Camera: iPhone 12
Location: Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, The National Mall, Washington, District of Columbia
Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception
Tag: 2023
The Unfortunate Rise of Anti-Social Behavior
“Clearly, I am not happy with the recession in societal norms and values and fear it is becoming all too common these days as a lot of people have forgotten to know how to act in public in a civilized and dignified manner.”
How many times have you been on a plane, a train, or a bus recently and noticed someone on a loud phone call, listening to loud music without headphones, or even kicking your seat and not apologizing? I would say it’s happened to most of us at some point, but these kinds of rude behaviors seem to become more common post-pandemic. The receding of the pandemic did not just cause the deaths of millions of people, long-lasting economic damage, but most recently an erosion in social norms and values. Clearly, I am not happy with the recession in societal norms and values and fear it is becoming all too common these days as a lot of people have forgotten to know how to act in public in a civilized and dignified manner.
As the pandemic has receded, selfish and unruly behavior has increased in my view, and it has been well documented in popular forms of media. How many videos or audio clips have you seen of airline passengers fighting with flight attendants or gate agents? There have also been scenes of people stealing and looting from stores in mass causing chain stores and the local mom and pop shop to have armed and unarmed security patrolling the toiletries aisle. For the rest of us who play by the rules, it’s unfortunate that we must deal with the agitation of greater security and more surveillance because others have to act in such a selfish and anti-social manner.
While there is some blame to go around including growing wealth inequality, the cost-of-living crisis that continues to worsen, and a lack of proper education in the school system on basic behavior and etiquette, it does not excuse being negligent of how to behave in public especially for an adult who should know better. I would like to think that we all are taught whether by parents, guardians, or by teachers themselves the difference between right and wrong, how to behave oneself when others are around, and that stealing, cursing, and dismissing others in public as unseemly behavior. The pandemic has worn a lot of us down physically, mentally, and financially but it does not excuse anti-social acts and/or behaviors against your fellow man or women.
Together, in a society, we should remember both the spoken and unspoken rules of how to behave and it seems like a few of us need to re-learn that or we have to strengthen these rules in our institutions and in our laws to fight against this rising tide in unseemly behavior. There are consequences to your actions and while we should continue to notice these anti-social behaviors and call them out, there must be a strengthening in terms of preventing those from breaking these rules and to hold them accountable when they happen.
A good example of an anti-social behavior I’ve noticed is in major U.S. cities including New York City and Washington, DC. Fare beating and or jumping the gate to avoid paying the fares to keep our transit system from functioning well is something I condemn strongly. Unfortunately, since the pandemic, there has been a spike in people not wanting to pay their transit fare and getting caught on camera while not doing so. Multiple times, the station agents and transit police do not apprehend these individuals to cite them for the fines or at least verbally reprimand them for their actions. If you do not enforce the fines or at least the rules, it emboldens this kind of anti-social behaviors and people will keep them doing them.
Recently, increasing the fines and changing the fare gates to be more difficult to physically jump or avoid has become a solution to this fare beating issue, but it is more than just changing the gates or enforcing the fines, there should be more ways to let people know in public service announcements (PSAs) or through schools, community centers, or in the home that this behavior is not tolerable.
I very much encourage free transit programs for those of lower economic status and for young people who are going to school or work as an alternative way to invest in those people who need the financial assistance and may not understand how fare beating is unacceptable. Increasing fines and security presence for stealing, farebeating, loud music in public, is not so much a solution, but rather a band-aid on anti-social behavior that may discourage these actions but won’t go fare in terms of ending it.
In a society, I believe people need both ‘the carrot and the stick’ in the sense that good behaviors should be encouraged and even rewarded such as cleaning up after yourself, lining up in a proper manner, helping the elderly and disabled. We should do as much to encourage healthy social behaviors as much as discouraging and shaming unhealthy anti-social behaviors.
For myself, I have a pet peeve of people playing music in public places in my near vicinity without earphones or headphones or keeping it to a low volume at the minimum. It gives me no great pleasure to call anyone out on this kind of behavior, but it was never acceptable before the pandemic to do so, and it should not become a new norm in this post-pandemic world. If it bothers me or causes me to not focus on my reading or my work, I will be happy to call this selfish kind of behavior out. It’s up to the individual on how they act but it used to be a given that you wouldn’t disturb others’ peace in public and keep your music, gossip, or phone calls to yourself or at a low volume. I’m not exactly for policing of rules or regulations as an ordinary citizen but if it disturbs my peace or my ability to enjoy my train, plane, or bus ride, I do have to call it out or let someone know of the issue.
My overall hope on this rise in anti-social behavior is just as much as we focus on enforcement and punishment to a reasonable degree of these actions that we do a much better job as well on teaching people in society why we have these rules, how they benefit us all in a public setting, and to educate people why we have fares, quiet hours, no music in public places, etc. so the average person will know why they have to act in this way for the betterment and peace of us all.
Combating Alienation and Loneliness in Society
“This is an unfortunate societal transformation that may seem inevitable, but it can be reversed by improving mental health access, building stronger communities, and having better societal outcomes, it is crucial that some solutions are tested and put into place.”
One of the biggest challenges of the 21st century will be focused on how to foster solid connections, friendships, and relationships that are both sustainable and fruitful. Recently, more mainstream attention has been paid to how societies, especially in the Western world, are dealing with a surge in alienation and loneliness. It has caught the attention of politicians, community leaders, and authors who are interested in noting how people are fostering fewer social connections, maintaining fewer friendships, and increasingly living alone. This is an unfortunate societal transformation that may seem inevitable, but it can be reversed by improving mental health access, building stronger communities, and having better societal outcomes, it is crucial that some solutions are tested and put into place.
Traditional means of building strong social connections have been ironically undermined by the rise of social media where people can connect virtually but often, this is difficult to maintain in the real world. You really must make a serious effort these days to build your own friendship and communal networks whereas in previous generations, it was much easier in your small town or village to maintain ties with the local community or religious center, gather at town hall meetings, and be able to know who your neighbor was. It has fallen on the individual person to build their own network, which is often hard to do, especially if you are in a larger town or city, where there are so many people around, yet it may take longer to foster a deeper connection.
Religious places of worship, community centers, social clubs, and communal gathering places have taken a backseat to online social media channels, which while they can bring people together, they tend to be more focused on larger groups and gatherings, which can make it harder to get to know people better. More and more people can do things whether it’s shop, order food, build a business, and learn online, and while that has been transformative in providing greater opportunities and even connected people, I do believe traditional ways to meet people have been on the decline causing a subsequent rise in alienation and loneliness.
While many societal leaders are starting to pick up on this unfortunate phenomenon, it will take a lot of organizing, resources, and cooperation to reverse this trend in the long-term. I am going to propose three ways that by working together in our own towns and cities, we can work to bring people together in a healthy and sustainable way.
- Many third spaces outside of home and work have been commoditized in terms of meeting people and it can cause a financial strain on individuals who do not have the means to join an event or a group. I advocate for building and maintaining third spaces that are a public good, maintained and run by community members, and for which are made known to as many of the community as possible through consistent public awareness campaigns.
Each community center would be a good use of taxpayer funds and would be available seven days a week. I discourage the use of membership fees like a YMCA and its offerings would be different depending on the needs or interests of the community. I do think such a third space would allow for peer-to-peer mentoring events, ‘getting to know your neighbor’ dinners or potlucks, and allowing for classes or groups that can discuss financial literacy, cooking, nutrition, and even job searching and networking help to flourish there.
To some degree, these kinds of community centers do exist, but they are limited in scope, often cost fees, and are often hard to reach. These community centers can also take over for dilapidated strip malls, abandoned office buildings, or unused parking lots where the neighboring space can become a public park, playground, an exercise area, or even a fruit / vegetable garden for those people who don’t have access to fresh produce in their neighborhood. A greater long-term challenge is making sure these new kinds of community centers are accessible to all people because not everyone has a car, or a bike, or can walk there. Cities and towns that are designed around the car and where public transportation is hard to use have caused a spike in loneliness, and that is where these community centers can really help fill the gap.
In the long run, it is a crucial and needed change in ensuring that more places, including these community centers, can be accessed by bike, bus, rail, and by foot. The sprawling nature of most American towns and cities has exacerbated the atomization and loneliness issue, which creates a lost opportunity for connections to be fostered. In my view, significant changes to public policy surrounding this issue are unlikely in the near term, but the way we design our communities in the future and emphasizing greater accessibility of free third spaces can really make a dent in our current loneliness predicament.
2. Once you have these community centers in place, you must make sure that there is serious outreach across the town or city in question. I do think there is a current deficit not only in the lack of third spaces, but the ones that exist, few people know about. City, state, and even national governments can and should do a better job reaching out both online and in-person to people, especially if they are living alone, to highlight opportunities in the community to meet others.
When someone is new to a town or city, it would be an excellent idea for a neighbor or a landlord or a town leader to reach out to someone (with their permission, of course) to highlight ways to get involved in their community. Religious centers and places of worship have done this successfully for generations yet in the public sphere, there is a severe dearth of awareness when someone moves to a new town or city regarding which community centers are nearby, what resources are available to learn and to work, and how they can find the resources, the people, or the activities they want to get involved in.
There’s something to be said for the phrase, ‘to hit the ground running’, it can be an anxious, lonely, and often difficult time to make yourself feel at home when you move to a new community or city. I believe if there was a more concentrated and sustained approach to making someone feel welcome regardless of who they are, where they come from, and what their age is, it would really diminish the current loneliness crisis that we find ourselves in as a society. Something as simple as a neighbor, a community leader, or a townsperson, taking the new arrival under their wing, and inviting them to one of the ‘third spaces’ around them, can make a huge difference in that person’s sense of belonging, and even diminish their loneliness. When someone moves to a new town or city, an online community portal and an in-person community hub can go a long way to connect that person to the activities, hobbies, and needs that they are looking to fulfill as they make a life for themselves there.
3. Lastly and most significantly, I believe in volunteering as a time-tested and successful way to both give back to a community and to feel connected to others. Volunteering is not easy to commit to in terms of time and effort, but I believe it is a crucial way to avoid people feeling disconnected or lonely.
It is a positive thing to donate money or resources to a worthwhile charity or organization, but I believe it is even better to spend time with others committing yourself to a good cause at the local, national, or international level. Community hubs, sustained awareness of opportunities near where you live, and being able to find the volunteer work that you are interested in doing can help you find a greater purpose or meaning beyond what you thought was possible.
There is plenty of good work that can be done to revitalize communities and cities in your country and elsewhere. The key is to make sure that as many people are as aware of it as possible. I would argue that one or two years of volunteer service on a local or national scale would make young people more connected and relate more to each other if they were participating in a shared service.
Making a year or two of volunteer service mandatory for young people ages 18-26 would help combat loneliness and alienation among that age demographic and could also be made open to older demographics depending on the interest level. People should feel invested in their communities and where they live. I think that a mandatory volunteer service should be encouraged and if we can provide educational or employment incentives in exchange for the completion of a national or local volunteer service program such as reduced or free tuition at a higher education institution, I do believe this would not only combat loneliness but encourage new friendships and also build the community hubs, parks, and centers that are currently lacking Being flexible with volunteer service is key especially when it comes to managing educational or employment obligations but offering part-time or weekend options for people can give this kind of initiative a greater chance for success.
If ordinary citizens, especially younger citizens, see that their local and national leadership are aware that there is a loneliness crisis, are actively providing resources to the communities to find possible solutions to this growing problem, and are asking for volunteer help with clear goals in mind on how to better connect people together, we can start to make progress in fixing this issue on a larger scale. If there is a slogan for these three steps to combating alienation and loneliness in society, it would be “we would like to invest more at scale in you and your community, help us to finish the job at hand, and we’ll make sure you receive ten-fold what you put in to helping to move this effort forward.”
People have a strong urge to belong and to be part of a tribe or a group. In our atomized era, it is increasingly harder to find one’s tribe. The causes of this growth in alienation and loneliness are well-known and are well-documented. Personally, I am interested in how best to get out of this hole that collectively, we have dug for ourselves. While some of us have been able to forge our own community, sustain our friendships and relationships, and maintain strong ties to our town or city, there are an increasing number of individuals who feel disconnected and left behind, often through no fault of their own.
I do believe that the three steps I have proposed in this article can make a serious dent in this issue. I hope that there are other numerous ideas out there that will be considered by those with the power and influence to make a difference in how we structure our towns and cities because the sooner we address this problem, the better off we will be as a result. Decades ago, you knew who your tribe or your community was mainly due to family or religious background or just your neighborhood ties, but that is no longer the case for a growing segment of our society.
It is up to us to collectively fill in the gap that these traditional institutions have failed to sustain. I hope that we start to invest more time, money, effort, and attention to solving this issue in the future because it is truly one of the defining issues of our time and regardless of if we are not directly affected by its effects, it is likely that you know of someone or have heard of somebody in your own life who struggles with loneliness. Greater social and communal bonds are crucial to sustain and in these atomized times we’re living through, the more work we do now to diminish this problem, the better off we will all be in the future.
Reading Between The Lines Is A Key Skill
“When you ‘read between the lines’, you understand better what someone means even when they may not be outright saying or expressing it.”
‘Reading Between the Lines’ is a popular expression or phrase that really holds a lot of weight to it when you think of the meaning. When you ‘read between the lines’, you understand better what someone means even when they may not be outright saying or expressing it. Beyond simply verbally conveying their thoughts or feelings, the key ability to perceive how someone really feels through other factors such as their tone, their body language, their interaction(s) with the environment around them, this can really make a difference in how well you read them and what they really mean.
Culturally, indirect speech, behavior, or communication is quite common and what is not said is as important or if not more so important than what is said. You can save yourself a lot of trouble in life by reading between the lines and inferring what is meant or indicated than what is vaguely said or stated to you directly. Maybe you will be able to grasp a basic idea of what someone means through their speech or their mannerisms, but you will often have to look at not just those factors but also the environment for which it was said, the context for which it was given, the body language of the person(s) involved, and the tone of voice that they used to convey the message.
Because of trying to protect sensitivities or not disrupt group harmony or not wanting to ‘rock the boat’, another similar expression, either professionally or personally, you will be asked to read between the lines of what is written and what is said throughout life. Knowing the difference and how to understand what is directly implied to you but indirectly stated will save you a lot of confusion, disappointment, and time above all else. I’ve written before about how important it is to mind your surroundings, and that ties into why it is key to notice the environment you’re in when the speech is given, or where the meeting happens.
Some factors that come into play when it comes to reading between the lines of a speech or a public discourse that is happening, the speaker(s) body language, tone, and whether they are really conveying their true feelings or beliefs in what they are saying. If they are masking what they truly believe or feel, you should be able to pick that up through steady practice. It is not just about the spoken word but also about the written word and this can be crucial when it comes to important legal, medical, or financial documents.
You should constantly be noting the who / when / where / what / why / how of the author and who is the audience they are addressing. It is also necessary to ask are they writing with a specific tone and do they have a personal bias or an agenda that shows through their written piece. It is much easier to read between the lines when you are with that person in the same room and they are speaking to you directly or indirectly in an audience because you can hear the tone, see the body language, and watch their emotional state. It is much harder yet no less important to be able to pick that up through writing whether it is a text message from a friend or a legal contract from a lawyer.
This kind of skill is not taught to many people, but it is a vital skill to have especially when you are trying to tell if someone is being truthful, if they have your best interests at heart, and if they really understand what you are telling them. If you are listening intently, absorbing what you are hearing or reading, and able to come to your own conclusions after putting some thought into it, you will be ahead of other people. Reading between the lines is a skill that takes not only additional concentration but patience as well. You should not be interrupting when you do this verbally, be distracted by another task or person to mix up your attention, really watching the person(s) talking and observing how they act in the environment they’re in, and most importantly, what is your relation to the person, how long have you known them for, and if you know anything about their background for which you can infer something about who they are.
It is easier to know someone’s true thoughts, feelings, or beliefs when you are giving them your undivided attention. You also have an advantage if you know a little bit about them beforehand, their background, what their personality is like, and what their point of view is likely to be based on all those factors. This kind of perspective can make a big difference especially professionally because you’ll know better of who you’re dealing with, where they’re coming from, and what they might be like when they meet and talk with you.
There are going to be crucial points in your life where you’ll need to read between the lines such as during an intense negotiation, dealing with business meetings, and just making sure in your day-to-day life that you’re not being taken advantage of. It can be hard to trust other people at times and you really must screen them hard to see if they are giving you the truth, embellishing a little bit, or outright lying. Being able to read between the lines will not only help with the major events in life but also in small day-to-day interactions as well. Most importantly, if you carry yourself well, give steady eye contact, listen without interrupting, speak clearly and in a steady tone, avoid distractions when you’re reading or listening, you will have a much easier time being able to read people.
You likely won’t be anywhere near 100% successful in thinking you know the person or people you’re reading in terms of body language, behavior, and their actions but you’ll be much better off than before if you at least try. Indirect communication can be a real pain to navigate but it is quite common in our culture and our society. To remedy that, make sure you do your best to read between the lines, make an assessment, and carry forward with the best intentions. I think it is quite likely you’ll be in a better position than you were before by adopting this skill and making it a priority in your life.
The Increasing Digitization of Everything
“Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything.”
Call me old fashioned or a ‘luddite’ but I really do miss the feeling of paper tickets, boarding passes, and even the plastic menu. It does not mean I don’t enjoy the fruits of the abundance of technology that we have today, and it is something I’m comfortable with having grown up in the 1990s and 2000s as the computer, personal cell phone, and mobile applications came into being. I do also remember going to baseball games to buy a physical ticket at the ‘will call’ window and keeping the ticket stub as a form of memorabilia. The same could be said for receiving a boarding pass when you’re traveling to a new city or country and keeping it with you to remember when and where it was when you went there.
Increasingly gone are the days where you can build a scrapbook of physical items like tickets, boarding passes, certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, etc. because of the digitization of everything. Yes, you may still have the option to print out what it is you need or send out birthday cards, wedding invitations, college diplomas to enjoy the momentous occasions that come up throughout our lives, but when it comes to our day-to-day needs, we increasingly rely on digital wallets, QR codes, mobile applications, and smartphones to get the job done.
You could argue that given how present a reality climate change is in our current era that not using paper or plastic to protect our trees and wildlife is a positive step, but I would argue that everything has an environmental effect including our smartphones, smartwatches, and computers. Using less paper and plastic is overall a good thing but my concern these days is that it seems like we are not being given a choice to have either option.
I like to keep physical / paper records, when possible, up to a point whether for personal, financial, or medical reasons. It is hard to do that when you are only allowed to use a digital record for your files, which may not be as permanent or as secure. Maybe physical records are never 100% secure either but at least you know that you are the only one that has access to it or people you trust who you give access to as well.
When it comes to digital records or files, there is a cost involved in building up the security and safety measures around those sensitive records, and it is never 100% secure regardless of how many firewalls or barriers you put up. There have been numerous data breaches, hacks, and manipulation of people’s digital records, and that will be a cause for concern going forward as we increasingly go to a digital-first world where our first go to is a swipe of smart phone instead of the stroke of a pen. I believe that each person should have the option though to go forward with having both options of having a physical as well as a digital copy rather than having to choose between the two options.
There are always going to be external costs involved with both physical records (paper, plastic, etc. or digital records (computer, smartphones, smartwatches, wi-fi enabled devices). The key for the future is how to minimize these harmful costs whether to the environment, to our safety and security, or to our mental health as well when it comes to using either option. Those costs need to be factored in to how much we pay to use them and whether the competition can be fairer as companies vie to be both ethical and responsible in how they use our records, physical or digital.
Having a choice at the end of the day between physical v. digital when it comes to our personal data and records should be advocated for to companies and other entities before we give them access to our information and our wallets. The lack of an option to choose who, when, where, what, why, and how our data is obtained and shared should change especially as we increasingly rely on digital services and products to power our daily lives.
For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, the QR code or barcode went from being used to scan items that we buy to allowing customers to read menus, see advertisements, subscribe to a new service, and have access to a unique link to sign-up for events and workshops. While in the interest of public health, the QR code utilization helped maintained social distance protocols and assisted in keeping workers safe by limiting contact with clients, however, QR codes have not really gone away in the post-pandemic era and are still being substituted for real person-to-person interaction.
Not only can you see your dinner menu on a QR code, but you scan your movie or concert ticket without needing a paper ticket or printout copy of it, you can also use it to order food or drinks or shop from that QR code without needing a catalog or a store magazine or a customer service employee to help you with the transaction. The rise of self-checkouts, automated service to order what we want and when we want, and being able to pay or reserve or check out with our phone alone is not just creating less paper but also the need for less person-to-person interaction.
Without being someone who yearns for the good old days, but you used to be able to order from a paper menu, get your ticket collected and stub ripped off for you to keep, and be able to pay with cash at a business without worrying if it was card or Apple / Google Pay only. Less paper and plastic are not a bad thing, but I do think it’s healthy from a social interaction point of view and as the world digitalizes and automates, I also think we will be less comfortable making small talk or socializing with those we don’t know who provide us with a service or a product.
There are real security concerns with an increasingly digital only world that have their own potential costs and drawbacks to consider as well. I hope that even as technology continues to advance with automation and artificial intelligence surpassing our own human capabilities, we will not allow ourselves to be robbed of our choice especially when it comes to how we receive our mail, pay our bills, buy our products, or if we can opt to talk to someone at the checkout register instead of self-check-out because we believe that 2-3 minutes we talk to a worker there is better than that 30 seconds or 1 minute we do it ourselves but without talking to anyone and with no one to maybe brighten our day a bit or make small talk with.
Losing that choice of digital vs. physical records or information would be detrimental in the long run. We should know of the environmental, security, and mental health costs involved if we tip too far in one direction or the other, but I think given that we are social creatures and we enjoy the physical touch of a book, a magazine, a letter, or even a ticket to a baseball game, let’s not try to go to 100% digital especially for those of us who remember when information was primarily shared physically.
It’s a complex era that we are currently living through, and it appears that we are transitioning slowly but surely to a digital-only world. However, my hope is that we allow ourselves to choose how much or little as individuals we opt into this ‘brave new world’. We may not be nostalgic now, but something tells me we would miss our scrapbooks, our photo albums, our book collection, and even our baseball tickets, and boarding passes if they were up in the ‘Cloud’ protected by facial recognition and multi-factor authentication instead. That’s not the world I wish for us to have in the future and that our choice(s) to opt-out will never go away.
Tempering The Ego
“Ego, to me, is a holistic sense of our abilities, capabilities, and our possibilities. For the ego to not go out of control, it has to be tamed and to be done so repeatedly.”
The Ego can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. It can drive us forward to make progress in different areas of your lives, but it can also detract from us by setting our expectations too high and in not actually challenging ourselves to see if our ego is being realistic. Ego, to me, is a holistic sense of our abilities, capabilities, and our possibilities. For the ego to not go out of control, it has to be tamed and to be done so repeatedly.
When the Ego is not tamed, it has an unhealthy tendency to run wild. Your Ego can grow, often unhealthily, when you leave it to be unchallenged. I have found that those people with the biggest Egos in life are the ones who never challenge themselves to back it up in a real way. The Ego can inflate our sense of self to the point where we are actively deluding ourselves with who we want to be without taking account of who we really are.
Everyone has an ‘Ego’ or Latin for ‘I’ and as world-renowned psychologist Sigmund Freud pointed out1, we each have a perception of our ‘self’ that will differ often from how others would perceive us. Our ‘Ego’ or our ‘I’ is often about our physical self, the sum of our experiences, our innate abilities, and our drive to get ahead in life. The ego can grow, or it can shrink, often based on how we alone view ourselves, but it also is reflective of how others see us and what they expect of us. The Ego must be kept in check because it can inflate or deflate based on what we tell ourselves about who we are and how others tell us who we are. The Ego is malleable and can be different on the day based on what we experience or what happens to us.
You can have an excellent day one day where you win a sports competition, gain a promotion at work, or overcome a challenge that you previously thought was impossible. One good day can massively inflate our Egos and while it is good to boost one’s Ego and be proud of what you accomplished and how hard you worked, you should still have that sense of humility and understand that one good day does not mean that you are suddenly God’s gift to Earth.
The same can be said of when you have a terrible day such as perhaps you failed an important test or exam, a work presentation you gave wasn’t received well, or you had someone insult you or talk down to you. These kinds of events, especially in the same day, can really wound your Ego and your self-worth. While bad events can hurt you, you should not totally give up your Ego or sense of ‘self’ from them as that would be disastrous. One bad day does not have to be a referendum on the sum of your entire life. Your Ego has to be resilient, when it is both humbled and challenged, and this should happen on a daily basis.
My firm belief is that you should never get too low or get too high when it comes to the self or your Ego. You have to constantly remind yourself of what you do well on, what you need to work on, and what you have no experience or ability with. For example, I like to think that I’m a good writer at this point, but some articles have turned out better than I expected, and some have been worse than I thought. Despite how I perceive my written work and how others do so, I can continue to work on my style, syntax, and substance, and I can expand my writing focus to challenge myself that I may have previously avoided on different topics that are new to me.
I also think of how one’s Ego needs to be challenged especially in a new activity or hobby that you have picked up. A good way to think about the Ego is to challenge it in different ways by putting yourself out there physically for yourself to be tested in that manner. One example of this is to train in the martial arts where your body is being challenged. You may weightlift, run, or consider yourself athletic, but it’s a good way to measure yourself against others when you are training against other people who have been doing it for a while and who could be bigger or stronger than you.
It does not mean that you won’t become better as a martial artist, but you should temper the Ego by challenging those practitioners who know more, can teach you new skills and abilities, and who you can face off with even when you are getting beaten for a while by them. Whether it’s’ boxing, jiu jitsu, krav maga, or kickboxing, I think any martial arts, whichever one(s) you choose, are a great way to temper one’s Ego. This is because you’ll see just how exactly you measure up against other fighters, especially if you’re new to the sport, and while you may think you are strong, fast, or have great stamina, you won’t truly know if that is the case or not until you step on the mat or into the ring.
The same could be said when you challenge your Ego mentally such as when you try to learn something new or adapt a new skillset that you know nothing about. I find that learning a new language is a way to temper my Ego in a healthy manner because every language, while they have some similarities, are also quite different and cause me to adapt how I learn that language, and the kinds of difficulties I’ll have when learning it based on how the language is written or spoken.
While I may be great at learning Spanish and am comfortable there, I can throw my Ego for a loop by learning a non-romance language such as German. I can brag that I can speak one or two foreign languages well after a lot of practice and that fuels my Ego but so that it doesn’t get too fragile, I temper it by learning a different language or trying to advance my Spanish or other learned language with more advanced material.
The Ego is constantly changing and evolving because our sense of self is different daily. The key is to not let it grow too big without putting yourself out there and being challenged or by deluding yourself by not ever trying anything new by putting your mental or physical abilities to the test. The best way to temper the Ego is to constantly challenge it both physically and mentally to have a more accurate measure of yourself against other peers in your field(s) or area(s) of expertise.
You should not ever ignore your Ego as it is your sense of ‘self’ and how you fit into the world, but rather you should not think of yourself as either the best or the worst in anything without going out into the world and seeing where exactly you fit in. As the popular expression goes, “you’ll never know until you try” and when it comes to the Ego or self, you must be testing yourself and by extension, testing your Ego to temper it or and keep it in check. The worst thing to do to yourself when it comes to the Ego is to continue to delude yourself by not trying, never challenging yourself, or not trying to go beyond the standards that you have set for yourself.
Source:
1.) https://www.britannica.com/topic/ego-philosophy-and-psychology
Why A Digital Detox Is Good For You
“It is a great chance to recenter yourself, focus more on what matters to you whether it is more time spent with family or friends, or just to be more present with the world around us without staring at our phone, computer, or even our smartwatch.”
We are not meant to be on our digital devices 24 / 7 / 365 a year. I think a key part of realizing how our digital lives are so integral to who we are nowadays is to take some time away from them whenever possible. On a recent vacation I was on, I was able to be without cell service or an internet connection for a week. I do have to say that while the first day or two was difficult, it became nice to be out of reach for a while. It is a great chance to recenter yourself, focus more on what matters to you whether it is more time spent with family or friends, or just to be more present with the world around us without staring at our phone, computer, or even our smartwatch.
Now, in work or in school, we are always expected to be plugged in and reachable even when we might not want to be. However, if you’re on a break, a vacation, or it’s the weekend, I do believe that is a good time to have a digital detox where you can put your devices away. A day, a week, or even a month, is not asking too much to get away from your emails, your social media, or your mobile applications. In that time away, you can really interact with the physical world more fully, feel more present with what you are doing, and it is likely to be healthier for you to devote more time to walking, hiking, playing sports. Instead of reading Twitter or X now, you can read some books. Instead of listening to Spotify, you can play some records or some CDs on your speakers to gain a greater appreciation of the music you like.
In addition, you will have more time to pick up a new skill like playing the guitar, focusing more on your home life with fixing up your apartment or house if it has been neglected, and you can take full advantage of spending more time with friends and family. Digital detox is not so much unplugging from technology forever but temporarily taking some time away to focus on other parts of your life that may have been neglected due to your time spent online. It is hard for most of us to realize this fact, but we likely spend 4-5 hours a day online especially if we have classes or must work online for our jobs.
On top of video games, streaming TV and movies, and the rise of augmented and virtual reality headsets, we are on the path to being more present virtually than being present physically. There is such an endless amount of content that we are exposed to when online that it can be overwhelming for us. If you find that you are too wrapped up in your emails, your Instagram feed, your TikTok videos, or just not being able to pull away from your computer to get enough sunlight and fresh air, you could use a digital detox.
After my week away from being on my laptop, phone, and tablet, I felt lighter in the sense that I was not so overburdened by the constant stream of emails, updates, reminders, news updates, and overall wave of notifications that come with being plugged in. You really live more in the moment when you don’t have your devices with you or in my case, not being able to connect to WIFI or the 5G connection while we are on vacation. Overall, this is a good thing to happen in my view. If someone needs to reach out to us, a regular phone call is still possible or if it’s an emergency, you can enable texts or messages to come through to you.
However, there are many activities and hobbies to do without needing to be online as you’ll soon find out when doing your digital detox.
I encourage you when you go on vacation from work or school to leave your phone and computer on silent or off or even leave it at home. You’ll be surprised on how much you don’t miss it after 1-2 days of the initial FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) hurdle. You will likely be more present with others, more engaged with the world, and more aware of what you are actively doing without the necessary digital distraction or allure that the smartphone, smartwatch, or laptop has on us.
Yes, we do need our digital devices most days, if not every day, but if you can at least take the weekend off, or take a few hours where you’re unreachable, then that is also a good form of digital detoxing. I do recommend using a week or two each year to not be reachable via your devices or to not use them at least for Internet, email, or any mobile applications.
That week or two where you’re fully unplugged will do a world of good for you and your loved ones who could join you to be fully present with you. You’re likely to be closer to one another, enjoy doing more things together, and really appreciate what the physical world has to offer whereas you’re not really thinking anymore about what’s going on online or what kind of digital content you’re potentially missing.
Lastly, we should remember that for hundreds, if not, thousands of years, everybody got on pretty well living their daily lives without being able to have the Internet, computers, or TikTok. They managed to do just fine in the world without the digital age. I think it is good for each of us to remind ourselves that we can get by fine without our devices, if only for a short while. Overall, It is good in my view to be free of technology here and there because as much as we rely on it more and more nowadays, it is not the end all, be all for our lives here.
Out on the Sea
“While the Sea is as mysterious as it is as vast, as terrifying as it is humbling, it is truly one of the most wondrous places on Earth to find yourself.”
While the Sea is as mysterious as it is as vast, as terrifying as it is humbling, it is truly one of the most wondrous places on Earth to find yourself. You never know what will happen when you’re out in the open sea. Each time you’re out there, you can encounter a variety of experiences to change how you perceive the sea from its walloping waves to clear skies to powerful sunlight to treacherous downpours. From stormy to sunny, the weather when you’re out on the sea can range from peaceful to disastrous. The Sea has an allure to it like the mountains and the desert because of its vastness, its complexities, and its remarkable inhabitants.
I find the Sea to be appealing because it demands you respect it for all it can bring in return if you’re able to overcome the difficulties of setting sail. You can traverse the Sea to reach new destinations, to find food to catch and sustain yourself, or to even create a source of energy from the wind and sun that envelop it at times. We cannot even begin to fathom how vast the sea below us is but as we want to stay above it lest we sink to the bottom on whatever vessel we find ourselves on. As a result, the Sea is not to be disrespected, tampered with, or polluted. What it can give us in its bounty, it can easily take away from us if we are not careful. We should not take more than what we need or pretend that the Sea is not able to take what it needs from us in return.
If you do not take the necessary precautions, use proper navigation tools, or realize when you may head into a storm or squall stronger than your boat, you may end up a victim of the Sea as a result. The Sea is not meant to be terrifying, but if you don’t realize its scope, scale, power, and depths, you may not have a good experience being out there. You should not take chances on the sea that you can’t live with and it’s best to imagine as many scenarios as possible that can occur when you’re out there on your boat, ship, or canoe. Any time out on the Sea, you can expect to find something you never thought you’d ever see before and for which it will continue to surprise each time you’re out on the water.
Because each time at Sea is unique, you need to prepare for what kind of creatures you’ll encounter below from octopus to squid to fish to crabs to sharks to whales, etc. There is a whole ecosystem that you may be able to encounter depending on if you’re a fisherman, a scuba diver, a snorkeler, or a deep-sea explorer. Be careful in remembering that while you may think you’re top of the food chain at Sea, as a human being, you’re not the fastest swimmer or stronger mammal in the deep blue waters, so you should be careful when trying to catch something that may want to catch you first in response.
While the Sea has had a lasting appeal on man economically, socially, and for its plentiful environmental goods, we should remember that it is not our natural environment, and we are the mercy of Mother Nature out there. Make sure you know what you may be getting into when you get on your vessel headed out to Sea because you never know what you may find out there. Maps, compasses, a good crew who knows the waters will all help but you also need to show leadership, resolve, a hard work ethic, and be able to make life or death decisions if you are the captain of the boat or ship you’re traversing the Sea with.
It is not just the waters below that can bring down a boat or a vessel but rather the waves, the squalls, the storm surge, or the lightning that can make your small piece of home sink quicker than you can imagine. Even the biggest boat over a century ago, the Titanic, was thought by most observers to be ‘unsinkable’ at the time, but it was based on faulty hubris, human error, and a lack of respect for what the Sea can throw at you.
You may think your boat, your ship, or your vessel will always stay afloat but in my view, the Sea can take what it wants, when it wants, and you must know to avoid its wrath if you are not careful. We may claim dominion over the land of the Earth, but the Sea is still the Wild West despite us using it for commerce, trade, and for food. You can never fully control the Sea because it is a treacherous, ever-changing environment, for which demands planning, respect, and oftentimes good luck.
While others may shy away from it, I have always found the Sea to be a beautiful part of our Earth where you can be at peace and at ease yet still respect it enough to keep your head about yourself as you make your way through its horizons. It can lull you into complacency one day with calm waters and then snap you back into reality the next day with an unbelievable storm. The Sea yields tremendous beauty but also tremendous terror. You should use the unpredictability of it by being a better Seaman and preparing as much as you can for how to be a good Captain, a good Crew member, or just a good Passenger to make it back home safely after your time at sea is over. If you respect the Sea, you will have a much better time whichever way you choose to enjoy its bountiful fruits and its sheer wonders.
Be Interested and Be Interesting
“How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions.”
Making small talk can be a necessary yet tedious part of daily life. It sometimes may not come naturally to you, and it can be forced at times. However, it is a courteous and polite way to get to know people who are complete strangers to you and to show that you are not oblivious to their presence around you. While ‘small talk’ often revolves around the weather, a simple ‘hello, how are you?’ or just mentioning something about the time of day, the commute to work or school, or maybe a small compliment to brighten their day, it can sometimes lead to a good conversation and even a new friend.
How might you ask can you take a typical ‘small talk’ and make it interesting? Well, you should be able to show some humility by being interested in who they are by asking them some questions. You can take a general comment on the weather to ask if they are used to that kind of weather or if it is new for them. That can lead to a talk about their hometown or where they currently live or if they are just visiting on travel. You would be surprised how a seemingly small question can lead to a wide-ranging and deeper conversation. A comment about the traffic or commute to your work can lead to a discussion on what could be improved about the roads, the transportation options, or if remote work would make things easier for you and the other person.
Even just asking for the time of the day can lead you to asking about their watch (if they have one), if their day is going well or not, and perhaps a comment on if the day is going fast or slow for them since we can tend to perceive time’s passing differently from one another. Key to taking ‘small talk’ to what could be considered ‘medium talk’, or a genuine conversation is to listen intently, wait until they are finished speaking, and follow up with a question or a comment relevant to what they told you.
If you are in a rush, are having a bad day, or are just not in the mood to continue the conversation, you can let it end after the ‘small talk’ or pleasant greeting or two. However, if you feel like you would like to get to know the other person or group of people better, make sure to listen, let them finish, and ask a question about them (within reason), or like the general comment(s) you made, and keep the conversation going for a while longer.
You should not have to do all the work in the conversation and if it is running its course, politely excuse yourself and say goodbye and that it was nice to meet them. Conversations naturally start and end but if you would like to be more social, make a new friend, or just put yourself out there in the world more, you must ‘be interested’ in those around you. You should do your best to refrain from making the conversation all about you at first and what you’re up to. Naturally, that should make its way into the conversation but if you started talking to this person, you would like to get to know them more, then, I believe you should be interested in who they are, find out more about them, and get to know them beyond just the time of the day, the weather forecast, or how their day is generally going.
Even if you feel like you don’t know much about their work, school, hobbies, interests, or where they are from, it shouldn’t prevent the conversation from continuing as you can show curiosity about their background and try to learn more about them from themselves. If there is anything I have learned about my own social life, people like to talk about themselves and will be happy to answer questions about themselves if done in a polite and respectful manner. It’s important to know someone’s boundaries especially if they are still somewhat of a stranger to you but usually, they’ll be willing to share a lot about who they are, where they are from, what they like to do in their free time, and what gets them excited about life in general.
If you feel like your social life could use a boost, I recommend being more interested in others and you should start to feel like you’re making progress in your conversations. Now, it should not be so one sided that they know nothing about you as that would be a bit odd as they’ll likely want to ask you the same questions in response. The conversation should not feel like a one-sided interrogation or a job interview. There should be a natural give and take where you both are interested in each other and you are letting each other answer questions, talk about possible mutual interests, and even discussing if your personal backgrounds overlap at all.
The 2nd part of a successful beginning of any kind of positive first impression is to ‘be interesting’, which I know is a broad statement to make but you should have things to talk about to that person. You should know a little bit about where you’re from, talk about what excites you about life whether that’s a particular hobby, interest, or activity you like to do. Your life will often involve work or school or both at the same time, but I would recommend making yourself interesting beyond what you do to make a living. If you like traveling, let the person ask you about where you’ve been. If you enjoy learning languages, discuss which ones. If you like to build bird houses or molding ceramic pottery, discuss the process(es) involved in getting either activity done.
While you should be interested in other people to get to know them and have interesting conversations, don’t be shy to discuss who you are in return. You should have a life that is beyond work or school even if it is a large part of our lives. If you don’t have many hobbies or interests, perhaps pivot to what goal(s) you have for the future. It is easier when you have a lot on going on in terms of your outside interests, activities, or hobbies, so that is where the ’be interesting’ comes into play.
You don’t have to be doing something cool, exciting, or fascinating every day, but I find it is easier to build a friendship or relationship when you can share something that you are passionate about and can even include them in on. Whether it is traveling together, going on a hike, building something out of wood or metal, or maybe playing a sport, you can show you are an interesting individual. You can also show that you are inclusive too by allowing yourself to show that hobby or interest to the other person and see if they would enjoy doing that with you as a result. They can also let you join in on what they enjoy doing as well giving you a new hobby or interest that you can learn more about, partake in, and build upon with that other person as well.
Being social may not come naturally or easily to some of us but I think a good way to make it easier is to ‘be interested’ in who they are, what they do, and how they came to be who they are today. Once you do that, you can show that you can ‘be interesting’ with what you enjoy doing in life and that you would like them to be involved or help them learn about it and see if it is something they want to try. I think these are two good ways to be better socially and can lead you to building stronger friendships and relationships as a result.
What is ‘True Wealth’?
“I believe the key is being able to maximize wealth in both facets as much as possible without sacrificing one or the other too much.”
There is a standard definition of ‘wealth’ as a concept: An abundance of valuable possessions, money, or other resources to the degree that it causes prosperity. However, what is prosperity to you may not be prosperity to others. I like to think of wealth is not an abundance not just of material possessions or of money or of how much you can acquire but also how much you value what inherently belongs to you. What I mean by that is your time, your health, and your freedom. While building wealth is key to having success in life, there are other facets to wealth that we can neglect if you are not careful.
Wealth will come with sacrifices whether it is your time, your freedom, or your health as there are tradeoffs involved. You’ll find that to become more prosperous, you may have to sacrifice time, freedom, or health to build that wealth up whether in the form of money, resources, or material possessions. I believe the key is being able to maximize wealth in both facets as much as possible without sacrificing one or the other too much.
In order to gain more money, you may have to sacrifice your time in the sense that you exchange your time to earn money or you are not as free to do what you want each day because you have to work a job, grow your business, or learn new skills in order to earn the money to become wealthy. The same could be said of your health whereas you may have to sacrifice the time you could use to invest in your own health to build material or resource wealth with the time you put in to earn money or other assets. That time that could be used to be spent at the gym, on a run, going on a hike, or practicing a sport could go to your job or your business or investing into a new asset.
If you can find out what you truly value and what you want to maximize in terms of your wealth, make sure you prioritize it to have true wealth for you. For example, if fancy cars, big houses, and a lot of material possessions appeal to you, maybe you don’t mind putting a lot more time into working for that, putting your health on the backburner, and sacrificing certain freedoms to do what you must instead of what you want to. On the contrary, if you care less about possessions, material wealth, but still want to be comfortable in terms of money or investments, then maybe you can work less, focus on your health and free time more, and exercising more freedoms to do what you want with the extra time you have as a result.
You should decide what kind of wealth is best for you. What truly will make you happy, what you are passionate about in life, and what you want to get most out of life, you’ll be able to build that true wealth. I think the key for anyone is to maximize the 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week as much as possible. If you can build your wealth passively to get some of your time back, that is a key advantage in my view to having true wealth too. When you can be financially successful by having multiple sources of income, multiple options to build wealth, and with some or a lot of autonomy in your work or business pursuits, that really can be an advantage in not only being successful but happy too.
Wealth is not just about being financially well off but also about being well off in other areas including health, time, and exercising freedom in what you do and how you do it. There is a distinct difference between someone who must rely on others for their wealth building and someone who is able to create their own opportunities or build their own means of wealth in a business, in real estate, or in investments that can create more freedoms rather than slowly eliminate them.
You can have as many possessions as possible, houses, cars, and money in the world but if you have no free time, no health, or no autonomy in what you do or how you earn that wealth, then you may need to reassess if that is the true wealth that you want out of life. I hope that you’ll rethink what wealth means to you because only you can decide what you would like to prioritize as you build it. You must consider that sacrifices will have to be made, that time, money, and health are all commodities that can be saved or lost depending on what you prioritize these days.
I only ask that you realize that having the freedom to do what you want and when you want is underrated. It is a form of wealth within itself along with keeping your health in good shape as long as possible even if you must sacrifice some time or freedom as a result. Consider that you can be very wealthy in the material sense but if you are unhealthy, working all the time, and have to answer to others in order to keep building that wealth, are you truly wealthy or is it only one kind of wealth that you have?
Think about what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are willing to earn, and how to passively build on the wealth you want to earn to save more time and freedoms that can be used for health, time spent with family and/or friends, or enjoying what the world has to offer outside of your own wealth building. Wealth takes many forms as I mentioned so remember that while we often think of money, cars, houses, and other assets, we should remember that wealth can be time spent away from an office to enjoy a vacation, wealth can be an extra hour in the day to use the gym or go for a hike, wealth can be starting businesses that matter to you with hours of work that you set for yourself and only you can hold yourself accountable for. Think about the wealth that you want to build throughout your life and how you want to make it work for you.
