, can invent, or can build something from nothing, you should know that you are a unique individual who is changing the world in a small yet measurable way. Even if you are not the next Thomas Edison, you are a creator in the world and that is quite the personal achievement.

Why You Should Take The Initiative

“A lot of times in life, things won’t be handed to you, opportunities won’t just present themselves to you, and relationships or friendships don’t just form out of thin air.”

A lot of times in life, things won’t be handed to you, opportunities won’t just present themselves to you, and relationships or friendships don’t just form out of thin air. You must be making the effort more often than not to take the initiative to do all those things I just mentioned. It is not easy and can cause you rejection, stress, and even heartache, but if you just expect your life to just progress on its own without putting in the work, you will be sorely mistaken.

Making that initial effort will make the difference as you devote 80-90 or even 100% to get the return you were looking for. You may expect others at work, at school, or in your personal life to meet your half-way or 50/50 after a while but you may find that it’s a running theme in that instead of finding it as being equal or meeting them halfway, it’s likely to be more 60-40 or 70-30 in terms of your effort versus theirs. Now, that does not mean you should be taking the initiative all the time to ask for that promotion, or be open to developing a friendship, or seeking a new relationship but you’ll be better off from driving the effort rather than by taking a backseat.

Having more of the effort initially won’t just make an impression on the person but it will also develop your abilities, your relationships, and your professional / educational future more so than if you had made less of the effort. You should be conscious that the initiative you are taking is worth it and that the time you are putting in gets the result(s) that you are looking for. Your hard work, effort, and perseverance should lead to the other party putting in some conscious effort after a while. If it is just a one-way street in terms of that effort months or years later, I think that relationship, job, or friendship is likely to be doomed to fail.

It would not be fair or just for you to be constantly taking the initiative especially when that person isn’t reciprocal at all or even 30-40% of the way in a friendship or relationship. If you are giving all of the effort and feel like you’re not getting anything back from it, you may be dealing with an ‘emotional vampire’, who you may enjoy their company and like them but the fact that you are putting in all the work to keep things going and them not doing anything to reciprocate is not only a form of manipulation but it is also a sign of someone who only wants to take advantage of you.

They may lack certain qualities including introspection or self-awareness so they may not think they are at fault but if you believe that nothing is going to change, your time and efforts aren’t being valued adequately, and you are not getting as much in return from them, you may need to cut them off or just take a break from being with them or working for them. I encourage proactivity, being extroverted, sociable, and wanting to take on new goals, but if it is draining you and the results professionally or the relations personally you get as a result are not satisfying from that 60-40 or 70-30 set up, it may be best to move on to another person or opportunity.

To cite some examples, if you are good at reaching out to friends or acquaintances and just checking in to see how they are doing or even making the effort to see them and spend time together, that’s a positive initiative to take and shows you care about keeping that relationship going even if it had fizzled out a bit. However, if you feel like you are constantly the one making the calls, setting up the plans, or checking in on them, and they are not doing the same to you on that 30-70 or 40-60 balance that I mentioned, then it may be best to cut back on making the initiative there. If they truly cared about you, they would seek to make plans to see you by their own initiative or they would call to check in every now and then to see how you have been doing. Again, you should not be doing that all the time and if you find that it is becoming a pattern with that person, it may be best to stop seeing them so much since it looks like more of a one-sided friendship or relationship rather than a balanced one.

Another example professionally would be if you’re looking to boost your career and would like to learn new skills, then you should take that initiative with a training or a workshop or a conference that can make you more valuable to your employer. Similarly, if you take it upon yourself at work to learn a new skill by taking courses or attending seminars or providing trainings to others, it should be recognized not only to develop your career but to also further yourself in your role with better compensation or to be promoted to a new role because of the skills / abilities you acquired. If you take the time to volunteer, to be trained, to train, and to become a better worker, your employer or company should realize that it is also not a one-way street so there should be a proper recognition of your having taken the initiative to be more valuable to the firm in question.

However, if you find that after multiple trainings, skills developed, or competencies improved upon, that you are not getting the desired career promotion or compensatory boost, it may be that your initiative, while recognized, is not being formally appreciated. You made the most of the opportunities given but the other party involved doesn’t seem to recognize the new value or abilities you can provide. In this kind of situation, it may be best to start looking elsewhere professionally with those new proficiencies in your work to find a firm, company, or organization who will do their best to meet you halfway or maybe 40-60 so that you know that they care about you staying with them into the future and that your presence is both valued and appreciated, which is actually shown in different ways, a promotion, a raise, or otherwise.

Personally or professionally, you should consistently be looking to take action or initiative to improve your life in either way. However, it should not give the other party free reign to not give anything back in return or to provide their own initiatives or actions for you to take part in after they start it up. If you invite your friend to a barbecue, hopefully they’ll reciprocate in the future by having you over for a birthday party. If you do a skills workshop for a week to improve your competency at work, maybe your company or firm can reward you with a promotion to apply those new skills you picked up. It’s not always 50-50 in life and you may have to do most of the work, especially at the beginning of a new job or friendship. However, if it is you who is giving 100% and them putting in 0% in return on a consistent basis without the other party realizing it, it’s a toxic kind of relationship and you should be cutting ties with that person or entity as soon as possible.

English Corner – Different Spelling and Vocabulary (US, UK, Canada)

“Part of the beauty of the English language is the diversity amongst the countries where it is the primary language of communication. Like many other languages around the world, there are different accents, words, and expressions unique to that particular country where it is the primary language.”

Part of the beauty of the English language is the diversity amongst the countries where it is the primary language of communication. Like many other languages around the world, there are different accents, words, and expressions unique to that particular country where it is the primary language. There’s a popular saying that goes: “The United States and the United Kingdom are two nations separated by a common language.” It is a funny result of the quirks, changes, and adaptations that come with being separated by a natural border such as an ocean or a man-made border. However, it goes to show you that a language can be molded over time by a culture leading towards small yet noticeable differences in the words we use, the phrases we say, and even the way we spell individual words.

In this article, I want to focus on the different words and spelling that while similar are not the same between the U.S., U.K., and Canada. I believe an English language learner should be familiar with these differences in spelling and vocabulary to build an even richer understanding of this language and how it can differ by country. While Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, and South Africa also have their own differences from the United Kingdom, I find that the former colonies of Great Britain have followed the UK in terms of the spelling and vocabulary used.

Canada tends to be similar in some ways to the US and in other ways similar to the UK so I would call it a mixture of the two countries, and you will see why this is the case in a chart detailing both these similarities and differences. I will analyze the chart a little bit and ask you to think about other words and phrases unique to these three countries and how you have come across them in your own studies or travels.

From this ‘International English Spelling Chart’, we can see some slight changes to the spelling of multiple words with each country being different from each other (color-colour, center, centre, defense-defence). As you can also make out from the spelling chart, there are certain words that the US is alone with using such as ‘gray’ compared to ‘grey’, which is backed up by Canada, the UK, and Australia. However, the UK is alone with using ‘globalisation’ whereas you have Canada and the US using ‘globalization’ with the change from ‘s’ to ‘z’ instead. This is also the case with ‘aluminum’ (Canada/US) compared to ‘aluminium’ for the UK.

Also, this spelling chart indicates to us that Canada is aligned with the US on some words in terms of spelling and aligned with the UK on other words. You never see Canada with its own spelling where they are alone in usage, but you do see that for the US and the UK being unique in their own spelling with Canada siding with one mode of spelling over the other version.

With the exception of the word ‘concert programme’, Australia and New Zealand (not featured) are totally aligned with the United Kingdom on each word presented above in terms of spelling highlighting their common history together and cultural heritage ties.

Most of these spelling changes are quite minor in difference and usually are either an addition of a letter such as a ‘u’ (color (USA) –> colour (UK)), or with an ‘i’ (aluminum (USA) –> aluminium (UK). They can also involve simply switching one letter in the word to another as we see with defence (UK) –> defense (US) with ‘c’ becoming an ‘s’ or globalization (USA) –> globalisation (UK) with ‘z’ becoming an ‘s’ with that change. Besides adding a letter to the word or changing one letter for another, these spelling changes among English of different variants according to country origin are quite minor. Although spelling changes are few and far between, differences in vocabulary words are greater when you compare the U.S. and the U.K. especially.


While the American / Canadian English tend to use the same words in a common vocabulary, British and American English words differ fundamentally in terms of word meanings and word usage. Still though, given the expansive list above, you realize just how rich and varied the English language is. Even if you are an American or if you are British, learning the dialect of each other’s country may require a bit of time and translation work. Despite sharing the same language, we don’t always share the same words, or the same meaning tot those words. It is important for both native and non-native speakers to familiarize yourself with the different dialects of the English language even if you’re not living in that country.

If you are planning to travel to different countries of the English-speaking world from Toronto to New York or from Los Angeles to Sydney, you should take the time to study the vocabulary sheets to know the difference in word usage as well as the slight spelling changes from other words that the charts above cite. When you adapt your English language skills to the local dialects, the people in those towns and cities will be quite impressed and it will make it a more fun trip or stay for you to use those common expressions or slang that will help you interact with others and even make a new friend. Please take some time to review these charts I have shared with you and try to use these different vocabulary words from each country in written sentences to help you understand. Don’t be shy also in pronouncing each one and being aware that while the meaning is the same, the word used by country is different.

I would just ask you to remember though not to get them confused and end up saying ‘chips’ in America when you meant ‘fries’ while ordering food or when you ask the kind British police officer for help in opening the ‘trunk’ instead of the ‘boot’. Those accidental cultural faux pas can be hard to avoid especially when you’re not from that country originally which is why it’s important to learn about and study these spelling and vocabulary distinctions that make the English language such a diverse and rich one in the world.

English Corner – The Building Blocks of Reading Materials

“When you are first starting out in reading the English language, it’s important to incorporate reading materials into your weekly habits.”

When you are first starting out in reading the English language, it’s important to incorporate reading materials into your weekly habits. It is a necessary complement to your learning and will help flex that muscle needed to retain both the grammar and the vocabulary that can drive your overall proficiency forward. It is not so much which reading material you choose but the fact that it should be appropriate for your reading level as a whole.

For example, it would not make sense to try something very difficult because you think you will advance that much quicker. Often times, if you go beyond your reading level in English, it will often cause an unnecessary step back and you will waste precious time in trying to understand a level of vocabulary and grammar that you are not yet ready for. It is often better to be err on the side of caution in terms of selecting multiple reading materials that you find yourself comfortable with and will challenge you yet you know for sure what the material is about and you can interpret the meaning and explain it to a teacher or a colleague.

If you are a beginner in the English language, I would start off your reading adventure with short poems and short stories, not more than a couple hundred words. Even if you are an adult as well, children’s books are a great way to get more familiar with the language level that you are currently at with basic vocabulary, phrases, and grammar principles. You may also want to read fliers and short email examples as well to become aware of the structure of those forms of writing.

I would also recommend short letters written about different subjects such as sports, weather, the daily habits someone has, and about going shopping or out to eat. It is key to read these short pieces of writing twice or three times to really understand the full meaning of what is being written. You may also want to read the story, the poem, or the letter out loud to work on your own pronunciation too to feel more comfortable absorbing the vocabulary that you are learning. A beginner should not be reading anything more than a few pages in length and at a very low vocabulary level. Preferably, a children’s book, a short email, or a quick poem are best for beginners in this sense.

For the intermediate learner, it is important to challenge yourself more and depending upon one’s age level, there are different options to consider. I encourage students who are younger to choose comic books, short stories, and even short mystery novels as well. Older students may enjoy reading magazines about sports, news, and even fashion depending upon their interests. I also encourage becoming more familiar with reading current events and news articles and being able to explain them to the teacher or to a friend.

Adding on to the difficulty means reading longer reading passages as well as longer letters or poems as well at any age group. You want to make sure that the reading level is higher so instead of at a 1st or a 3rd grade level, you should try to read materials that are at a 5th or an 6th grade level and perhaps up to an 8th grade level. Perhaps most importantly, at the Intermediate level, you should be able to hold a conversation about the topic you just read and to explain the main ideas and supporting ideas of the piece you read. Lastly, with your vocabulary, I would encourage being able to explain too your point of view for an article, what you thought about it.

The advanced learner should be at the point where they can read full books, magazines, and longer-form pieces of writing of at least a few thousand words or more. They should be able to understand and interpret vocabulary at the high school level. Depending upon which English-speaking culture they would like to learn more about, they should do their best to become familiar with writers of different backgrounds and be able to read successfully in a few genres, both fiction and non-fiction.

Reading and interpreting different kinds of texts that deal with different subjects and modern-day issues is also a key part of advancing in the English language. You should be a flexible enough reader at this point to be able to handle different types of reading that is longer than the other levels. From a 500-word poem to a 2500-word article to a 100-page book, being able to handle these types of reading at a high level will set you apart from the beginner or intermediate levels that you used to be at.

Another key to this advanced reading level is one’s ability to speak and write about what you just read with accuracy and by utilizing some advanced vocabulary and phrases learned from these reading exercises. If the professor or teacher were to assign you a persuasive, narrative, or argumentative essay for you to write about your reading assignment, you should feel comfortable by this point in doing so across a number of genres.

‘Building blocks’ take time to assemble and the same goes for building up your reading prowess. Again, it is necessary to start slow with short forms of writing from poetry to a short story to a quick email and then work your way up to a long article or a magazine and then on to the full novel or book that may take a month or two to finish. Getting better at reading in English is a key skill to have and is necessary to boost your proficiency and to do so in a comprehensive manner. It is not only true that your reading skills will get better the more consistent and driven you are with each page but your speaking skills should also improve and your writing abilities will be complemented if you can analyze, interpret, and describe what you have just written in your own words.

Patience is a virtue and reading are the biggest part of that quality when it comes to developing your English language skills. You may show quicker gains with speaking or writing but the long-term success of your English proficiency will be determined about how well you read, how you understand the reading, and what you can tell others about what you have read.

English Corner – Proper Email Etiquette

“In order to write good emails for your professional pursuits or for your career, you need to be able to understand the proper etiquette that comes with this kind of writing.”

Writing cohesive yet concise emails is a key professional trait to be successful at as part of your overall English writing skills. In order to write good emails for your professional pursuits or for your career, you need to be able to understand the proper etiquette that comes with this kind of writing. If you are able to master the etiquette of emails, you will be able to do a good job in working well with others, being cooperative, and being considered a team player.

Without proper etiquette, you are likely to not be taken seriously at your work and you may not be able to have others take the rest of your email as seriously as it should be. Once you have the etiquette down, the content of your email is likely to be read and taken into consideration for whichever subject you are addressing.

The Introduction: Email etiquette starts with the introduction of any email message so if you do not get it right from the beginning, the rest of the email will suffer. I believe it is important to remember that how you introduce your email depends on if you know the person or not. If you do not know the person, you should begin your email with the following: ‘To whom it may concern,’ ‘Dear Sir’ (for a man but without a known name), Dear Madam (for a woman without a name known). These three ways are both formal and proper in terms of addressing someone at work or for business if you do not know who they are.

However, if you do know the person, it is best to address the email as ‘Dear Mr. __________ / Dear Ms. __________’, their last name should always come after Mr. or Mrs. To indicate the formality of the email and the unknown status of the woman’s marital background, it is best to use Ms. or Miss for the woman’s last name rather than assuming that she is married right away.

Lastly, I would refrain of saying ‘hello’, ‘hello there’, ‘hi’ to start off the email if you do not know who it is you are emailing. It is best to instead go with good morning / good afternoon or even good evening depending upon the time of the day that you are emailing for your work. I would say that once you have exchanged an email or two, you can be more informal by starting off your email with Hello ________, Hi __________, or just ‘Dear _________’ as you had for the first email.

Continuing on with the introduction, the first paragraph should begin with Hello and then a few following options below depending upon your preference.

“Hello, I hope that this email finds you well, I hope that you are doing well, I hope that you are having a good week, etc.“

You can also say the purpose of your email in that first paragraph by stating your clear purpose up front by something like:

            I am emailing you today because _______________.

            The purpose of my email is to __________________.

            I am messaging you today in the hopes that _______.

            This email is to inform you that _________________.

These are all great ways to start off a formal email and to inform your reader quickly what you are messaging them about, and it should be done in the first sentence after your salutation at the beginning. I would keep the overall introduction just two or three sentences and state the main idea of your email quickly and succinctly. You want to make it easy for the professional person or the worker to know what it is you are messaging them about and how does it involve them, all in the introduction paragraph.

The Body Paragraph(s): There is not too much to keep in mind when it comes to formality in body paragraphs but make sure you use formal words like ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘if you could’, ‘it would be great if…’, ‘we would be appreciative of…’, etc. The main thing to keep in mind is that you are using sir or ma’am throughout the paragraph(s) and to add in a Mr. ______, Mrs. _________ every now and then. If you need to ask something or request a few items of need, always use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ for any major thing that you are asking for business purposes.

In order to make the email a two-way exchange, relay what you are planning to do in response to make sure that the business relationship or the exchange of information goes smoothly. Beyond the purpose of the email outlined in the introduction, you should add the supplementary details beyond the ‘ask’ or the ‘request’ in the body paragraph(s). Towards the end of the body, make sure you list a timetable for when you might need a reply back and who else you may have CC’d or added on to the email who is pertinent to the message.

While not the main focus of email etiquette, you should be using formal vocabulary throughout this part of the email and don’t forget to use ‘could’, ‘would’, ‘when’, instead of insisting with ‘you need’, ‘you will’, which is not polite at all. Any request in the email should be made with the possibility that the person may say ‘no’ to you and you should be ready to hear that kind of answer but it can help your chances of success when you are polite not just in the introduction but throughout the heart of the email as well.

The Conclusion: The most important thing to keep in mind when it comes to email etiquette in this part is to thank them above all else for their time and their attention to your message. Whatever the ask was in the body paragraph, you should thank them formally for their consideration and that you hope to hear from them soon.

You also want to say that you hope to stay in touch and to leave your contact information with them including your work phone, your best email address, and what time(s) of the day are best to be reached. It does not hurt to also say that you are hoping that they are doing well or if it’s a Friday, ‘to wish them a good weekend’, if you are writing the email before a holiday, it’s nice to also ‘wish them a good holiday’ but only best to do so when it’s a non-religious holiday rather than assume they are of a certain religion, of course.

To end the formal email on a good note, you should sign off with one of these options, which are both formal in nature and also really considerate to other people. Depending upon your preference, any of these options would be fine. It is also key to remember that you put a comma after any of these closing salutations and then write or sign your full name below it so they know who sent the email and who is making the request(s).

The following closings are good ways to end the email according to proper etiquette:

-‘Best,’

-‘Sincerely,’

-‘Warm Regards’,

-‘Kind Regards’,

-‘Regards,’

-‘Best Wishes’,

-‘Warm Wishes’,

‘Thank you,’

‘With gratitude’,

-‘Many thanks,’

The one closing that I would not endorse for a formal email of this nature is ‘much appreciated,’ because it is a little too informal in its vocabulary and would best be used instead with close friends or family members or for a business connection whom you already know very well.

After having the etiquette down well, you will be able to draft much better business or career-related emails because not only will your vocabulary improve but also your understanding of the English-speaking business culture. This kind of email writing takes time and practice but if you are willing to learn from others, practice a lot, and make a few mistakes every now and then, you will definitely be benefitting in your business or career after some time. There are clear differences between formal emails and informal emails and the etiquette that each kind of email shows makes all of the differences known. In order to write a complete email of a formal nature, you have to use etiquette properly not just for the introduction but also for all of the body paragraphs and for the conclusion as well.

From the opening salutation to the closing wish, your email etiquette must be consistent and clear for whoever is reading it. Be sure to use your best judgment, edit it before sending, and be patient in waiting for a reply. Do not be afraid to make a few mistakes because emails are sometimes hastily written, and you may fudge a word or two but that should not stop you from forgetting your overall etiquette with that person with whom you are corresponding. Writing the first draft of any email is the hardest part but once you got that part down, you will be well on your way to becoming a great English email writer.